Taking my life back

[efficacy]

Hello all, 

 

I've quit cold turkey at 6:30 pm (EST) today, about 30 minutes ago....for the millionth time. I've been a smoker for 25 years and have wanted to quit for the majority of that time but never thought I could until I found Joel and the why quit site and then found the Quit Train through another quit site that is no longer around. That's how long I've been lurking! I feel like I know a lot of you already that's how much reading I've done.

 

I'm not much for social media, have never joined an online forum for anything but I can't do this on my own anymore. I've isolated myself the last several years, easier to stay at home and smoke and hate myself all the while. My social circle does not smoke, either they never have or quit years ago. My neighbor does smoke & she's been quite the enabler, lol. 

 

Anyway, wanted to finally join before I lose my nerve again. I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired...

[Reciprocity]

Welcome efficacy  

I'm much like you in terms of social media sites. No Facebook activity or twitter and no other forums but I also joined this place a little over 2 years ago and I can tell you that this place is different. It's a great tool to help you quit when you associate with others who know exactly what you are going through. It's even more powerful than family and friends because we have all travelled the same path and can lend you a lot of support when you need it. 

 

We have the whole Joel library available here too and a lot of combined knowledge about quitting and how to get past some of the turbulent times so feel free to join in. We;'e a good supportive bunch here and might be able to help you in some way. 

 

Hope to see you around! One thing I can tell you for certain is that YOU too can quit. It's within all of us. You just need to find the right time, method and support group. You have found that 3rd component now!

[Boo]

Welcome aboard Efficacy.  Good call on taking back your life.

 

Your introductory post reminds me of my own: cold turkey quitter, joining after lurking for a bit, and not a member of any other social media platforms.

 

Not smoking got easier and easier with time.  And, in spite of my lack of computer knowledge and lack of interest in social media, the Quit Train has become a second-home of sorts.

 

Grab a seat and enjoy the ride.

[jillar]

Welcome aboard efficacy and congratulations on choosing to take your life back. I too lurked for about three weeks until I signed up at my old forum and it was the best thing I could have done to be successful in quitting this nasty habit. 

When our forum went down this place opened the doors and welcomed us all with the same support. As reciprocity said, no one knows better than we do what you go through when quitting.

We are here for you as much as you need or want. Plus there's a ton of stuff here to keep your mind busy and cigarettes off your mind. So vent, post, celebrate milestones, play games and socialize with other members. It really works

[efficacy]

Thank you reciprocity! Glad to know there is someone else like me concerning social media activity. I agree with you that this place is different. I've watched how you all welcome everyone with open arms and supported someone going through tough times. It just took some time for me to get over my fear of becoming a joiner and accept support. Addiction likes to play with our brain and have us believe no one else understands. 

 

I go through quite the anxiety and depression when quitting and the nicotine junkie gives in time and time again. Of course I have wicked anxiety and lingering depression when smoking anyway so I need to give this the time it needs. Smoking has eroded any self confidence I have but I have seen time and again here how people have posted their life is beyond their wildest dreams now. I want that for me too, I just didn't believe it was possible for me for some reason. 

 

I did have a 6 week quit 2 years ago that failed before I learned about triggers. It wasn't a situation I had encountered before and threw me for a loop. I'm more educated now. I've been psyching myself out since that failed quit and haven't been able to get beyond a few days since then. My FIL was ill all last year so gave up even trying (perfect excuse right?) since I was the one taking involved in his medical care since I'm not working right now.

[Martian5]

Welcome aboard Efficacy, good to have you along for this journey.  You sound so much like me when I started on my quit and joined the Quit Train.  I am older and had smoked for 44 years and not into social media sites but I took the leap and came on board, great choice on my part and I have never looked back.  Looks like you are familiar with the site--- just remember you can do this and make sure you come by often to learn and to post!!!!

[efficacy]

Thanks Boo! I've seen how so many of you have formed close friendships. I'll wish I had joined sooner. 

 

Thanks Jillar too! I'm looking forward to getting to know you all!

 

 

[efficacy]

Thank you Martian5! Yes, I am familiar with the board, just need to learn all the ins and outs of responding to posts now. 

[johnny5]

You can do this, efficacy.

 

I smoked for 20 years and also had multiple short quit attempts.  As time went on, fewer and fewer of my friends smoked so I see where you are coming from in talking about isolating yourself so you could smoke.  I did the same thing.  Life as a smoker really sucks.

 

Joining a support group like this, learning about nicotine addiction, and reaching out for help was what finally helped me quit for good.  There is a lot of support here and we all want to see you succeed.

 

I'm not big on social media either but people here understand what someone trying to quit smoking is going through and can offer great support and advice.  We've all been where you are at.

 

Welcome aboard.  It is good to have you here.

[Reciprocity]

Trust me efficacy, you are no different that any of the rest of us here and as long as you stick around and participate and read all you can, you will be successful in quitting this time. Our junkie brains try their best to keep that from happening but this group can help expose the reality of smoking and the lies your junkie brain will tell you just to keep you enslaved, You too can fine freedom and as you said ..... take back your life! There are so many benefits when you quit. Freedom from this addiction for life and an enormous sense of pride for what you have accomplished. Once you quit smoking, you know you can do anything!

[efficacy]

Thanks johnny5! 

 

Yeah, the isolation is the craziest part. I was just so ashamed of my smoking, the stench, everything about it and the stigma surrounding smoking. The constant beating myself up about it. Family and close friends knew I smoked but I tried not to smoke around them. I didn't smoke at all around others or in certain situations. So, I either used NRT's or suffered withdrawal until I could get back to the safety of my house and smoke in "peace."

[efficacy]

3 minutes ago, reciprocity said:

Trust me efficacy, you are no different that any of the rest of us here and as long as you stick around and participate and read all you can, you will be successful in quitting this time. Our junkie brains try their best to keep that from happening but this group can help expose the reality of smoking and the lies your junkie brain will tell you just to keep you enslaved, You too can fine freedom and as you said ..... take back your life! There are so many benefits when you quit. Freedom from this addiction for life and an enormous sense of pride for what you have accomplished. Once you quit smoking, you know you can do anything!

 

I feel like there are two parts to me, the rational, logical one who knows smoking does nothing for me and then the junkie one. The junkie brain has won in the past over and over again. 

I'm reading the book The Chimp Paradox that was recommended several years ago on this forum. It discusses these two different parts of the brain. 

[Rozuki]

Hi efficacy, welcome aboard the QT!

 

This is my 3rd and forever quit....smoked 40+ years and had a 1 month quit about 30 years ago....then a torturous 6 month quit about 27 years ago (no internet at that time!)

 

After some pretty serious medical issues, largely due to smoking, in the last 2 years (which I have spoken about here on QT) it was time to stop fooling around. I joined an online support group (QSMB) and I know how important that support is regarding how to deal with craves and triggers. The key thing for me was admitting that, yes, I was a nicotine addict and I really needed to educate myself.

 

Read, read, read and watch the Joel videos and participate here...not only will you help yourself but others in the same boat as you! Take it one day at a time and the days will add up quickly. 

 

You can do this....

[johnny5]

9 minutes ago, efficacy said:

Thanks johnny5! 

 

Yeah, the isolation is the craziest part. I was just so ashamed of my smoking, the stench, everything about it and the stigma surrounding smoking. The constant beating myself up about it. Family and close friends knew I smoked but I tried not to smoke around them. I didn't smoke at all around others or in certain situations. So, I either used NRT's or suffered withdrawal until I could get back to the safety of my house and smoke in "peace."

 

Towards the end of my time as a smoker, I felt the same way about being ashamed and trying to somewhat hide it from people who knew I was a smoker.  I can relate to the whole smoking in "peace" part as well but when you quit and slowly become more comfortable as a non-smoker, you will feel real peace.  Getting to that point will take time and effort but believe me, life as a non-smoker is much more peaceful than constantly trying to find ways to hide it from people you know.

[efficacy]

3 minutes ago, johnny5 said:

 

Towards the end of my time as a smoker, I felt the same way about being ashamed and trying to somewhat hide it from people who knew I was a smoker.  I can relate to the whole smoking in "peace" part as well but when you quit and slowly become more comfortable as a non-smoker, you will feel real peace.  Getting to that point will take time and effort but believe me, life as a non-smoker is much more peaceful than constantly trying to find ways to hide it from people you know.

That's why I put peace in quotes...it was anything but. I do look forward to the real peace of being a nonsmoker. Isn't it crazy how we thought we were hiding it from people? 

[efficacy]

13 minutes ago, Rozuki said:

Hi efficacy, welcome aboard the QT!

 

This is my 3rd and forever quit....smoked 40+ years and had a 1 month quit about 30 years ago....then a torturous 6 month quit about 27 years ago (no internet at that time!)

 

After some pretty serious medical issues, largely due to smoking, in the last 2 years (which I have spoken about here on QT) it was time to stop fooling around. I joined an online support group (QSMB) and I know how important that support is regarding how to deal with craves and triggers. The key thing for me was admitting that, yes, I was a nicotine addict and I really needed to educate myself.

 

Read, read, read and watch the Joel videos and participate here...not only will you help yourself but others in the same boat as you! Take it one day at a time and the days will add up quickly. 

 

You can do this....

Thank you Rozuki! I definitely admit I'm a nicotine addict! I have no major health issues that I know of yet but have that smoker's cough and constant sinus infections. I know it's time to quit now, the thought of what I've done to my health scares the dickens out of me. 

[Reciprocity]

32 minutes ago, efficacy said:

 

I feel like there are two parts to me, the rational, logical one who knows smoking does nothing for me and then the junkie one. The junkie brain has won in the past over and over again. 

I'm reading the book The Chimp Paradox that was recommended several years ago on this forum. It discusses these two different parts of the brain. 

The longer you stay quit, the more your rational, logical brain will take over. It's a real struggle in the early days and even months but slowly and surely, it happens. It doesn't happen as quickly as we would like but it DOES happen to all of us who just refuse to light up again no matter what our junkie brains might try to tell us.

[MarylandQuitter]

1 hour ago, efficacy said:

Anyway, wanted to finally join before I lose my nerve again. I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired...

 

That's when I said I've had enough and quit for the last time.  You will start to feel so much better very quickly!  In the beginning you have to put in the time and as the more time you put between your last cigarette, the easier it becomes. 

 

[efficacy]

1 minute ago, MarylandQuitter said:

Myself and countless others rationalized smoking cigarettes even though we knew the possible debilitating & deadly consequences of continued abuse.  Those same misguided rationalization skills construed to justify feeding nicotine addiction can and should be used to quit smoking.  Think about that for a minute.  If you intentionally rationalize cigarette smoking knowing full well the damaging effects it's having on your health, why can’t you change direction to intentionally rationalize quitting smoking knowing full-well the health benefits of quitting?--MQ

 

 

Yes, this makes perfect sense! Thank you MarylandQuitter! I trust you all will remind me of this when my junkie brain tries to convince me otherwise. 

[Reciprocity]

Oh yes, we will  

If you do find yourself in a weak moment, please use the SOS page to post up that you are having a problem. Someone will come to talk you off the ledge, so to speak.  We all want you to be successful and we all know that we have had those weak moments. An SOS post has saved countless quits.

[efficacy]

That's what I'm counting on reciprocity. Yes, I've seen how well the SOS page works which reminds me, I need to post a pre respond to my SOS too. 

[Doreensfree]

Hello and welcome @efficacy.....

It's great to see you taking your seat on the Train after lurking for a while ...

Congratulations on your fabulous Quit ...

Being part of a team ,gets the job done much easier...,Quitting can be fun......

Taking the daily pledge ...supporting those who follow ..it all helps make your Quit more solid ..

Looking forward to getting to know you better...

[Ankush]

Welcome to this forum, efficacy!!! And congratulations on taking a big step to a new life!!! You will find a lot of support on Quittrain, from the list of Joel's videos to taking part in the daily pledge not to smoke. It will be helpful for you to spend time on Quittrain and talking to people on the forum during the initial days of your quit. Just take things a day at a time, watch Joel's videos (see his Youtube channel for a list of videos to watch on a daily basis as you go through your quit) and have plenty of juice. All the best!!!

[Mee]

14 hours ago, efficacy said:

I've isolated myself the last several years, easier to stay at home and smoke and hate myself all the while.

Oh efficacy that was me also.  I smoked for 42 years and just became so discouraged because I could not quit.  Instead, I just stayed home, smoked and became more depressed.  Then I stumbled on the quittrain forum and now I am almost 9 mos quit.  Hopefully you will begin to love this part of social media.  Here you have friends around the world that are going to support you through this major change of your life.  So stay focused on that quit, reach out to us and we will help guide you through.  The first couple of weeks are tough but the rest is a matter of changing our thinking.  

[efficacy]

5 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

Hello and welcome @efficacy.....

It's great to see you taking your seat on the Train after lurking for a while ...

Congratulations on your fabulous Quit ...

Being part of a team ,gets the job done much easier...,Quitting can be fun......

Taking the daily pledge ...supporting those who follow ..it all helps make your Quit more solid ..

Looking forward to getting to know you better...

Thank you Doreensfree, yes Quitting can be fun, attitude change. I've always approached it scared and anxious. Looking forward to getting to know you better too! 

 

1 hour ago, Ankush said:

Welcome to this forum, efficacy!!! And congratulations on taking a big step to a new life!!! You will find a lot of support on Quittrain, from the list of Joel's videos to taking part in the daily pledge not to smoke. It will be helpful for you to spend time on Quittrain and talking to people on the forum during the initial days of your quit. Just take things a day at a time, watch Joel's videos (see his Youtube channel for a list of videos to watch on a daily basis as you go through your quit) and have plenty of juice. All the best!!!

Thank you Ankush, that is my plan for today, veg on the couch and watch Joel's Youtube videos. I've already watched the Tobacco documentaries here, read EasyWay several times, read tons at the whyquit site and here. I have my cranberry juice and snacks ready too.

 

8 minutes ago, Linda Thomas said:

Oh efficacy that was me also.  I smoked for 42 years and just became so discouraged because I could not quit.  Instead, I just stayed home, smoked and became more depressed.  Then I stumbled on the quittrain forum and now I am almost 9 mos quit.  Hopefully you will begin to love this part of social media.  Here you have friends around the world that are going to support you through this major change of your life.  So stay focused on that quit, reach out to us and we will help guide you through.  The first couple of weeks are tough but the rest is a matter of changing our thinking.  

Thank you Linda, reading your posts was like I had written them. I have lost so much self confidence and hid away wondering why I was so weak that I couldn't quit. There have been times I resigned myself to being a life long smoker.  But through your posts and so many others I realize that is just the addiction talking. The missing component as reciprocity said has been the support of you all!