I am at risk for smoking now

[Kate18]

I feel as though I am attached to one end of a rubber band that has a cigarette at the other end, and the further away I get from the cigarette, the more the rubber band stretches, and , and I'm afraid I'm going to snap back to smoking. 

It's my day off and I have a lot to do. Just finished an errand. Did not stop for cigarettes.

I visualize cutting the rubber band with scissors and the tension breaks between me and the cigarette. Helps a bit, not much, not enough.

Physically, I feel the desire to smoke in my throat and upper chest/below throat. 

This is not a HALT situation.

 

I'm at 10 days, double digits, finally, after so many attempts to quit.

I can't screw this up.

I am asking myself, "what's happening now that is causing the craving to smoke?

Thinking about that for a few minutes.

It keeps me at the computer and not driving to the store.

 

[Kate18]

I took off my shoes and coat to create delay if I was near to giving in to the impulse to buy cigarettes.

Making a cup of coffee

[Kate18]

Taking my dog outside for a few minutes. Have to put my shoes back on. 

Having a fight or flight response...has the feeling of the intensity of fight or flight.

[WeegieWoman]

Hi Kate. Well done for posting and taking your shoes off. You're not gong to buy fags!!! You will get through this! I think they say a crave only lasts a few minutes so you may be over the worst of it. What I always said to myself was if any thought of smoking entered my head, I said over a few times...'Don't let a thought turn into a crave'. This worked for me. You need to squash or bat away these thoughts. Hopefully others come to help. And stay away from the shops with your dog.... 

[Kate18]

Dog doesn't want to go out.

Shoes back off and sitting here with hot coffee.

Talking to myself.

What's different that I'm feeling an intense desire to smoke?

Someone is coming to Seattle and I intensely dislike this person. I will be obligated to have her in my home, my personal space.

I've never had anyone in my home except family. This is my safe, quiet space.

[WeegieWoman]

Oh wow Kate, I totally feel ya. Im exactly the same. Im freaking out having to spend Xmas day with a person I feel the same about. Must be much worse having them stay in your home!! My home is my safe haven too!! Is it just for a night or two? I'm sure it won't be as bad as you are anticipating....

Edited December 22, 2018 by WeegieWoman

[Kate18]

2 minutes ago, WeegieWoman said:

Hi Kate. Well done for posting and taking your shoes off. You're not gong to buy fags!!! You will get through this! I think they say a crave only lasts a few minutes so you may be over the worst of it. What I always said to myself was if any thought of smoking entered my head, I said over a few times...'Don't let a thought turn into a crave'. This worked for me. You need to squash or bat away these thoughts. Hopefully others come to help. And stay away from the shops with your dog.... 

Hi W.W., thanks for your reply.

This has been going on all morning. I break the pattern of thought by forcing myself to be mindful of making breakfast, for example.

Then mindful about putting away scattered books and papers.

Intrusive thoughts of smoking erupt frequently, each time more intense.

Maybe I need to watch interviews of Marlboro men who got cancer.

Probably not.

[Kate18]

OK, I have to get a grip on reality. 

The problem person isn't here, yet, and my home is still safe and quiet.

I went to the grocery store to pick up a prescription and buy vegetables. I have to put them away. That's good for 15 minutes.

Delay, delay

[jillar]

Kate one thing I used when bad craves hit in the beginning was my air cigarette. I just pretended I was holding a cigarette in my fingers and then went through the motions of "smoking" it. It really helped trick my brain into thinking it was getting the real thing and the craving would pass. Some use cut straws or pens, etc. Maybe try that?

[Doreensfree]

Kate ...sweetheart....would losing your fabulous quit change anything !!!!......

I'm guessing not !!!.....smoking won't make this person suddenly dissapear.....

Life is full of curve balls ...things we don't like ....even non smokers have times they dislike .....

Do you have to have this person ????......it's your home ....

If you you do ...why let this person ruin all your hard work .......make it a positive ....make it make you stronger ....

[Kate18]

10 minutes ago, jillar said:

Kate one thing I used when bad craves hit in the beginning was my air cigarette. I just pretended I was holding a cigarette in my fingers and then went through the motions of "smoking" it. It really helped trick my brain into thinking it was getting the real thing and the craving would pass. Some use cut straws or pens, etc. Maybe try that?

Yes, I will try that, thank you.

Just now, I was putting books away in the living room and heard crunching. 

I hadn't put away all of the vegetables I just bought yet.

My dog had woken up, found the broccoli, and had the entire head of it on her chair. Gave me a few minutes of comic relief.

And now the craving and anxiety have returned.

[Kate18]

14 minutes ago, Doreensfree said:

Kate ...sweetheart....would losing your fabulous quit change anything !!!!......

I'm guessing not !!!.....smoking won't make this person suddenly dissapear.....

Life is full of curve balls ...things we don't like ....even non smokers have times they dislike .....

Do you have to have this person ????......it's your home ....

If you you do ...why let this person ruin all your hard work .......make it a positive ....make it make you stronger ....

No, you're right, it wouldn't change anything. In a way, it would be spending money on that person. 

I think I do have to let her in my home. I'll see if I can find a way not to. Helps that I work full time. Restricts her opportunities to come here.

[Kate18]

Just now, Kate18 said:

No, you're right, it wouldn't change anything. In a way, it would be spending money on that person. 

I think I do have to let her in my home. I'll see if I can find a way not to. Helps that I work full time. Restricts her opportunities to come here.

 

16 minutes ago, Doreensfree said:

 

If you you do ...why let this person ruin all your hard work .......make it a positive ....make it make you stronger ....

And caving into anxiety and letting it lead to smoking would be giving her power over my actions. And thoughts. Toxic.

Your right, I can't let her ruin what I've begun.

And I'm at 10 days, now. I'm trying to think back. Have I ever gone 10 days before? 

The whole point of keeping random people and this person out of my home is to feel that I have a safe, private space. In reality, if I can't find a way to keep her out, and she visits, then she'll leave. I can have an exorcism of my living room, Just kidding.

[Kate18]

33 minutes ago, WeegieWoman said:

Oh wow Kate, I totally feel ya. Im exactly the same. Im freajing out having to spend Xmas day with a person I feel the same about. Must be much worse having then stay in your home!! My home is my safe haven too!! Is it just for a night or two? I'm sure it won't be as bad as you are anticipating....

She won't be sleeping here, thank heaven for small favors.

Am I blowing this up in my mind? 

........

I don't know. 

[WeegieWoman]

Aye it defo won't be as bad as you think. At least that's what I am telling myself!! Ha! It's awful isn't it. That feeling of dread. I think you need to find out soon if the said person is coming or not. As the not knowing might be worse than actually knowing what's happening. Could you send a wee text or email? Ps your dog is so cute 

 

 

[Kate18]

Identifying the source of anxiety and tension that are creating this compulsion to go out and buy/smoke cigarettes has given me something to focus on.

I think the impending visit is the source.

Knowing that lessens the anxiety. I am compartmentalizing it. I was feeling global anxiety -- fearing something unknown and so going into a state of fear and anxiety.

Not sure if this makes sense.

[Mee]

Kate.  Love the dog picture.  

Kate I have issues with people in my family and really stressed the holidays with my early quit.  Turned out I handled everything fine.  When I would have these intense urges, I would breath deep and think how good it would feel.

Know that you have the power to not give in to the crave.  Every crave avoided builds your confidence.  Hang tough.

[Kate18]

2 minutes ago, WeegieWoman said:

Aye it defo won't be as bad as you think. At least that's what I am telling myself!! Ha! It's awful isn't it. That feeling of dread. I think you need to find out soon if the said person is coming or not. As the not knowing might be worse than actually knowing what's happening. Could you send a wee text or email? Ps your dog is so cute 

 

 

Thanks. She's a dear little dog. Small mixed breed from a rescue shelter.

I'll email the person who is bringing her from out of town to visit. Good idea W W.

Thanks

[Kate18]

1 minute ago, Linda Thomas said:

 

  Every crave avoided builds your confidence.  Hang tough.

I really like that thought, Linda. 

Working through these few hours of anxiety and craving are learning lessons. Your right, I think that making it through this unscathed -- that is, without smoking -- will build my confidence.

[Kate18]

I am breathing more easily. Didn't realize until now that my breathing had been more rapid than normal. And I was hunching; poor posture. Anxiety physiology.

Thank you all so much for being here.

I am ok now. I am at the other side of the craving.

 

It is disappointing to me that I had this sense of panic again, and that I felt the need to post on the SOS board. I thought I was all set for not being at risk for smoking ever again.

Makes me feel a bit shaken.

[Doreensfree]

Our brains can sometimes be our  enemies.....

Don't give this person ....then pleasure of distroying what you have worked hard for ...

Most of the time ...things don't turn out as bad as what we imagine ...

If it gets tough.... Come here ...vent away.. Scream Shout ....anything but smoke ....

[Kate18]

Linda, Doreen, Weegie, and Jillar, thank  you.

I'm returning to my day now, feeling more relaxed and confident.

I appreciate your time.

 

[Doreensfree]

Just now, Kate18 said:

I am breathing more easily. Didn't realize until now that my breathing had been more rapid than normal. And I was hunching; poor posture. Anxiety physiology.

Thank you all so much for being here.

I am ok now. I am at the other side of the craving.

 

It is disappointing to me that I had this sense of panic again, and that I felt the need to post on the SOS board. I thought I was all set for not being at risk for smoking ever again.

Makes me feel a bit shaken.

Great stuff Kate....fight the demon...with all youv,e got !!!!

[Kate18]

1 minute ago, Doreensfree said:

Our brains can sometimes be our  enemies.....

Don't give this person ....then pleasure of distroying what you have worked hard for ...

Most of the time ...things don't turn out as bad as what we imagine ...

If it gets tough.... Come here ...vent away.. Scream Shout ....anything but smoke ....

You're right, sometimes our brains can be our enemies. . . . 

I wasn't seeing reality, I was seeing a worst case scenario as though it was real. That kind of thing can trigger fight or flight.

You're right, "anything but smoke."

Thanks

[jillar]

5 minutes ago, Kate18 said:

It is disappointing to me that I had this sense of panic again, and that I felt the need to post on the SOS board. I thought I was all set for not being at risk for smoking ever again.

Makes me feel a bit shaken.

 

Don't be disappointed Kate, we smoked for a lot of years and it's going to take more than just ten days to undo all the triggers associated with smoking. That's why we have this SOS board. Use it as much as you need to keep that awesome quit you have going. You are doing great, and we will be here for you every step of the way