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[MLMR]

I don't know what to say or what not. My relationship is over, after way too long of arguing and trying and more trying. This is most definitely challenging quit-wise. Im not even sure if Im sad or mad or relieved, or maybe a weird mixture. Every 'reason' to smoke pops up, ofcourse. This relates to my biggest trigger : not caring anymore, because of feeling disconnected. 

 

Ive got to pull it from far. A smoke won't fix our problems and it won't heal us. I have to focus on the one thing that will help me, regardless of anything else: 

 

don't put anything in my mouth that's on fire.

 

Edited January 27, 2019 by MLMR

[notsmokinjo]

You good Chook??

 

You just realised...

You don't need to post an sos?

You don't know why you didn't quit years ago?

You don't feel like you used to when stressed.....

 

What's going on sweety, let us know how we can help.

[MLMR]

5 minutes ago, notsmokinjo said:

You good Chook??

 

You just realised...

You don't need to post an sos?

You don't know why you didn't quit years ago?

You don't feel like you used to when stressed.....

 

What's going on sweety, let us know how we can help.

I pressed enter too quick. Modified my post.

 

 

[notsmokinjo]

I am sorry your relationship is over.... but I am proud of you for knowing that having a smoke wont help anything, it wont make you feel better, or whole, or connected.... it want take away the pain, or the disappointment, or the loss..... it wont heal the rifts and re-unite you and your ex... and you know this. At a time when everything hurts and you can't control many things happening around you what you an control is if you smoke or not... that is one thing I guarantee you that you have full power over.

 

Feeling, or more so not knowing how you feel is normal in the first stages of break up. You tried to save the relationship, you worked at it and gave it your best shot and while right now it might not feel like it... in time it will be better.

[notsmokinjo]

[MLMR]

Thanks for your quick answer.  

 

Yes, we tried everything and for such a long time. I have to start accepting what stage we're at. And trust in that I will manage. I don't want to go that deep down anymore. I can cope, I have to.

Edited January 27, 2019 by MLMR

[notsmokinjo]

Of course you can cope.... you didn't think you could quit 5 months ago... look how well you are doing with that.. you will get through this too... and just like with your quit this new life challenge will make you stronger and will be something you grow from.

[Sazerac]

Here are your own words, M'life, Posted August 24, 2018

 

"So, somehow you feel like you don't care anymore. Maybe it's the depression, anxiety, or just some sh☆tty situation. Let me tell you this: you do care and you definitely give a lot about it. You used to think you didn't care, because it was easier and less vulnerable. Back then, it was your only way to survive. But now things are different, you have changed. Be honest with yourself and listen to the soft voices. They want to be heard. They will help you continue this journey. X"

 

and my words,

I am sorry the relationship didn't work out and is causing distress.

Please be kind to yourself.  Stay true to yourself.

You needn't make a bigger catastrophe by smoking.

 

Stay close.  Drink Deep From The Cup of NOPE.

You have built a strong and sturdy quit, trust yourself and protect it.

S

 

 

[Jenny]

Life changes are so difficult to navigate after quitting smoking.  We spend so much of our lives using the source of our addiction as a means to cope.   It didn't help us cope, but we thought it did and that thought stays in our heads for long time.  After almost 7 years quit when a stressful situation comes up I still sometimes have a brief flash of smoking.  It's not a crave, at least not like they are in the early days.   More like a memory that pops in my head and then is gone just as quickly.   As time goes on you will create new coping strategies.  You already have really since you quit smoking 5 months ago.  Keep your eye on the road ahead and don't look back.  

[Doreensfree]

You have a come along way M...I'm sorry your relationship has come to a end ...it's does no good to stay in a relationship for all the wrong reasons ...

Your right in saying smoking won't make it different ....

We are here for you.... To support you ,along this journey too....xx

 

[MLMR]

Thanks guys, for taking the time to answer. It means a lot to me. Good to be reminded about my own words and coping strategies as well. 

 

I need to see the two seperately. They are NOT connected. Stupid addiction voice makes me want to believe differently.  Growing, healing, leaving suffocating patterns of the both of us behind... no connection with nicotine. 

 

 

 

[Mee]

MLMR, I am sorry your relationship has not worked out.  Maybe now that the cloud of smoke is gone, you can see the relationship for what it has been.  

My daughter has been in a bad relationship for 17 years.  I have watched a beautiful girl lose that beauty, self esteem and glow of happiness.  I do not believe she is strong enough

to leave. My heart aches for her because she has settled for this and has missed out on a truly loving relationship.

You, my dear, are a strong person.  You have been able to overcome the emotional illnesses that have plagued you and now you have overcome your addiction.  

You are not alone, you have a train load of friends here.  We are here for you.

This just may be another step in the direction of that new and wonderful life you are working towards.

xxxx

Linda 

[MLMR]

 

46 minutes ago, Linda Thomas said:

You, my dear, are a strong person.  You have been able to overcome the emotional illnesses that have plagued you and now you have overcome your addiction.  

Ok, now you have me crying my guts out. I concider that a good thing. Thanks.

 

He's one of the best things that ever happened to me. And yet, we are unable to make it together.  That's heart breaking. There has to be something good after this, or I wouldnt find myself in this place. This didn't happen out of the blue.. I am part of the decision and got to take responsability for that. 

 

Pfffwww. It helps to view it the other way round: what if we broke up and I were still smoking? Id probably broken my own no-smoking-in-the-house rule and be sitting here all depressed, smoking and everything. Yuk. 

 

Edited January 27, 2019 by MLMR

[WeegieWoman]

Sorry you're going through a rough spot MLMR. 

[Mee]

1 hour ago, MLMR said:

He's one of the best things that ever happened to me. And yet, we are unable to make it together.  That's heart breaking. There has to be something good after this, or I wouldnt find myself in this place. This didn't happen out of the blue.. I am part of the decision and got to take responsability for that. 

Yes, your heart is breaking right now.  It will take time to heal.  Sometimes those difficult paths lead to wonderful new destinations.  I think you are strong and should trust your instincts. 

We are here to listen or lift you up.  Please reach out to us because we care.

[MLMR]

Note to self.

 

Don't buy smokes. It's not worth it. Take time to proces what's on the table. Sad and painful as it is.  Thats where you need to be with your energy. Feel the wind, take walks whenever possible. Addiction is not what I should feed. 

 

This will pass.

[Tammy]

Hello there my friend,

 

So sorry for the angst, irritation, the not knowing what to feel phase you're going through right now.

I know you are strong. I know you've got this.

 

We all are rooting for you, and you will ride through the storm, and emerge stronger and better on the other side.

Work on getting through the first 3 minutes of every crave to begin with. It might help.

 

Stay true to your quit, your mind and body will thank you for it.

[MLMR]

Thanks Tam. Breathing through, I keep telling myself this won't last.. Definitely know what I am feeling and that is regret and loss. They seem to be core emotions, right..? Probably the right time to take extra care. I am not a reli person, but this definitely has to be good for something.. Im sure there's a vital lesson to learn... but at the moment I look specifically forward to coming home, eating a ton of chocolate chips cookies, wrap myself up like sushi and fall in a 30hr coma. 

[Doreensfree]

M...sweetie ....do anything you have too to help you through this bad time .........except smoke ....that would only be you ,hurting yourself more .....

Be kind and loving to yourself ...I'm a believer ,things happen for a reason...another door will open for you ...on your journey ....

Lean on us ...we are here for you ...

This board has got me through so much ...and it will you too.....

 

[jillar]

Sorry about your relationship MLMR, that's never easy   Be proud of yourself for keeping your quit in spite of it, we care......