Do You Talk To Friends About Their Smoking?

[Reciprocity]

Yesterday I went fishing with a friend of mine who I hadn't seen in a few years. We used to go fishing pretty often until life got in the way. I knew he was a smoker of both cigarettes and pot (he LOVES his pot!!). Last time we were together I was a smoker too (cigarettes primarily). I was curious to see if he would say anything to me about why I wasn't smoking. Hey! We're stuck together in a 12 foot aluminum boat 8 km's (5 miles) out on Lake Erie for 6 hours so talk is gonna happen when we're not reeling in a fish! So he says nothing to me about why I was no longer smoking. I watch him going about 1 to 1 on the joints and cigarettes. I didn't say anything to him about his smoking but did notice him coughing and hacking, more when he was smoking the pot than when he was smoking cigarettes but still ..... there was clearly a lung issue going on there. 

 

This guy is probably mid-40's, overweight and still a heavy smoker when you combine both the cigs and the pot.  

 

I'm just wondering what others might do in a similar situation? Start a conversation about smoking in general or just remain silent unless the other person brings up the subject? I don't want to be one of those reformed smokers who pesters people about smoking but I also don't like seeing friends going down a path I know only leads to a bad place.

 

What do think you would have done in the same circumstances? The reason I ask now is we will probably be going fishing again this year before the lakes freeze over. I will therefore have another opportunity to either do nothing or maybe say something?

 

Oh yeah! We caught 5 decent size Walleye yesterday. They are a nice eating fish for those who don't know what a Walleye is. Moist, tender, non-fishy tasting white meat fish.

 

[Rozuki]

I managed to piss off some people early in my quit (mostly family members that continue to smoke). I couldn't hold back stating "God, you stink!" Oops.... 

[greenlight]

I don't tend to discuss other people's smoking. They already know full well what the dangers are and that they are addicted. And my god I hated anyone lecturing me when I still smoked, I was fully aware of everything it was doing to me. After all, I am yet to meet anyone who would have quit just because someone told them to, it has to be because they want to quit. I have, however, given a few pep talks when people have shown interest in quitting - this is where I feel I can actually offer something. Usually in my case smokers have asked me about how I quit and the conversation has gone on from there. So personally, I would wait until he expresses even a little interest in your quit/quitting himself - I'm pretty sure he already knows what it's doing to him. 

[Mee]

I would not say anything.  I never wanted anyone to notice my smoking.  If he did ask about my quit then I would guide him to this forum and encourage him.

[Sazerac]

I love Walleye.  I don't know if I would bring up the conversation alone with a smoker in a boat in the middle of lake Erie.  Lol.

 

I talk to my friends about smoking, they ask me questions also. This is pretty casual.  The don't smoke around me, that's a rule.

Mostly,  they cannot believe that I quit.

 

I talk to strangers about it sometimes.  Not everybody, not the same person twice (unless they ask me).

This happens at local bars or music clubs.

Maybe 1 or 2 people every few months.  I try to suss them out, see if they might be receptive.

I don't admonish. 

 

My rap is:

'you know,  I was a heavy smoker for 40 something years and quit cold turkey..(now almost 6) years ago.

I just want you to know that it isn't impossible, anyone can do it.

It has to do with understanding nicotine addiction and making a commitment to yourself. That's all.

I am still active on a stop smoking website, it is a great place for education and camaraderie and there are many success stories'

Here is the address....Quittrain.com'

 

Sometimes people come over and want to know more.  Mostly they don't.  Some thank me.  

I am very low key about it except for my exuberance about being quit, can't hide that.

 

I would like some QTrain cards. 

It would be great to have a barcode on it so people could just take a snap on their phone and get here instantly.

Maybe @MarylandQuitter would be into this or one of our geeks could put it together.

 

[jillar]

I wouldn't say anything either until I was asked for the same reasons stated above. Congrats on the successful fishing too

[Reciprocity]

12 minutes ago, Sazerac said:

I would like some QTrain cards. 

It would be great to have a barcode on it so people could just take a snap on their phone and get here instantly.

Maybe @MarylandQuitter would be into this or one of our geeks could put it together.

You're talking about a card with a QR code on it? I wonder if it's possible to create and post a QR (quick response) code then print it out yourself and have it readable through the printout - or, send the image to your phone so you can whip it out and say, here. I'll send this to you so you can can check it out?

[Sazerac]

1 minute ago, reciprocity said:

You're talking about a card with a QR code on it? I wonder if it's possible to create and post a QR (quick response) code then print it out yourself and have it readable through the printout - or, send the image to your phone so you can whip it out and say, here. I'll send this to you so you can can check it out?

 

I am not savvy enough to even know what I am talking about

but,

don't places like clubs and stores have what looks like a bar code on their card

and you can magically get to the site by clicking on it in your phone ?  or am I future tripping ?

[Reciprocity]

Yes - it's the QR code you're referring to:

I'm not techie either but once you have produced a QR code you can either download an app to read it or if your have an IPhone, I believe there's a built-in reader. You could convey the same info. by handing over a piece of paper with the QTrain website hhtp on it but using the QR code would be way cooler, depending on the demographics of who you are dealing with  

[Sazerac]

yes @reciprocity that is exactly what I am talking about.

Way cooler that quittrain.com scrawled on a bev nap.  A card with the logo, the address and the QR code would be really great.

 

Here is something from our friend, Joel Spitzer, about Helping Others Quit

 

[Reciprocity]

52 minutes ago, greenlight said:

I don't tend to discuss other people's smoking. They already know full well what the dangers are and that they are addicted. And my god I hated anyone lecturing me when I still smoked, I was fully aware of everything it was doing to me. After all, I am yet to meet anyone who would have quit just because someone told them to, it has to be because they want to quit. I have, however, given a few pep talks when people have shown interest in quitting - this is where I feel I can actually offer something. Usually in my case smokers have asked me about how I quit and the conversation has gone on from there. So personally, I would wait until he expresses even a little interest in your quit/quitting himself - I'm pretty sure he already knows what it's doing to him. 

Your response is interesting in a number of ways. I'm not sure I really understood the personal implications of smoking when I was a smoker. Oh sure, I knew all the statistics and had heard all the horror stories of what smoking had done to people but I was completely in denial I think. Not me - I'm special! Maybe - just maybe if someone I respected talked to me in a caring way about what their experience had been, before and after, then maybe I would have at least given it some thought? I agree, that talk would not have made me quit but start the thought process maybe?

 

Maybe the approach next time is; "Hey Tom! Did you realize I quit smoking?" Then just see what the response is?

 

Anyway, good food for thought.

[Sazerac]

8 minutes ago, reciprocity said:

Yes - it's the QR code you're referring to:

I'm not techie either but once you have produced a QR code you can either download an app to read it or if your have an IPhone, I believe there's a built-in reader. You could convey the same info. by handing over a piece of paper with the QTrain website hhtp on it but using the QR code would be way cooler, depending on the demographics of who you are dealing with  

 

A friend just sent this to me, apparently we have one,

I don't have the ap to read it on my phone but, for those that do

here it is

 

[Reciprocity]

@Sazerac, that's a great idea but the logistics of sending cards worldwide is an issue. It might have to be just a digital message that people can download to either their phone or to their printer to print out hard copies. I don't know how critical image sharpness for the QR codes is for reproduction on say an ink-jet printer.

[Reciprocity]

Here's a link. Maybe this will help?

https://uqr.me/qr-code-generator/blog/best-qr-code-readers/

Edited August 5, 2019 by reciprocity

[Martian5]

I have to agree with Greenlight.  I really would get peeved if others went on about my smoking (I was in the mode of "it's my life if I want to die early I will).  So I don't really talk to others about quitting unless I am asked -- then I really go all in on the benefits I have had with quitting (focusing on what quitting did for me not for them).  Usually if someone is contemplating quitting they have asked me about the ins and outs of quitting I will try and give them some encouragement and resources.  This can be a tricky subject with some but you have to make sure the other person might be seriously thinking about quitting if not they may have to learn on their own which most quitters have done.  Great question!!!! 

[Reciprocity]

I guess the reason I asked the question in the first place is what is embodied in your statement @Martian5: "they may have to learn on their own which most quitters have done". 

 

Yes, I eventually woke up eventually too but now wish I had years earlier. I guess it's in most of us to want to help others we care about with a wake-up call. That's why this is a tough one to give a "correct" answer to that will apply to the majority of people.

 

I really do think this guy is heading down a road to somewhere I don't want to see him go & I just believe he will eventually regret not waking up sooner 

[Boo]

I have a bit of a dilemma with a friend of mine as well.  I've mentioned him here before.  He has been "planning" on quitting for over two years now.  Regardless of how much information he gathers, there is always a "reason" (excuse) for why he can't quit right now.  He is also looking for that perfect time to quit when there is no possibility of encountering any of life's stresses during the first weeks of his quit.  I suggested that he find a nice monastery on a mountaintop in Nepal and live there for a few months.  He said I was being a smart-ass.

 

On the one hand, I want to help this guy and he has asked for my advice.  On the other hand, I feel like I'm beating my head against the wall answering the same questions to no avail.  And I've come to the conclusion that he is not looking for actual answers, he is hoping that I will eventually change my answer and give him the confirmation bias he desires.  That's not gonna happen.

 

Quitting smoking is simple.  Convincing others to make better decisions is damn near impossible.

[jillar]

If you did a poll of our members I'm betting you will find that 90% of them or more had someone tell them they should quit years before they actually decided to quit. I hated when people told me and I promised myself I wouldn't be that kind of ex smoker. I do however love to give advice to anyone who says they are thinking of quitting or trying to quit. 

[Doreensfree]

I tried everything ...to get my best buddy to quit ...all I did was annoy her ...

They have to want to do it for themselves...pity the cigs caught up with my friend before that happened ..

[notsmokinjo]

I wait to be asked.. usually someone will ask if I have a spare durry and I will say, nope I quit ##ago...which either leads to questions, nothing or "bullshit"...to which i say, "yeah-NAH one-a the best things I ever did" (kinda hard to top the kid)....which either leads to questions or nothing...I get where ya coming from @reciprocity, I've got a couple of mates/relos who I wish would quit but my nagging ain't going to help.

[pedro68]

All of my family and most of my friends are still smokers, but I try not to do the ex smoker speech, but if they ask I will chat about it and tell them how much better I feel etc. Most people still cant believe I managed to stop in the first place as I was a full on smoker, first thing in the morning, every opportunity during the day, driving to and from jobs, even if I woke up in the night for any reason . I think you have to worry about your own not smoking fight and let others do it when they decide they are ready, and you can offer your support and advice then.Most of us don't respond too well to being told what to do or not do. Has anyone else noticed when you are around smokers who know you have given up, they always tell you they have cut down a lot recently!

[Ankush]

Not sure what I would say. There have been periods in my life when I used to smoke pot and cigarettes too. Before I became a smoker, as far as I remember, I never told any of my friends (who were smokers) to quit. It was their choice, and I used to think when they are ready to quit they will. I can't force my advice on anybody. I can just give it but in the end its their choice whether they want to take my advice or not. After I became a smoker, as far as I remember, there were a couple of friends who I used to once in a way talk about quitting smoking (one I knew for more than 10 years and the other a social smoker, I knew for around 3+ years). The guy I knew for more than 10 years, used to quit smoking then start then quit and so on. When he used to quit smoking, he used to keep a small pouch of tobacco (with filter) in his mouth to get his fix of Nicotine. I had told him that it can lead to mouth cancer, and was no different than smoking. Anyway, I never advised him to quit, we used to discuss quitting, he did quit off and on, I didn't for a long time (until this year). I am not in contact with this friend from 2 years now, so I don't know if he still smokes or not. As far as the social smoker friend goes, he had told me several times to quit smoking or to at least reduce smoking drastically (I used to cough a lot and used to take cough syrup everyday). I am not in contact with this friend either from the past 2 years. So again, I don't know if he has quit smoking altogether or not as well. Some other friends who I knew from college (graduation days) used to smoke. I don't know if any of them smoke now (not in touch with any of them from 2 years as well. I would probably advise them to cut down if I saw them coughing a lot the way I used to cough, but quitting is entirely their choice. Mostly, in the end, I think I would keep my mouth shut, because again its their choice whether to quit or not and I don't want to come across as imposing my advise on them.

[Reciprocity]

Guess it's best to keep my yap shut and wait until he inquires about it, if he does. Probably nothing to be gained by me initiating the conversation as I do agree that people have to want it for themselves and you can't provide them with that desire by preaching to them.

[Boo]

There's not much point in preaching the good word to those who don't want to see the light.  Those spreading the message will find it to be an exercise in futility.  While those cigarette smoking heathens will only consider you to be a pain in the ass.  Lecturing an addict who has no will to change is like trying to nail Jell-O to the wall; you can work at it all day and never accomplish anything.

 

That being said: Don't hesitate to celebrate your quit.  Don't hide your pride.  Don't muzzle your truth.  When you make positive changes in your life, there are going to be some "nattering nabobs of negativism" that will try to rain on your parade.  Don't let 'em.  You've done one of the best things for yourself you will ever do; shout it from the rooftops if you are so inclined.

 

As for those who are uncomfortable with your success, that's their problem not yours.

[JimHannoonen]

I don't have a single friend that smokes, so I don't really have anyone to lecture.

 

That said, if I was in your situation, I would say something. Probably something along the lines of "Dude, you sound like sh*t. Have you considered quitting smoking?" and see where it goes from there. If he was interested, I'd turn into a preacher. If he wasn't, I'd say "You're funeral,. dude" and carry on fishing.