50 years of bondage to break

[Sammy]

Hello all,

 

After 50 years of bondage to cigarettes I quit on 2/25/2019.   It has gotten easier in many ways BUT the obsession still comes to just go smoke.  I feel like I am forgetting to do something all the time and must remind myself that it is a good thing.   It is so much more than physical withdrawal.  The worst thoughts come when I get depressed (I suffer from depression and high anxiety chronically) and since I used to smoke to get the sad thoughts to minimize and do not smoke now, I have feelings of just ending it.   I am a senior and live alone with my dog.   I know logically these are just thoughts but they can be painful.   Any one else get like this?

[Aine]

Depression comes and goes for me, most of my life. It was definitely there for the first 6 months or so after I quit smoking. I walked a lot. The emotions bubbled up like crazy, in waves, with sadness mixed the next minute with rage. Eventually, the pendulum slowed down, hitting the middle mostly. It feels like I will implode when strong emotions arise, but I haven't yet!

 

Hobbies. Get them. I enjoy walking, and I have turned into a jigsaw puzzle nut. I'm embarrassed to admit that, but I really enjoy it. lol! It just occurred to me; doing a puzzle is similar, in a way, to one of the parts of smoking I had trouble moving past, and that was what to do with my hands. I was a chain smoker, and so I was always "busy" with the habit. 

 

I quit about five years ago now, and I have had a few weeks off and on of some depression, but avoided dipping into the suicidal ideology. I know that when those thoughts happen, It's time to call someone, either a friend or a professional, and get a bit of help until I come out of it. 

 

Absent mindedness is a common symptom of withdrawal, by the way, along with, for some of us, a sort of grieving period for that really bad friend (smoking) that was totally bad for us but had been with us for a very long time. Stay close to the forum, Sammy. We'll listen.

[jillar]

Welcome Sammy and congratulations on over two months quit. A lot of us have feelings like you do in our early quits. When you smoked for as long as we did, 35 years for me, and then suddenly stop, it's like losing a family member. Which can trigger depression. If your depression is so bad that you're considering ending it though then it's maybe time to talk to your Dr about getting something to help, even if just temporarily.

My first year was pretty tough. The cravings were really bad but each time I got past one it lost strength. It's just a matter of getting past these early constant cravings one by one and I promise that as long as you stick with your quit, you will start feeling better. 

 

Edited May 5, 2019 by jillar

[Sammy]

Thank you both for responding.  Aine, You described it very closely.   I guess sometimes when I feel overwhelmed with it, I just get scared.   And THAT scares me.  The thoughts have passed for now and knowing they do pass is what keeps me going.  It definitely is like grief.  I play solitaire on the computer to do something with my hands.  Today, new symptom, my hands are shaking.   Just walked the dog and that helps a bit.   I am female by the way.  Jillar, I keep telling myself that it is still very early in my quit and it was 50 years of it.   Congratulations to you both on your years of quitting.   Another symptom in this early stage is just plain confusion and things seeming surreal.  

[jillar]

Our bodies get all out a whack for a while, especially our sugar levels so if you're feeling shaky maybe have something sweet. I was hooked on soft peppermint puffs my first year plus it helped with urges because no one smokes and sucks on candy at the same time, well at least most people.

The confusion should go away soon enough too at your stage of the quit but again if it gets worse or you're worried about it then you may want to schedule a Dr appointment. At the very least it will set your mind at ease. I got all kinds of kudos from my Dr when I had told him I quit so it's also a great morale boost

[Mee]

Hi Sammy, so glad you found us.  Congratulations on your two month quit.  

I smoked for 42 years and I also experienced depression with my quit.  I already had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, before my quit, so I did see my physician.  She just 

upped my meds and it helped.

You are in the early stages of your quit, but still should discuss your feeling with you physician.

You are so awesome quitting after 50 years.  Your self esteem should start to build as your quit gets further behind you.  

Know we are here to help you on this journey.  Please reach out to us if you need to.

I am glad you have your friend (pet).  There is a section to post pictures of our dogs.  Would love to see your furry little friend.   As you can see in my picture, we have a house full.  

[Boo]

Welcome aboard Sammy.  Congratulations on setting yourself free.

 

3 hours ago, Sammy said:

 It has gotten easier in many ways BUT the obsession still comes to just go smoke. 

 

Don't make the same mistake I made and put unrealistic expectations on yourself early in a quit.  For some reason, which honestly doesn't make a lick of sense to me at this point, I thought when I quit smoking I was just supposed to not want a cigarette anymore.  Of course I wanted a cigarette, I was an addict.

 

There's no actual harm in wanting a cigarette.  Thoughts are temporary and fleeting.  Wanting a cigarette but not smoking...that's where quits are built.

 

4 hours ago, Sammy said:

It is so much more than physical withdrawal.

 

The years of conditioning we put ourselves through is just as much a part of the problem as the addiction itself.  All of those habitual rituals involved with smoking day after day, year after year...It does take a bit of time to unpack the mental clutter we stored up over decades of smoking.  It can feel like a grind, but it's well worth the effort.

[Doreensfree]

Welcome aboard .....

I smoked 52 years ,before I set  myself Free....

It's so doable Sammy ....you just need to want it badly enough ...

Read all you can here,and watch all Joels video,s....this is a great places to start ....

Join in the daily pledge ...it can be  powerful tool ....

Looking forward to getting to know you better ...

[Ankush]

Welcome aboard, Sammy and congratulations on a two month quit!!! You will find a lot of support here. Depression and chronic anxiety can be a problem as is chronic absent-mindedness. Just remember, that no matter what, your life is precious, especially first to you and then to your dog who depends on you (I hope this makes sense). Cravings will occur, that is normal, mental adjustment takes time and that time will vary from person to person. Stay close to the board, use the SOS thread and take the Nope pledge a day at a time. The good people here will help you. All the best!!!

[Martian5]

Sammy welcome on this journey, glad to see you decided to come along.  Looks like you are getting some time into your quit, congrats.  As to the depression, yes I had to deal with that for a bit, I had smoked for 44 years and it was like losing a friend that had been around so long (too long actually).  As you go further into your quit things will improve and you will get used to the "new" you.  Until then do not be afraid to post here and do not be afraid to speak with your physician -- they can be of so much help.  Anyway keep posting and wish all the best!!!!

[johnny5]

Welcome aboard, Sammy.  Congratulations on over 2 months smoke free.

 

There's not a whole lot I can add that the other posters haven't touched on.  Quitting is a journey and yes, it is a lot more than a physical addiction.  Most of us have smoked for a long time (20 years for me) and it grew to be a big part of our lives and living a smoke-free live definitely takes a while for us to adjust.  Things should improve with time.

 

Feel free to keep reaching out for support here as you need it.  It is good to have you here.

[Lilly]

Nice to meet you Sammy.

 

I used to think smoking helped with my mental well being. My Psychologist told me if that was the case then they would be prescribing packs of cigarettes instead of packs of medication. 

 

We have reached for cigarettes for so long that we need time to get used to not having them. When it got late at night and I saw I only had maybe five in my pack I'd panic a bit. What if I couldn't sleep and I got up and had two of the five? Should I go to the garage and buy some? That's how I feel on most days now. I'm not smoking but I still get that uneasy feeling.

 

Just remember that the longer we go the easier it gets. Every single person who posted before me (apart from Ankush) felt how we did and is now so happy they are smoke free. The answer is simple - if we hang on we will be feeling just like them. 

 

Please don't think I am trivialising your thoughts. I know that depression is not an easy thing to live with and you can't just switch it off. I know that quitting can magnify all those feelings but use the forum to talk. It's a great place for distraction, advice and makes this journey so much easier. 

Edited May 5, 2019 by Lilly

[NADA]

Congratulations Sammy for making a great life-changing decision.  Your junkie mind will try to pull every trick out of the bag to get you to go back to smoking.  You must not give into that rubbish.  You are now free and before long it will become second nature living nicotine free.  My anxiety did increase initially after quitting, but dramatically decreased after several months.  I  realized that smoking had actually increased my anxiety and occasional depression.

Aine's advice to get out and walk is spot on.  Replace a killer behavior with a healthy one.

You are doing great....keep it up!

Edited May 5, 2019 by BKP

[Sammy]

Thank you all for welcoming me.  It is so good to have this place to come to whenever and whatever.  I think I will go to the nope place and give a big fat NOPE!  

[Jordan7]

Huge congratulations, Sammy!   I quit after over 40 years of smoking and no one was ever more surprised to learn that it was actually doable for the long term.  Not fun, at least for me, but doable.  So the next trick is to find your "fun" somewhere else.  If your dog is anything like mine was, I'm sure he's rooting for you to make sure you get out everyday and spend more time at the end of his leash enjoying the fresh air. 

[desperate1]

Welcome. I too was a long time smoker. Not yet at the 2 month mark and I know your pain. My anxiety was off the charts for several weeks and is finally subsiding. It's hard for me too at times living alone. As Doreen said we must find another(fun) thing to do. I finally ventured out and started living instead of staying in. Started walking and going to the gym. It truly has helped. Glad you are here. 

[JB 883]

So you live alone and have quit smoking.

Basically your life is yours to live as you see fit. Freedom. Plus, since you are not tied down to smoking anymore, that is even more freedom.

 

"Ending it all" is not a good option. Most of us are luckier than we could even understand because of the things we DO have.

 

 

[Ankush]

16 hours ago, Lilly said:

Nice to meet you Sammy.

 

I used to think smoking helped with my mental well being. My Psychologist told me if that was the case then they would be prescribing packs of cigarettes instead of packs of medication. 

 

We have reached for cigarettes for so long that we need time to get used to not having them. When it got late at night and I saw I only had maybe five in my pack I'd panic a bit. What if I couldn't sleep and I got up and had two of the five? Should I go to the garage and buy some? That's how I feel on most days now. I'm not smoking but I still get that uneasy feeling.

 

Just remember that the longer we go the easier it gets. Every single person who posted before me (apart from Ankush) felt how we did and is now so happy they are smoke free. The answer is simple - if we hang on we will be feeling just like them. 

 

Please don't think I am trivialising your thoughts. I know that depression is not an easy thing to live with and you can't just switch it off. I know that quitting can magnify all those feelings but use the forum to talk. It's a great place for distraction, advice and makes this journey so much easier. 

@Lilly On one hand I've been dealing with depression, anxiety and absent-mindedness, on the other hand I am happy that I am smoke free. I have been depressed, stressed, anxious and absent minded for several years now even when I was smoking. I realized that smoking was not going to solve my depression/anxiety/stress/absent-mindedness issues, so I decided to quit. Besides, I have goals for physical fitness I want to achieve, and smoking is a hindrance. Also, since the day I quit smoking, not a single day has gone by when I have not craved a cigarette, I just refused to succumb to that crave. I have tried psychiatric medication. I am still on it and the doctor has prescribed it for so long that I've gotten addicted to the psychiatric medication now. That is another addiction I'm fighting. What I'm trying to say is I know how crippling depression and anxiety can be, I just didn't express it before on the board.

[Lilly]

1 hour ago, Ankush said:

@Lilly On one hand I've been dealing with depression, anxiety and absent-mindedness, on the other hand I am happy that I am smoke free. I have been depressed, stressed, anxious and absent minded for several years now even when I was smoking. I realized that smoking was not going to solve my depression/anxiety/stress/absent-mindedness issues, so I decided to quit. Besides, I have goals for physical fitness I want to achieve, and smoking is a hindrance. Also, since the day I quit smoking, not a single day has gone by when I have not craved a cigarette, I just refused to succumb to that crave. I have tried psychiatric medication. I am still on it and the doctor has prescribed it for so long that I've gotten addicted to the psychiatric medication now. That is another addiction I'm fighting. What I'm trying to say is I know how crippling depression and anxiety can be, I just didn't express it before on the board.

 

@Ankush I singled your name out because like me you are not a long time quitter. It didn't have anything to do with depression. 

 

I was just saying all the people who had posted before me (apart from you) have been quit for a long time and are all happy with their decision. 

 

Hope that clarifies. 

[Ankush]

14 minutes ago, Lilly said:

 

@Ankush I singled your name out because like me you are not a long time quitter. It didn't have anything to do with depression. 

 

I was just saying all the people who had posted before me (apart from you) have been quit for a long time and are all happy with their decision. 

 

Hope that clarifies. 

@Lilly Yes, it does clarify. Thank you.

[G67]

Welcome aboard Sammy!