Two Years Tomorrow

[farmgirl]

Two years ago today, I smoked two cigarettes back to back before going to bed and said to myself, "This is it."  But even I didn't REALLY believe that.  Of COURSE I was going to smoke again someday - right?  I always did after saying I was going to quit - usually I'd pick back up within a few days.

 

But a statistic I had recently read haunted me.  I read that if you quit by 40, 90% of the deleterious effects of smoking go away.  I already missed my chance to quit at 30 and smoked for most of the decade before my 40th birthday, quitting only for my pregnancies and a few months when the kids were infants.  So facing 40, growing tired of my addiction over the years - feeling like a loser leaving parties as the only smoker, worrying about coughs that crept up here and there... I had just lost my job, too, and while I wasn't the primary breadwinner and it made little difference in our finances, I didn't like the idea of spending $9 a pack (that's the American Spirit, right?) when I wasn't bringing in any money.  

 

I found this site, yakked about my impending quit date, which was set 2 weeks into the future on my 40th birthday, and was given the greatest advice I can remember receiving, which was "Why wait?  If you quit now, you'll be two weeks into your quit when you turn 40?  Physical withdrawal effects will be largely over."  And I couldn't really argue with that.  Why smoke for 2 more weeks if I'm planning to quit anyway?  As we all know, I still wasn't REALLY going to quit... I was just telling myself that while my addiction patted me on the back, telling me it'd be here for me when the dust settled.  The delayed quit date was just one poorly crafted excuse my addiction was feeding me.  Two more weeks of smoking, with 2 more weeks of guilt and fear would most likely end in me saying "Ah, it's too hard!" and lighting up again.

 

So instead, I ambushed my addiction that day and said "Gotcha!" to nicotine.  Sneak attack.  I carried the last two cigarettes in my pack for many months after I quit - at first it was JUST IN CASE!  Just in case I got stuck on the highway in a traffic jam, which is one of my most anxious places.  Just in case I got really mad and needed a nicotine break.  I pulled them out once or twice, ready to light one up, but found other ways to cope instead.  Then I just carried them as proof that they had no power over me - just some cigarettes in my purse, as inanimate as they should be.  And then I finally ditched them after maybe 5-6 months, and when I did, I remember feeling triggered, thinking "I can always buy more if I want."  But I haven't, because the odd craving here or there isn't even close to strong enough for me to drive the half mile to the nearest gas station for a pack.  

 

In the past two years, I have loved the compliments from my kids about how good I smell, I love never worrying about creeping coughs, I love not orchestrating my day around when I'm going to sneak off for a smoke.  I love that I can tell my kids not to smoke, and it's not a "do as I say, not as I do" conversation.  I love that I'm not a slave to nicotine.  It feels like I've been a non-smoker for much longer than 2 years, and I still can't believe I smoked for so long.

[Sazerac]

Congratulations, Farmgirl, on your TWO Years of Freedom.

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story.  I hope it inspires many more people to quit.

 

You were wise in 'ambushing' nicotine addiction.

We can surely outsmart the addict inside us and you are a shining example.

 

I am so happy you quit and love hearing all your updates.

Please reward yourself and mark this brilliant milestone.

 

S

[johnny5]

Congratulations on two years smoke free, Farmgirl.  That is awesome.

[jillar]

Great post farmgirl, and congratulations on two years quit! 

 

[Joe7]

Congratulations on your two years Farmgirl. Well done!

[forestgreen]

Great Farmgirl, the 2nd Christmas without smokes, I bet you had a good one with all the money saved. Congratulations on 2 years. 

[catlover]

Congratulations Farmgirl on 2 wonderful smokefree years.