Fell off but back again. So ashamed

[DizzyD]

Ok so I was so ashamed and was going to delete my account and hide forever and then I realised I really need your help and advice and I need to be accountable for my actions. So I’ll bore you with a little of my background. Hubby and I both smoke and both quit at the same time. This can be both supportive but also can be destructive as one of us will sabotage our quit and we know which buttons to press to achieve this. We also only smoke at home which means that we can go without smoking for periods of time and will wait to satisfy the addiction. 

So the trigger this time was stress. I am in Christchurch and had one teenager in lockdown at school ( 5 minutes) from the shooting and another in lockdown at the nearby mall. Hubby bought the smokes but I didn’t hesitate to smoke one. It didn’t solve anything and it certainly didn’t help any of the families and didn’t get rid of the deep sadness I feel right now. We had to finish the packet being the true addicts which we are. So been back on the train for 2 days. Nope

[Reciprocity]

Welcome back DizzyD - you were missed!

I can't tell you how deeply saddened we all were to hear of the tragedy in Christchurch. That was horrible and to have gone through what you did was something none of us would have wanted to go through. You have both learned a lesson about your addiction though by going through what you have - smoking makes NOTHING better, only make things worse. Carry that lesson forward and let us support you through your new, permanent quit. I understand why you feel bad about falling off the train but don't dwell on that. Just see it as a learning experience. What counts is that you keep at it until you find your freedom. 

 

We're still here to support you. Let us give you a hand to board the train again  

  

 

 

Edited March 20, 2019 by reciprocity

[Doreensfree]

So pleased you didn't delete your account here...and came back...

I'm sorry you have had to endure this horrendous act of cowardly action first hand ...my thoughts with everyone involved....

Take your seat D....buckle up.....your amongst friends here....who will support as best we can ...hugs x

[WeegieWoman]

If at first you don't succeed, try again! I'd guess 99% of us here did not manage to quit first time so we understand. Welcome back

 

You must have been terrified, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. 

[despair not]

Hi Dizzy

 

So you got off the train at the station and stretched your legs but you got back on the train before it left the station.

 

Sorry you lost your quit but congrats on requiting.

 

It just shows that no matter what the circumstances having a cig is never a help and that there is no such thing as just one for us addicts.

 

 

[Lust4Life]

Welcome back! You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about regarding the relapse.  You’ve acknowledged it, time to move on.  

 

Thank goodness your family is physically safe. The mental damage will take much time to heal if it ever does.  I’m broken hearted over the tragedy in Christchurch.  I’m so sad for NZ-heck- for all of us! 

[notsmokinjo]

Welcome back DD. Don't dwell on the lost quit... its gone now, save your energy to focus on this quit, lets make it the forever one.

 

I'm sorry you were caught up in Fridays terror. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

[Jordan7]

What a nightmare you lived through, Dizz.  I'm so glad you're safe and decided to come back. Good for you for jumping right back into quitting, and I believe you're going to make it stick this time. 

[Sazerac]

So very sorry about the latest Terror.  It is all too sad.

Nicotine addiction is a fierce foe and you needn't feel shame or embarrassment over struggling with it.

We are on your side and you will build a successful quick of this I have no doubt.

 Please take very good care of yourself and hug your children extra tight.

[jillar]

That must have been so scary for your family dizzyd. I'm glad your family is ok. And I'm glad you didn't delete your account! Congratulations on getting back on your quit. Remember that you are quitting for yourself first and foremost so if hubby buys another pack of cigarettes let him blow his own quit, not yours too. 

Smokers love a "partner in crime" so your refusing to smoke any that he may buy will probably help him realize he can quit and stay quit too...

[Martian5]

Glad you are back dizzy and that you did not delete the account.  At least you committed to quit again and that is important.  My heart goes out to all of you in New Zealand -- It must be horrifying to go thru something like that.  Anyway take your place back on the train and know we will be behind you!!!

[desperate1]

Hi Dizzy and welcome back. I am so sorry for all you have been through. I too was ready to not come back. So glad I did. Only advise I can offer being so new here is stick around and if need be post an SOS if things get tough. These wonderful people saved my quit the other day. Had coat on and was ready to walk out the door and felt embarrassed to sos. But I did and it worked. So happy we are going to ride this journey together. 

 

[Doreensfree]

We are so glad to see you both back....we are a family....I'm proud of you both !!!!

[sgt.barney]

On 3/20/2019 at 3:48 AM, DizzyD said:

Ok so I was so ashamed and was going to delete my account and hide forever

Shame is such an utterly useless state of being. 
Don't go there. 
Don't do that. 
For any reason (not just this smoking thing)

EZPZ
 

[SmokeFree]

Doh ... Smoking is not an option.