So now what?

[JB 883]

Yep, I am a dumb ass. I gave in. I never posted in SOS because I am not good at asking for help until the shit has actually hit the fan.

 

Maybe it was because of a particularly long week at work. Maybe it was the weather. Some new neighbors moved in who happen to pretty much live on the front porch. I hate people, so that means hoping to not be bothered when I have to do yard work in the front. I am sure I could come up with a good excuse.

 

Anyways Tuesday the 23rd, I had been having some serious craves for a week straight. Nothing real big triggered it, just came out of nowhere. So I bought a pack of my favorite smokes and have smoked three of them, one a day. A few puffs here and there, like my final days of smoking before my last quit. It helps that I do not carry my cigarettes when out and about or at work.

What was I thinking? - "OK, why am I depriving myself of something I enjoyed?"

 

My craves over the last week before Tuesday were roughly as bad as the first three days of quitting.

So, how can craves return full force after several months or over a year? Yeah I had craves as bad before but it was still when I was pumped about quitting.

 

After smoking again, I felt relaxed but really stupid, maybe the same feeling as if you lost your temper for a second and smashed one of your car windows just out of anger. Then you think, "Well, that was dumb, I broke it, couldn't control it..."

 

I guess the answer is to throw away the pack and "just not smoke". Apparently it is not that easy. Hell no it ain't.

I need and want to stay quit for me. I do not want to end up like some of the stories I have read here where it takes some horrible medical problem before I quit. I want to do this while I am ahead.

I do not care so much what "society" thinks of my smoking. I want to lay off for ME.

 

I though by now, I had this. Like craves were a thing of the past. But I guess not. When the hell then do they vanish? Two years? Ten? Never? At least now I understand how someone can quit for years and then go back.

 

So, when I do put them back down, does that mean another "hell week"? What should I expect?

Edited April 26, 2019 by Jet Black

[Martian5]

I will be honest, it is hard to see this.  Yep I am going to say get rid of what you have now, do not take another puff (that will help stop, hopefully going thru another hell week if you are being honest about what you have smoked).  We all make mistakes but it is what we learn from them that is important, take a deep look at the last couple of weeks to see if you can find the trigger.  If I am being honest yes I still get a strong craving especially that last month or so do to family and some medical stress and really fought to stay away from smoking.  Quitting can a never ending process -- time just gives us many more ways of coping with the craves and realizing we do not need to smoke -- that life is better on the other end.  What can you expect -- More of My Support as you move forward without smoking.  You do not want to be like me and others where quitting became a medically important for my health -- you can do this!!!!!

 

And remember the SOS board is there for all of us!!!!

Edited April 26, 2019 by Martian5

[Mona]

Oh, Jet Black, I am so very sorry to read this.  Regarding craves, how long do they last?  I don't really know the answer to that question and actually don't even think craves had anything to do with my relapse last year.  I'm still trying to figure it out; I guess it was complacency?  But I'm going to say that, as addicts, we can probably have craves after any length of time.  It's just that as time passes, the craves should become fewer and more easily managed.

 

Where do you go from here?  The sooner you quit again, the easier it will be.  If you quit now, I doubt that you will have a "hell week" per se but you will likely feel the pull of nicotine that was reintroduced into your system.  We're all so different, it's hard to say.  Just don't let it go months and months like I did.  Then it is basically quitting from scratch again.

 

Best wishes to you that you fix this mistake as soon as possible!

[Martian5]

^^^^^^ Yes I believe Mona hit one aspect and that is complacency -- we will always have to be on guard since craves can and do come out of nowhere!!!!

[Mona]

7 hours ago, Jet Black said:

I need and want to stay quit for me. I do not want to end up like some of the stories I have read here where it takes some horrible medical problem before I quit. I want to do this while I am ahead.

I do not care so much what "society" thinks of my smoking. I want to lay off for ME.

 

What you say is absolutely right!  Do you plan to resume your quit?  It would be a terrible shame to throw 1 1/2 years away!

[Sunshine59]

@Jet Black ,

 

Once you are a smoker , that tendency to smoke may remain for the rest of the lives .

This is what i have learned from my past experiences .

Only the intensity of the craving keeps changing .

 

There are times when you have no cravings at all

Sometimes you have a strong craving , You have to somehow fight it off

Sometimes you have a very light craving , You still have to fight it off .

 

You should have tried everything else other than smoking .

 

 

 

Edited April 27, 2019 by Redemption3

[Lilly]

8 hours ago, Jet Black said:

I guess the answer is to throw away the pack and "just not smoke". Apparently it is not that easy. Hell no it ain't

 

Just Practice what you preach :

 

Sarge Said -

Sarge would strongly suggest you quit making excuses and stop smoking ... but what does he know?
EZPZ

 

 Jet Black said -

BUT, BUT, BUT, SARGE!

That would make too much sense!

[Doreensfree]

So Now What ??

A good question ...only you can answer ....

You can carry on smoking and risk your health every day ...trying to dodge that bullet ..or ...

You can just throw the cancer sticks away ...sit back down in your chair and start again .....your choice....

The SOS thread is there for a good reason ...we carnt help if you don't give us a chance ...

I could have got the frying pan out ..

I'm disappointed for you ...

 

[MLMR]

Shit JB, sorry to hear that.  

 

Give yourself a firm kick in the butt and get back on track. You had one of the best reasons for quitting Ive read here so far: you want to be able to laugh without choking (and something with 'retard' but I dont know the exact context when you said that so nevermind). 

 

Oh and, please let me know when you "decide" to become a smoker again, ill send you one of these awfull Nickelback cigaret boxes!

 

Hey, this is not what you want. Quit it.

[Mee]

Well JB, I would get right back on the train.  Throwing away a 1-1/2 year quit is disappointing.  Those cigarettes may taste good and feel good to smoke but you know that is just the junkie thinking part.  Concentrate on the reason you quit.  

I am glad you posted and hope we can, once again,  help guide you to freedom.

[desperate1]

Jet I am so new here but am so sorry about you losing your quit. All I can tell you is to just commit to not smoking anymore. I am however, greatful that you are here posting your experience. I learn from them. I am cheering you on. We can beat this. 

[Boo]

Now what?  You have a decision to make.

 

Do you really want to be a smoker again?

 

Is the occasional hit of nicotine worth the cost and sacrifice?

 

Only you can answer these questions for yourself.

 

On 4/26/2019 at 6:03 PM, Jet Black said:

I guess the answer is to throw away the pack and "just not smoke". Apparently it is not that easy. Hell no it ain't.

 

"Easy" is a relative term.

 

However, just not smoking is the cardinal rule of quitting.  It's a simple principle.  It's also the only principle that really matters in a quit.

[JB 883]

Over three days, I smoked six of the cancer sticks. Each time, Something interesting happened -

head rush, guilt, feeling sick, having horrid taste in mouth, being able to smell myself, thinking about how smoking is a fire hazard...

 

So last night I gave the rest of the pack to my room mate and said, "crumble these". She has never experienced tobacco nor nicotine so nit like she would pick up the habit.

I just decided that smoking wasn't worth the BS.

 

The worst part is feeling guilty. I seldom feel guilt but damn, that was horrid.

 

So if anyone else sees this and is thinking, "screw it, I want to smoke". It really is not worth it. It is kind of the same guilt you might feel if you got mad an broke something expensive.

[Mee]

1 hour ago, Jet Black said:

It really is not worth it. It is kind of the same guilt you might feel if you got mad an broke something expensive.

And that is what you are - worth more than that cigarette.  That freedom is much more rewarding than that cigarette.  

 

[Christian99]

2 hours ago, Jet Black said:

 

My intention is most decidedly not to pile on here (because I can only imagine the self-recrimination you're feeling at this point); however, I think you need to understand what you're up against right now:  your brain chemistry, after an extended process of recalibration, has been altered by your relapse.  Thus, your smoke-free future is extraordinarily vulnerable at this point because you'll be experiencing physical cravings like you haven't been for quite some time.  Stay close, friend, and think back to (and exploit) your experiences and strategies early in your quit.  We know you can do it.  

 

Christian99

17+ Years Quit 

Edited April 28, 2019 by Christian99

[Doreensfree]

11 hours ago, Jet Black said:

Over three days, I smoked six of the cancer sticks. Each time, Something interesting happened -

head rush, guilt, feeling sick, having horrid taste in mouth, being able to smell myself, thinking about how smoking is a fire hazard...

 

So last night I gave the rest of the pack to my room mate and said, "crumble these". She has never experienced tobacco nor nicotine so nit like she would pick up the habit.

I just decided that smoking wasn't worth the BS.

 

The worst part is feeling guilty. I seldom feel guilt but damn, that was horrid.

 

So if anyone else sees this and is thinking, "screw it, I want to smoke". It really is not worth it. It is kind of the same guilt you might feel if you got mad an broke something expensive.

Thank you JB for this honest post ....it just may help that one person who is still romancing !!!just One !!!!

I'm happy you got back in to your seat ,before it went cold ...

Learn by this mistake ,and remember it .....

[JB 883]

I guess it was Friday night/Saturday morning when I had my room mate destroy the remains of the pack.

Weird but I haven't really wanted one since. Feeling my lungs burn when I smoked the last one kind of put a stop to THAT desire.

 

One thing, I had someone on this board I had become good friends with (even if but e-mail pals) but she kept relapsing and ran into some kind of pretty serious health issues.

Maybe the damage was already done, maybe if she had kept the quit, the problem would have lay dormant. It wasn't even lung related but supposedly was connected to smoking.

 

I forgot to add earlier - when I was in the process of a relapse/slip/whatever, it was like some disgusting, dreadful chore to step out and smoke.

 

[Martian5]

Good I am glad you got rid of the rest of the pack and are back on track -- Now keep it that way.  At least you see that it was not all that great to have those few and good that you had a negative outcome (throat/lungs burning) -- maybe that will keep you going.  Welcome back aboard!!!!

[abbynormal]

Aw, JB, I'm sad to read this. But I get it. You wanna talk about relapse...read my profile. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, lit it on fire and smoked it. But that was then. This is now. I have to get on the Quit Train and STAY on. For good. Because I, too, know about serious health issues. Mine are not caused by smoking but rather an autoimmune disease, but my lungs are affected. My body is building up scar tissue in my lungs for no reason at all. And, if I want to live, I need to breathe ONLY clean air for the rest of my life. I can do that. Because I do want to live.

 

So I'm taking the whole relapse option off the table. It's gone. Will I face cravings? Yes. I'm sure of it. Will I give in? Hell no. What will I do instead? Whatever it takes.

 

Whatever it takes. That's what we have to do.

 

I'm glad you're back on the Train. You and your sense of humor have gotten me through some dark days. I would be extremely sad if you weren't here!

[Boo]

A mistake is only a total waste when we don't learn anything from it.

 

The addicted mind tries its best to convince us that smoking is a satisfying experience that will calm and soothe.  The reality is: smoking sucks.

 

Commit this experience to memory and drive on.

[sgt.barney]

On 4/26/2019 at 6:03 PM, Jet Black said:

So, when I do put them back down, does that mean another "hell week"? What should I expect?

 

You will go through the same old bullshit you went through last time. 
That's why it is advisable to quit once, and only once. 

You will never be as relaxed as you will be once you've broken the monkey on your back. 

EZPZ. 
 

[NADA]

On 4/26/2019 at 3:03 PM, Jet Black said:

Yep, I am a dumb ass.

 

There are dumb asses everywhere. This is more than just a silly mistake; something to learn from.

You are playing with a loaded gun, and one of these times might be the last.

Get a grip on quitting for good and don’t let go - ever.

 

[JB 883]

5 hours ago, abbynormal said:

So I'm taking the whole relapse option off the table. It's gone. Will I face cravings? Yes. I'm sure of it. Will I give in? Hell no. What will I do instead? Whatever it takes.

Whatever it takes. That's what we have to do.

I'm glad you're back on the Train. You and your sense of humor have gotten me through some dark days. I would be extremely sad if you weren't here!

 

Few things -

Awesome. I thought pretty much everyone here but Doreen hated me.

 

Now as far as doing something besides smoking, I can recommend a few other habits (some bad) -

 

Spending too much time on ebay, staying up all night and sleeping away the day (I work an evening shift), collecting LP's (hipsters are not the only ones who do that), cursing loudly at work when frustrated, eating way too much sugar, hitting the thrift stores to buy more BS one doesn't need, and most important - being a reason forums have moderators.

 

There is something else I should mention - One of my co-workers is a chewer. Probably since he was a kid. Anyways, he had been quit for 3 1/2 years. I told him I had smoked, and he mentioned he picked up chewing again, like back in November. I said, "I need to stop, I do not want this habit". Then he said something horrifying! He said, "It is like the love of my life. I know it is bad for me, cancerous etc but I cannot quit, like I am married to the habit". Man, I have NO desire to be married again. Especially not to the nico-demon.

[abbynormal]

15 hours ago, Jet Black said:

Awesome. I thought pretty much everyone here but Doreen hated me.

 

Nonsense! We Hoosiers have to stick together. (Indiana born and raised. I left in 96, but the Hoosier blood still runs through my veins!)

[Doreensfree]

JB ....

You need to reset your quit day ....the only way forward is to be honest with yourself ...

Time to get serious .....