Scared

[Sparkles]

So here I am again.  I have just had my last puff I hope.  I am not in a very good place personally right now, so am worried I am just going to let you all down as I am not currently very strong. But I want to do this, so hope somehow I find the courage.

[MLMR]

Hi Pumpkin, 'wanting to do this' is the best start you can imagine.

 

Do you also know why you want to quit? I found it helped me to write all my reasons down, even the obvious ones. To get some motivation and reality checks, when the going gets tough. 

 

Got your fruit juices and water bottles present, to speed up detoxing and balancing blood sugar? 

 

Have a good start, hang in there and take care! 

Edited October 15, 2018 by MLMR

[Martian5]

Welcome Pumpkin.  It is not unusual to be a bit concerned when you are looking at quitting.  I know I was after 44 years of smoking but I did want to quit and I did find the courage, a lot of it from here and inside myself -- You to can do this.  Read what is on this site, anything and everything it will really help to educate yourself.  Also come here often to reach out, good people here but some can be quirky at times but all will help, it can also be fun here.  Come here daily to do the daily NOPE pledge -- it truly helps.  Others should be along shortly but in the mean time realize that the courage is with in you.  

[Sparkles]

Thank you both. This isn't my first time here, I had a near year long quit but then my life was turned upside down. No excuse I know, shit happens. And I am still in a very bad place emotionally but smoking is contributing to my out of control health anxiety. Plus I want to be healthier, and I can't afford it any more. 

 

I hope I don't let myself down again.

[jillar]

Hi Pumpkin, please don't worry about letting us down. Quitting is tough but I found that being active with a support community really helped me keep my eye on the prize. There will never be an ideal time to quit if nicotine has its way. It will use any excuse to suck you back in. We all have struggles but have found it in ourselves to stay the course and quit this terrible addiction. You can too!

Stay close, and reach out any and every time you feel like you want to cave to a crave and we will try our best to get you through it. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

Edited October 15, 2018 by jillar

[c9jane29]

Welcome Pumpkin!! Anyone who smokes is ALWAYS in the "perfect" or even the "right" place in there life to quit!

Why waste even another second sucking on butts? There is so much more in life to do!!

You have to commit to your quit!

 

[Whispers]

Hi pumpkin! Don't be scared, you're saying goodbye to a friend but that friend is also not good for you. Cutting out toxic friends is a good thing and you will live a happier/healthier life without it

[MLMR]

5 minutes ago, Pumpkin said:

Thank you both. This isn't my first time here, I had a near year long quit but then my life was turned upside down. No excuse I know, shit happens. And I am still in a very bad place emotionally but smoking is contributing to my out of control health anxiety. Plus I want to be healthier, and I can't afford it any more. 

 

I hope I don't let myself down again.

So you already know a lot about quitting, good! Try to see this as a completely different quit, because it might just as well turn out like one. But do use the knowledge you gained back then. It's already in your head. Just need to freshen everything up and grow it from the start. I know you can do it, even with the anxiety. Which s*cks by the way, but it's definitely managable. How did that go back then? 

[Sparkles]

1 minute ago, MLMR said:

So you already know a lot about quitting, good! Try to see this as a completely different quit, because it might just as well turn out like one. But do use the knowledge you gained back then. It's already in your head. Just need to freshen everything up and grow it from the start. I know you can do it, even with the anxiety. Which s*cks by the way, but it's definitely managable. How did that go back then? 

I'm ashamed to say I found it relatively pain free. This may sound stupid but I feel I often smoke to sabotage myself. When I like myself and my life I can do anything, but the moment it goes wrong it's almost like I stick two fingers up at myself and want to punish myself. The first three days I always find hard, but after that I'm usually ok. But my life is very different now and I know it's going to be tough this time.

[Reciprocity]

 

Welcome back Pumpkin! Glad to see you having another go at this.I know you can do this because you were have already shown yourself how strong you could be for almost a year. You had some hard knocks that life threw at you and chose to go back to smoking. Quitting now will not only benefit you health wise and in your wallet but it will prove to yourself just how strong you really are. That's one of the truly wonderful benefits of quitting long term - the self pride knowing you can do what you thought was impossible  

 

I can't think of a better way to get yourself back on track emotionally than to prove to yourself that you can quit for good - no matter what! And, just look at all the people you have here to support you along the way   Show yourself that you are worth it - quit for good this time!

[Sparkles]

6 minutes ago, reciprocity said:

 

Welcome back Pumpkin! Glad to see you having another go at this.I know you can do this because you were have already shown yourself how strong you could be for almost a year. You had some hard knocks that life threw at you and chose to go back to smoking. Quitting now will not only benefit you health wise and in your wallet but it will prove to yourself just how strong you really are. That's one of the truly wonderful benefits of quitting long term - the self pride knowing you can do what you thought was impossible  

 

I can't think of a better way to get yourself back on track emotionally than to prove to yourself that you can quit for good - no matter what! And, just look at all the people you have here to support you along the way   Show yourself that you are worth it - quit for good this time!

 

Thanks buddy. Sorry you had to fire me last time!

[MLMR]

6 minutes ago, Pumpkin said:

I'm ashamed to say I found it relatively pain free. This may sound stupid but I feel I often smoke to sabotage myself. When I like myself and my life I can do anything, but the moment it goes wrong it's almost like I stick two fingers up at myself and want to punish myself. The first three days I always find hard, but after that I'm usually ok. But my life is very different now and I know it's going to be tough this time.

So these moments are worth diving in to,  right? Because thats where everything comes together and you make the difference (or not). And apparantly you want to and you do care for your health and wallet

 

 

 

[Doreensfree]

5 minutes ago, Pumpkin said:

I'm ashamed to say I found it relatively pain free. This may sound stupid but I feel I often smoke to sabotage myself. When I like myself and my life I can do anything, but the moment it goes wrong it's almost like I stick two fingers up at myself and want to punish myself. The first three days I always find hard, but after that I'm usually ok. But my life is very different now and I know it's going to be tough this time.

 

Welcome back pumpkin....

Never give up giving up....

It sounds as if you know where you went wrong....all you can do is learn by this....

We can support you....but you still have to do the work....

You know you can commit ...so let's make this your sticky quit ...

[Mee]

1 hour ago, Pumpkin said:

This may sound stupid but I feel I often smoke to sabotage myself. When I like myself and my life I can do anything, but the moment it goes wrong it's almost like I stick two fingers up at myself and want to punish myself.

i think all smokers are sabotaging themselves and don't like themselves.  It gives us the excuse to keep smoking.  The longer I smoked the more I wanted to withdraw from life.  I just wanted to sit home and smoke.  You want to change this part of your life or you would not be here.  So let's get going girl.  Make this your permanent quit.  No matter what is going on in your life, your life is so worth it.    

[johnny5]

Welcome back, Pumpkin.  I'm sorry you've had trouble quitting for good.  I had multiple short attempts and I think your remark about "sabotage myself" kinda fit with me as well during those times.  I think part of it was being scared of actually really succeeding at quitting.

 

But, I can tell you, as I'm sure you know, that cycle of quitting, relapsing, quitting, relapsing, really sucks.  When you are quitting, you wish you had a cigarette and when you were a smoker, you wish you were quitting.  It is best to quit for good and stop going through that crazy cycle.  Eventually things get better.

 

Take it one day at a time and don't focus on your past relapses.  Try to focus on the positives of what you are doing by quitting.  If you get down or feel the need to sabotage yourself, remember that what you are doing by quitting is a really awesome thing.  You can do this.

[notsmokinjo]

Welcome back Pumpkin.... you were getting off the train just as I was joining and getting on. So another self sabotaging quitter... welcome to the club... I'm definitely in that category... I have a very long history of self sabotaging my life but think that realising that's what I am doing is the first part of moving forward.

 

OK.... this might help but my life is fairly horrid at the moment and there are a lot of things outside my control... but there is one thing I have full and complete control over... that is smoking... noone but me can decide to stick something in my mouth and set it on fire.... I am clinging to that control and loving it. I honestly think being able to control that one thing is helping me with all the chaos and drama because I am in total control and noone can challenge it or take it away.

[NADA]

Pumpkin

 

Quitting is easy when you're feeling good about yourself.  It's those times when life sucks and everything's going sh|tty that your true resolve and commitment are necessary.  Take a really long hard look at what's gone wrong and what you need to do right.  There is an way to success (hint: NOPE) and it's all within your grasp.

 

P.S.  Remember to post an SOS if you're at the point of lighting up. 

[Sazerac]

18 hours ago, Pumpkin said:

So here I am again.  I have just had my last puff I hope.  I am not in a very good place personally right now, so am worried I am just going to let you all down as I am not currently very strong. But I want to do this, so hope somehow I find the courage.

 

Hello again Pumpkin, glad to see you again !

I am sorry you are not in a 'very good place personally right now'.

Quitting smoking will change this.

Quitting smoking will free you and ignite your self-confidence, believe me.

 

You will do this, when you want to quit more than you want to smoke.

 

You are not to worry about disappointing us.  We know what quitting is like and we understand the struggle of addiction.

We are here to encourage and point you in the right direction but, You must do the heavy lifting. 

Educate yourself on Nicotine Addiction, this will give you an essential tool and lead to a successful quit.

Even if you think you know....learn again, read till your eyes bleed.

 

There is no reason you cannot have a successful quit.

Anticipate some physical discomfort and put in the effort of re-training your brain, changing your habits

and you will soon be amazed of the benefits both physically and emotionally.

Plus, being here you will help others along the way.

 

Let us know how you are.  It really is good to see you again, Pumpkin.

[MLMR]

How are you doing, @Pumpkin?

[brand.new.ela]

Pumpkin, many people quit and relapse. The important thing is that you’re committed. I am sorry you’re having difficult time at the moment. Getting rid of the addiction might actually contribute positively. We are here for you. 

[Sparkles]

Good evening.  I'm doing well, I wanted to wait until I'd reached 24 hours before posting!  I've been keeping myself busy outside gardening, I've got a lot done today. I have someone coming to view my house on Saturday so need it to look tidy. I then sat outside with two eight year old girls who are staying in one of my holiday cottages, and we sat deseeding sunflower heads for the birds.  I now feel very tired, but in a nice way.

 

Thanks

 

[MLMR]

Thanks for letting us know. Sounds like you had an ok first day. Gardening is so nice! Is the weather in France also still exeptionally good for this time of the year?  

 

I hope you sleep tight tonight and get your well deserved rest.

Edited October 16, 2018 by MLMR

[Doreensfree]

Hi pumpkin... Glad to hear your doing well...keeping busy is a great pastime...and I'm sure the birds were happy too...

[Reciprocity]

Great first steps P! This is how you will do it, one day at a time. The birds are gonna love those sunflower seeds 

[Joe7]

Congratulations on getting this quit started and getting through the first 24 hours Pumpkin!