Day 3

[Lilly]

Day 3 was difficult as I have been extremely emotional. I am not sure if I can explain my feelings in words but will try. 

 

I was watching my Day 3 videos by Joel Spitzer and there was one that I had watched before. When I watched it the first time I felt sad but continued to smoke. When I watched it earlier it brought out feelings in me that I didn't even realise were there. 

 

After watching it today I sobbed for hours for my own mum. I watched my mum die due to smoking and then I smoked my way through her death, her funeral and then during a very long period of grief. 

 

Today I feel as though I am going through a second cycle of grief. My beautiful mum was taken from us because she was addicted to smoking. This thought has tortured me most of the day and my heart is breaking for her. 

 

I'm seeing this addiction for what it really is and I'm angry. I'm keeping that anger for another day though as today I need to cry only for my mum. 

 

I'm now in Day 4.

Edited November 14, 2018 by Lilly

[jillar]

It's good to see you Lilly, your feelings are all normal at this stage of your quit. I too lost both my dad and my uncle (his little brother) to smoking related cancer. And I too smoked through it all and continued for the next 14 years after my dad passed.

We can't change the past, we can only learn from it...….

Well done on getting through day 3 and now being on day 4. You're doing great! xoxo

[Sazerac]

Oh dear, Lilly,

Smoking leaves a sad and tragic legacy to any survivors of a smoke related illness.

 

I am so sorry you lost your Mother.

Grieving takes a long time and comes up unexpectedly years and years after you thought your grief was complete.

Give yourself time and space whenever grief comes up for you.

It is all part of the healing journey.

 

Smoking hid so many of our deep feelings.

I used to think I was in touch with my feelings

but, after I quit and so many feelings came tumbling down,

I realized the veil of smoke hid so much.  So much.

 

Be kind to yourself and give yourself a reward for this day.

Tomorrow, will dawn a new day.

[Mee]

Oh Lilly, I am so sorry.  We all looked past the ones we lost to smoking.  Ignoring reality was the only way that legitimized our continued smoking.  We were all going to be the lucky ones.

Fortunately we had the opportunity to see it for what it was.  

I am so glad you have made it through day 3.  It sounds as if you have turned a corner by being able to relate so differently to the films.

Your still in the tough period.  Your emotions will probably be all over the place.

Take care and hang tough.  You are doing great!

[Martian5]

Lilly thanks for posting this.  I too went through the same thing, except that I smoked for many years after even though I was angry about what smoking had done to my mother.  It is strange how this addiction works.  The emotions you are going thru are par for course -- keep strong and keep coming back-- you are doing fantastic.  Congrats on getting thru day 3!!!!!!

[bakon]

Keep marching

[Lilly]

Thankyou everyone

Edited November 15, 2018 by Lilly

[brand.new.ela]

I am sorry Lilly and I’m proud of you and your strength. Usually day 3 is critical and cravings peak then, most probably it’s related to nicotine leaving the body. With each day it’s goingto be easier. Take care! 

[johnny5]

I am so sorry to read this, Lilly.  Smoking truly is horrible.

 

Congratulations on making it through day 3.  Keep fighting.  Your quit will get easier with time.