Why a relapse after so long

[Kdad]

Hey all

 

Just wanted to get thoughts and opinions on why we relapse after years sometimes. 

[Reciprocity]

It's an addiction Kdad, plain & simple and we are all nicotine addicts.

 

Weak moment years down the road - too much to drink at a social gathering & someone offers a smoke and you momentarily think; "I beat this smoking thing for years. I can have one .... it won't hurt". You have one or even a few drags and it awakens your junkie brain. A day or two later you buy a pack thinking you can just have another one. Surely you could smoke just one a day and not 20 or 30 like you used to. Within a week you're back up to a pack a day and the regret over what you did is crushing.

 

It's really easy to maintain your quit once you have a full year or more under your belt but you must always guard against doing something foolish on a whim. People don't smoke years after they quit because they have some overwhelming urge to smoke again. It's always something that starts out very innocently but ends up badly. The circumstances vary but the story is always the same ..... I thought I could have just one!

[Tammy]

Good question, and not really someone qualified to answer, still way too young in my quit.

 

However I think (and this is based on a recent super intense crave episode) the starting point of the relapse is what is crucial to identify. We long for familiarity in unfamiliar or stressful situations, and in such cases, whether months or years after your quit, the brain automatically rewinds to the "familiar" which was lighting up. Regardless of whether that helped or not, it was just the next "natural" thing to do.

So maybe that pattern is sometimes hidden for years and suddenly comes to the fore. It's like the brain trying to comfort itself by saying, the last time you did this action, and were able to get through, so let's rinse and repeat, in a manner of speaking.

 

The fact is the last time and each time, the only way out is through, so one has to deal with situations. Having a cigarette in my hand won't change the dynamics of the problem, but yes that's the fight we gotta win each time.

[Doreensfree]

I have never had a long quit...this is the longest.... I only did odd days,odd week here and there...

As its been said ..It's a Addiction...and we must always be on our guard...not to let junkie thinking in ....

We get complacent.... We think one wont hurt.....we think it's only one,I won't get hooked...

It only takes that one ..to wake the monster....

[notsmokinjo]

Its a great question... especially for newbies if they see people further along quit. So I threw away a long quit, I didn't loose it, I chose to toss it away but having a smoke, buying a pack and being a junky. I can tell you this quit, the one I have now, will be the last quit I have... and it feels completely different to the first one. This quit is basically a done deal now, I know I can never have another puff because I know 1 puff and I'm a pack a day within a week. But this time I don't even want one.

 

So the first time I quit was for over 6 years. That said I felt the same at 6 years as I did at 3 weeks... I never got beyond that... I only kept the quit as long as I did because I couldn't find a "good enough" (in my twisted brain) reason (excuse) to justify to myself and others why I smoked.... eventually I found one.... it was pathetic but it was the first 'decent' thing I found. You see I only quit because someone else said I couldn't... I didn't want to quit, I just wanted to prove them wrong... the whole time I didn't smoke I romanced the cigarette... I sought out people who smoked and hung with them so I could second hand smoke.... every day I wanted one... I just had to find a reason where (in my mind) I wouldn't look too bad if I smoked. So I had one after a car accident... then bought a pack... then bought another pack... and continued to do that for more than a decade... and then I have this quit... I hardly ever think about smoking anymore and when I do I get a feeling of revulsion.... this is my sticky quit... completely different mind set.

 

 

[c9jane29]

Being comfortable enough to believe that they can outsmart the Law of Addiction...you can't. One=all.

 

NOPE. 

[Sazerac]

Prior to this quit, I only refrained from smoking when pregnant, fully intending to smoke again asap.

 

This quit feels rock solid but, I know that I can throw it away with one puff.

I think the realization that I am an addict

and the education about nicotine addiction that is refreshed consistently

helps to solidify my quit.

Also, the horrifying thought of re-living another quit quells any junkie thought that might creep in.

I never ever want to go through that again.

 

Being an addict is a curious thing.

It never goes away and is instantly awakened with ONE puff.

This is why vigilance is fundamental.

 

 

[Cbdave]

G'day

And did you know that first cig tastes like crap. Doesn't give you that lift or anything that you remember. Still you go back to smoking though. 

Well, I'm awake to that now. I'm not forgetting and get myself robbed again.

NOT ONE PUFF EVER

C

[johnny5]

We are all addicts.  The longer you go without smoking, the more dormant the addiction becomes.  

 

I rarely think about smoking now but the occasional thought does still hit me.  It is weak but it is still there.

 

Recognizing that you will always be an addict and that you can never take another puff is the key.  You will get to the point where you rarely think about smoking anymore and aren't tempted by it.  

 

Some people at this stage, I think, believe they have the addiction beat and think "just one won't hurt."  They let their guard down completely and decide to light up.  Horrible mistake.  That re-ignites the addiction.

 

The key is to stick to NOPE - not one puff ever.  That is the only way you beat the addiction.

[sgt.barney]

Don't include all of us in your "we". The Sarge will NEVER relapse.

 

Those who relapse, do so for one and only one reason : they smoked tobacco. 

 

EZPZ

[despair not]

We are all addicts and as such we are all one puff away from a pack a day.

[Cristóbal]

Once you internalize that smoking has no benefit - and learn that one puff will start the active addiction again - then you will have your stickey quit.

 

As human beings, we do not want to do things that will not have a benefit for us.

 

So once you internalize that smoking has no benefit, you simply will not want to do it.

 

 

It is exactly for these same reasons, that most people who have never smoked, never start.

 

 

Cristóbal

 

 

 

[Doreensfree]

SMOKING IS A ADDICTION.....

It's not a habit..!!!!!......once my brain totally understood this ....I settled down in this quit...

I thought I was a lady...yes some of you... Lady lol......who just had a ciggy habit ....no i was a junkie......

So ...like any other addiction...there is no such thing as ..Just One !!!!

[babs609]

those that relapse were still convinced somewhere in their brain that smoking actually did something for them.  Even if they stayed abstinent for 10 years.  

 

those of us who KNOW it does absolutely nothing for us....we will never relapse.  Ever.  

 

 

[Christa326]

ahhh we think "oh one will not kill me" but yes as addicts, it is not going to be just one! And even that one makes you a smoker. Point blank..

We can do this when stressed, drunk haha, etc. When my stepson passed I lit up the same night. I said it will just be to make it through the next few days..yeah OK! I smoked almost another 3 years. Never again. NOPE!

[Kdad]

Great thoughts everyone! The habit vs addiction distinction has to be made to make a quit last. I think a part of the addiction is a need and satisfaction cycle.  It's a cycle independent of nicotine per say, which is why substituting hard candy for instance works. You want something - you satisfy that want. This dynamic is at the forefront and you could say that indeed smoking "does" provide something, the completion of the cycle of want. The trick seems to be A - finding other things to want or B - realizing that you don't need anything. Not at all saying I have this figured out, just some thoughts.

 

Ken

[JB 883]

On 11/14/2018 at 12:55 PM, babs609 said:

Those that relapse were still convinced somewhere in their brain that smoking actually did something for them.  Even if they stayed abstinent for 10 years.  

Those of us who KNOW it does absolutely nothing for us....we will never relapse.  Ever.  

 

 

I feel the same way about marriage and relationships in general.

They are alike in a way -

one destroys mental health, the other physical.

Both of them become slavery. I am free from both.

 

Not One Spouse Ever.

Edited November 24, 2018 by Jet Black
spelling

[Wantsit]

My dad smoked over 40 years. Had 5 by-pass surgery, half his voice box removed, COPD, and had quit for 26 years. We had just got done eating a great breakfast...pancakes , eggs, bacon , and a great cup of coffee. I watched him push himself away from the table and reach for his pocket. I couldn't believe it. I said really? He said you don't understand I could smoke one so easy right now it would make your head spin , but it  will pass very quick. That is how strong this is. He died because of smoking and I still crave it on a daily basis. I feel guilty for how I feel and think how can you quit and crave it after 26 years? I know it will take time but pray every day I can withstand the temptation. This sucks! How can something like this control your life? I have quit what I thought were a lot worse habits as a youngster and realize now just what kind of grip these nasty things have on me. I hate it!

[jillar]

@Wantsit, this addiction is a monster no doubt about it. The good thing about the craves farther down the road is that they are just brief thoughts that are easily dismissed. I still have them from time to time and figure I probably always will. But they are gone as quickly as they come. 

You are doing great and I promise you these bad days will become fewer and farther apart the longer you are quit

[Wantsit]

Thank you jillar. I hope so because up until now I've done really well. We buried a friend of mine today...62 years old because of lung cancer. Have to stay strong!

[jillar]

I'm sorry about the loss of your friend @Wantsit, and yes stay strong because it will be so worth it.

[Reciprocity]

Yes, sorry about your friend Wantsit. That and other horrible health issues is what smoking has in store for us almost surely if we continue to light up. Quitting is our best option! And Jillar is absolutely correct in what she said. Yes, there are still thoughts of smoking that come to us from time to time but they are no longer what I would call cravings. They are very easy to dismiss. The key is you have to truly believe that smoking did nothing positive for you; only harm. If that is your true mindset, dismissing these thoughts about smoking is very easy - virtually no effort. Not like the early days of your quit that's for sure.

 

Stay with it. You too will be fine  

[Wantsit]

You guys are the bomb!! Thank you for all your positive thoughts!

[JB 883]

I have been quit for 14'ish months. I smoked for 15 years. It is still several times a week I get a brief crave for a smoke.

For your own situation -  It looks like you are on your third week. Just use that as encouragement when needed and think, "I survived three weeks without a smoke, no need to ruin it now".

You have made it through the wort days which is the first week. Battles will come and go but you already proved you can do it.

 

Some people here need this forum to maintain their quit in the beginning. Yeah there is a lot of fun stuff, joking around, whatever. The sad parts though is hearing about omeone's death from smoking. I doubt anyone picked up their first cigarette and thought, "This could eventually kill me, this will cost me, it will make me stink, make me a slave, etc".

Cigarettes are evil little bastards.

 

What made me finally want to quit more than i wanted to smoke - I finally realized what assholes cigarettes are. I came to hate them.

What helps me keep my quit NOW is this - I do not want to go back to the slavery of being a smoker. I prefer to live on MY terms. Even if parts of my lifestyle pisses off the Trump supporters. Wait, wrong forum...

But to be honest, yes there are times I really want one. Cannot do it though.

 

So then,  what is YOUR reason to never go back to smoking?

[Cristóbal]

3 hours ago, Wantsit said:

My dad smoked over 40 years. Had 5 by-pass surgery, half his voice box removed, COPD, and had quit for 26 years. We had just got done eating a great breakfast...pancakes , eggs, bacon , and a great cup of coffee. I watched him push himself away from the table and reach for his pocket. I couldn't believe it. I said really? He said you don't understand I could smoke one so easy right now it would make your head spin , but it  will pass very quick. That is how strong this is. He died because of smoking and I still crave it on a daily basis. I feel guilty for how I feel and think how can you quit and crave it after 26 years? I know it will take time but pray every day I can withstand the temptation. This sucks! How can something like this control your life? I have quit what I thought were a lot worse habits as a youngster and realize now just what kind of grip these nasty things have on me. I hate it!

 

 Hello Wansit,

 

Congratulations on completed Week # 3 !!!

 

Your Dad still wanted to smoke because even after 26 years of not smoking, he did not have enough education to eliminate the lies the addiction had created in his head, telling him there were benefits of smoking. As long as you believe there are benefits of smoking, you will not have a happy quit and you will feel like you are depriving yourself.

 

So how do you go from the Point A of being a smoker, to the Point B of being a happy non-smoker who has internalized that there are no benefits of smoking ???

 

It is done through education about nicotine addiction, and how it affected you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

 

 

Quitting smoking involves stopping smoking, but that is not all of it if you want to have a stable and happy quit.

 

Invest time in yourself and your quit, and educate yourself as much as you can:

 

Check out  http://www.whyquit.com

 

Watch Joel Spitzer´s videos here on QuitTrain https://www.quittrain.com/forum/15-joel-spitzers-quit-smoking-video-library/

 

And spend some time every day on this forum, asking questions as you did right now.

 

All of this will help you put your mind and body where it needs to be - with a strong educated quit, ready to live life again as it should be lived: in complete freedom of all that you are as a human being, from addiction.

 

 

Cristóbal

Edited November 24, 2018 by Cristóbal