I am not smoking today or anyday

[Mee]

Though it has been in my thoughts overwhelmingly, for the past week, I am not smoking.  I have been able to wrap my brain around the fact that this is just a test of my resolve.

My parents are both sick now.  My mom became sick at the beginning of the week and I have been running between her home and the rehab to take care of both.  My dad seems to have given up and was diagnosed with pneumonia.  He has quit eating and I have been trying to make some of his favorites and take it into him but it hasn't helped.                                                                                                       I had been trying to get my mom into the doctor but she would refuse.  I finally took her to the emergency room yesterday and they admitted her.  She is very weak and has RSV and they are concerned about her getting treatments for her lungs.  Sitting in the emergency room, my mother said every cruel thing she could say.  When they decided to admit her, she informed me she would never forgive me.  The doctors encouraged me to leave her because she is very weak and her lungs are full of fluid.  She called last night and said she expected me there this morning because she is signing herself out.  I am up and dressed and ready to go.  

You know, I was a great kid.  If I knew my parents would be so difficult in elderly years, I might have given them a little more trouble when I was younger. lol.   I am trying to separate the childhood hurts and realize that their responses are coming out of fear.    I am just venting to keep myself sane.  I know there is nothing you can do to change the circumstance but you are my encouragement for success in quitting.  You all always give me the words to keep me steady on this journey.  

 

Edited January 24, 2019 by Linda Thomas

[despair not]

Hi Linda

 

Well done for keeping your resolve.

 

Like quitting Tough love isn't easy but it has to be done.

 

Stay strong and Tuff.

[catlover]

Bless you Linda, you can't help how your parents are, they are certainly very lucky to have a daughter like you, who still runs around for them, even though many would,nt.

((hugs) )Stay strong

[jillar]

I'm really sorry to hear that now your mom is sick too Linda. I'm glad you have us and this board to vent to. Quitting is so hard with no extenuating circumstances and you've proved time and time again just how strong you are. No you will not smoke. You will not give anyone or anything a reason to break your quit. You are my hero and proof that anyone can quit and keep their quit no matter what is thrown at them.

You are in my thoughts and no matter the outcome you will have peace of mind that you did all you could do for your parents in spite of how badly they treated you...xoxo

[Sazerac]

Dear friend,

Please do not pick up your mother at the hospital.

If she is capable of signing herself out, she is capable of finding a ride home.

You are not responsible.

 

I am so glad you are keeping your quit, protecting your quit.

I hope you start protecting yourself too.

[Mee]

10 minutes ago, Sazerac said:

Please do not pick up your mother at the hospital.

If she is capable of signing herself out, she is capable of finding a ride home.

You are not responsible.

Oh Sazerac, why am I so foolish?  Wish you would have gotten to me before I left.    I was there at 7:00 am this morning to get her.  She was so mean, I sat out in the hallway and waited for her.  The nurse even tried to calm her.  I have dropped her with my dad and gone home.  She will have to find her way home.   I do understand that they are scared and afraid of losing control.  What I don't understand is why she does not care that she has a caring daughter. 

Oh the saga continues.  The nursing home just called and they are sending my dad back to the hospital because he is sick.  They need me to get his things out of rehab and retrieve my mom because she can not ride in the ambulance to the hospital.  

[Christa326]

Hi Linda,

I am sorry you are going through this...you are doing amazing especially by writing here, you got this!

Sending you hugs and strength.

 

c

[Sazerac]

36 minutes ago, Linda Thomas said:

Oh Sazerac, why am I so foolish?  Wish you would have gotten to me before I left.    I was there at 7:00 am this morning to get her.  She was so mean, I sat out in the hallway and waited for her.  The nurse even tried to calm her.  I have dropped her with my dad and gone home.  She will have to find her way home.   I do understand that they are scared and afraid of losing control.  What I don't understand is why she does not care that she has a caring daughter. 

Oh the saga continues.  The nursing home just called and they are sending my dad back to the hospital because he is sick.  They need me to get his things out of rehab and retrieve my mom because she can not ride in the ambulance to the hospital.  

 

 

You are not foolish, Linda.  You are stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea.

I am sorry I was four hours too late !

There is no understanding or logic to your parent's behaviour towards you,

it is abominably wrong wrong wrong.

Your Mom can scoop up your dad's belongings and get a jitney to the hospital.

But, I bet you are there already, poor thing.

OK, tomorrow is a new day.

Take The Day OFF.  Nurture yourself.

Get a plan together if you can.

Draw the line in the sand.

"If you continue to abuse me, I will no longer drive you anywhere or help you in any way"

 

 

Remember we are on your side and remember that you are loved.

Edited January 24, 2019 by Sazerac

[Mee]

6 hours ago, Sazerac said:

But, I bet you are there already, poor thing.

OK, tomorrow is a new day.

Well I did not go.  The rehab transported my mom to the hospital with my dad.  My husband stopped, on his way home from work, and picked up my dad's belongings.  

This actually may be a blessing because my dad is in regular hospital room and my mom will just stay overnight with him.  This way there will be someone in and out of the room and can keep an eye on her. 

 Have kept in touch with nurses.  My dad does have pneumonia and the nurses feel he will be there for at least three days.   Have contacted my brother, in California, and he is going to come home for a week.  My husband, son and daughter (which is unusual) are all circling the wagon and making sure I get a break.  

In the meantime, I am grateful you are there to hear me vent and guide me.  My quit has really been put to the test and so far it is secure!

 

[Sazerac]

I am so glad to hear your family are circling the wagons, Linda.

Please take care of yourself, friend.  Take more Vit C and Zinc to ward off flu/cold or just plain collapse.

Eat well, water water water.

You are under tremendous stress and must take extra care you don't get sick

(especially since you are in and out of germ factories).

 

Your quit is strong.

You are powerful.

We love having you in our corner, that's for sure.

[notsmokinjo]

I am so proud of you for putting Linda first... It is such a hard thing to do when you are a natural carer. Don't waste energy even trying to understand your parents some people just make no sense. What I can tell you is any flaw or fault that causes them to treat you the way they do is their's not your's. To a certain extent we have a responsibility to care for our parents in their dotage however that does not mean we have any obligation to be abused or to put up with such behaviour. If someone kept their hand in a burning flame even though it was causing pain, damage and scars you would think they were crazy there is no reason to leave their hand in the flame...well staying around to cop the emotional wounds is just as silly...which is why I am so proud you said no and stuck to your guns. You vent away beautiful lady...cos we love you just the way you are and we don't take the gift of your support and friendship and caring nature for granted, we rejoice in it.

 

Right that's it you need a t-shirt that says "I've got big hairy quit balls and when I say NOPE I mean it".....true on so many levels.

[MLMR]

Linda, I don't have wise words for you.. but I admire your courage and I can see that you are making immense choices. And writing it down, giving yourself a voice, is surely one of them.

 

Take care and let nothing and no one come between you and your precious quit.

[Doreensfree]

Wow Sweetie ....

I am so proud of you....you have been tested and you didn't fall over ....My hubs can be a hand full ..but your mum ...just  wow!!!!!.....I carnt hug my daughter enough ...

It's great to hear ..you are getting some support at last....Linda Time ....make the most of this help ...

You are in my heart.... Praying some peace for you......xxxxx

[Wantsit]

Very proud of you Linda in more ways than one. They are our parents and we have to be there as we can for them now that the shoe is on the other foot.  I know how difficult things can get but hell, it couldn't have always been easy for them. I'm going through issues with my mother now and would have never dreamed this would happen. Ha ...I was always her favorite and now i can't even talk to her, but will do what I have to, to have peace with myself. Super proud of you for keeping the quit, and stay strong there is only room for improvement. 

[Mee]

6 hours ago, Wantsit said:

but will do what I have to, to have peace with myself.

That is the part that keeps me there.  I kind of say I am working on my crown for heaven.  Regardless of who or how my parents are, I would be there.  It is my nature.  I have been that way all my life and have done the same with neighbors and friends.  My youngest brother was the golden child.  Still is and is not there to help.  You and I  will not regret it.  If you ever need to commiserate, message me any time. 

[Mee]

Just a little update.  My dad is still in the hospital but is finally starting to turn a corner for the better.  My mom has spent the entire time at his side.  I actually think she really felt she was losing him this time.  They are making sure he is stable before they send him on to rehab.  My mom has threatened the doctors that she will take my dad home, with paid care, if they want to put him in a nursing home.  I hate to see that too but know that, in my moms world, that would be a disaster.  Between my husband, son and daughter, I have been able to keep a healthier balance of being there.  

This has truly been a test of how stress plays that part in smoking.  I have been consumed with the thoughts of sitting and relaxing with that cigarette.  Consumed yes, but acting no!  There is more of me that wants that quit and not that cigarette.  

[notsmokinjo]

Glad your dad is turning the corner for the better Linda. Really glad your hubby and the kids rallied around you during this time.

[Sazerac]

Thanks for the update, Linda.

I am so glad you are delegating responsibility and drinking deep from the cup of NOPE !

[Doreensfree]

Aww ...It sounds like your situation with the family has turned a corner ...good news ....never doubted your quit ....hugs xxx

[Wantsit]

I’m glad to hear things are becoming a bit more bearable for you lately Linda. Keep being strong, I know I have found I rarely think of a smoke anymore. it Just doesn’t appeal to me now. That being said, I know what can happen really quick and keep that in the back of my mind. Stress is a major player in this little trip we’re on.

 

Keep it it up , you are doing great!