Can’t believe I’m here...!

[Soberjulie]

It was 5yrs in January....

this is the closest I’ve come to smoking in years. 

I’m sitting at the side of a dirt road....drove myself to the country where there aren’t any cigarettes and it would take some time/effort/awareness to get some. 

I have a serious case of ‘the **** its’

 

My mom was diagnosed with stage 3 esophageal cancer in December. My dad is struggling with early stage dementia. 

My husband was diagnosed with an adult Autoimmune type 1 diabetes last year.....and it appears (no, that’s not accurate...he HAS) undiagnosed mental illness. Depression? Anxiety? Bipolar? Who knows...it mostly masks as angry-asshole, so he’s really no support while I try to support my sweet momma. 

I KNOW smoking won’t make anything better. 

I just don’t care. 

Probably the most dangerous of all feelings for a quit-smoker: apathy. 

My Well has run dry and I just don’t care. 

[Nancy]

Oh, Julie, I am so sorry to read all you are going through.  If I thought smoking would make any of it one bit better, I would tell you to go for it.  But, as you know, it won't make anything better, and will make you feel terrible about yourself on top of everything else.  Thoughts and prayers are with you,  Just DO NOT SMOKE!

Edited March 13, 2019 by Nancy

[Sazerac]

Hey Jules,

You KNOW smoking will not change anything for the better.

Remember,  Cristobal's Your Quit & Your Life ?

 

I am so sorry to hear about the horrific diagnoses in your family.

You have a lot to deal with.

Please, don't smoke.

 

[Martian5]

Alright Julie, it has been 5 years.  Your are being thrown a lot of curve balls right now, you need to take all of your strength from the last 5 years and pull thru this.  Your family needs you at your strongest now so that you can be there.  As you stated smoking won't make it better, you need to think that it can make things worse -- you can do this!!!

[ArmedNAruba]

You have always been one the strongest on here. Don't give in. Times are very difficult right now. Take a step back. See what you've done. Your posts inspire people. Now inspire me.

[Sazerac]

You must take extra good and careful care of yourself.

Reward yourself, your endorphins are way, way too low.

Chocolate ? Deep, deep clean clear breaths ?

 

[Sazerac]

You do not need to add to your stress

by feeding addiction every 20 minutes.

Stay focused.  Stay clean.

You are smart to come here.

[El Bandito]

Jooooooolz!

Wow. Aren’t you having a time of it? I was really sorry to read of your woes. How lucky those people are to have you. Your well isn’t dry; I just put some more water in it.

You’ve got this Joolz.

[Soberjulie]

Thanks folks. 

Gahhhhh!

i DO like my self-preservation trick of driving to the country and sitting in my car......

The eff-its are passing. 

I’m usually pretty good at keeping myself together, but today just felt like WAY too much. 

Gave that dastardly hubby an ultimatum: call the Dr, address this mental health issue....or I’m making plans to live elsewhere until you do. I won’t be held hostage by someone’s refusal to deal with their illness. 

[Whispers]

13 minutes ago, Soberjulie said:

It was 5yrs in January....

this is the closest I’ve come to smoking in years. 

I’m sitting at the side of a dirt road....drove myself to the country where there aren’t any cigarettes and it would take some time/effort/awareness to get some. 

I have a serious case of ‘the **** its’

 

My mom was diagnosed with stage 3 esophageal cancer in December. My dad is struggling with early stage dementia. 

My husband was diagnosed with an adult Autoimmune type 1 diabetes last year.....and it appears (no, that’s not accurate...he HAS) undiagnosed mental illness. Depression? Anxiety? Bipolar? Who knows...it mostly masks as angry-asshole, so he’s really no support while I try to support my sweet momma. 

I KNOW smoking won’t make anything better. 

I just don’t care. 

Probably the most dangerous of all feelings for a quit-smoker: apathy. 

My Well has run dry and I just don’t care. 

This is what happened to me, 9/24/12 my mother had a terminal diagnosis. I said F-it, dont do that. Dont be the fool i was and start all over, this is something we will battle even as quitters. Move a muscle, change a thought (go for long walks). I'm sorry you're going through this

[Soberjulie]

1 minute ago, El Bandito said:

Jooooooolz!

Wow. Aren’t you having a time of it? I was really sorry to read of your woes. How lucky those people are to have you. Your well isn’t dry; I just put some more water in it.

You’ve got this Joolz.

Awww Bandit. You rock. 

You all do. 

 

[Soberjulie]

It passed. 

I definately won’t smoke. 

Not sure when I’ll go home....but I definitely won’t smoke. 

Truth: I can’t imagine being chained to those godforsaken things again! 

[Sazerac]

Your self-preservation skills kicked in big time.

I am so glad.

Make a plan, you do not have to live in crazy town.

Take care of yourself, YOU !

We all care about you.

@Doreensfree  !!!!  Where y'at ?

Don't make Doreen come after you with her fryin' pan !

Edited March 13, 2019 by Sazerac

[hangoversquare]

19 minutes ago, Sazerac said:

You do not need to add to your stress

by feeding addiction every 20 minutes.

Stay focused.  Stay clean.

You are smart to come here.

Edit: sorry, I was trying to post it in my own thread but with you on my mind, Julie. I relapsed after two years, was having lot of personal issues as well. Didn't solve anything. I hope you can find the strength to stay clean.

 

You know, I might quit sooner than I was planning. After all it's no accident I came back here. And when I compare my energy levels during the quit vs. now, it's like night and day. Plus all the other benefits like having a normal appetite, being able to enjoy food, being proud of beating the most powerful addiction of all (scientifically proven fact). Not to mention having clear skin and not smelling like dead body.

 

To all the people who are having a hard time: I was having a really difficult time in my personal life and I used it as an excuse to smoke. Used it as an excuse is exactly what it was, because I knew it won't make things better and it surely didn't. In fact i was heading towards relapse for at least 6 months: started romanticizing the smoking, stopped visiting support forums. Don't do what I did, I hope at least some of you who are struggling will get something good out of my relapse. It starts way earlier in your thoughts and when you can recognise the reawakening of addiction in your thinking process, and do something about it, it's way better. Because when you buy that pack, it's usually already too late. Bottom line: smoking doesn't solve emotional problems. At best, it masks them not unlike any other drug.
 

Edited March 13, 2019 by hangoversquare

[jillar]

So glad you got past that Julie and I'm sorry about all the struggles you're having. You'll be able to support your mom so much easier not being chained to a cigarette. I think that just by you driving to the country and posting in the SOS that you already knew you weren't going to smoke. We're here for you so please stick around and vent as much as you need. Hopefully that will help at least a little.

@hangoversquare, yes you should quit sooner than later. You were right behind me if I remember correctly...…… Let's do this!!!

[Reciprocity]

I'm sorry to hear all the struggles you are facing. I am glad you got through this because of what you know in your heart about this addiction and from the support of those you know from this board. Good call on posting here! I am also super impressed that so many peeps you know from your time on this board came running to your side in your moment of frustration and doubt - damn this is such an awesome place  

 

[Lilly]

So sorry to hear about all you are having to deal with. Mums are the most precious people in the world. 

 

Well done for staying strong in your quit.

[Paul723]

I'm glad you had the sense to ask for support.  it's always here for you and while we can't solve your problems , we will listen.  I am also glad you didn't add to your problems by smoking.

[Doreensfree]

Jules Sweetheart...

The last 12 months have given me bad times too...I know your pain...please don't lose your fabulous quit ...stay strong ...

Come here as often as want ...we will help you ...xx

[Soberjulie]

14 minutes ago, Doreensfree said:

Jules Sweetheart...

The last 12 months have given me bad times too...I know your pain...please don't lose your fabulous quit ...stay strong ...

Come here as often as want ...we will help you ...xx

I’m so sorry to hear that life has handed you some bad times too. 

xoxo

[Doreensfree]

Thank you Jules ....

I'm sorry to hear your bad news too...we can stay smoke free and strong together .....hugs xx

[Still winning]

I msut admit to doing a double take but when I read, well I get it. I came close after losing my mama last year, my sister threw away a 10 year quit for a short time and it simply wasn't worth it. I'm sending some healing for you and your family, I'm sorry to hear things are tough. Big hugs. x

[johnny5]

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through, Julie.

 

I'm glad you did what you had to do to not light up, though, including posting a SOS.  The only thing cigarettes will do is make things worse.

 

Stay strong.  We are all here for you.

[Lust4Life]

I have seen your old posts from time to time.  You grew a mighty fine quit.  I’m so glad you nurtured it back to health by posting here.  Look at all the folks that leaped out of nowhere to support you.  I’m sorry to hear about the health of your mom & dad.  Your husband will hopefully get the help he needs.  For now, you take care of you so you can focus on what truly matters.  Keep the gas tank full so you can escape to the country whenever. Bring your phone & post if needed.

[comrade simba]

The Late January Quitters Club must prevail.

 

You do not want the widdle gwandbaby to say yuk... you stink!

 

Remember, it's the first one that will take you down. Everything about quitting is the same today as it was on day one, and we made it through that day.

 

Hang loose Julie,

the comrade