Quit by default (due lockdown)

[Doreensfree]

Our brains can sometimes be are worst enemies.....

My advice ....Don't over think ...everyone's journey is different ....

One day at a time ....

[darcy]

Hello helmethermit,

Glad you are having a fairly easy beginning.  May it continue! 

Being in the beginning stages of my own quit, I am grateful that my days have been mostly easy as well.

I am wondering what my commitment to freedom may look like once I am out working, doing errands, and living life in a more familiar manner.  I am not romancing the smokes. there may have been a time when I actually enjoyed smoking, but that ship sailed over a decade ago...kept doing it out of addiction and habit and coping and whatever else my junkie thinking wanted to use as an excuse. Smoking stinks and makes all your things stink, too.

....  your  desire to be closer to nature and the hope /belief that being smoke free will facilitate that connection....NURTURE that idea, play around with it while on lock down ...

kind of in that vein...somewhere in week one, I had the delightful experience of being really connected to the sense of taste inherent in my body. Probably not the bigger nature connection you are referring to, still ...maybe  a nudge toward the connection for purity and harmony?....

 

Glad you're here. Glad you're staying.

 

[helmethermit]

41 minutes ago, Doreensfree said:

Our brains can sometimes be are worst enemies.....

My advice ....Don't over think ...everyone's journey is different ....

One day at a time ....

 yes, that is so true - one day at a time. you put it scarily right - 'Our brains can sometimes be are worst enemies'.....

 

at sea we use an APEM to plan a sea/ocean passage.

Appraisal (collecting of information),

Planning (defining the plan - route to take, contingency triggers and actions etc),

Execution (putting the plan into action in short) and finally

Monitoring (following/tracking the plan and making amendments as per the prevailing circumstances and conditions)  

 

lol, similar kind of approach to this quit too. the challenge is tough as hell but we are sailors - well before we take command are trained, ingrained  and are taught to stick to a decision once made - right or wrong is irrelevant. never walk back on a decision is the magic word.

 

NOPE is the decision here and i must assume command of the vessel from the devil, lol. maybe somewhere it is this mind game where i seem to have the edge now - i do not WANT to quit, i NEED to quit. in a corner of my soul i do not even have this need anymore because i feel i HAVE quit. That is what is making me feel invincible and leading me on in this darkness. and so many wondrous folks here including yourself are shining the torches down and illuminating the path. that is the bigger edge.

 

it is easy to quit and each minute of quit makes the path back seem more difficult - that is the latest self hypnosis /programming on right now. it would be so much easier as soon as that is embedded in the darkest recess of the mind. 

 

what did i just type?. lol, just ignore it if it makes no sense. it did make sense to me when i was typing but not sure it will if i read it before posting so i will post the raw draft without a read or draft check.

 

thank you for being around and shining the light. 

[helmethermit]

1 hour ago, darcy said:

Hello helmethermit,

Glad you are having a fairly easy beginning.  May it continue! 

Being in the beginning stages of my own quit, I am grateful that my days have been mostly easy as well.

I am wondering what my commitment to freedom may look like once I am out working, doing errands, and living life in a more familiar manner.  I am not romancing the smokes. there may have been a time when I actually enjoyed smoking, but that ship sailed over a decade ago...kept doing it out of addiction and habit and coping and whatever else my junkie thinking wanted to use as an excuse. Smoking stinks and makes all your things stink, too.

....  your  desire to be closer to nature and the hope /belief that being smoke free will facilitate that connection....NURTURE that idea, play around with it while on lock down ...

kind of in that vein...somewhere in week one, I had the delightful experience of being really connected to the sense of taste inherent in my body. Probably not the bigger nature connection you are referring to, still ...maybe  a nudge toward the connection for purity and harmony?....

 

Glad you're here. Glad you're staying.

 

hello darcy,

 

glad to know that your quit is going great as well. off topic i know in a way but....

 

an elephant calf is chained to keep it in place but when the same calf blossoms into a huge elephant the chain is replaced with a simple rope that  is used to tie him up to the same place. the elephant is easily capable of breaking the chain, forget the rope. but - here is the sad part. it never breaks free.. why - because it has this mental picture that as a kid/calf i tried to break the chain and could not so it believes and KNOWS that it never can. we were akin to the elephant. we tried to break free before but now we have conditioned our mind to the lie that we are incapable of doing so. 

 

truth is - we are not elephants - we realize this truth now and we are breaking free and doing it forever.

it is easy, far easier than we ever imagined.

you know why we will never relapse - because we have made a decision - NOPE.  and we as landlubbers do not change our decisions - never, ever. 

 

take care and keep growing stronger. 

 

 

Edited March 25, 2020 by helmethermit
spell error

[Doreensfree]

Good thinking H ....

Keep positive and you will succeed.....to keep busy ,join in the games it can be fun ....

It will pass some time away ....

If you read some of the old posts ...you will find plenty of knowledge....

Knowledge is a powerful tool when Quitting ...

[jillar]

Love the elephant analogy helmethermit, and I learned something new 

[Boo]

2 hours ago, helmethermit said:

an elephant calf is chained to keep it in place but when the same calf blossoms into a huge elephant the chain is replaced with a simple rope that  is used to tie him up to the same place. the elephant is easily capable of breaking the chain, forget the rope. but - here is the sad part. it never breaks free.. why - because it has this mental picture that as a kid/calf i tried to break the chain and could not so it believes and KNOWS that it never can. we were akin to the elephant. we tried to break free before but now we have conditioned our mind to the lie that we are incapable of doing so. 

 

That is a great analogy.

 

Cigarettes had power over me because I gave them power over me.  So I quit putting cigarettes in my mouth and lighting them of fire, that was all it took.  I went from fearing the quit to thinking "well I'll be damned, that was simple."

 

Once the rope is broken and has been recognized for what it is, there's no going back.

[helmethermit]

sleep, post something on the forum, watch movie, go to sleep. eat. sleep. Then after a while - repeat. 

seems like a perfect getaway / break. it nearly is - except for one reason. - this lockdown.

hope things get better soon for everyone everywhere.  

 

just a while back woke up after a nap and coughed lightly after waking up. light in the sense that the guy next seat on a flight too would hardly notice unless he was wide awake.  but the one thing i noticed was dark brown or near black but not black - phlegm. strange - never seen such a dark shade ever before.

 

funny in a way because i suddenly feel like someone has added a new windpipe in my throat since i woke up today.

i am smiling for no reason. is it not so wondrous to just sit down and breathe - to breathe so freely?. the resolve to remain smoke free is turning into a strong NEED from a distant want just a few days back.

 

i thought smoking was good. some said smoking was bad. we were both wrong.

smoking is nothing but plain - STUPID.

our bodies are Eco-Freindly. we are meant to be re-recyclable. but if we add these stupid chemicals to our system we even refrain from that one small and possibly only contribution to mother nature.(at least true of the idiots like me)

 

smoking gives me a HIGH - lol, how can something that downgrades your system do that ever? so delete the smoke virus and re-boot your system - try the new version of life with the new upgrades minus the smoke virus for a year. .if not fun you can go back to life plus smoke virus anytime.

 

find a drug that can give you a high and keep you stoned forever - is there one? - yes, it is available on the shelf in your soul and free to pick out anytime. see the zephyr, smell the waters, feel the forest - that is 'permabliss'. remain stoned forever - but on stuff that not just give you a high but enhance you in some real way too. get so stoned on pure bliss that anyone just being around you feels like turning into an addict, lol. 

 

will i lose this quit now - never. it is not ego but common sense. i glorified smoking to be an friend, an ex and what not. now i see it as just for what it truly is - a chemical stick. a chemical factory. a chemical dump yard. nothing has changed - just that i do not see a guinea pig starting back at me in the mirror today. i see a dumb guy, not too bright but not stupid either. that is all it takes to quit smoking forever - just stop being STUPID. 

 

take care folks - just the after hazy effects of 4 days of true freedom. 

 

 

[jillar]

Yes helmethermit, you're getting it! This new freedom is what we were telling you about when you first signed up and claimed you quit accidentally. I'm so glad that you're seeing the benefits so soon. And coughing up that nasty looking phlegm is a good reminder of the nastiness you were putting into your lungs! 

It will just keep getting better,  thanks for sharing

[Doreensfree]

Keep up with being positive and you will take yourself to Freedom ..

It's all about the attitude.....and not smoking of course lol...

 

[Sazerac]

9 hours ago, helmethermit said:

just a while back woke up after a nap and coughed lightly after waking up. light in the sense that the guy next seat on a flight too would hardly notice unless he was wide awake.  but the one thing i noticed was dark brown or near black but not black - phlegm. strange - never seen such a dark shade ever before.

 

 

I know you just coughed lightly but, this video will help you understand what is happening in your lungs.  Your cilia is sloughing off years of poison, tar...

Why Many People Cough More After Quitting Smoking

 

9 hours ago, helmethermit said:

find a drug that can give you a high and keep you stoned forever

 

After I quit, I understood, Oxygen is my 'high'.  Always available and beautiful deep breaths ignite my endorphins.  Oxygen's happy high.

 

9 hours ago, helmethermit said:

will i lose this quit now - never.

 

I love this, hh.  Stay vigilant and strengthen your resolve everyday.  It is beautiful to watch you re-claim your power from addiction.

 

I will look for some more support resources for you, stay tuned.

 

 

[Sazerac]

9 hours ago, helmethermit said:

i glorified smoking to be an friend, an ex and what not.

 

My Cigarette, My Friend

 

 

9 hours ago, helmethermit said:

will i lose this quit now - never.

 

I Hate Smoking So Much There Is No Way I Could Ever Go Back

[helmethermit]

14 minutes ago, jillar said:

Yes helmethermit, you're getting it! This new freedom is what we were telling you about when you first signed up and claimed you quit accidentally. I'm so glad that you're seeing the benefits so soon. And coughing up that nasty looking phlegm is a good reminder of the nastiness you were putting into your lungs! 

It will just keep getting better,  thanks for sharing

 

jut woke up, no cough to welcome me when i wake up. no need to create a fog and a big smelly cloud around me. things do feel so different and although i detest change, this is a change i am basking in.

 

symptoms on day 5: (these are perfect cold turkey conditions so when the situation normalizes results for me would differ)

 

not aware of any crave so far at least - maybe would have been 1 at the most. maybe because i cannot recall any.

did not feel any episode of craving consciously but then i spent time on movies / songs.

would have played magician and at least a carton, no more than 20 packs (1 pack = 20 sticks each) would have disappeared in the same circumstances if i had been my old self. 

no anger, no excitement, nothing - just a sober, soft me all day.

 

feeling a lot more thirstier than i normally did. but i am avoiding alcohol too. no reason to - it is just that i have never been drunk unless i smoked. first i thought i should try something new - drink minus smokes. then i decided to do something newer and much better - drink milk and poured the whisky down the sink. i must be going crazy really. but i like this new crazy, lol.

 

did not even think of the smokes in the control station (toilet, lol). body said - smoke or no work. i simply said ok, zipped up and walked out. made myself a steaming mug of hot milk, poured in a good scoop of coffee and although the union did offer some resistance for a good long while - they have finally given in. so that is a big victory and now the body is shit scared literally and the body town laced with potent fear of this new bully. the bowel gang trashing sent such a huge message to the rest of the wannabe's that they are not to mess with this psycho. i never enjoyed playing hard and bad ass so much. i am the new sheriff in town. 

 

body mafia - we have problems, this new sheriff is crazy, a mad man

main battered  unions - true, he destroyed the chemical poison yards 

secondary battered union - hey, this guy even stopped the poison rivers (read that as booze) he is dangerous. 

scared as hell unions - he has also stopped giving us the meats, i feel so weak already. 

mafia council - shut up all. let us...

 

a deep voice - hello you guys.

mafia - scoot, run for your lives, do not let the sheriff catch you here. 

lol, strange after effects, ignore this post as delusional if need be.

 

just wanted to thank so many folks out here - jillar, sazerrac, doreensfree, angeleek, darcy, boo, johhny 5 and so many others.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

[helmethermit]

1 hour ago, Sazerac said:

 

I know you just coughed lightly but, this video will help you understand what is happening in your lungs.  Your cilia is sloughing off years of poison, tar...

Why Many People Cough More After Quitting Smoking

 

 

After I quit, I understood, Oxygen is my 'high'.  Always available and beautiful deep breaths ignite my endorphins.  Oxygen's happy high.

 

 

I love this, hh.  Stay vigilant and strengthen your resolve everyday.  It is beautiful to watch you re-claim your power from addiction.

 

I will look for some more support resources for you, stay tuned.

 

 

 thank you for being my gaurdian angel and for infecting me with your positive vibes.

i love the secret you let out - ' - Oxygen is my 'high'.  Always available and beautiful deep breaths ignite my endorphins.  Oxygen's happy high'. 

to be honest i never knew these sticks were this damaging. this is not just scary but criminal - the fact that we destroyed ourselves so willingly.  wish i had dropped here or bumped into you sooner. thank you for the strength. 

like an ad-line for an suv goes - 're-claim your life'... that is so apt for smokers. it is horrifying now that you give me a peek at what is going on behind the scenes. 

[Paul723]

Knowledge is power.  You can't put that genie back in the bottle.  Keep going forward.

[helmethermit]

2 hours ago, Paul723 said:

Knowledge is power.  You can't put that genie back in the bottle.  Keep going forward.

paul, 

yes. you put it so right. the only way to drag oneself is forward and what is done cannot be undone. and yes, for once i realize that knowledge IS power.  

 

as kids we would wear these capes and play superheros. before the superhero turned up for a rescue we would have to hold the cape in one hand and punch a fist in the air above our heads and scream - i' i have the power'  and as kids we believed that the power flowed into us if we did these actions in the right order. funny how i lost the power after i grew up. Where is my cape? ,  i need to rescue a weakling from the clutches of a demon, lol.

[helmethermit]

day 6 in progress

 

kind of an insignificant day so far. i did not cough today, not even the light kind of cough. did not really feel any crave that registered so i may or may not have had craves and if i did they were really insignificant and i did not even feel them. i feel a bit hungrier and thirstier than usual. what i have done today is that if my body feels like a steaming cup of black coffee i drink milk instead. the game is to deny my mind or body or whoever is calling the shots to realize that they are no longer in command. doing this so that tomorrow in the open world these guys are so well trained by then and that they dare not step out of line. i do not know if its right but i want the body to realize that there are no more free lunches. you want this , do that for me - plain and simple. so far so good. any urge to smoke - an emphatic NO. any disgust at the thought of smoking - a big affirmative - YES. overall like i said - a non descriptive day really and on seconds thoughts - the easiest day of my quit so far. 

 

looking forward to the slaughter of my first week ever smoke free. that will feel huge. 

 

 

 

[Doreensfree]

Wow !!!!......look at you flyin !!!!!

Nearly one week .....your taste and smell should improve .....

I can remember just how wonderful fresh cut grass smelt ....

My nose had been dead for 52 years .....I still get wow,d when I smell something with a strong scent ...

[helmethermit]

5 minutes ago, Doreensfree said:

Wow !!!!......look at you flyin !!!!!

Nearly one week .....your taste and smell should improve .....

I can remember just how wonderful fresh cut grass smelt ....

My nose had been dead for 52 years .....I still get wow,d when I smell something with a strong scent ...

 

thank you my guardian angel,

 

you are the wind beneath these wings. the way you guys pumped me up made me feel invincible and that scared the living day lights out of the smokey doodle. is it so simple to quit. or is this like one of those horror movies with a unexpected twist?. it feels llike such a shame for i lived in fear of a quit for so long. or was it that some fuse in my brain gave way and the light that that says - enough is enough lit up?. whatever i am so glad i googled and clicked this link best decision of my life. the icing on the cake was that i traded today. i was scared that if o began trading i would feel the craves. viola, another lie, lol. i traded so much better as i had no need to close the trade quick and rach out for a puff to celebrate the profit or whine away the loss. i feel more focused and the million dollar gift is this realization - i am a dog in disguise or a superhuman now with the power to smell anything, lol. 

 

trust me angel - when you stated the smell truth - it is so sad that no words can ever explain how it feels. superpower like to be honest. if excitement could grow a tail - i would have three by now, lol. the best things in life are free - never knew it was true - untill NOW. 

 

thank you all for the help you gave so selflessly and continue to do so. Even the thought of this quit ever losing is getting impossible to even conjour in my darkest illusions. i have the power - I am D-O-G-G-Y (lol, pardon the excess but the smells ?? wow !! )

 

[Doreensfree]

Thank you H ....

Believe me I've been called worse here lol.....all in fun .....

It's a great feeling when that light bulb moment happens ....I  can remember feeling so angry for being a numpty 

all those years ...all we can do is rejoice we have been set free from a killer addiction and live life to the full...

Freedom feels wonderful .....enjoy it my friend ....

 

[Sazerac]

4 hours ago, helmethermit said:

day 6 in progress

 

kind of an insignificant day so far. i did not cough today, not even the light kind of cough. did not really feel any crave that registered so i may or may not have had craves and if i did they were really insignificant and i did not even feel them. i feel a bit hungrier and thirstier than usual. what i have done today is that if my body feels like a steaming cup of black coffee i drink milk instead. the game is to deny my mind or body or whoever is calling the shots to realize that they are no longer in command. doing this so that tomorrow in the open world these guys are so well trained by then and that they dare not step out of line. i do not know if its right but i want the body to realize that there are no more free lunches. you want this , do that for me - plain and simple. so far so good. any urge to smoke - an emphatic NO. any disgust at the thought of smoking - a big affirmative - YES. overall like i said - a non descriptive day really and on seconds thoughts - the easiest day of my quit so far. 

 

looking forward to the slaughter of my first week ever smoke free. that will feel huge. 

 

 

 

 

 

You are building a beautiful quit, HH.  

 

When our body or our mind called for some attention,  we would often just light up a cigarette.

When emerging from that veil of smoke, that often hid other issues, we begin to understand what our body/mind needs.

Riffing On H.A.L.T.

 

Aside from quitting, the manner in which you are switching up patterns reminds me of some experiments

I did with myself after reading Chaos: Making A New Science by James Gleick.

We are such creatures of habit, we do the same things the same way without thinking or knowing.

It was eyeopening to switch things up and made me more aware and in the moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[helmethermit]

thank you dorrensfree,

you are truly a big big inspiration and i drew so much of strength from your wondrous self.  

 

sazerac, 

the link was so beautiful. i feel overwhelmed at times. sailors are toughies and we never, ok - almost never get emotional but you bunch of girls are so powerful in your aura that it does slice my soul. truly selfless and soothingly shameless in your desire to help every faceless stranger reclaim his life. what is going to also help me retain this quit is also the big big fact that more than me i found that you girls took care of the quit. i drove into this town by mistake with a just born baby. you nourished the quit from when it was a weakling and turned it into a big hulk and handed him back to me. why would i relapse now? i have the hulk to beat the craves now. when did i last feel one?. lol, tragic - i do not even remember. over a day or more for sure. all superheros do not wear capes and fly in the skies. they lurk in the shadows and fill up the lost, weak and beaten down folks with hope, with strength and so much energy, so much radiance. you are the Supergirls. a big bunch and each one of you deserves a big heart felt gratitude. i made up images of each one of you. every one is a Greek Goddess in my mind now. you will each always be that forever.

 

am i on a quit?. No, i am on a journey to reclaim all that i discarded eons ago. i reclaimed the power of smell, i can feel the magic of breathing freely, i am no longer a slave. its like a magical journey. what i love about most is that i never for once let anger, frustration, hopelessness or any negative emotion even touch me . do you know why? because i stole so much positive energy from you sazerac that it repulsed the negativity away. so thank you for everything. for the selfless service to humankind you carry on doing day and night. you truly are HERO's - Supergirls. a big thank you and shout out to your gang. MAy your tribe reign forever and flourish. come on - i am not emotional, i am a toughie, a sailor. ok, you melt my heart and soul with your true care for others.i am out, got to eat some cookies maybe. sailors are tough boys, sailors are tough boys. lol.

 

thank you sazerac - for being there and for all that i may not be aware of too. mother nature would be so proud of you. 

 

 

Edited March 27, 2020 by helmethermit
spell check

[jillar]

I love reading your journey helmethermit, and am thrilled by how easy your quit is going for you

[darcy]

glad you are feeling confident in your quit and reveling in freedom.

[helmethermit]

7 hours ago, jillar said:

I love reading your journey helmethermit, and am thrilled by how easy your quit is going for you

 

thank you jillar,

 

day 007 update - 

napping randomly but more due to lock-down and not poison withdrawal, lol.

 

light cough - same as day 5. body discarding poison. 

throat feels like i ate a mint or something - can feel the cold air flowing down my throat. 

smell is supernatural. i can smell better than a puppy at least i am sure, lol

 

craves in last 24 hrs - one maybe, maybe because i do not feel any discomfort or pain. i told my body - if you want to protest you better damn do it like it should be done. wave a placard at me and i will beat you to pulp with the same placard. if you think that these puny little craves will make me succumb to the little baby hyena that you are is misplaced. the body gave me a big scares/ craves earlier on day 1/2/3 i think. i decided to play dirty with the devil. i began to enjoy them (the craves) despite the fact that the time during the crave hurt for the simple reason that when it gave up and released / let me go  - it felt so good. come on doodle, two can play this game i decided. i began to look forward to craves to experience the joy of feeling it fade away. now this is a masterstroke by any standards. i turned the biggest weapon that my enemy had into my biggest asset. lol, mind games with this doodle is fun. the doodle was born a hyena but is growing up into a adorable puppy dog, lol. 

 

i told this doodle - can smoking kill me? - he said maybe, possibly, there are remote chances etc

hmm i answered - ok, let not smoking kill me then, lol

doodle was like - shocked, stunned and totally totally frustrated. 

 

when you cannot handle a problem what should you do ?

invent a bigger problem so that the attention is diverted from the original problem

 

not smoking may kill me - the problem

corona may kill you - bigger problem 

not smoking - no proof that it killed anyone so far

corona - lots of proof sadly

problem disappeared like a rocket suddenly.

 

smoking stood by you, do you remember?

sure did, had i spent half of the same money on a supermodel she too would stand by me - by the way. and chances are that she would never back stab me too as a bonus. who knows we would have even fallen in love and gotten married, lols

 

i ffeel sorry at times for the smokey doodle - i show no mercy. i humiliate the poor kiddo endlessly. but spare the rod and spoil the child - i cannot do that - not to this demon child, no way.

 

have a great day all.