*hiding won't work* .. help :-/

[MLMR]

Almost too scared to post again here ...  But I have to get through or it's been for nothing. Me shouting out loud that panick attacks /depression have diminished and nearly two days later I am fighting old demons all over again and I'm barely able to push myself back from getting that quick fix (which isn't a fix and all etc bla). 

Sometimes it's just so frickin raw and apparantly butt-naked and above all roller coasting bumpetiebump, learning to cope in new ways.  Is this healing? I want to talk myself through in a firm and decisive way, but all I can manage now  is internal demolition, which was exactly one of the reasons to quit smoking (and also often THE reason to start again!!): to learn how to do the nice way, physically as well as mentally. I want to learn that. I really do. And although right now I have no further clue, I am not going to smoke because I know that won't help in any way. I hope I'll be able to laugh about this some day because right now tears and shame are having a blast. 

[Lust4Life]

Quitting can be a vicious cycle. You are the one in control of the brakes to stop it. 

 

Go go back and read your older posts. Previous SOS.  Think back and remember how god awful the first few hours were. 

 

Dont go go back to day 1. That place sucks.

 

Stay here, in YOUR quit & fight.

 

 

Edited October 3, 2018 by Lust4Life

[Lust4Life]

P.S. please don’t feel scared or ashamed to post SOS!  It is a tool that works when people use it- and the people that use it want to protect their quit.   

[Reciprocity]

Hey My Life - you have been fighting this addiction with everything your have for weeks now and your addiction knows it's losing the battle. It will wait until you are at your weakest then hit you with everything it still has left in a desperate attempt to draw you back in. Trust me! This sounds overly dramatic but it is the way this addiction works. I've been there. Yes, you're 5 or 6 weeks into your quit but that's still young in the grand scheme of things. I remember struggling horribly a couple of times around my own 6 week mark and soon after that, things were much more manageable. Hang in there My Life - you'll get there too  

Edited October 3, 2018 by reciprocity

[Paul723]

Give yourself some air.  Take some deep breaths.  Focus only on breathing, long and slow.

[Pearlie]

Those early days sure are tough, My life.  They were for me as well, multiple times.  I was not one of those who quit successfully on my first try.  For my final quit, I had to promise myself that I would not smoke no matter what.  That is what finally got me over the hump.  And things did slowly but surely get better and I'm sure the same will be true for you.  I wish you well, My life, and like Lust says, don't ever feel embarrassed to post an SOS and reach out for help.  That is what this place is for.

[jillar]

Hi my life, you've been given great some great support already and I hope by now you're starting to feel just a little bit better. Maybe try doing what worked for you the last time to calm you. I think you put on some music?

Distractions are always good too. Maybe do something you always did without smoking. That will push the thoughts away. 

[MLMR]

Focussing on breathing now. Made tea. Trying to visualise people know and are doing this with me. Aka,  not alone. 

[jillar]

You are not alone my life Youre doing great, I'm making coffee right now so I'll join you in a virtual cup

[Reciprocity]

You're NEVER alone here My Life. We have all walked in your footsteps at some point. That is how we get to be free of this horrible addiction  

[notsmokinjo]

Sorry your having a rough moment My Life, but so very proud you posted an SOS... we don't care how often you post an SOS.... that's what the thread is here for.... and did you know when you post an SOS you help someone else who is going through the same thing but hasn't sos'ed ....The nicotine receptors have built up over a long time, they live in your brain, they know your triggers, because they have been pushing them to make you smoke and feed them their nicotine for years.... so they are pushing every red button you have to make you give in. How strong are you... you new it was tight so you asked for help... asking for help takes power... and courage. So proud of you for KTQ.

[Lust4Life]

Well done, MLMR! Enjoy your tea. Enjoy tasting it’s great  flavor as a nonsmoker -Cheers! 

[Baseball Coach]

Grit your teeth, breathe deep and say "Hell no, I'm not gonna do it."  Get mad at the tobacco.  Get mad at the tobacco companies.  Just say, "I'm not gonna buy any, I'm not gonna borrow any, and I'm just not gonna smoke any... and I sure as hell ain't gonna throw away the time already spent being nicotine free.  One day, one hour, one minute at a time, whatever it takes, just get through it, it will pass.  Do not let the demon win.  Do not let the tobacco companies win.  They are strong, but you can be stronger.  I guarantee that the relief and pleasure you think you would receive by lighting up will not be worth it.  IT NEVER IS!  Then you'll try another to continue the search for the relief, and guess what....  you're a smoker again and they win.

 

[Sazerac]

hello M'life.

When the adrenalen from your trip dropped and the euphoria of your success abated

it was a ripe time for your addiction to rear it's ugly head and make it's displeasure known.

This is the addiction's last gasps.  You will not be fooled into relapse.

Smoking gives you nothing and  you won't get the 'ahhhh' feeling anymore unless you have a few smokes, thus re-starting the addiction cycle.

Why would you do this ?  Right ?

 

Embrace the suck, it won't last long.

You will emerge victorious.

[Whispers]

We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking

 

 

 

Move a muscle, change a thought!

 

 

 

[Mee]

2 hours ago, Whispers said:

Move a muscle, change a thought!

Just breath deep!  That clean drag feels so good.  You have come so far and can keep going.  

[Mee]

The bad new is that I just ate the last of the 25 donut holes I bought this morning and I did not share a one.  The good new is I didn't have a smoke!

[c9jane29]

Sorry I missed your Sos ((MLMR!!))

More sorry that you are having a bad day...I think most people that smoke (drug users in general) have depression/anxiety; we abuse use to self medicate. I deal with all that seperate from my quit because there are people that have never used also dealing with the same and worse problems.

This one statement made me smile ear to ear tho:

11 hours ago, MLMR said:

 I am not going to smoke because I know that won't help in any way.

Here's what I saw:

 

[Parsley]

SOS is your friend!  Totally saved me today! We ARE doing this!

[Mee]

5 minutes ago, Parsley said:

SOS is your friend!  Totally saved me today! We ARE doing this!

Together is a wonderful place to be.  Thanks for calling out and letting us be there.

[Parsley]

It truly is a wonderful place to be!  Thank you!

[MLMR]

Thanks for all your wonderfull and sweet answers.

 

Today I'll check in with my doctor, maybe discuss St. John's Worth with her. Gonna get my SAD lamp out of the cellar and use it daily again. I am worried about the moodswings. It is tempting to adress them to quitting, but it's more likely seasonal and/or something underlying that's triggered now I'm not able to puff it away anymore. Whatever they may be, it's important that I take action on them in time, that much I know.

 

Writing here helps, but at the same time the exposure also triggers old mechanisms. So I am going to cut down on that a bit. As usual it's all about balance, I guess. 

 

Thanks again, you people are a special bunch.

 

[Mee]

@MLMR So glad you are seeing your doctor.  You are still quite early in your quit.  I am just a little ahead of you on the quit train and I also have had those roller coaster mood swings.  I think our low self esteem has a lot to do with smoking and it really rears it's ugly head when we quit.  I am finding the further away I get from smoking, my self esteem is growing.  Remember it is not just a physical addiction, it is a mental addiction. 

Don 't isolate yourself sweetie.  At least let us know how you are doing.  We care and are here for you!

[jillar]

Glad you're checking in with your Dr mlmr, hopefully you guys can come up with a plan that helps you feel better

[Sazerac]

With the change of seasons, the sun going to visit those like Jo, under the equator,

the light and lack of it is a real factor in our moods in the Northern Hemisphere.

This is a real thing.  Light your lamp, 

Every day point your hands and face towards the sun, even if it is cloudy.

The UV's will find you and cheer you.  Also, Vitamin D3.  

Stand your ground, you are a fabulous nicotine free woman.