Reaching out

[Vivianne]

Okay, I need help ppl. Just rewatched the relapse video and I am in the last stage, have been for a while and I need to get out of it. I really don't care about the why anymore, I need someone to talk to.. here.. just get me through this lonely place I am in right now. 
I feel exhausted, I think I am doing it wrong, I am scared of typing this and I don't know why.. I feel so weak
So doing the last resort thing.. sos.. help

[Doreensfree]

I'm here V ....

What's happened Sweetheart....

Think of all what you have learned here...smoking won't alter anything ....

You will hate yourself ....do something nice ...have a nice soak ....you carnt lose your fabulous quit ...

Do I have to come over there with my frying pan ....?????

Fight ....you have to fight for your freedom .....

 

 

[Doreensfree]

What do you think your doing wrong ....????

Your smoke free.....all seems right to me .....

Take it one minute at a time if you need too.....

Come and tell us how your doing ...

[Vivianne]

Just now, Doreensfree said:

I'm here V ....

What's happened Sweetheart....

Think of all what you have learned here...smoking won't alter anything ....

You will hate yourself ....do something nice ...have a nice soak ....you carnt lose your fabulous quit ...

A lot, a bunch of personal stuff, tried to reach out to a few friends but they were busy (I totally understand why) . The whole fish tank ordeal it stressed me out, I didn't eat enough, I didn't shower yet -
Yeah... I can hear myself (or rather read my own words...)
I know what to do.. 
*Self care*

 

 

Just now, Doreensfree said:

Do I have to come over there with my frying pan ....?????

Fight ....you have to fight for your freedom .....

 

 

You have managed to make me cry and laugh in one message.. you are the best Doreen .. 
 

1 minute ago, Doreensfree said:

What do you think your doing wrong ....????

Your smoke free.....all seems right to me .....

Take it one minute at a time if you need too.....

Come and tell us how your doing ...

Lost in my own mind there.. typing and deleting you know.. I am getting there..
Happy I posted though... 

[jillar]

Oh Vivianne, you almost have a month quit. Hang on I promise it will pass. Have you tried the air cigarette to help you past it? Just pretend you're holding an actual cig and then go through the motions of "smoking" it. It did great at tricking my mind into thinking it was getting the real thing! I know you want to keep this quit otherwise you wouldn't have posted, xoxo

[Vivianne]

Just now, jillar said:

Oh Vivianne, you almost have a month quit. Hang on I promise it will pass. Have you tried the air cigarette to help you past it? Just pretend you're holding an actual cig and then go through the motions of "smoking" it. It did great at tricking my mind into thinking it was getting the real thing! I know you want to keep this quit otherwise you wouldn't have posted, xoxo

I don't know if this will make it worse for me, somehow it feels like romancing the cigarette (or I might be wrong.. just scared to want the real thing even more...)
 

[johnny5]

First off, thanks for posting an SOS.  It is really important to reach out when you are struggling.

 

Quitting smoking can be hard.  It is both a physical and a mental addiction and those first few weeks can be really tough.  But quitting and keeping the quit is very doable and is worth fighting for.

 

Prior to joining a quit forum, I struggled greatly in trying to quit.  I had several relapses and I HATED myself for that.  I didn't know what I was doing wrong but I later learned that the only thing you can "do wrong" with a quit is light back up.

 

I'm sorry you are struggling but you are doing nothing wrong.  We've all been through this before and you just need to fight through it.  Do whatever you have to do as long as it is NOT smoking.

 

You are almost a month smoke free and you are doing everything right as far as I am concerned.  Smoking now will only make you feel miserable.  Keep the quit, things do get much better with time.

[Doreensfree]

Dearest V ....

You've a shitty day ....Time to take a step back ....

Take care of yourself ....in a good way ....not poison yourself .....

Your quit is your priority.....it's your life ....

All will work out .....take some deep breaths .....punch a pillow ....

Do anything ...just don't smoke ...

[jillar]

Totally understand Vivianne, you can also try doing or going someplace that you didn't smoke. I sometimes took a drive in my car because I didn't smoke in there and that would make the crave go away. Take a bath maybe? Suck on candy? Can't eat and smoke at the same time right?

[Vivianne]

1 minute ago, johnny5 said:

First off, thanks for posting an SOS.  It is really important to reach out when you are struggling.

 

Quitting smoking can be hard.  It is both a physical and a mental addiction and those first few weeks can be really tough.  But quitting and keeping the quit is very doable and is worth fighting for.

 

Prior to joining a quit forum, I struggled greatly in trying to quit.  I had several relapses and I HATED myself for that.  I didn't know what I was doing wrong but I later learned that the only thing you can "do wrong" with a quit is light back up.

 

I'm sorry you are struggling but you are doing nothing wrong.  We've all been through this before and you just need to fight through it.  Do whatever you have to do as long as it is NOT smoking.

 

You are almost a month smoke free and you are doing everything right as far as I am concerned.  Smoking now will only make you feel miserable.  Keep the quit, things do get much better with time.

It could be my own self-esteem that is making it feel wrong. I am so used to doing it myself (I think my first sentence was " selluf doen"  - which means "I'll do it"  in dutch kid's language.
But thank you Johnny! I am not about to throw away my quit... I am soooooooooooooooooo happy with you all!! 

1 minute ago, jillar said:

Totally understand Vivianne, you can also try doing or going someplace that you didn't smoke. I sometimes took a drive in my car because I didn't smoke in there and that would make the crave go away. Take a bath maybe? Suck on candy? Can't eat and smoke at the same time right?

Good idea!! I am going to take my well deserved loooooooong hot shower now! 


So don't worry my dear fellow train passengers, I have not gone out to get some poison, I am washing it all away! 

[jillar]

Awesome Vivianne, wash it all away You're doing GREAT!!!

[Doreensfree]

So don't worry my dear fellow train passengers, I have not gone out to get some poison, I am washing it all away! 

 

Now your talking !!!!!.....go have a Nice hot shower ,lots of nice smells....

Have something to eat ...then....

Come to the chicks victory game ...and kick sticks butt....

I'm proud of you ....❤

[Lust4Life]

You’re not doing it wrong. You’re doing it right!!! You posted SOS!! Keep talking yourself through this bit of darkness.   Take the shower- sing & scream in the steam - NOPE!! You are stronger than that pull from the devil. 

[Vivianne]

I hope you all realize this, but wow... you are AWESOME! (Like me.. hehe.. cause I am here and proud of myself!!!) 

[abbynormal]

I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said here. Take a deep breath. Realize how important your quit is--and also how hard it is. You are doing hard work here, and that should be acknowledged and rewarded. Be proud of every day you've remained smoke free.

 

I find myself romancing the cigarette at times. But last night my autoimmune disease flared up, and I lay in bed struggling to catch my breath. It's a scary feeling--not being able to get enough air into your lungs. If that doesn't take the romance out of smoking, nothing will!

 

Value your lungs. They are precious. And give yourself a hug from me.

[Sazerac]

Hey, @Vivianne,

 

You are doing everything right.

Understand that some days are good days some aren't.

This is life.

You quit smoking, smoking is no longer an option.  Ever.

Reward yourself for conquering this gnarly day.  Something v. nice.

 

and @abbynormal ! You stay strong and focused, girl, too !

 

both of you may need to look at this, 

Red Flags

and see how ridiculous romancing smokes are, it is just the addicts voice...pay NO mind and protect your quits !

[abbynormal]

20 minutes ago, Sazerac said:

You stay strong and focused, girl, too !

I feel MUCH stronger today. Especially after the rough night I had last night. That feeling of suffocating will stay with me for quite some time. Nothing but clean air going into these lungs, I promise you!

 

It's good to remind myself of those red flags, though. For future reference. It's amazing how the addict voice can take over. I gotta learn how to shut that b*tch up!

[Boo]

3 hours ago, Vivianne said:

I feel exhausted, I think I am doing it wrong,

 

Do yourself a favor and don't do that.  There is only one "right" way to quit: DON'T SMOKE!  If you didn't smoke, congratulations you're doing it right.  Quitting smoking is a pass/fail test with only one question to answer.  S-I-M-P-L-E...Simple! 

 

The stresses that you adapt to and overcome today will make you stronger tomorrow.

[Vivianne]

Lol and now I am crying again.. happy tears...

Very thankful for everything that has been said here...

[Sazerac]

@Vivianne

Congratulations for posting and conquering, you are building a very fine quit.

 

You mentioned a video about Relapsing

here is one from Joel, The Fear of Relapsing

 

and one addressing the lonely place you were in,  Quitting Smoking Can Be A Very Lonely Experience

 

oh, one more 

I'm Just Too Weak To Quit Smoking

 

Just know you are NOT weak,

while addiction stirs up the lies of our insecurities,

quitting smoking strengthens our self awareness, our self respect and our self confidence.

 

You will be delighted and amazed at your transformation.

It is one of the most beautiful things to watch quitters experience.

 

 

Edited November 4, 2019 by Sazerac

[HeatherDianne]

I admire you and your Quit! You have a month already and lets face it we smoked longer than we've quit, it is going to be difficult sometimes not to have a day. But you DID it. - you are smoke free!!! You are successful - crappy day and all

[Sunshine59]

You have managed to come this far , that too after a lot of struggle

 

1 month and 4 days .

 

The initial quit days are the hardest .

 

Things usually becomes more easy and easy .

 

So think of all the positive things and stay strong .

 

Fight the cigarette demon

 

[Vivianne]

I am doing waaaay better than last week! I have had a great night and day with my boyfriend and I've thought about smoking once. And it was in a different way then before. I think it's actually weird that I have been a smoker for so long. I love being a non smoker.. the deep breaths, the freshness of it all.. 

Addiction is still there and pulling, but I am finding solid ground and have firm grip... so the pull is not as annoying as it was... *happy*

[Steve63]

This place is great , I love reading about the highs and we can all identify with the lows . Brilliant job Vivianne and your happy posts sum up why we are here in the long run

[Doreensfree]

Well done peeps...it's all about the attitude ...being positive ...

Your wonderful ....your changing your life for ever....your freeing yourself from slavery ...High Five !!!