Hi

[MichelleDoesntSmokeAnymore]

I confided in jillar that I relapsed and she encouraged me to post. I am so embarrassed I was going to slink away and find another support board to use but I really really like you guys and want to stay here... Everything you guys told me came true. "one" lead to "another" and soon I was buying a pack. I should have known. Its the same with other substances. You lose sight of the fact that every other time you've been unable to control it and stop again, even though its happened umpteen times.  And it happens yet again. Then you snap out of it, come to your senses and realize that you've given in to the insanity yet AGAIN and start over.  In the end, I am the only one who can use my tools, read my pre-SOS post or reach out for help and sometimes I block everything out because all I can think of is how good that cigarette will be. But its not! Its going to kill me!!

 

I know you all know this pattern but I needed to type it out. I'm starting to lose hope for myself even though I know I WANT to quit. I saw my doctor today and though I got good news that I'm not pre-diabbetic anymore due to my positive lifestyle changes YAY, my cholestorol is up and I know smoking has a direct impact on cholestorol. I came home, did an upper body workout (can't do lower body because of my knees). I will spend the rest of the day on the board.

 

Please don't be too tough on me. I'm so embarrassed.

[jillar]

Glad you're back posting Michelle, yes read your pre sos daily. stay close and lets get this done once and for all. You quit everything else so I know you can do this too. We love a quitter  

Oh and don't forget to update your profile quit date so we know when to celebrate your first month smoke free  

[beazel]

Glad you are back Michelle.

[Doreensfree]

So glad you have taken your seat back in the train ...all you can do M is learn by your mistake ,so that you will be ready next time ...

Never give up ..giving up ....

[Mee]

Michelle, please don't quit trying.  We are here to help you quit.  I carried shame for many years because I continued to smoke knowing that it was slowly killing me.

Let's get this quit going and stay close to the forum.  

  

[Paul723]

Here is a great thread for you to read:

 

https://www.quittrain.com/topic/10921-introsucktion/

 

I am impressed with the honesty and the ways she was able to overcome the things that have derailed many quits.  In about a month, we'll be celebrating her first year of freedom.

Edited July 15, 2019 by Paul723

[Martian5]

Glad to have you back.  Stay focused we know  you want this -- just stay close!!!!

Edited July 15, 2019 by Martian5

[johnny5]

I'm sorry that you relapsed but I'm glad you didn't disappear. 

 

Quitting smoking can be tough but I'm sure you can do it.  It is definitely worth the struggles and since you keep trying, I think you know that life is better as a non-smoker.

 

Stick around and stay focused.  You can do this.

[Sazerac]

Hello Michelle,

Glad you are back.

 

You may never get the chance to quit in time, next time.

You may not be able to quit at all, next time.

So, take yourself and your commitment seriously this time.

 

Not One Puff Ever, Never Ever Never.

 

Read everything until your eyes bleed even if you've read it all before.   

 

Watch the scary movies.  Watch all of our friend, Joel Spitzer's videos.

@Paul723 is right,   read @MLMR's fabulous quit journey, Introsucktion

 

Use this knowledge to feed your quit.

 

 

 

[NADA]

Michelle.  You know about addiction.  You know you can't have just one.  Please put what you know into practice.  One day it will be too late.  Make the choice today to never go back.  No matter what.

 

P.S.  My cholesterol was 221 shortly before I quit.  A year and a half after quitting (and improved diet and exercise) it dropped to 158 without any meds.  63 point drop.  Every single category in my blood work improved and is in the healthy range. 

[Boo]

What's done is done.  Mistakes were made.  Hopefully, lessons were learned.

 

That self-perpetuating cycle of quitting, smoking again, regretting smoking, and eventually starting another quit is more exhausting than maintaining a quit.

 

Do yourself a favor: stop the cycle.  

 

Onward and upward beats going around in circles every time.

 

 

[Reciprocity]

Glad to see you back. Slinking away with your head down would serve no purpose at all. Dwelling on a failed attempt also serves no purpose. Trying again with a lesson learned is the right thing to do and prepares you to deal with a similar situation in future.

[Diane R]

Michelle don’t beat yourself up so much. Everyday i’m Trying not to smoke with the help of Chantix, and everyday I don’t  quite make it to 0 cigarettes. So far so good today. But that only one day and it’s not over yet. . So each day is a victory. I’ll get there and so will you! Rome wasn’t built in one day.  

[Sazerac]

The only victory is making the commitment to NOPE.

Abstaining from cigarettes for a few hours or days won't cut it.

This is a deadly addiction !

 

 

[MLMR]

Hi Michelle, good that your'e back. You said, dont be too tough on me. The reason people are tough sometimes is not to call on you for shame, or failure.

 

It's because they are trying to reach you, beyónd your addiction. To reach that part where the wise mind rules. Thats the part where you know you have to quit, want to quit, be it one way or another. Try finding a way to stay connected to that part of yourself!

 

Shout, take walks, vent, write letters to yourself, know your reasons, keep track of your progress. Do whatever is helping you and reward yourself for every milestone you feel is worth celebrating. And you will see, gradually the wise, knowing mind will take over, because you stayed comitted. 

[Doreensfree]

You have to put your while self in Michelle....

It's no good just putting half of you in this quit....the addiction is too strong ..

It takes all of you to beat it ...

Like the Hokey Kokey

[Ankush]

Plenty of good advice and motivational words of wisdom given here already...here's hoping you will be able to sustain your quit. Don't forget to take the NOPE pledge, it helps

[MLMR]

19 hours ago, Paul723 said:

Here is a great thread for you to read:

https://www.quittrain.com/topic/10921-introsucktion/

By the way, I want to add that its not just my story thats worth reading. The advise, the support, the education, the tough and reasonable answers, the understanding, its all in there. Its a true gold mine. Thats also how I worked myself through the first months and still: reading everyone's answers to other people, really absorb it like a sponge. Sooner or later in your proces it will be of great help! 

Edited July 16, 2019 by MLMR

[d2e8b8]

I relapsed a few times to get to the successful one.  The good thing is you're here again (great advice as always @jillar).

You can do it - I found being close to the board and sharing experiences that folks here have also experienced helped me.

[Doreensfree]

Michelle...how you doing ????