back again

[notsmokinjo]

I'll be doing the prayer thing for you too and I'm kinda a bit jealous that I didn't get a funky Deadpool mask. So cancer fighting tips...

 

1. Broccoli and walnuts... both great food choices... Although my dad swears banana smoothies with honey and malt cured is stage IV melanoma.

2. Take someone else to appointments with you.

3. Right down every question you think of between appointments and take the list with you. Give the list to you appointment buddy to tick them off and make sure you don't forget any. 

4. Never be scared to ask the same question over and over again.

5. Accept others prayers, even if religion is not your thing, because when they pray that's some positive energy being sent your way and it's not going to hurt. (I got shitty with the prayer thing, and I'm churchy)

6. Keep your fluids up, even if you do t feel like anything make sure you drink.

7. It's all about you. It is not your job to worry about how anyone else is doing, or feeling or copying....you need to use all your energy for you. 

 

Thank you for sharing what you have, it's a timely reminder for all of us.

 

Keep your head high and know we are all here cheering you on and willing to listen to you vent and celebrate ad needed.

 

[Martian5]

Very strong and courageous post hellkatbaby.  My thoughts and prayers will be with you on this battle.  Strong message in so many ways and one that can help many others, keep strong!!!

[Reciprocity]

You must be a truly amazing person Hellkat! Your positive attitude and courage shine through your entire post. Thank you for posting your story as something for other smokers and X-smokers to ponder. You will be helping many. I like the blog idea. It might be e good place for you to come and share your thoughts along the way. 

[jillar]

I'm sorry you're having to fight this battle hellkat but like Deadpool, who I love too btw, I'm thinking positive that you too will come out victorious.

I'm sure your treatments will be much better not having to worry about when your can go smoke. And MD Anderson is a great cancer center with state of the art equipment so if anyone can cure this, or at least get you in remission, it's them. Xoxo

[Sazerac]

Sending love, light, and power to you, hellkatbaby

 

Do create a blog,  you can make this private, selectively public or public, whatever you are most comfortable with.

 

Hope you can use the power from your decision to NOPE NOPE NOPE and make your journey a bit easier.

 

We are all behind you.  

 

S

 

 

 

[Doreensfree]

What a Strong person you are ...you will fight this ...and we will help you ...

I'm sorry your having to deal with this...and of course you are in my prayers too...

I hate cigarette,s with a passion ....

Please stay close and read all you can ...

[johnny5]

Thanks for posting this, hellkatbaby.  I'm sorry to hear this but I admire your strength.

 

Stick close here and keep us up to date.  We are here for you.

[Boo]

Sorry about what you're dealing with Hellkatbaby.

 

You have a great attitude and courage to spare though.  I certainly wouldn't bet against you.

 

Godspeed.

[Lust4Life]

Wow. Hello & welcome to QT.  You’re in the right place especially with all that’s going on w you health wise.  

 

It may seem like all is out of control. 

 

You still have control. To smoke or not. To eat well or not.  To attend your MD appointments or not. 

 

Please find ways to nourish your body & mind. 

[MLMR]

@hellkatbaby, sorry to hear this. 

 

What a great attitude you have and what a kick-ass post. I whish you lots of good things on your way through this.  

[hellkatbaby]

Thanks for all your replies. and prayers. Figured I'd pop in and give a brief update of what's been going on - as of now it's a lot of hurry up and wait. We had the 1st meet and greet this past Monday with my 'family support' team and my 1st mini team of Dr's. - Boy talk about the Funky Bunch lol. We all just seemed to 'click'. They never once made us feel as if they were in a hurry, took their time and answered all our questions - and there were a lot naturally. So much to take in and my thoughts just scattered to the wind over the past days/week? Time seems to blend all together. Thank god for my sister and BF the note / detail takers jotting down the lingo checking off appointment days - always important to have those on a team when you cant even collect your own thoughts and zinging of the meds and just the whole reality check of it all. 

 

So to fill in the gaps as best I can - As far as the rest of the scans from the lungs down all is clear. I had been having back pain prior and worried about what they found but turns out my posture just sucks so I can deal with that. Picked up a wrap around back support device that I wear during the day now and it's helped a lot. As far as the rest we'll start with the brain. Anytime the brain is involved it's the 1st to be treated regardless. Because these are small clusters and not just 1 tumor I will be having what they call full brain treatment vs targeted treatment. Meaning from the neck up the entire head/brain get radiation to shrink and kill the clusters. Right now I'm still on strong steroids to control the swelling and on a 'trial' medication to help with any short term memory loss that may come once the radiation starts. Apparently these are only 5 min sessions for 10 days straight. I'm able to drive myself to and from treatment and lucky that I'm only 15min from the center. However my family team is like yea NO we are with you every step of the way and that is a great comfort right now.

 

Tomorrow I go in to have my mask fitted - yes my Deadpool mask lol and then back on the 12th for a 'simulated run' and then they will set up my appointments for the 10 days straight of zap zap zap. From how they explained the side effects of that and it's different for every one of course - is that even though it's 10 days - the effects take much longer. For the 1st 3 to 4 wks they expect me to go up and down on the chart which is the norm. They advised there will be days I will feel fine, some just tired, others I may not feel like moving at all. But after the 4th -5th week they generally see an increase in energy levels and you start to climb back up on the chart. Hair loss (small potatoes) And then more - hurry and wait. 

 

As far as the lung part - they are waiting for the biopsy still which will let them know which meds to best use based on the originating organ (lung most likely). As each organ responds differently to different meds/chemo. But that part and info will come later as the brain is the main focus for now.

 

My family team has been so strong for me - we are all so different in personalities etc but really pull together when needed. Over the past week I can see the different emotions and effects this has taken on all of them. It's very emotionally charged, draining, up lifting, putting things into perspective, the petty crap doesn't even matter anymore - grab life by the balls and just LIVE. 

 

Today was hard on my BF - he's taken the week off so we can get things done and while he's been so brave I saw his moment hit and it's at these times where you just have to step back and let them process it all in and give them their space. If not it just becomes too much and too consuming and we all need that time alone to reflect and recharge. I know because I go there every night in my own head which is why I have a notebook by my bed and it's just about full. After dinner I could tell he was just mentally exhausted and so tired from thinking. I told him my mom and sister are chomping at the bits to take me to this visit and it would be a good time for him to take a break, go visit a friend, just sleep or do whatever he wanted. No need to sit in a waiting room while I get my 'facial' as they call it there. But he insists. I didn't press further but I'm hoping in the morning I can convince him otherwise. Take the dogs to the beach - just something normal. 

 

As for my mental state - well it's all over the place as expected. Usually after hours of writing thoughts fade and sleep finds me. I did pick up some of those adult coloring books today however so if I find myself back up at 3AM at least I have something new to focus on. Everyday is different and I just ride it out and make sure I start the next day on a positive note and end it on a positive note. Learning lessons from the day before - again throw out the  trash and keep the good. I stay active most the day and take a nice power hour or 2 nap then refresh and back to life - more hurry up and wait lol. Right now it's time to try and get some sleep and start the day fresh.

 

I wish everyone the best of luck no matter what stage you are in your quit - DONT EVER GIVE UP! YOU ARE MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU THINK! 

 

 

 

 

 

[Reciprocity]

You're an amazing person is all I can say. Please do keep us in the loop as much as you are comfortable with. We are all praying for you and wishing you and your family the very best 

[Rozuki]

@hellkatbaby - yes, you show amazing strength and determination...and your documenting here, as you go through this, will help so many of us. My prayers go out to you on this journey! 

Edited August 1, 2019 by Rozuki

[Ankush]

@hellkatbaby It's good that you have so much support and your positive attitude is impressive. I hope you do get better.

[jillar]

Thank you for the update hellkat. I have no doubt that with your awesome positive attitude you will beat this! Positive thoughts coming your way, xoxo

[Sazerac]

OK, sugar.  Remember to also take care of Yourself !

You are looking out for everybody and that is great, it shows what kind of person you are

but, don't forget to throw some of that nurturing your way.  Everybody will work out their schedule.

You think about healing.

I send all love and light to you and your troops.

Thank you for sharing this journey with us and check in when you are able.

We are behind you all the way too.

S

[Doreensfree]

Sending positive prayers and hugs ....

You have a army behind you ....you are a brave lady ....we will help you fight ...

[Jordan7]

Thank you for sharing your journey and courage.  You have a gift for putting your situation and emotions into straightforward words with a dash of humor thrown in, even as you are still trying to make sense out of the senseless circumstances you suddenly found yourself in.  Your ability to meet this setback head on and get your winning game plan in order is truly inspirational,  and must be particularly so to your friends and family who are there fighting right alongside you.  You're making us all very  proud.  

[Diane R]

-hellkatbaby/ sorry to hear about what you are having to go though.  You have such a positive attitude. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Edited August 1, 2019 by Diane R

[hellkatbaby]

Today (yesterday?) - let's just say 8/1 since my time just merges, was a really good in sync day for the body and mind. For once they both decided to work together without me having to say 'what am I doing? Why did I just walk in this room for the 15th time!!?? That sort of ADHD unfocused yet wanting to do it all at once feeling but not really getting as much done as you thought?

 

But this AM I woke up, made some breakfast had a cup or 2 of decaf just for taste. A 1st normal morning I would call it. Washed up my plates and put them away when I was done vs putting them in the sink saying uhhh I'll get those later. NOPE! You'll do it NOW - no more putting things off. By noon I had a bin full of useless crap ready to drag out to the street for tomorrows trash day and a bunch of cleaned out cabinets and counter space ready to be properly organized. Nice and simple. I was quite amazed at the a tons of useless nick nacks, as cute as they are, that were just wasting space. Something else to have to pick up and dust or clean around. NOPE! Didn't even feel the need to separate for a donation bin - just get rid of what's not needed. 

 

By the time that I was was done it was ready for my Dr. appt to have my Dead Pool mask made. It was pretty simple and took less than 20min. I think we spent more time in the waiting room then anything - but no big deal. The only thing that really bothered me was how hard that table was as I laid there - no padding except under the neck and knees and it really did a number on my upper back which I was not prepared for - but hey small potatoes. After that she said all we had to do was pick a time that I thought would work for me and they would slot me in ASAP to start the radiation. The process lasts only 5 min (minus check in and wait time) I chose the 10AM slot - after the AM rush hour traffic and before PM lunch rush. All I have to do now is wait for their call. It could be as soon as tomorrow or some point Monday or Tuesday, either way I'll be ready. As they say no make up required, dress comfy and just show up and they will do the rest.

 

I got to see lots of ppl at different stages of their journey while in the lobby. That was a stark reminder that this will be no walk in the park by any means. For the majority whether they were at the start, middle, or near end of their treatment you could see the fight in them. One gentleman was very nauseous and I could see him holding his head and hear him say lets do this. His wife and sister were right there by his side and I know that made all the difference. One lady looked so tired and was trying to call her friends to just come get her. That was a hard one to watch. I don't know what part of treatment she was having but she was alone, her shuttle was late forcing her to wait. The Dr.s came out trying to encourage her and she just kept saying I'm just too tired, I'm just too tired, my legs hurt. He kept telling her she had to let the antibiotic take effect and her legs would start to feel better but that she HAD to keep moving and continue her appts. not lie around like she had been. She just kept pulling out candy and eating it shaking her head no. You could see the fight going out in her right there and it was heart wrenching to say the least. I had to walk into the restroom just to collect myself and look myself in the mirror, in my own eyes and soul and say again I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!! By the time I came out they were calling my name for my fitting. Then as I was leaving I ran into a spry one - he had a kick of life in him let me tell you - that was the pick me up I needed. He lifted up his hat as he'd lost his hair and said see that's alright it will come back nice and pretty now! He was almost dancing and it filled my heart with hope again. 

 

Came home and just piddled around in the garden a bit while the dogs ran around burning up their energy and my BF-J cooked chicken on the grill - mmmmm food lol. Then was able to hit the hay around 8:30ish as it was a long day. Woke back up at that odd 1AMish time and now that 4am is near I can hear the bed calling my name again. Each day, one day at a time. Tomorrow I plan to clear out a few more things - more out with the old and in with the new. However if they call me at 7am and say let's go - then I'll be up and at em you better believe! I called my family team to let them know things may be moving a little faster and they didn't even bat a eye - just said 'we've got this!' 

 

Tomorrow night my son is coming over after work and we have a dinner date lol! I'm so looking forward to it too. These are the times that are MOST important - surrounded by those you love with nothing but laughter and good times! 

 

Until then - I want everyone to keep up the fight in YOUR quit - remember to breathe deep and how good that feels, don't forget to stop and smell the flowers and appreciate the wonders the world offers all around you - all you have to do is look. My eyes are wide open now and I will never take one moment for granted again because at the end of the day it's all small potatoes. I think when I get around to doing my blog that's what I will name it - small potatoes - I like that. 

 

[Ankush]

@hellkatbaby Keep marching forward, as you're doing now. Take adequate rest and eat well, which I'm assuming you are (going by your post). If possible, talk to your doctors as much as you can about your condition for the sake of gathering knowledge in order to be mentally prepared for the treatment. However, avoid thinking and dwelling over your condition. What you're doing right now - spending time with family and friends along with taking your condition and its treatment in your stride is good. Reading your posts, I think you have confidence in taking this head on, which is good.

[Mona]

Prayers and good wishes to you @hellkatbaby for a full recovery.

[Mee]

Hellkatbaby, I am so glad you are posting your feelings and experiences.  We are not just quitters, we are the heroes of our own stories. Many of us have had to deal with divorces. family problems, money issues and health issues.  How we accept and embrace the difficulties that come with these things can make such a difference on the outcome.  You are being a real champion.  

I so related to your post today.  I had to do radiation for breast cancer.  I remember well that first day I went to set up my radiation sessions.  I was so afraid of the unknown.  The technicians went about their business of setting me up but not really explaining each procedure.  I was so shocked when they strapped me to the table and tattooed a mark for the light to line up with. 

My sessions also took no more than 15 minutes.  They went for every day during 6 weeks.  

In the beginning I did notice others around me but, after a while, I just concentrated on myself.  So far my treatments have been successful.  

Stay positive and know that we are praying for you.  They have made so many advances in these areas and the outcomes are so positive.

Keep posting and we are here for you!

Linda    

[jillar]

Thank you for keeping us updated hellkat. I wanted to share with you that years ago, at least 20 now, a client of mine also got fitted for a Deadpool mask although at the time there was no Deadpool and I can't for the life of me remember what she called hers. Anyway, she too had very localized radiation treatments which were successful and she lived well into her late 80's. And cancer treatments were nowhere near as advanced as they are today.

Keep those awesome positive thoughts, you will conquer this  

[Martian5]

Keep Strong and Keep Up Your Spirits as you have been -- my thoughts are with you during this battle, you have a great attitude!!!