Reconciling happy memories of initial cigarettes

[Rick92]

I've got a question for my quitfamily. 

 

Context 

I regret almost all the cigarettes I've ever smoked in my 4 years as a smoker. Almost all. 

The ones I regret are the ones I took out of junkie-like dependency which is 99.9999%.

The ones I don't truly regret were the initial few. In fact I still often think about how amazing they were - I was young, listening to music, sun shining on my face and experimenting with cigarettes (without withdrawal effects), it honestly felt wonderful. I loved the feeling, I loved the smell and I loved that moment. 

Part of the reason I got addicted in a chemical sense was trying to get back there... and this is where the good memory deforms and warps into the standard junkie scenario.  

 

Question for you 

How do you reconcile happy memories of your initial cigarettes as a quitter? In my head there are 2 broad options: 

• 1) Accept they were amazing times, and that you'll likely never get that same feeling again 
• 2) Reframe them as actually negative - find a way to convince yourself those weren't good times at all so you don't romanticise memories that may risk relapse 

 

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts! 

Thanks 

 

 

[Sazerac]

Truth must be the priority.  

 

Addiction will be with us always and any romance about it must be pronounced DEAD.

Root out all shards of it and replace it with truth.

 

Our memory is not completely reliable, it often drifts into the land of dreamy dreams.

For example, the memory of pain dissipates.

 

The bliss you remember wasn't the act of smoking. 

The promise of youth, the sun, the music are all quite narcotic !

The smoking bit will take a less important role the more secure you are in your quit and the more knowledge you have about nicotine addiction.

 

You are so early in your quit, it is v. smart to be alert over romance.

You may find this thread helpful,

Red Flags.

 

You have plenty of time to make exceptional memories devoid of nicotine.

Freedom is the best narcotic and deep clean clear breaths !

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 27, 2019 by Sazerac

[Sazerac]

The Fallacy of Good Cigarettes

from our friend, Joel Spitzer.

Be sure to check out all his links, he is a valuable resource.

 

and here is a poignant little film

 

Edited December 27, 2019 by Sazerac

[jillar]

2 hours ago, Rick92 said:

 

Part of the reason I got addicted in a chemical sense was trying to get back there... and this is where the good memory deforms and warps into the standard junkie scenario.  

 

 

That isn't why you got addicted Rick, the reason you and all of us got addicted was because nicotine was introduced into our system. I also romanced cigarettes early in my quit. I got jealous that others could smoke and I couldn't because of my health. But as time went on and my breathing got better, my senses awakened, I came to realize that a life without cigarettes was such a better life. You'll get there too. Keep reading our extensive collection of topics by others here who felt like you do. Use our search feature and type in romancing. You'll find post after post of others who at one time also felt that way.....

[sgt.barney]

Don't be stupid. 
You regret them all. 
You are simply unwilling/unable to admit such. 
When you can finally acknowledge this, you will be free and quit.
Until then, you will remain a slave. 

EZPZ
 

[JimHannoonen]

Those "amazing" cigarettes were the ones that got you addicted. That's how it works. You shouldn't romanticize them. You need to recognize them for what they were.

 

This post reminds me of an abused spouse reminiscing over how their lover was so amazing when they first met them.

 

There is NOTHING good about smoking. Nothing fond to remember. Just stink, filth and wasted time and money.

 

Now cut it out and go be a non smoker!

[Mona]

I smoked for a lot of years but do not remember any cigarette being amazing.  I do have a lot of amazing memories from my smoking years but the "amazingness" has nothing to do with smoking.  If anything, they would have been more amazing if I didn't have to sneak away to get my fix.

Edited December 27, 2019 by Mona

[johnny5]

Interesting post, Rick.

 

I started smoking my freshman year in college and immediately thought about that when you talked about being young, listening to music, experimenting with cigarettes, etc.  That was me "experimenting" with cigarettes (and other things) in college.  I guess I felt cool then.

 

Still, even at that age, I could feel negatives.  I used to run cross country in high school and played a lot of basketball too.  It didn't take long before I didn't have the energy or lung capacity to run or play basketball much anymore.

 

I think I even knew that first year of smoking that I needed to stop but it was amazing how quickly the addiction, physical and mental, was taking over.  Looking back, I realize how quickly that addiction took hold of me and I regret ever lighting up.

 

Smoking is all about feeding an addiction.  There are all kinds of lies we tell ourselves as smokers but that is all smoking is.  A horrible and deadly addiction.  There is nothing good that comes out of lighting up.  It took me a while to realize that but when I did, quitting became much more worthwhile and doable.  Believe me, you are missing nothing positive by quitting smoking.

Edited December 27, 2019 by johnny5

[forestgreen]

For what its worth, my thoughts would go something like this...1. You remember the experience not the act.  2. You were aware of the hand to mouth, and sucking in the air with the gunk into your lungs. You were not romancing the cigarette because at that stage you were not in love with the addictive substance,, you were definitely romancing the first moment when you experimented  like the realization you had some sense of control over your life, little did you know that the moment the gunk entered your blood stream, that all the moments after was the monster calling you back as you said in the hope of finding that raw experience again and again,  How do I know this! because it happened to me when my belief was the wrong way round. 

[MLMR]

I regret every single cigarette. I can only hope I quit in time, before any permanent life threatening damage was done. 

 

Educate yourself. Romancing smoking keeps your addiction alert, while you actually want to put it to sleep.

[Sazerac]

13 hours ago, Mona said:

I smoked for a lot of years but do not remember any cigarette being amazing.  I do have a lot of amazing memories from my smoking years but the "amazingness" has nothing to do with smoking.  If anything, they would have been more amazing if I didn't have to sneak away to get my fix.

 

My experience is in line with Mona's.

I don't remember any cigarette being amazing.

They satisfied my addiction, that is all.

 

 

5 hours ago, MLMR said:

I regret every single cigarette. I can only hope I quit in time, before any permanent life threatening damage was done. 

 

Educate yourself. Romancing smoking keeps your addiction alert, while you actually want to put it to sleep.

 

"Educate yourself.  Romancing smoking keeps your addiction alert, while you actually want to put it to sleep"

[Rick92]

Thanks everyone, reading your responses helped me reflect and reframe the good memories I mentioned in my initial post... 

 

I realised I've been unfairly differentiating my initial cigarettes (which I had fond memories of) to the final ones (the ones I hated)... when in fact they are the same, just at different stages of addiction (experimentation vs. full addiction). Once I started to accept them as being the same, I'm now able to reframe the initially romanticised beginners stage of smoking in a more negative light - i.e. instead of seeing it as a time of freedom & experimenting, what I see now is my naive younger self falling into a trap. A mistake. Something undesirable.  

 

I believe this sets me up for a stronger quit - so thank you everyone  

 

 

[Sazerac]

You are going to LOVE what quitting brings you, @Rick92.

Among health and wealth benefits you will experience more and more clarity,

a profound trust in yourself, replacing bravado with sincere courage and self awareness,

and the acceptance of Truth, the ability to change (!) are just a few benefits that will percolate through your life.

 

You are going to LOVE it.

The gnarly bits will come and go and then be gone.

Stay focused and drink deep from the cup of NOPE

while you build a sturdy, impermeable quit for yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 29, 2019 by Sazerac
added 'the ability to change' to benefits

[JB 883]

1) Accept they were amazing times, and that you'll likely never get that same feeling again 

It is true that the first ones in your life or the ones after a relapse give a buzz but it doesn't take long before that stops happening and all that is left is the habit, guilt, regret, stench, AND throwing money away.

 

The first cigarettes I smoked were Camel filter full flavor. I remember it was at work (gas station overnights) and having to lay down on the sidewalk in hopes of not passing out. I had to give those away. Years before that I had tried cherry Skoal and it had the same effect. Stomach hurt, room spinning, things going black, about to puke, Ahh what good times.

 

 

[Sazerac]

Hey @JB 883 !

Happy New Year. 

Good to see you, how are you doing ?

Is your Quit Date still TBA ?

 

[JB 883]

1 hour ago, Sazerac said:

Hey @JB 883 !

Happy New Year. 

Good to see you, how are you doing ?

Is your Quit Date still TBA ?

 

I know I need to quit.

I am still trying to figure out how horrible craves happened over a year after quitting.

[Sazerac]

51 minutes ago, JB 883 said:

I know I need to quit.

I am still trying to figure out how horrible craves happened over a year after quitting.

 

Girl !  What the fcuk are you doing ????

You don't have to figure anything out.

All you have to do is NOPE !

Quit poisoning yourself. 

 

Craves of varying degrees and emotionally fed triggers are issues we all deal with, whether in short or long term quits.

This is the deal that we chose when we started our addiction to nicotine.

 

It is just the way we are now.   Nicotine changed our brain, our DNA.

The only way to conquer the addiction is to hold fast to NOPE 

Not One Puff EVER.  Ever !  Ever meaning FOREVER.

Freedom requires vigilance.

 

C'mon, JB.  Jump back on the train.  You're smart and capable.  You needn't live in despair and slavery anymore.

 

[notsmokinjo]

7 hours ago, JB 883 said:

I know I need to quit.

I am still trying to figure out how horrible craves happened over a year after quitting.

 

Um... cos you thought it was done and dusted so didn't have your defences up. Life through some shit your way and those stress sensors hadn't been tested yet, Just guessing. There you go, now you know.... on wards and upwards McDuff.... get this show back on the road.

 

6 hours ago, Sazerac said:

Jump back on the train.  You're smart and capable.

 

^^ What she said.

[sgt.barney]

On 1/2/2020 at 5:45 PM, JB 883 said:

 

I am still trying to figure out how horrible craves happened over a year after quitting.

Because you are an addict. 
Nothing more. 
Nothing less. 
Craves can happen ANY time.
How do you think folks with years ... decades, even ... relapse?

Either you are committed to quitting or you are not. 
If you are committed, craves come and craves go. 

If you are not ... you remain a smoker. 

Which are you? 

EZPZ

[Doreensfree]

We always have to be on our guard ....

It only takes one to become hooked again .....

Turn your negative thoughts ...in to positive thoughts.....

[jillar]

On 1/2/2020 at 2:45 PM, JB 883 said:

I know I need to quit.

I am still trying to figure out how horrible craves happened over a year after quitting.

 

Good to see you back jb, horrible craves happened because we smoked for much longer than we've been quit. But if you had of trusted yourself to get through it you would have seen that the crave wasn't as strong as it once was. I still pull out my air cigarette from time to time. Especially with the crappy 2019 I had. 

So stop delaying and trying to "figure" things out and quit already! You've did it before, you can do it again......

[forestgreen]

Bit of a Masochist JB883

[Sazerac]

On 1/2/2020 at 4:45 PM, JB 883 said:

I know I need to quit.

I am still trying to figure out how horrible craves happened over a year after quitting.

 

 

I've Relapsed and I Hate It