My Quit Update

[Lilly]

So I'm nearing 9 months quit and I don't really even feel excited. 

 

Don't get me wrong I love being a non smoker but it's draining. I have spent the best part of a year concentrating on quitting and I can't help but wonder when I'm going to feel normal again. 

 

I want my life back. I want to spend a whole day where the fact that I'm quitting doesn't pop in my head. I'm bored of it but I can't imagine lighting a cigarette now. 

 

I rarely post on here because everyone seems so positive about their quit and I don't want to be the only one who isn't but I need to get it out.

 

 

 

 

Edited December 8, 2019 by Lilly
Spelling

[jillar]

My whole first year sucked too Lily, but it felt so good when that one year mark came. Smoking for me was kinda like a death in the family. After the first year things start getting better and the constant thoughts aren't so constant. Hang n there and thanks for posting. It's important to let others know that they're not the only ones feeling a particular way.....

[Wayne045]

Have you found something to do instead of smoking?   Hobby, exercise, video games?

 

one of the things I did was go to the theater to watch a movie.   As a smoker a shied away from theater because NO SMOKING for 2-3 hrs

[Boo]

The quit is not new anymore yet it is still at or near the forefront of your mind.

 

That is a very common phase of the quit process.  Most quitters have experienced it to some degree.

 

I would like to offer up some inspirational quote that will put the wind beneath your wings.  If I had one of those for your situation I would post it here.  However, there is a lot to say for just punching the clock and getting the job done.  Eventually you will get to a point where the quit is second nature.

 

Difficult hikes often lead to the best views.

[notsmokinjo]

You're not alone Lilly lots of us had some degree of being fed up with the whole process...it takes a brave soul to post it.. I know I only wanted to post the positives because I didn't want to put those coming behind off which is stupid thinking. So much better and healthier to put it out there.

 

Just remember you're not quiting.. you have quit, you quit 9 months ago, you are just protecting that quit. ...and doing a bloody good job of it too.

 

[Rozuki]

That was my thinking also, Lily.....when would I ever stop thinking and obsessing over the fact that I quit sticking poison sticks in mouth and lighting them on fire? Something that also happened to me when I first quit - I was constantly  thrusting my tongue against my front teeth to the point where it was sore!!! Took about 3 months for the tongue thrusting to fade away and shortly after my appearance on the Lido deck (the one year milestone)...woo hoo, the obsessing about being quit also faded away!!!!

 

Everything takes time and your time will come....eventually!!

[Paul723]

You'll feel better when you accept that you are never going to smoke again.  You are not abstaining, you are done with it.  You are really close to that point, please wait for it.  Come back and tell us when your thinking changes.

[Sazerac]

I am a positive person by nature and v. positive about the fact that I quit and amassed power because I did quit.

Was it bliss ?  of course not !

Was it a slog ?  of course it often was.

 

I ranted, FREE YOUR HEAD, over and over for the first year.

When I started to actively replace smokey thoughts (thoughts having anything to do with smoking or not smoking) 

by turning my eyes or ears to experience Beauty, this was when things turned around and the thoughts abated.

It was mind over matter.

 

Smokey thought ?  I would find something of Beauty to look at.

That light on that leaf, the color of the sky, the shadow making a pretty shape.

Or,  something of Beauty to listen to.

A favorite piece of music to immerse myself in with headphones or decibels entertaining the neighbors.

 

You must actively change your thought patterns and reclaim yourself completely from addiction.

Do not loose hope or focus.

 

You want to know how many smokey thoughts I have now ?

NONE.

But, if I am stressed or disconcerted you know what I do ?

I breathe deep and find something beautiful to look at and my, how the endorphins rush in.

 

 

When you think you should be over this by now,

have a look at  Cristóbal's Quit Days %

 

Edited December 9, 2019 by Sazerac

[NADA]

There’s a big difference between feeling better and feeling comfortable.  At 9 months quit I was feeling better in many aspects.  I was not coughing all the time.  My breathing was better.  I was able to take the stairs without gasping.  My sense of smell and taste were greatly improved.  My circulation was better.

 

But did I feel comfortable?  Had my cravings gone away?  Was I at the point where I forgot about smoking for days on end?  The answer to all those questions is no.  It took a long time to get that point.  After all, I smoked for 39 years.  That makes for a very strong physical and mental addiction.  I had to accept that it would take quite a while to break those bonds and feel completely comfortable again.

 

You mention that people here seem positive and you don’t want to be the only one who isn’t.  I can assure you that you’re not the only one who still has some difficulty at nine months.  I think the reason people seem positive is that they don’t want to discourage new quitters from keeping up the fight.  Because it is worth it in the long run.

 

I remember feeling very disappointed that I still obsessed about smoking after I had quit for a month.  That seems ridiculous now.   All I can tell you is that one day you will feel comfortable again.  You will go days, weeks, even months without thinking of a cigarette.  There will be no void.  There will only be the normalcy of life without smoking with all its ups and downs.  The only difference is you’ll be free from the shackles of a deadly addiction.

[JimHannoonen]

Tell you what, I was a disaster up until about 9 months. I was angry, edgy, moody and a general pain in the arse. I NEVER thought I was going to feel "right" again, but here I am, almost three years quit and all that is now just a very distant memory. I'm totally normal now (relatively speaking, of course).

 

Sure, there are some people that are fine after a few months, but they're the exception to the rule. You need to believe it will get better, because it will. I promise!

 

And congratulations on 9 months. That really is the hardest part.

[abbynormal]

@Lilly I don't always feel positive about my quit, either. The first year is the hardest for almost everyone. We face the majority of our usual smoking triggers throughout that first year, and that requires us to be extra vigilant. That vigilance can be exhausting, I know! I'm about to face my first Christmas in several years without smoking, so my nagging thoughts have returned. It's annoying, but I can deal with it. Because I know next Christmas will be so much easier. AND because I'm not having genuine cravings right now. Just nagging thoughts. There's a huge difference. I can ignore the thoughts much easier than I could the actual cravings. I remind myself of that any time the thoughts of smoking become intrusive. I'd rather face a nagging thought than a constant craving.

 

You will feel like yourself again. You will. I will. We both will. I've read that it can take quite a long time for the brain to adjust to being a non-smoker. It takes a while for the brain chemistry to balance itself once the nicotine is gone, especially if you struggle (like I do) with any sort of chemical imbalance. My doctor has had to adjust my medication to increase dopamine absorption since I quit. That has helped a lot. But I still don't feel quite like myself. Not yet. I know I will, though. I had a long quit in the past, and I remember what it was like. I remember I felt SO much better after that first year. We gotta hang in there.

 

I'm here any time you want to talk. You can be as open and honest with me as you want to. I'm never more than a private message away. We are both in the thick of it. We might as well make the journey together!

[HeatherDianne]

Thank you so much for sharing.... I am in a weird place with my quit too... I don't want to smoke but life seems grim having to constantly be worried about triggers and cravings.. I am only a month in - I have a long way to to go to get to a year - I have to look at it one day at time - but after a month - I have to admit - I want to be quit more than smoke, and I hope the rest of my life, emotions, etc catches up with me soon. 

 

I haven't replaced smoking with anything in particular, but I am trying to find little projects to do each day that I would have stopped and started over and over again to smoke. I find most of the time by the time I am at the end of the project - my smoking thoughts disappeared . I have been having a lot of smoking dreams lately and wake up thinking I blew me quit. This does not help because all of sudden every morning is all about smoking. I loved the morning smoke (junkie needing a fix) so lately I feel like week 5 is worse than week 3 because I have so many more smoking thoughts - even just to tell myself it was just a dream. UGH

 

You are not alone and I admire your post - I needed to see others are struggling. It is hard to accept that I might still be in a weird place by the time I hit 9 months. But I want to live a year of my life smoke free - in all my past quits I have never made a year. I think the junkie in me knew if I made a year I would be FREE. But again I don't focus on that. I do day to day or I am finding I can now plan a smoke free weekend and know confidently I will not smoke. Not a chance

[jillar]

You're doing great @HeatherDianne and everything you're going through is completely normal for where you are. The constant thoughts of cigarettes drove me crazy but just wait until you wake up one day and realize smoking wasn't the first thing you thought about. It's a great feeling and one I still remember like it was yesterday

[Mona]

Congratulations on 9 months quit Lily!  Maybe you could reward yourself with something that does excite you?  A little trip, a nice piece of jewelry, a day at a spa...something that would put a smile on your face.  

[Sazerac]

As addicts, we thought of or acted on nicotine EVERY TWENTY MINUTES (or less !) for YEARS.

 

To think that pattern is going to disappear in months is unrealistic,  brain receptors need to be reclaimed one by one and this takes time.

A year full of seasonal triggers and moments when addiction makes us whine and plead or bargain.  Moments we must defy !

 

Hey You Smoked For 42 Years, Why On Earth Would You Think You Can Get Past The Addiction In A Couple of Months? Cut Yourself A Break

 

 

You won't be swimming in this river forever (unless you choose to relapse).

 

Stay focused.

 

[MLMR]

1 hour ago, Sazerac said:

As addicts, we thought of or acted on nicotine EVERY TWENTY MINUTES (or less !) for YEARS.

 

To think that pattern is going to disappear in months is unrealistic,  brain receptors need to be reclaimed one by one and this takes time.

Exactly that is why I still post my (rare) moments of addiction flare up. And working remedies. To some it may come across as 'wow, is that still an issue'  or, 'maybe thats a bit overdone...?' But I feel like I need to utilize these moments and keep breaking chains as long as they present themselves. I see my second year as a chance to put everything  to practice i learned the first year. 

 

It serves me well, I really still feel better every day, noticing changes in the way I handle things. Smoking is nowhere near tempting anymore, and when I do have smokey thoughts, I instantly  recognise them as neuro pathway patterns. 

 

Lilly and others, keep going and keep making yourself aware of whats happening. Dont fall for the attachment trap. This will all be in the past somewhere soon. 

[Sazerac]

5 hours ago, MLMR said:

6 hours ago, Sazerac said:

As addicts, we thought of or acted on nicotine EVERY TWENTY MINUTES (or less !) for YEARS.

 

To think that pattern is going to disappear in months is unrealistic,  brain receptors need to be reclaimed one by one and this takes time.

 

Exactly that is why I still post my (rare) moments of addiction flare up. And working remedies.

To some it may come across as 'wow, is that still an issue'  or, 'maybe thats a bit overdone...?'

But I feel like I need to utilize these moments and keep breaking chains as long as they present themselves.

I see my second year as a chance to put everything  to practice i learned the first year. 

 

It serves me well, I really still feel better every day, noticing changes in the way I handle things.

Smoking is nowhere near tempting anymore, and when I do have smokey thoughts, I instantly  recognise them as neuro pathway patterns. 

 

Lilly and others, keep going and keep making yourself aware of whats happening. Dont fall for the attachment trap. This will all be in the past somewhere soon. 

 

Excellent post, M'Life. 

The life lessons learned from quitting and the techniques used in putting the addiction to sleep continue to serve us in many ways as the years go by.