Weeping and panicky.

[Kate18]

I'm weeping and feel panicky sense of premonition that something terrible is going to happen. Had this before, every time I try to quit. I know that a cigarette will restore emotional equanimity and give me relief. 

I don't want to fail, but I have to go to work in 20 minutes. 

It's unrealistic to expect someone to respond in that time.

Just please forgive me if I lapse. I can't continue like this.

[jillar]

Yes you can continue Kate, that feeling will pass I promise.

[jillar]

The only way past it though is to go through it. Tell your boss and coworkers that you've quit so they'll cut you some slack. Suck on candy or drink something sweet to help with the anxiety.

I know you want this because you posted. We all are proof that you can get past this hardest of weeks.

[Kate18]

I have to stop weeping. I can't work with these images in my head. All it takes is one cigarette and it'll go away.

But my self respect will flop, also.

 

I'm a cashier in an upscale health store. I'm having an extra cup of coffee and intentionally delaying going to work by 5 minutes. That way, I don't have time to stop at a store for cigarettes'

[jillar]

Look at that awesome four days, you're almost done with hell week

[Kate18]

I also logged into Quittrain on my cell phone so that I can check back on my lunch break. On lunch break there is ample time for me to go and buy cigarettes and smoke. If I stay in the store break room with my phone and reading QT, I can get through the work day.

1 minute ago, jillar said:

Look at that awesome four days, you're almost done with hell week

That's right, I'd forgotten about the hell week.

Of course, I'll still be going through it later, when I phase off the nic patches. But at least I'll have a month or so time to change habits.

I am feeling calmer.

[jillar]

Good Kate, I'm glad you're feeling a little better. Yes, take us on all your breaks and read, play games, socialise and especially post all your frustration here. We're a great sounding board

And don't worry about coming off the patches, you have plenty of time after this initial first month to worry about that

[Kate18]

Feeling calmer. The patch must be kicking in. Intrusive thoughts are not as strong and I can redirect my focus.

I'm looking at my ticker. I avoided 80 cigarettes so far. That's a lot of damage avoided.

Plus the money saved.

I don't want to be back to telling myself that I'll quit after this pack.

 

OK. Calmer. Leaving for work. Will still check in at lunch to read pledges and discussions. 

Thank you Jillar for answering my SOS and the reminders of good things to come

[jillar]

You did all the hard work Kate, have a great day at work. You're doing awesome!

[Doreensfree]

Kate ....Take some good deep breaths ...this helps to calm you down ....

Look at all the positives ...there are no negatives ....you are doing fabulous .....

Don't look ahead ....tomorrow and the days that follow ...don't matter ....just today....

Tell your self your body is going through massive changes...and it will all pass....

Stay strong ...don't lose your amazing quit ....

[Mee]

Good girl for posting and talking yourself through it.  I think you are experiencing a little panic attack, which is just a part of the quitting process.   

Kate, you have made it four days.  The worst is almost over.  I promise it will get better each day.  Every time you resist that desire to smoke, you become stronger and more powerful.

 

[G67]

Well done Kate!

[Reciprocity]

Kate, I'm glad you made it through this tough craving and you did all the right things in order to get past it. Well done!!

 

These early battles with our addiction are emotionally difficult for us. The more of those battles we put behind us, the more we have invested in our precious quits. After each one of these victories, it becomes even more important to get by the next challenge because to lose all that personal investment always results in a feeling of personal defeat. Right now, you're a shining light not only to yourself but to others as well because despite the challenges, you're doing it! You're smoke free! You want to stay there and we all want you to stay there too.

 

Please remember that these lies your addiction is still telling you in the middle of a strong craving are just that - LIES! That first puff is followed by dizziness, coughing/choking and then the sudden realization of what you have lost, not to mention you're right back at the start again. Don't ever be a slave to this addiction again. Fight as hard as you have to and as often as you need to - don't give in. You can do it  

 

[Boo]

3 hours ago, Kate18 said:

 I know that a cigarette will restore emotional equanimity and give me relief. 

 

The cigarette is the problem not the solution.  

 

Cigarettes lead to smoking.  Smoking leads to addiction.  Addiction leads to "needing" a cigarette.

 

The only problem solved by the cigarette is the problem created by the cigarette.

[Wren18]

Well done on not smoking Kate, stick with it and remind yourself of the reasons you want to quit. 

[johnny5]

3 hours ago, Boo said:

 

The cigarette is the problem not the solution.  

 

Cigarettes lead to smoking.  Smoking leads to addiction.  Addiction leads to "needing" a cigarette.

 

The only problem solved by the cigarette is the problem created by the cigarette.

 

Yeah, what Boo said.  That cigarette will not "restore emotional equanimity and give you relief"  That is all a lie brought on by addiction.

 

Good for you in posting an SOS and making it through this rough episode.  Please, though, do not buy into the lie that a cigarette will do anything at all good for you.  Accepting the fact that cigarettes do nothing good for you at all and that you are completely better without them is a big part to a successful quit.

[Kate18]

Thank you, one and all.

Woosh, that was close!

Just got home from work and I feel relaxed and calm. This morning, I intentionally created delays in my commute so that it would be impossible to detour to a gas station for cigarettes without being late....and I'm never late. Always early.

 

I did catch myself at 5:10, at my cash register, looking at the clock and thinking, "only 20 minutes more and I can have a cigarette." 

Then I smiled to myself and felt relief to know that I hadn't caved in.

 

Thank you again, all, so much. I'm so grateful for this forum. You all are great people.

 

Kate

[Kate18]

7 hours ago, reciprocity said:

The more of those battles we put behind us, the more we have invested in our precious quits. After each one of these victories, it becomes even more important to get by the next challenge because to lose all that personal investment always results in a feeling of personal defeat.

 

YES, exactly what I am feeling right now! That I have too much emotion and self respect invested in staying quit to let myself relapse.

I am staying on the patch for now, though. It doesn't feel straight-up, I know it's a crutch, but I don't want to risk going into weeping and panic again. 

For now, I'll make a note to myself to put on the patch as soon as I wake up. (I take it off when I sleep because it's disturbing my sleep)

 

Maybe a 4x6 index card to put on the frig door, and mark it when I've worked through a battle, as you termed it.  Good word. Win the battles, win the war.

Thanks, Reciprocity

[Mee]

11 minutes ago, Kate18 said:

Then I smiled to myself and felt relief to know that I hadn't caved in.

That is it Kate.  That is the feeling of having the power over your own life.  You are going to be smiling more and more.  

[jillar]

I'm so happy for you @Kate18, I knew you could do it There's no shame in using the patch or any other NRT so use it as long as you need it or its recommended to

[Kate18]

11 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

Kate ....Take some good deep breaths ...this helps to calm you down ....

Look at all the positives ...there are no negatives ....you are doing fabulous .....

Don't look ahead ....tomorrow and the days that follow ...don't matter ....just today....

Tell your self your body is going through massive changes...and it will all pass....

Stay strong ...don't lose your amazing quit ....

Good advice, not looking too far ahead. "Too far" is tomorrow and so on, you're right, they don't matter. I can't manage them today. Can only manage today. 

The changes...I feel more alert. Is that carbon monoxide leaving the brain? I don't remember when it clears out. Have to look it up. 

Tired. Emotional day, but all ended well and I learned the lesson, that for now the patch will keep me on an even keel. I'd thought to do a cold turkey in a month from the 21 mg patch, but maybe I'll have to do the step down.

And there I go again, looking too far ahead.

The present day.

Really looking forward to making tomorrow's pledge.

Good night, and where ever you are, if it's  night,  sweet dreams.

[Doreensfree]

Our minds really are our worst enemies sometimes...... We all did it one day at a time ....even half days ...

Good work Kate.... Keep making that wonderful pledge ...watch the days clock up....

[jillar]

Hi @Kate18, how are you doing today?

[d2e8b8]

You did really well, Kate.  These episodes will happen and you're now stronger and better prepared to fight them.

[Kate18]

8 hours ago, jillar said:

Hi @Kate18, how are you doing today?

Hi Jillar,

I'm fine, thank you for asking. Excited to go and visit my son and his new family (he and his wife had a baby girl in September). I only thought about smoking three times today: when I got to work and there was enough time that I would have smoked, at lunch, and driving home from work. Actually, it's on my mind ever since I got home. Just took off the patch for the night. 

You? All good?