The why...Help!

[MrsFowkes]

Hi Everyone, 

 

I'm new to the site, but not new to quitting! 

 

My quit date was 25/11/18 so my last fag was Sunday, well until 30 minutes ago. I have attempted to quit so many times before I have actually lost count. Each of my quits vary from 1 week to 12  months. Each break in quitting always comes back to handling stress or anxiety. 

 

This quit is based on the east way and Jason Vales app. I have found this week really quite easy, one of the easiest yet. But today I have been faced with a stressful task a t work where I can't see a solution to a problem, so I have really craved. I used the SOS videos, went for a walk, did some deep breathing had something to eat and drink but still gave up and went to the shop. Now I have 20 fags (well 19 now) which I don't want but I know I will end up smoking!

 

I keep coming back to both of the above methods and their comments that we don't start smoking because we think it will help us with stress...BUT I did. When I was 12 years old (now 26), both my parents were very heavy smokers when I was growing up (one still is) and they always use to say 'I'm stressed I need a fag' so when I was 12 and in a state (of what I thought then to be) of stress I thought that the only was that I could get through it was to smoke and I genuinely thought (and still do, to some degree) that it stopped my stress. 

 

So now  each time I am in a stressful situation I just don't seem to be able to get a handle on my emotions and smoke! Does anyone have any advice, please!?

 

Thank you and sorry for the long post!

[Nancy]

Welcome to the board.  You have to accept and acknowledge that smoking does not relieve or cure stress.  What it does is relieve the withdrawal symptoms which makes you feel calmer for 30 minutes or so until the withdrawal symptoms come back.  You have to decide for yourself that there is no circumstance that it is okay to smoke.  NONE!  You are romancing the cigarettes and giving them power they do not have.   Quitting can be uncomfortable, even miserable some times,  but it will not kill you.  Smoking does not do one positive thing for anyone.

[Tammy]

My dear Mrs Fowkes,

 

Initially, what you are getting are more cravings, your body sending signs saying "Oh no, all the nicotine is out of the system, how will we survive?" these red flags make you believe that you cannot operate without smoking.

Trust me, this time, your body is lying to you. You were not born with a smoke in your mouth, you've lived a decently large part of your life not smoking and the same holds true for the rest of it as well.

 

You have to work towards moving from one crave to the next initially, so the next time you do get a crave, just give yourself 4 minutes. If at the end of 4 minutes, you still feel like smoking, well, give yourself another 4. 

 

in this interim, watch a funny video, read a small article, watch a favourite scene from a movie you love, listen to a great song, maybe twice, dance like no one's watching (that is if no one really is, unless you can dance, I have to lock myself in a room with 6 metres of aluminium before I can do my version of what's called a dance).

But just get through that crave, and very soon, the craves will lessen.

 

Everyone you meet on the train will vouch for that. The craves will lessen. 

Soon you will see how it's better not to be bound by this habit, and not be a slave to it's whims and fancies.

 

Just take it and deal with it one crave at a time.

 

There's some really good advice Nancy gave, and many more seasoned quitters will certainly provide you with a lot of gems. Stay close to the forums, drink up on the knowledge, and pretty soon, we'll be celebrating your first month being quit.

Stay strong Mrs Fowkes, you're better than your habit, you're stronger than your habit.

[Sazerac]

Welcome to the site, Mrs Fowkes.

@Nancy is absolutely correct,

19 minutes ago, Nancy said:

Welcome to the board.  You have to accept and acknowledge that smoking does not relieve or cure stress.  What it does is relieve the withdrawal symptoms which makes you feel calmer for 30 minutes or so until the withdrawal symptoms come back.  You have to decide for yourself that there is no circumstance that it is okay to smoke.  

 

When you want to quit, you Can quit.

When you commit to Not One Puff Ever you can have a successful quit.

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 Ten Ways To Effectively Use This Forum

[MrsFowkes]

@Nancy

@Sazerac

Thank you both very much! Advice well and truly accepted, especially the dance! 

As I have broken the quit today there is no point in saying that I'm not going to have another today, that's not going to happen with the packet outside. I will give the packet to my husband and start again tomorrow. Definitely committing to the not one more puff ever.

 

[Reciprocity]

Hi MrsFowkes! You seem to have a pretty good understanding of what you are doing that is causing you to fail each time in your effort to stay quit. As others have said, the stress you are relieving by smoking is the stress cause by your nicotine addiction and the repeated association with smoking when you have life stress. Only you can break that cycle - no one else can do that for you. It's not easy for sure but everyone of us here has had to do the hard work to get to where we are and the good news is .... so can YOU!

 

Part of what you are doing when you light up a smoke in a stressful situation is you are just taking a small break to think about the situation and what you should do to get through it. You can still do that but without the smoke. Take a small break from what you;re doing and go for a walk or just to a different room and take some deep breaths, suck on a hard candy - whatever allows to to calm yourself so you can think about things. You might just find that works as well as having a smoke. Did having a smoke ever solve even 1 of your problems - I think not. Just gave you a distraction so you could think about things.

 

Stick around here. You will find the support top notch and that counts for a lot when you are struggling.  Go to our Daily NOPE page and pledge your nope every day. I think it will help.

Edited November 30, 2018 by reciprocity

[Doreensfree]

Hello and welcome  aboard,

You have been given great advice...spend some time time here reading and Learning ....

Learn  all about the Lies ...Smoking offers you nothing ...life has problems whether you smoke or not ...smoking won't change anything ...it doesn't calm you ..its all Lies...

It just relieved the withdrawal till you put nicotine back in your body....

It's so doable ...make the decision never to Stick anything in your mouth and set fire to it ...no matter what....

Looking  forward to getting to know you better ...

[JimHannoonen]

Well now that you smoked, did the stress magically go away? Were you able to find a solution?

 

My guess is no...

 

Commit to not smoking. It really is as simple as that. Is it easy? No. But one you commit -and I mean really commit- to never smoke again, you can't fail.

 

You can make excuses until you're blue in the face (we all have), but really, it boils down to how committed you are. It's all or nothing, my friend.

 

Now stop smoking. Now.

[d2e8b8]

One of the tips I received when my quit was new was to 'welcome the crave'.  Wish I could find those words to share with you.

 

The idea is - every time we hit a crave, it's an opportunity to beat it and for the quit to get stronger.  Once I understood that, I went out looking for the things that triggered an urge to smoke.  This allowed me to tackle the crave on my terms i.e. I was prepared rather than it creeping up on me unawares.  Then I would mentally play a game of beating it with a hammer and shouting 'die, crave, die'.

 

I stood with co-workers as they smoked, sat on the bench outside the library where I normally smoked, went outside the house after dinner, etc.  Doing this over and over again also helped prepare me for those occasional triggers that hit me unawares - I had a response I had practiced many times.

 

Everyone has their own way.  Lighting a cigarette will not cause the flat tire (or any situation) to improve.  We just need to learn to do these things without smoking.

Edited November 30, 2018 by d2e8b8