A relapse is serious ....

[Doreensfree]

It's not just a case of ..!!!!Oh well I'll try again.!!!!.....

I've seen people with good quits ,smoke one or two ...and just carnt get back to quitting for good ,and go back to smoking full blown .

It can take years before ,they get in the right frame of mind to try again ...and still fail.....

The only reason a quit fails is because ,folks still believes the  cigarette offers you something...you still believes the lies......

This means you still haven't read and understood the nature of this killer addiction ...

If you carry on smoking ,your more than likely will contract a smoking related illness....some are irreversible......

If your here ...you have a quit .....all you need to do now ,is keep hold of it with everything you have ....

I live with someone who ,if they could would turn back the clock ,and do exactly this ...emphysema is something you don't want ....

[Sunshine59]

A really good post .

 

The only reason a quit fails is because ,folks still believes the  cigarette offers you something

 

Thanks for that , Yes , It does not offer anything special .

 

 

Nun. By the pen and what they inscribe, (1) You are not, [O Muhammad], by the favor of your Lord, a madman.

So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?

 

 

Maybe everything else , And it can be dealt with enough time and patience

The point of that is i think not to become self inflicted with some severe affliction , and then be mad about it for the rest of one's life .

 

 

[Sunshine59]

Sorry , A bit out of context . I was typing that for myself

[Martian5]

This is so on point.  We must have control at all times and never think that a cigarette can offer us some magic bullet that will help us thru something or offer positive re-enforcement.  Cigarettes offer nothing and only take away -- I have to remind self of this everyday and why I always go to the NOPE pledge.  Thanks Doreen for this post so that we can remember!!!!

[notsmokinjo]

Ok... I have a big failed quit in my past...and I'm talking more than half a decade... so listen up kidlets...1 smoke was all it took..just 1... And then for well over a decade I smoked like a chimney... Sure at the time, in the back of my head, I thought I'd have a couple here and there and quit again easy peasy, I mean I'd already done the quit think for nearly 7 years...NOPE...just as hard, if not harder this time around, and that's on me, because in the back of my mind all the time is the thought that I'm Gunna blow it again and my quit is just on borrowed time. Don't give yourself that whispering voice of self doubt. Don't get me wrong, this quit is it, not smoking ever again but just remember, however easy your quit feels you need to protect it because one smoke really can switch all those nicotine receptors back on in one moment. 

 

Just because you have a failed quit doesn't mean you can't have a successful one. QUIT in Aus tells us that the average is 6 serious quit attempts before you have your forever quit. That is the average, some only need the 1 attempt, some need 20.....whatever your number is you do have one so never give up giving up.

 

In the same vein don't belittle a failure by calling it a slip, just as you own your successes you need to account for your failures. You smoked, you reset your quit... There are only three questions to answer when you fail:

 

1. When will I quit again?

2. What were the triggers?

3. What did I learn?

[desperate1]

Thanks Doreen for this great post and reminder how romancing that cigarette leads to danger. I have been rewarding myself and am so amazed how much I have deprived myself by putting so much money in poisoning myself. I have a long way to go but these little rewards are adding up and keeping me motivated. 

[Reciprocity]

As addicts we are all 1 puff away from a pack a day! Once you have put in the hard work to establish your quit it becomes an easy matter of daily maintenance.

Complacency and your addiction whispering however softly in your ear are our enemies. Forever vigilant folks. 

Edited May 1, 2019 by reciprocity

[Sunshine59]

Quote

As addicts we are all 1 puff away from a pack a day!

 

 

Exactly

 

[NADA]

E = Ever 

[JB 883]

8 hours ago, Redemption3 said:

Sorry , A bit out of context . I was typing that for myself

 

What you mentioned though could help someone quit smoking. I mean they would be too busy scratching their heads trying to make heads or tails of it. Can't do that while smoking.

 

7 hours ago, notsmokinjo said:

Ok... I have a big failed quit in my past...and I'm talking more than half a decade... so listen up kidlets...1 smoke was all it took..just 1... And then for well over a decade I smoked like a chimney...

 

Might  ask - the first few smokes after the years quit, how did it feel? Was there a lot of guilt involved? Was it more like, "Screw it, I do what I want"?

 

7 hours ago, notsmokinjo said:

 

Just because you have a failed quit doesn't mean you can't have a successful one. QUIT in Aus tells us that the average is 6 serious quit attempts before you have your forever quit. That is the average, some only need the 1 attempt, some need 20.....whatever your number is you do have one so never give up giving up.

 

When "average" makes it's way into statistics, it offers only discouragement I think. If someone has tried once or twice, there would be that lingering thought, "I still have to try 5 more times..." I remember before my Oct 2017 quit, I had read and heard how nicotine is harder to quit than meth, crack, heroine, glue, Oxycontin, and porn combined. Of course seeing on TV over the years how they portrayed someone quitting any of those, they were flopping around like a fish and screaming.  It makes one think, "what is it gonna be like to quit nicotine?" Not as bad as big pharm would have us think (they gotta sell gum and patches somehow)

 

 

7 hours ago, notsmokinjo said:

In the same vein don't belittle a failure by calling it a slip, just as you own your successes you need to account for your failures. You smoked, you reset your quit... There are only three questions to answer when you fail:

 

1. When will I quit again?

2. What were the triggers?

3. What did I learn?

 

One week ago I bought a pack and over the next three days, I smoked six cigarettes. Saturday in the real early AM (like 2:00'ish?) I gave the pack to my room mate and had her crumble the rest. So what do I call those six? A relapse? Slip? Complete and utter disgraceful failure to mankind?

 

1) I quit after three days. The smoking experience was pretty nasty and I just haven't wanted it since.

2) I have no clue what the trigger was. Usually when I get a crave is when I get real happy or excited. Me and a couple acquaintances have this running joke about Nipsy Hustle's passing, maybe that did it.

3) I learned that smoking is nasty, well, was reminded. I try not to learn new things sine my brain is mostly filled to capacity at this point.

 

[Reciprocity]

4 hours ago, Jet Black said:

One week ago I bought a pack and over the next three days, I smoked six cigarettes. Saturday in the real early AM (like 2:00'ish?) I gave the pack to my room mate and had her crumble the rest. So what do I call those six? A relapse? Slip? Complete and utter disgraceful failure to mankind?

 

1) I quit after three days. The smoking experience was pretty nasty and I just haven't wanted it since.

2) I have no clue what the trigger was. Usually when I get a crave is when I get real happy or excited. Me and a couple acquaintances have this running joke about Nipsy Hustle's passing, maybe that did it.

3) I learned that smoking is nasty, well, was reminded. I try not to learn new things sine my brain is mostly filled to capacity at this point.

 

 

What people knowledgeable about nicotine addiction would call it is a full blown, 5 alarm relapse. The term "slip" minimizes what has taken place. By taking even 1 puff you have awakened your addiction and given it strength that your hard work over a year and a bit had taken away. I'm sure you are feeling that over these past few days - urges to have "just one more" are no doubt stronger than they have been in months. Statements such as "Complete and utter disgraceful failure to mankind" are simply childish - grow up! 

 

I'm glad you have reaffirmed to yourself that smoking is nasty. That's something positive. I would be concerned about not knowing the trigger that lead you to make the decision to have that first smoke and YES, that was a conscious decision YOU made - no one else. If it was just "a slip" then why did you have 6 cigarettes over 3 days? Why not just the first one, or maybe two? 

 

You have talked a lot over your time here about not wanting to fall victim to some horrible smoking related disease. There's only 1 positive thing you can do to try and avoid that outcome and that is to take quitting seriously. If you don't learn something very significant from this episode then you are bound to repeat it next time something unusual happens. 

Remember; it was you that said: " I have no clue what the trigger was."  

[JB 883]

You know, I am thinking it was probably a bad idea to post about my little relapse. It seems you and a few others here have attacked and blown things out of proportion, like you are glad it happened. Like, "alright! an opportunity to pounce!" Funny thing is, there are three people on here who I would have expected backlash from but were either very polite or said nothing. All three of them I have not been nice to in the past and feel worse about that than anything.

Also -

I smoked 15 years and had quit long before anything crippling happened.

 

So if 6 cigarettes over 3 days is a "full blown 5 alarm relapse" then what exactly is it when someone quickly relapses to a pack (or more) a day and stays smoking for months or years.

For those (except Doreen) who ARE acting like it is your place to decide what I do, exactly why are you so upset about my small relapse? Are you assuming I am sitting here smoking right now or something?

 

 

[Doreensfree]

Where all hear to help ...folks just say it different ....
I have  only seen honest posts ...tryjng to help you and others ,trying to stop further relapses...
This is your quit JB .....
Quitting is all about honesty ....it's a addiction ...addicts have to be upfront ...it no use keeping secrets ...if you want honest support back ...
It's sad to see a soldier go down ....it means a battle has been lost ....this also means the war is lost too....
If the board gave you a gentle pat  on the back and said  it doesn't,t matter....what message would this be giving out

[notsmokinjo]

6 hours ago, Jet Black said:

Might  ask - the first few smokes after the years quit, how did it feel? Was there a lot of guilt involved? Was it more like, "Screw it, I do what I want"?

Honestly...."about bloody time.".... So the second option... Yes there was guilt and shame....the whole time I was quit I never stopped romancing the ciggies...so I craved constantly.

 

6 hours ago, Jet Black said:

I had read and heard how nicotine is harder to quit than meth, crack, heroine, glue, Oxycontin, and porn combined. 

 

My opinion....in same was it is, and that's not just big pharma wanting to flog NRTs or quit meds... A nicotine addiction is more than just physical and psychological it has a huge routine aspect to it...you have patterns to you addiction, habits often years old, because to a certain degree smoking is still socially acceptable (it's not against the law)...because it is easy to feed the habit (don't need to break any laws to get a fix)..because it is so ingrained into the rituals that make up our daily lives that is what makes it so hard to quit, you don't just need to detox you need to reprogram. From my person experience, detox from nicotine was easier than alcohol or speed/cocaine but it was not easier to quit as an addiction.

[NADA]

If JB wants to think of this as a slip or a little relapse that’s her prerogative. On the flip side, people here are entitled to express their belief that you can never have just one.  Those holding that opinion are not personally attacking you - they just feel strongly about how best to defeat this deadly addiction.

Best wishes moving forward JB.

 

[Phoebe2]

Back in the day I was very passionate about quitting smoking. There were so many benefits, expected and unexpected, that I wanted every single smoker to break free and feel amazing. I hated cigarettes and what they do to us. I guess it was my passion that has kept me quit for the last 5 years so it can't be a bad thing, right? But oh my. When ever I saw a thread about yet another quitters relapse I had steam coming out my ears. I'd post the brutal truth especially when the relapser had little insight nor had taken any responsibility for their relapse because I knew they were probably never going to keep their quit. And that made me sad for them and for others in the early quit because it would have been scary for them to read how 'easy' it was to relapse. And it almost made a mockery of those that worked their butts off protecting their quit. As if a 'little relapse' was nothing to get your knickers in a knot about. Righto ...

 

5 years on and I have learned you can't fix other peoples addictions and you can't blame others for their brain wiring. If you have the energy and patience to sooth a relapser then that's wonderful. Everyone deserves support. Even the ones that don't post SOS's. But remember, your time and energy should be focused on YOU and YOUR quit. That's where your passion should be directed towards.

 

 

 

 

[efficacy]

Thank you Doreensfree for this post! 

It and all the responses have helped me more than you know to get immediately back on the right track and take my seat on the Train.

[Lilly]

On 5/1/2019 at 11:57 AM, Jet Black said:

You know, I am thinking it was probably a bad idea to post about my little relapse. It seems you and a few others here have attacked and blown things out of proportion, like you are glad it happened. Like, "alright! an opportunity to pounce!" Funny thing is, there are three people on here who I would have expected backlash from but were either very polite or said nothing. All three of them I have not been nice to in the past and feel worse about that than anything.

Also -

I smoked 15 years and had quit long before anything crippling happened.

 

So if 6 cigarettes over 3 days is a "full blown 5 alarm relapse" then what exactly is it when someone quickly relapses to a pack (or more) a day and stays smoking for months or years.

For those (except Doreen) who ARE acting like it is your place to decide what I do, exactly why are you so upset about my small relapse? Are you assuming I am sitting here smoking right now or something?

 

 

 

For me personally I found it hard to post anything resembling support on your relapse thread. 

 

I've seen posts from you where you belittle relapsers and brag about how "easy" your quit was so I put my hand up and admit my first thought wasn't I'm sorry to hear that, it was more a "you look like such a horses ass right now."

 

You should start from Day 1 and reset your ticker otherwise your quit dates are a big lie. You smoked and there's no way to play that down. Why should you get the same fanfare at two years quit as someone who made it and didn't relapse. It's as stupid as someone calling themselves a vegan but picking up a hot dog on the way to a game. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[JB 883]

17 hours ago, Lilly said:

 

I've seen posts from you where you belittle relapsers and brag about how "easy" your quit was so I put my hand up and admit my first thought wasn't I'm sorry to hear that, it was more a "you look like such a horses ass right now."

 

You should start from Day 1 and reset your ticker otherwise your quit dates are a big lie. You smoked and there's no way to play that down. Why should you get the same fanfare at two years quit as someone who made it and didn't relapse. It's as stupid as someone calling themselves a vegan but picking up a hot dog on the way to a game.

 

First of all, when you get off the patches and nicotine completely for any amount of time, then you can talk crud about other peoples' relapses.

Second, I could care less about "Fanfare". I imagine those who got the most upset and talked crap probably used other NRT stuff after their so-called "quits".

Yeah I talk a lot of crap but I do not personally attack people who relapse.

Funny how I am no where close to being part of the in-crowd of this board yet a few took interest when I posted about a relapse.

 

And "a" hot dog? Just one? I would be picking up probably three or four. But then I am no vegan.

 

 

[notsmokinjo]

22 minutes ago, Jet Black said:

Funny how I am no where close to being part of the in-crowd of this board yet a few took interest when I posted about a relapse

 

There will be a few reasons people took notice...and it has nothing to do with an in crowd or an out crowd... You are an active member of our community, you are a regular, you have polarising opinions which you readily share and defend (not saying they are wrong just saying not everyone agrees), you are very much a known presence. As a whole we might not always agree with each other, or get each other or even particularly like each other but that doesn't mean the things we each say and do don't impact and leave an impression on others... That goes for all of us.

 

JB, in all honesty you and I are poles apart on many things and yet had I posted that I'd smoked instead of you l'm pretty sure the reactions would have been the same, it's a shock thing.