HOLY SMOKES! I almost relapsed in RENO :(

[Daisyjane2014]

My husband and I just celebrated our 12 year wedding anniversary in Reno. We were on a very limited budget this year because we’re saving up for a big move. We still wanted to do something special together and get away for a weekend.  We scored super cheap rates in two different resorts in Reno with Groupon specials. I was excited about the resort swimming pools and spa. I was looking forward to eating good food, swimming, enjoying the spa and sipping champagne together.

 

I was admittedly nervous about the cigarette smoking going into the trip. I knew Casinos were notorious for being dens of pure smoke. I convinced myself that this wouldn’t be a problem but  It WAS. I  want to say “Oh yeah I didn’t falter at all” but I have to be honest… Reno was a hot bed of triggers. It was a lot harder than I anticipated. I feel like I almost fell of the wagon and my husband admitted that it was hard for him too a times.

 

 If quitting smoking were a video game, Reno would be the BOSS LEVEL in order to win the game. It’s really THAT bad. At least it was for me. :(

 

I’m just so happy we didn’t relapse. My husband and I are now six months smoke free as of today. I’m grateful for that.

 

Here's what happened in Reno:

 

As soon as we got off the bus and stepped into the taxi, the fun started. The taxi driver was a smoker and the car reeked of smoke. It was in the air, in the upholstery, just all over. I rolled down the window and stuck out my head for some fresh air.

 

When we entered the resort we were immediately hit by a wall of cigarette smoke. It was so thick you could cut a knife through it.  My husband immediately started coughing. He turned to me with watery eyes and whispered “Damn…” I just nodded regretfully. All around us were ashtrays and people smoking in the lobby. I had been hoping that the smoking would be reserved for the casino area only. NOPE. EVERYWHERE. They were smoking on the line to check in. They were lounging around in the surrounding chair sucking on their cancer sticks. Everywhere I looked was another smoker.  

 

The smell really bothered me at first. The person waiting on line in front of me was smoking and I tried to avoid the tufts of smoke billowing into my face. I felt irritated. My husband was pissy and went to go sit down. At that moment I truly believed our anniversary trip was on a clear path to disaster and disappointment. This was NOT how I pictured it to be at all.

 

I finally made it to the receptionist desk after a 20 minute wait on line. I think she sensed I wasn’t feeling well because she immediately gave us a complimentary upgrade to a suite for our anniversary. That was truly kind of her.  We head to the 22^nd floor. Low and behold.. We’re on a smoking floor. There were two people smoking in the hallway outside of their room holding an ashtray. I guess they were locked out.. or they just preferred smoking in the hallway over their hotel room. I don’t blame them if that’s the case. Who wants to hot box carbon monoxide?

 

The room was gorgeous and actually smelled fresh. It was a HUGE suite bigger than our entire apartment in San Francisco . It had big windows displaying panoramic views of the surrounding mountains of Nevada. The bed was massive and there was a JACUZZI in the bathroom! We were pretty giddy. It was like winning the lottery. What an awesome room to celebrate our anniversary! At night we fell asleep to the twinkling lights of Reno and the sea of stars overhead.

 

We had received $30 complimentary free play for the slots. So we decided to head down to the casino to see if we would get lucky. We DID! We won $76.00 on a 50 cent machine. We used that to have a fancy dinner that night at the resort steakhouse. Lobster, shrimp, king crab, oysters and Filet Mignon! It was awesome! :D

 

So here is where things started getting bad… We had a nice buzz from the wine we enjoyed at dinner and decided to throw another $20 in the slot machines to see if we got lucky again. As you can imagine, there was smoke everywhere. Every slot machine had an ashtray next to it. As soon as we sat down, a waitress appeared asking us if we’d like some drinks “On the house” – So we ordered so drinks and played the 5 cent machines for fun. The free drinks kept rolling in and We were getting pretty toasted…

 

A young woman sat at the machine next to us and lit up a smoke. I suddenly felt a seductive pull to do the same. There was an old school cigarette machine literally 4 steps away to my left. (I haven’t seen a machine like that since the early 90’s!)  There was the brand I used to smoke… Camel Lights just staring at me from behind the glass… I saw my husband looking at her too. Our eyes met and I knew he was thinking the same thing. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and sucked hard on my cocktail. The straw in my mouth helped but suddenly the drink was gone. I put it down, focused back on the machine and kept playing…

 

She pulled out another cigarette and lit it up. She was chain smoking, the way I used to back in the day. Suddenly the smell that was so abhorrent to me earlier was now intoxicating, familiar and fun… I was leaning in to inhale it. I REALLY REALLY wanted  a smoke. I started rationalizing in my head “Maybe just one, I mean when in Rome, right? At this point I’ve inhaled enough nicotine just in the air! I’m already getting second hand smoked So what the heck is the difference, right? What’s the big deal??”

 

Then I looked at the machine again. “Maybe I should just buy a pack. Hubby and I can split it. Just one night of excess. No one has to know. It’ll be fun, like the good old days when we were young and didn’t care. It will just  be for nostalgia sake. It’s acceptable here. It’s different here. It’s okay!”

 

My husband saw me looking at the machine. I smiled with a guilty expression. That’s when the waitress came by asking if we wanted more to drink. I said “Yes please” and then turned back to my husband. He saw I was looking at the machine and he gave me his disapproving stern look. I sighed and returned my attention to the 5 cent slot machine.

 

The woman lit ANOTHER cigarette. I watched her inhale and blow the smoke out slowly all luxuriously. She was beautiful and young...  I didn’t realize I was blatantly staring at her cigarette until she suddenly offered me one!!  I had this one drunk moment where I thought about taking one from her. She was holding the pack out to me. There were ten fresh cigarettes in the pack. I could just slip it out of the box and slide it in between my lips. Just like that.  The thought gave me a feeling of drunken bliss. My mouth opened and closed like a fish that had jumped out of her tank. I felt like I was flopping helplessly on the ground. My resolve was slipping. I just wanted that cigarette SO BAD! I felt like every nicotine trigger in my brain woke up and was screaming all at once.

 

There was so much going on in my head at that moment, like those flashes of images they show in a movie when someone is about to die. I thought of the hours spending reading “The Easy Way to Quit Smoking” out loud together with my husband, I remembered drowning the cigarettes in a cup of murky water, I thought of this message board and all the encouragement we’ve received from all of you, I thought of how close I was to six months smoke free, I thought about Jwg’s passing away from Lung cancer, I thought of my husband coughing and wheezing at night in bed, I thought of these 2 commercials which always scares the Sh*t out of me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bxs4Pwn6f9c  

 

 I imagined my husband’s disappointment with me followed by him also relapsing. I pictured him putting the cigarette between his own lips… I  could hear this imaginary doctor later saying “We found a mass on his lungs…” I saw my husband emaciated in a hospital bed with large sad eyes. no no no no..

 

It helped me get my footing. I shook my head and said “No, thanks! I quit actually.. so no, but thanks”

 

“Oh is my smoking bothering you? I’m sorry” She said. She looked genuinely remorseful. I had this weird urge to talk to her about quitting smoking and help her, but then I remembered that I don’t actually know her. We were perfect strangers and we’re in a casino. The last thing she would want is a lecture about the evils of smoking.

 

“Not at all” I reassured her. “It’s fine, really”

 

I turned around in anticipation of the look of approval from my husband…. but of course he was across the room cashing in his winnings at the ticket exchange machine. He didn’t even see me refusing the cigarette. He didn’t witness my potential relapse moment and overcoming the temptation.

 

That was definitely the worst temptation I had in Reno, but it didn’t go away entirely after that. I don’t feel good about the cravings and the hours spent in smoke filled casino rooms/bars/dance areas. I really feel like I took in a lot of second hand smoke and that a part of me was starting to enjoy it. I was on a slippery slope in Reno. I felt like my resolve was not as strong, especially after a few drinks. I just felt kind of out of control. I felt anxious like I needed something, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I hadn’t felt like this since hell/heck week. A lot of old feelings were surfacing. It was weird because all cravings had pretty much subsided after month 3 smoke free.

 

Here I am at 6 months smoke free and I’ve learned that you can’t let down your guard too much. You shouldn't get too confident and cocky in your quit. (I kind of was so this took me by surprise) Another thing I learned is to avoid Reno at all costs if that’s possible.

 

I’m happy that we’re still smoke free despite the experience in Reno but I’ve been dealing with bad headaches for the past few days since I got back from Reno on Monday. My husband has been complaining that he feels a tightness in his chest, like his lungs from all the second hand smoke inhaled. So despite not smoking, We still feel negative side effects from being in nasty smoke-filled rooms for 2 days straight. 

 

So although we enjoyed the beautiful suite, the Jacuzzi, the lobster and filet mignon dinner, the pool… I don’t think we’ll be returning to Reno for quite a while. It’s just not a good place for a former smoker that’s still relatively early in their quit. No more Reno for us.

 

At any rate, Sorry that was long winded. I just wanted to share that experience.

 

-DJ

[Jengelsnew1]

Wow...great job. You are my hero!

[MarylandQuitter]

Well, you were thrown to the wolves and came out victorious.  I'm sure the little trigger here and there will be nothing to deal with compared to Reno.

 

How long did you leave your head hanging out of the taxi?  I bet everybody thought the cabby let one rip and you were just trying to get fresh air. lol

[...]

I wish you would post more often. You are such a blessing.

 

And I could not be more prouder of you than I am right now. You did awesome !!!!

[Leanna]

Even though it was a difficult two days, you didn't smoke DJ and that's all that matters. You're right -- no matter how far along you are as a non-smoker, never let your guard down. Many relapses started with, "I can have just one..." I'm very proud of you though, and you should feel the same way! You dealt with temptation the way you should have, given the situation. 

[comrade simba]

 

I’m happy that we’re still smoke free despite the experience in Reno but I’ve been dealing with bad headaches for the past few days since I got back from Reno on Monday. My husband has been complaining that he feels a tightness in his chest, like his lungs from all the second hand smoke inhaled. So despite not smoking, We still feel negative side effects from being in nasty smoke-filled rooms for 2 days straight. 

 

So although we enjoyed the beautiful suite, the Jacuzzi, the lobster and filet mignon dinner, the pool… I don’t think we’ll be returning to Reno for quite a while. It’s just not a good place for a former smoker that’s still relatively early in their quit. No more Reno for us.

I never understood what non-smokers were bitching about - hey it's some smoke what's the big deal? Now I know. You got a world class dose and I'm not going to feel bad about avoiding smoke filled rooms. Glad you made it out alive!

[Pippa]

Wow Daisy - great post - so glad you made it through and I know you will be all the stronger for facing down all those triggers

[El Bandito]

Brilliant work DJ!

 

Those were serious triggers - and you beat them. Your quit will be stronger for it.

 

well done you

[JackiMac]

DJ absolutely amazing, so proud of you and your hubby, I was at a small party at the weekend, around a few smokers, and felt sick with the taste and inhaling the second hand smoke, but like you said after a short while I actually began to enjoy the smell again, the addiction is never far away, and for you to get through your 2 days filled with smoke as it was you should be immensely proud of yourself, thank you so much for sharing your story xx

[Gemzee]

I'm glad you didn't relapse, I've enjoyed following yours & your husband non smoking journey :) Well done for keeping your quit.

[action]

Jane, have I told you that I love reading you? Just a few dozen times?! lol

 

I am really happy that you both made it through, and sorry for the headaches, painful lungs.... Imagine how much worse they would have been if you had smoked?

 

I'm really proud of you and I think you are extremely brave.

 

One thing I know for sure is that I won't be going to Reno anytime soon!

 

Hope that your husband joins here soon!

 

We missed you :)

[Fay]

Congratulations to you and hubby on 6 months of freedom!  Just think how strong you are now as you passed some BIG triggers! 

[SueBeDoo]

Well done DJ on getting through it, you did fantastic hun, I am soo happy and proud of you xxx

[bakon]

Good story. I hate smoke filled places and avoid them for this reason. Too easy to "get used to it" again.

 

I have quit for long periods before and know just one means a few more years.

 

Great reason to pledge a year to board to get past the safe feeling that really is only safe when quit older. NOPE. Means not one puff ever

 

Again good job

[joylovepeace23]

You are so wonderful at telling your story...Thank You for sharing!  I am so happy that you kept the quit.....great job!

[beacon]

Jane, I just read this now. I am so happy you guys got through. Happy six months! :) :) :) you are great!

[Colleen]

DJ...Fabulous job staring down one heck of a trigger!

[Melody]

Wow, great job getting through those triggers!!  You did an awesome job!!

 

I am honestly surprised though, when we visisted Reno for some Army stuff we stayed in the Casino/Hotels and the only smoking was on the Casino floors but the hotel and restaraunts were very nice and fresh.  Their ventilation systems are amazing.  Sorry you had such a rough time, especially on your anniversarry.  :(

[Holski]

Wow. wow wow wow!

I am so proud of you!

You and your hubs are kicking a** and taking names

and I couldn't be happier for you!

:D