Extremely depressed...

[Birch]

The first eight days were easy. I worked 16 hours last night til 8am, and then came back in 8 hours later. I cried last night and tried to tell myself it was just the shift I was working. 

 

I don’t know if I am prepared for this. I wasn’t in a great place before quitting and I only feel more depressed, I hate my job but it provides my housing so I can’t just make that change. I thought quitting would be a start to making the changes I need to make. I work in the outdoors in the mountains and I feel like I have lost all appreciation for it because that was my favorite part of cigarettes up here - getting lost in the views of the mountains and the stars. 

 

Tonight’s my last night of work this week which is a relief but I’m so afraid I’m just gonna start drinking heavily. 

Edited October 3, 2019 by Birch
Typo

[jillar]

Hang in there birch, I promise you everything you're going through is normal. Most of us either get sad and depressed or angry the first few months. But it is only temporary and your brain adjusting to being rid of those nasty chemicals.

[Birch]

I am a Security guard with full access to every breakroom, locker room, and maintenance shop on-site. I have used my keys to steal someone’s smokes before when I ran out, and hated myself for it. Four hours until I’m off and my skin is crawling. I don’t know what to do. 

[Lust4Life]

Hi Birch- good on you for posting SOS.  I remember associating outdoor time- camping, hiking, patio reading w smoking. I love our Mother Earth too and the WORST thing for her is smoke!  Do not suffocate the trees that work so hard for us. 

 

Depression is common after a quit.  Please seek medical advice if it persists or worsens.  

 

Smoking isn't going to help.  It just restarts the cycle.  Enjoy mountains for their natural beauty.  Don’t pollute the air with the unnatural crap in tobacco / vape products. 

[jillar]

Have you tried the air cigarette? It's just pretending you're holding an actual cigarette in your fingers and then going through the motions of "smoking" it. Some use cut straws, pens, etc. Mine was invisible so I never had to worry about forgetting it lol. But it really worked great at tricking my mind into thinking it was getting the real thing. Take deep drags(nice fresh air) too. It's the best smoke you'll ever have

If your depression is too hard to handle then maybe you can talk to your dr about prescribing a temporary anti depressant to help you past this. Many, many people here have found that although it may worsen a little in the beginning of their quit, their depression and anxiety got better with time quit. 

You are prepared for this quit, don't throw away the hardest week of all, you got this! And I know because you posted, well done  

[Lust4Life]

Birch- don’t smoke. For Pete’s sake don’t steal from others to feed the vile addiction.  You are in control.  You are. Not the craves, or desires. You are in control.  Smoking desires will peep at you w come hither blinks & waves.  All lies & deceit. Stay strong. Stay healthy. Stay in control.

[jillar]

How you doing birch?

[Birch]

12 minutes ago, jillar said:

How you doing birch?

Starting my lunch. So. Can’t speak to the health of any choices but hoping I’ll feel better in a few. Unfortunately my shift partner is the kind who’d prefer if I smoke tonight. Can’t blame him. I’m a wreck driving around, gripping the steering wheel so hard it hurt. But the worst place for me during a craving is letting someone else drive at work. 

[jillar]

Ignore your shift partner, he's an idiot. Or he's a smoker and doesn't want to lose a "partner in crime". Smokers hate losing one of their own and some will try to sabotage your quit. 

You want this quit or else you wouldn't have posted. Try the air cigarette. If that doesn't work suck on candy. I was hooked on soft peppermint puffs my whole first year lol. But you can't smoke and eat at the same time, at least I never did so that helped me too

[Birch]

Made it through the shift. Relaxing at home. Didn’t smoke! Thanks you guys! @jillar @Lust4Life

[Doreensfree]

Hi Birch ..

Sorry I'm late ...wrong side of the pond ...good to see you had support ...when you needed it ...

You stayed strong ...you fought that monster and won..

Quitting is all about winning your battles .. until you finally win the war ...

Your body will be all over the place ..it's confused ,it's used to being pumped the poisons so many times a day for decades ..

Stay strong all is temporary...

[notsmokinjo]

Jillar had the golden suggestion...when I first quit a lot at work never knew because I would still take my smoke breaks. ..id pop outside to my old smoke spot and "smoke" a pen....did everything the same just used a placebo smoke. It really does help and you won't miss your break or you enjoyment of the scenery.

 

With the depression and anxiety.. so I have always had anxiety issues...quitting made them better once I got out of the first month....my depression is a bit of an issue at the moment but that has more to do with the side effects of my thyroid medication. When you quit the chemical and hormonal cocktail that is your body changes....often people need their medications altered during and after a quit. What I can promise you is it does get easier and you really do want this. 

 

Make sure you reward yourself...even if it's something small like a bubble bath after work or a new candle or a fancy coffee.... Rewards are important because your brain needs to be reprogrammed to know the good fun feels come from not smoking.

[despair not]

Hi Birch

 

 

Stick with the Quit

 

Think how depressed you would be if you kept smoking then got diagnosed with cancer n a few years time.

 

Better to be feeling a bit sorry for yourself now .

 

It wont last for long and you will start to feel better soon if you can stick with NOPE.

[Sazerac]

Hello Birch,

You did the right thing by posting an SOS and powering through some gnarly bits.

Smoking hid a lot of other issues we had, we would just light up a smoke instead of dealing with anything.

I remember this well.

Now, these issues will need inspection and then be resolved in some way, at some point.

Do not try to do too much all at once...you have your whole free life to sort this out

and the confidence and respect and trust that will build in yourself will make this happen in a good and kindly way.

 

You may find this helpful

Quitting Smoking Blues

 

Remember you are re-fitting your brain and rewards are essential

The Significance of Rewards

 

Be extra kind to yourself, Birch.  You Quit Smoking !

[Sunshine59]

I used to feel extremely dull during my initial attempts to quit .

Then there were times i felt really fresh too .

 

I think its that dullness that is hard to handle .

 

So somehow try to stay fresh .

 

Then you  can see that dullness will slowly move away

[MLMR]

Birch, I admire you for pulling through, well done. 

 

Tell yourself that whatever you experience right now, is a part of readjusting. Its ok to feel like that, even though its super crappy. It wont kill you - smoking eventually will. The crying will go away, the depression will diminish. It may take time though. Heck, at more than 13 months Im still in that proces! But not once did I regret quitting .. and its all worth it. 

 

You know yourself best, trust in that you will take action when you need it (like seeing a doc, meds etc). 

 

Hang in!

 

 

[abbynormal]

Birch,

 

I'm so glad you made it through your shift and didn't smoke! Well done! Every time you face those cravings head-on and don't smoke, you get stronger and the addiction gets weaker. You can do this. You proved it to yourself today.

[Mee]

Great job of beating the crave.  Depression was a difficulty for me with my quit.  I spoke with my doctor and she increased my medication.  

Birch, I promise your feelings will get better.  As your quit becomes more solid, you will feel more powerful.  Now that I look back, I really think I was more depressed smoking.  I was so disappointed that I could not quit.  Finding success, with the support of the forum, has been such an awesome thing.  You are going to get there too.  Hang in there!

[johnny5]

Keep up the great work, Birch.  Everytime you fight through cravings like this, your quit grows stronger.

[ForeverLost]

On 10/2/2019 at 10:10 PM, Birch said:

The first eight days were easy. I worked 16 hours last night til 8am, and then came back in 8 hours later. I cried last night and tried to tell myself it was just the shift I was working. 

 

I don’t know if I am prepared for this. I wasn’t in a great place before quitting and I only feel more depressed, I hate my job but it provides my housing so I can’t just make that change. I thought quitting would be a start to making the changes I need to make. I work in the outdoors in the mountains and I feel like I have lost all appreciation for it because that was my favorite part of cigarettes up here - getting lost in the views of the mountains and the stars. 

 

Tonight’s my last night of work this week which is a relief but I’m so afraid I’m just gonna start drinking heavily. 

 

Birch,

 

I haven't read ahead, so hopefully you are doing well from a few days ago.  I also hope the drinking hasn't gotten out of hand like you thought it might. The one thing I can offer from what you posted is to try not to let it affect your work, as that's always been a problem with me when struggling to quit!  I'd also say that reading and writing on message boards, knowing most of the time you'll get a reply, was a helpful start.  Good luck!

EDIT: Good to see you've made it through a few more days!   I just read that you struggle handling the cravings while someone else is driving.  I work in central NJ and it is very dense, high traffic, top of the line HORRIBLE as far as driving goes.  I count the turns and blinkers used.  It's around 30% or less.  Anyway haha!  Keep it up!

Edited October 6, 2019 by ForeverLost

[jillar]

Welcome aboard our train full of quitters @ForeverLost. When you get a chance maybe you can introduce yourself to everyone, we have a great group who would love to meet you and say hi

[ForeverLost]

49 minutes ago, jillar said:

Welcome aboard our train full of quitters @ForeverLost. When you get a chance maybe you can introduce yourself to everyone, we have a great group who would love to meet you and say hi

 

Thank you.  I am sure I will get to that point.  I am in the midst of preparing for my second quit.  This comes after smoking for 2-3 years now, and heavily for the past 6 months.  It's a similar amount to what made me say "enough is enough" and quit my first time.  But I was in a happier place then, at a much happier time when , which was about 8-9 years ago.

 

The funny thing is, my ex-girlfriend and I (who was a big help in my first quit) had a pet bun who shared the exact same colors and features as the one in your pic!  Her and I don't talk, so I take this as a positive sign that I'm moving in the right direction!  Thank you for the reply.  After some more mental preparation, and cutting down my non true-heaving-craving smokes, I'll be ready to give it a second try.  Thanks again!

 

- Mike

Edited October 6, 2019 by ForeverLost

[Doreensfree]

Welcome to the board Mike ...

We will support you all the way in your journey to Freedom ...

Take time to read z much as you can here.... Educate yourself in this horrible addiction ..

If will help you fight ...

[jillar]

Hi @ForeverLost, the bun in my profile pic isn't mine but the one on my cover pic was. I love the colors of yours

So are you ready to jump on and throw those smokes away? Cutting down never worked for me. But what did help when I decided I was going to quit was not smoking in my usual areas. That way when I did quit I could go into those areas and not worry about getting a crave