Junkie roaring

[MLMR]

It's almost 4:30 am and I've been imagining myself driving to the 24h gas station over 40 times.  I don't want to reach that point where I no longer care and think, ahh to hell with it. How can my initial reasons and perseverance be so far away all of a sudden?  Can't seem to quit the bloody romancing, though somewhere in the back of my mind I know it's rubbish. I did everything in my power the first two months and now I can't get back at that? What kind of stupid circle is this?

75 days in, wouldnt want to throw that away right? Ohhhh man crazy stuff!!!

[Whispers]

Fight it off, move a muscle change a thought ...

 

 

[MLMR]

Ok, you know what... just read my own SOS answer and Id be an ass for lighting up. I do care, I don't smoke and yes I am unable to reach reasons and whatever. Nevermind this post. Grrrrrrr. 

[jillar]

Good on you for posting and then reading the replies MLMR. That's what it's all about, giving you time for the craving to pass. You did good girl, you're still smoke free and that's all that matters

[notsmokinjo]

Um... never mind this post, pffft... seriously sweety we mind because we have been there... Month 3 can be really hard for some of us... I hated month 3... Jet Black hated month 3.... promise, with my hand on my heart, it gets better.... month 3, for some of us, kind of smacks... you just have to buckle down and hold tight to that quit an keep it safe. You can so do this... posting this thread is you protecting your quit... reading your own sos response is protecting your quit... those are the actions of a woman in control, a woman fighting to be safe with her quit. Well done.

[MLMR]

Thanks @notsmokinjo. Seriously doubt how long I can/want to keep on doing this . I know I am in a dangerous place thinking that. Must again focus on JUST IN DAY AT A TIME. And maybe even hours. 

[notsmokinjo]

Read some of the no man's land threads.... and let me just tell you how long you can do this... you can do this for the rest of your life, the not smoking, because the battle and the fight that goes away... promise.. it really does. Its pretty horrible right now, but compare how you felt 70 days ago with how you feel now.... compare those craves and thoughts to these.... gurantee these are much less its just because of the 3 month no man land entry they are temporarily a bit more often than they were. This is the last really big push the nicobitch will make.... you beat this you really are home and hosed. 

 

OK.... you know how long you can do this, as long as you have too because if you don't you have to go back to the start and go through all that again.... no looking back, no looking forward just worry about today... today you do not smoke, today you will not smoke... let tomorrow take care of itself. Just focus on today. I love my booby (bird) avatar but if I had the time over I would be an emu or a kangaroo because neither of those can walk backwards... its always forward.... that's why when I post a picture of myself I use a kangroo instead of another aussie animal... because I can't go backwards.

[Reciprocity]

It's been posted by many here about what happens when people for whatever reason give up a well established quit and the story is the same every time and ..... it's not a happy story. Never heard one person yet come on here to say it was Great and they're glad they did it - not one person has said that! Yes, your mind is making it seem like something that would bring you great pleasure and solve your problem about having to carry on the quit battles but in reality, lighting up again would be devastating to you. Just ask Foe who's recently come back after throwing away a substantial quit.

 

Why did you quit originally? Health reasons? Money it was costing you? The fact that smoking controlled everything in your life? So, now you're romancing smoking - why? What one good thing is smoking going to do for you? Already established above that it won't give you that nirvana moment you're seeking. Many people who have taken that path have told us that so why oh why would you want to go there? I understand you're growing weary of the constant battles, even though they may not be as difficult as they were in the beginning but you are at a place now where you have no viable choice but to continue because going forward is the ONLY direction that will bring you the peace and happiness you're seeking. Going back will crush you immediately as you exhale that first and second drag from that cocktail of chemicals you mistakenly think is your comforting friend. 

 

Carry on MLMR no matter what! As everyone is telling you ....... it WILL get better  

Edited November 6, 2018 by reciprocity

[Tammy]

MLMR,

 

Having recently had the benefit of your support in one of my weaker moments, I can tell you without a doubt that I tided over thanks to the support of everyone on here, and i'm glad I did.

You've already chosen to fight for your quit, so you're definitely a few steps ahead of me...and I am not making this a race, but more of an evolution.

Whatever may be the reason, trust me it just doesn't dissolve by smoking. If that were the case, WWII would have been sorted out in smoking rooms.

 

You're stronger than whatever you are facing right now...I believe in you and your quit. Together, we shall overcome.

[MLMR]

51 minutes ago, notsmokinjo said:

Read some of the no man's land threads.... and let me just tell you how long you can do this... you can do this for the rest of your life, the not smoking, because the battle and the fight that goes away... promise.. it really does.

I know you are right Jo. You must be, like other people who tell me it gets better. Heck, I've been there myself for three years. It annoys the crap out of me that it's like this now and I know that being irritated about doesn't make it better at all, it probably does the contrary. I don't want to give up, I want to continue and quit this sh*tty addiction once and for all. I don't want no more stinking no more junking no more coughing no more grey skin no more risk for all sorts of diseases no more shame no more self loathing.

 

28 minutes ago, reciprocity said:

It's been posted by many here about what happens when people for whatever reason give up a well established quit and the story is the same every time and ..... it's not a happy story.

You are also darn right, I know that. No one ever came back from relapsing saying how nice it was. Thanks for you answer Reci. Really appreciate the time you and others take, also in the diary section. I don't always answer but I read everything more than once and try to indulge and really get what you guys say. Gotta go forward and accept this stage as well, just as I did with the other stages. Apparantly it just is like this right now. Nope and move on -> continue that for as long as necessary.

 

15 minutes ago, Tammy said:

MLMR,

 

Having recently had the benefit of your support in one of my weaker moments, I can tell you without a doubt that I tided over thanks to the support of everyone on here, and i'm glad I did.

You've already chosen to fight for your quit, so you're definitely a few steps ahead of me...and I am not making this a race, but more of an evolution.

Whatever may be the reason, trust me it just doesn't dissolve by smoking. If that were the case, WWII would have been sorted out in smoking rooms.

 

You're stronger than whatever you are facing right now...I believe in you and your quit. Together, we shall overcome.

Thanks Tammy for your support. I like how you see it as evolution. You are right, I'm fighting for it, but it's costing me a lot of energy. I really think now is the time to take it easy .. uhm and just float a long?!?!  But it's not like that and I can jump up and down, it feels out of my hands! And I want to go on with my life ffs! But like many people justly say, it is IN my hands. As long as I... Just. Dont. Smoke.

 

Sigh. And now back to work. Imagining telling you guys I smoked makes me cringe. If I can't reach for my own motivation maybe thát should be it for the time being. I'd be mortified

 

 

Edited November 6, 2018 by MLMR

[Reciprocity]

No. you don't want to come here and tell us that because then we'd have to get Doreen and her fry pan involved  

[c9jane29]

Or worse...a glitter covered frying pan...

Cause we'll do it!!

I can tell you, it is worth fighting for...and I know you know that...or you wouldn't be here with an sos. (You would be like the countless otherels that disappear into thin air.)

Have you tried yoga? Or taking up the pogo stick? ...just trying to think of what is jumping your junkie brain and how to calm it down.

I wish I could help more...sorry your having a hard time with it. I'm here if you need to talk friend!!

[Tammy]

3 hours ago, c9jane29 said:

Or worse...a glitter covered frying pan...

Cause we'll do it!!

I can tell you, it is worth fighting for...and I know you know that...or you wouldn't be here with an sos. (You would be like the countless otherels that disappear into thin air.)

Have you tried yoga? Or taking up the pogo stick? ...just trying to think of what is jumping your junkie brain and how to calm it down.

I wish I could help more...sorry your having a hard time with it. I'm here if you need to talk friend!!

That pic is magical @c9jane29 so mesmerising

[Paul723]

Stop giving smoking any of your head space.  When a thought comes to you immediately dismiss it.  When it came to me. I would say "not an option, move on."  The faster you do this, the less these types of thoughts will bother you.

[MLMR]

7 hours ago, c9jane29 said:

Have you tried yoga? Or taking up the pogo stick? ...just trying to think of what is jumping your junkie brain and how to calm it down.

I wish I could help more...sorry your having a hard time with it. I'm here if you need to talk friend!!

Taking up the pogo stick is an excellent idea. 

You and others help a great deal and I think thats great..  Gotta do this part myself. The not-smoking-part I mean. Im sure there will come a time when it gets easier, maybe that's tomorrow or next week. I know where to find you amigo, thanks again for the talk-offer! 

Edited November 6, 2018 by MLMR

[Baseball Coach]

Isn't it funny how the addiction works to convince the brain to go buy (or sneak, or borrow) some smokes?  Or to justify lighting up because life is tough right now and a cigarette will make all of your problems disappear.  It won't.  It will suck and you will be REALLY disappointed in wasting som much time in the current quit. 

 

Recognize these things...  You don't smoke any more, you haven't smoked in a long time, there is no nicotine in your body to cause the craving and you are not going to smoke no matter how your addiction tries to control you, and two, at some point, you no longer have a physical addition, it's all mental.  Slam the door on the mental side with the HUGE conviction that it's just not going to happen ever again and continue to keep slamming that door on the addiction.  BEGONE BRAIN!  No more smoking no matter what you try to pull over me.

 

Keep it going!

[Doreensfree]

How you doing today ???

Every day you fight a battle and win ......it  brings you closer to Freedom...

Having wobbles are OK...as long as you dont smoke ...

3 months ..is a danger zone to some ...to me it was just a fabulous victory ...

Turn a negative into  positive ....

You have a fabulous 3 months quit...there are millions who would envy you sweetheart...

Keep fighting....and reading ....and watching videos....

[MLMR]

On 11/7/2018 at 7:15 PM, Doreensfree said:

How you doing today ???

Wobbly. Trying to avoid arguing with myself about smoking and just keeping it at a big fat nope. 

Edited November 9, 2018 by MLMR

[jillar]

Keep your mind busy on other things MLMR that way your brain doesn't have time to think about smoking. But boy I sure don't miss that part of quitting. I woke up thinking about it and continued until I fell asleep at night. I stayed glued to the board and found just reading and being involved REALLY helped keep my mind off the constant thoughts.

I promise you that it won't last forever. One day soon you will wake up and go through your day and at some point realize you weren't constantly thinking about cigarettes.

[Kdad]

Just thinking... maybe there is a "physical" side to the addiction long after nicotine leaves the body and it's not all mental. It's like smoking opens a physical door and it remains open forever, always ready for a relapse. It would explain smoking again after such a long time, I've heard of ten year relapses, the addiction is still there but covered by determination. I hear a lot on this board about the "sunny" life of the non-smoker and I think that is true but I would also say that something stays with us forever. Being part of a group like this shows great determination so stick with us MLMR! 

[Kdad]

Hmmm,

 

"The good news is that once you stop smoking entirely, the number of nicotine receptors in your brain will eventually return to normal. As that happens, the craving response will occur less often, won't last as long or be as intense and, in time, will fade away completely."

[Reciprocity]

Yes it's an addiction Kdad but you are correct in your second response saying that the craving response occurs less often and isn't nearly as intense. After a long quit, and I would even say 1 year or more relapse is completely a mental thing. Yes we are nicotine addicts and those receptors in our brains are dormant but ever ready to be fully awakened if we foolishly think we can have just one for what ever reason. We can't have any. Plain and simple. As long as we understand that, we're good to go.

Edited November 8, 2018 by reciprocity

[Doreensfree]

We have to rewire our brains ...we have for years ,decades  believed all the lies about smoking..

We believed it offered us everything...in fact...it offered us nothing....this is a journey....

[Sazerac]

@Doreensfree is right.

Quitting Smoking is a journey.

 

After the first year of triggers and craves

it spins into a time of self-discovery apart from 

identifying yourself as a smoker.

You learn who you are.

 

All you can do right now is live through this

with the understanding that you are not alone

and that it is not impossible to quit.

 

@Paul723  is right on and gave me the same advice four years ago !

"Stop giving smoking any of your head space.  When a thought comes to you immediately dismiss it. 

When it came to me. I would say "not an option, move on."  The faster you do this, the less these types of thoughts will bother you"

 

[Wantsit]

Hang in there MLMR! I am right behind you. Week two and I think it's much better now than this time a week ago. I know what we're up against. Was was free from this 11 years ago for a whopping 5 months until  a tornado decided to blow through our town and take everything. My biggest regret is taking the first drag...the first of many more. Right now I am starting to feel a new sense of pride that I haven't had about something for a long time. I know it is a long journey but we'll get there.