I Think I'm Going To Need Some Help Please ...

[Soozie]

Hi Eveyone, 

 

First off, sorry for the lack of posts ... 

 

I had a very unexpected visit from one of our boys .. he has a lot of emotional problems (mmm ok he's not a boy, he's 27) he smokes for Australia, so I've spent three days with him, trying to help him and all the time trying to avoid the smoke from his ciggies !!!

 

Today, one of our daughters turned up, haven't seen her for a couple of weeks, she has relationship issues, also smokes but not for Australia, thankfully ! Another day gone !

 

That's just two of our adult children ... we have another 5 ... I'll save that for another day !

 

On Sunday we have two visitors arriving from England, the following Sunday we have one more. I had a plan when hubby went back to work, to make everything look lovely, I really haven't achieved very much this fortnight at all  :huh:

 

Next week hubby comes back from work on Tuesday for four weeks after two weeks on nightshift, bearing in mind hubby smokes not just for Australia but for the whole world and  we have 4 social occasions to attend to just in the first week ! and things are never good straight after night shift !

 

I've also got my 50th birthday party (24/5) which I haven't completely organised ... almost there but still lots to do ... 

 

Another one of our boys is in love with one of the overseas visitors that's coming over (she's his partner) and they  would like us to go away for a couple of days with them the week after next ... 

 

I've got my shitty non smoking brain on at the moment and It's taken me all afternoon just to make a couple of lasagnas to put in the deep freeze so I've got something to feed our visitors for one night ! I have so much to do it's overwhelming ... usually I can sail through stuff like this, but my brain has gone to mush !

 

 I am worried about the next four/five weeks ... would it be too much to ask for some threads/words of advice bearing in mind my recent relapse ????  I have already been sent lot's of 'stuff' but it's all over the place on different threads, and in an emergency I think it would take me ages to find everything ...  if anyone has word's of wisdom I would love to have them all in the one place, ie here ... 

 

Sorry I know I'm being a pain in the backside, just trying to get organised before the onslaught of May ! If I've got a housefull of guests and visitors I don't really think there will be time to post an SOS, 

 

Thanking you all in advance 

 

Sue x

 

PS sorry I haven't replied to much stuff that's been going on, I haven't had much time to myself this week XXX 

 

 

 

 

 

[Paul723]

Smoking is not an option.  Take it off the table.  You no longer smoke.  I repeated this whenever I had a crave or thought. 

[Soozie]

Smoking is not an option.  Take it off the table.  You no longer smoke.  I repeated this whenever I had a crave or thought. 

Ok, that's one for the record ... thankyou !

[sharonsiff]

Make lists of the things you 'must' do Soozie.

 

Keep busy, keep very busy. Ask yourself if you would get a million pound to do the task ahead would you do it? If yes then crack on and do it...please don't let the fact your detoxing put your life on hold, will make it worse.

 

No matter what Soozie don't smoke!. The only reason you feel like this is because of the damage cigarettes do, not because you can't have one.

 

Keep busy, don't allow the dread to take over. Get planning that fabulous seventies party ;)

[Nancy]

Look at this when you are tempted, please...

 

and she got much worse before she died...

[action]

LOL Sue, you couldn't be a pain in the backside if you tried :p

 

OK, so let's try and not worry to much about a possible relapse - that's not very productive at all which you already know because you can't concentrate. Try instead to embrace the quit. Look on it as 100% positive, that they HAVE to smoke, and you don't. You don't have to smoke because you are a non-smoker. In theory you should get a heck of a lot more done that way.

 

And there is always time for an SOS Sue, so get that thought out if your head right now lol

 

If you can't (or don't want to) post on the main board for any reason, I am sure there are people here who will take PMs at any time or give you there email addresses or phone numbers for emergencies!

 

Bottom line, embrace the freedom, and tell us if you need us! I have a feeling that if you can get through May, then you could be looking at your sticky quit right here :)

[Soozie]

Make lists of the things you 'must' do Soozie.

 

Keep busy, keep very busy. Ask yourself if you would get a million pound to do the task ahead would you do it? If yes then crack on and do it...please don't let the fact your detoxing put your life on hold, will make it worse.

 

No matter what Soozie don't smoke!. The only reason you feel like this is because of the damage cigarettes do, not because you can't have one.

 

Keep busy, don't allow the dread to take over. Get planning that fabulous seventies party ;)

thankyou ... this is what I need X

[Soozie]

Look at this when you are tempted, please...

 

and she got much worse before she died...

oooohhhhh I think that will help Nancy ... thankyou x

[Soozie]

LOL Sue, you couldn't be a pain in the backside if you tried :P

 

OK, so let's try and not worry to much about a possible relapse - that's not very productive at all which you already know because you can't concentrate. Try instead to embrace the quit. Look on it as 100% positive, that they HAVE to smoke, and you don't. You don't have to smoke because you are a non-smoker. In theory you should get a heck of a lot more done that way.

 

And there is always time for an SOS Sue, so get that thought out if your head right now lol

 

If you can't (or don't want to) post on the main board for any reason, I am sure there are people here who will take PMs at any time or give you there email addresses or phone numbers for emergencies!

 

Bottom line, embrace the freedom, and tell us if you need us! I have a feeling that if you can get through May, then you could be looking at your sticky quit right here :)

 

 

seriously Action, it's going to be mayhem here ... I really don't think there will be time or more importantly any privacy to post an SOS, that's why I'm doing this now, I've got two days until the visitors arrive ... Gemzee gets back on Sunday, they may be all on the same flight lol 

[Nancy]

oooohhhhh I think that will help Nancy ... thankyou x

Usually I avoid the scary pictures...but for some reason that one really gets to me....

[Soozie]

Usually I avoid the scary pictures...but for some reason that one really gets to me....

this is what I want Nancy, I'm going to have too many people around to post an SOS,  that's why I want my own little private sanctuary to go to ... thankyou x

[JackiMac]

Soozie my lovely its time for military planning and action, sit down, deep breath and relax take 5 mins to clear your head, stop panicking, everything will be fine, everything will work out, believe me we always panic us women don't we and what for, yup nothing we panic because its what we do best lol.  Anyhoo busy is good, do you like working with plans, make up plans of action for the coming weeks, organise (im an organisation freak and have lists for everything, don't follow them, but they help), and remember nothing is not sortable, if all else fails, throw everything in the air and go out for the day!  Also remember you made the choice that you no longer smoked, and craves are just thoughts that will pass, and you are a strong lovely person who will get through this and enjoy every single minute too.  We will all be here for you should you need us, but I think you have this in the bag xx

[sharonsiff]

Soozie, maybe write yourself a 'are you kidding me!' Letter here, on this thread. So when it seems to be mentally a bit 'how's yer father ;)' you have it here, something you wrote when of sound, unstressed mind.

[Soozie]

Soozie, maybe write yourself a 'are you kidding me!' Letter here, on this thread. So when it seems to be mentally a bit 'how's yer father ;)' you have it here, something you wrote when of sound, unstressed mind.

Hey Shazza. yes tomorrow I will have a couple of hours to myself, just before the onslaught, I'm going out walking early with my friend, and then daughter number 1 is coming over apparently to help .!!! ..but I think you sent me "are you kidding yourself" if not you then somebody else ... that's why I would love to have all this on on thread ... thankyou 

 

Sue x

[Aine]

Make quitting a priority. There is almost always 5 minutes to go to this website and read and post if needed. There is a strong possibility that you can live longer and spend more days and hours with your children if you do not smoke. This is important. Make time for it.

 

Tell your husband, a child, whoever, at that moment, what is going on. You will probably be overwhelmed with support. And, even if they can't understand because of their own addictions, you are so worth it.

 

 

I care. Now, your turn. 

 

:)

[sharonsiff]

Hey Shazza. yes tomorrow I will have a couple of hours to myself, just before the onslaught, I'm going out walking early with my friend, and then daughter number 1 is coming over apparently to help .!!! ..but I think you sent me "are you kidding yourself" if not you then somebody else ... that's why I would love to have all this on on thread ... thankyou 

 

Sue x

I remember that Soozie! Babs sent you mine...rofl...yes I remember ;)

[NeedforSpeedHM]

All you need is N.O.P.E. No exceptions :) it's failproof if you take it serious... Make a little jingle out of the word, say it over and over in your head, and make it stick! Oh, and hey....... you are a non smoker, you don't smoke or NEED to smoke..... :)  You will be just fine soooooooooooooozie :)  I got my pom poms out for you! :)

[Jonny5]

Soozie, when your mind is set, and your will is unshakeable, you will realise that smoking/not smoking has no bearing on the other elements of your life.  none whatsoever

 

I quit 4 days before the busiest family Christmas I have ever catered for, I done all the prep work, the shopping, fighting through the crowds at the shops, wrapping presents, dealing with inlaws.......

 

I was surprised how dooable it all was.

 

it was my smoker head, the one that said I needed cigarettes to do anything, that had frightened me into thinking I would struggle.

 

I didn't, and nor will you, for as long as you want to be quit more than you want to smoke.

[sherry]

Soozie, sweetie... as moms we can't help our kids if we aren't here, right?

[sgt.barney]

Blah blah blah blah ...

 

We all have stressors, issues and drama in our lives.

 

The Sarge has but one question: So what?

 

So What? 

 

What's any of that got to do with smoking a cigarette?

 

The Sarge has a hint:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

[sharonsiff]

Soozie....is it because you have 'bad imput/gremlins' in your mind? That you, Soozie, will just buckle under the busy period and the fact the world and his wife will be smoking around you?

 

That was me....once upon a time....pop some new imput in your mind Soozie.

 

Plan, that when it all feels like it's getting too much you will NOPE and ? ( insert your own plan) write the plan down Soozie, read it every hour from now, make it second nature that you are solid on the plan of action.

 

Soozie, did you know that when you have a positive thought the blood rushes to that side of the brain? Positive plans, and thinking, are nature's own medicine in times when we need it. Make your plan, write it down, make it something that you accept as true and reasonable (don't try and trick yourself)

 

Please just trust that you 'Soozie' can NOPE.

[El Bandito]

Sooz!

 

What a fantastic time you have set up! Exciting. Family, friends all together...birthday party....wow fantastic!

 

Pillar of strength for the kids. Housemaker of the year!

 

Hmmm...

 

I daresay that you have already overcome things far tougher than I ever have. Childbirth for a start!

 

Next time a child has something where they need your help....do you think that you being on oxygen might hamper you? After all - if you leave the door open, they can let themselves in.

 

Cleaning? Well - I am sure that great home helps are available in Aus.

 

Get the kitchen changed - I'm sure that you can rustle up a Lasagne from a wheelchair. But - at least you will be focused.

 

Sorry Soozie - you have everything that you need. A massive set of motivators to live and be healthy, a mass of reasons not to cripple yourself with an addiction.

 

In terms of the reality, the proximity of the consequences...why not drop a PM into Marti and ask her to tell you about her Mum - or Doreen and ask her to tell you about Tony?

 

You don't smoke. Period.

 

You won't smoke again - because you don't want to.

 

Simples.

[Trish]

Soberjulie

Specialist Princess of Insolence

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Posted 07 April 2014 - 06:07 PM

some days are harder than others.

 

but you don't pick up that first cigarette 

 

you just don't.

 

it's less about willpower than it is about making a decision not to, in advance of the thought or the desire, no matter how scared, angry, jealous, happy, bored, horny, depressed, anxious, elated, insecure, arrogant, lonely or silly you feel.

 

some days it seems that although yesterday life looked good, today it doesn't, and although you know the only thing that's changed is your attitude, it's hard to shake.

 

but you don't pick up that first cigarette 

 

the one that always leads to all the others.

 

you just don't.

 

even though you might think about it for a minute.

 

(but you're too smart to let that thought linger. Still ... for just a minute, the idea is there 

 

it feels like the Universe is leaning on every.

 

single.

 

button.

 

so you make some phone calls

 

but all you get is voice mail.

 

but you don't pick up that first cigarette 

 

you just don't.

 

you leave messages all over Quit Train and Facebook pretending to be doing a little better than you are, but sort of alluding to the idea that, gosh, if they could get back to you that would be cool...

 

You feel stupid about what could amount to spamming your social networks but you log on and do the same thing again.

 

and that thought from before, the one about smoking didn't leave, exactly. it's like a piece of food stuck between your teeth, or a little splinter on the bottom of an unimportant toe (not the big one, that you'd feel with every step -- this is there/not there -- uncomfortable enough to feel but not so much that you stop and do something about it.)

 

so you get busy, and try to write, or read, or do that whatever-it-was you've been putting off, but that just feels futile or irritating.

 

and you dare the universe to dazzle you with some amazing "coincidence" -- a call from your quit buddy right now -- a knock on the door right this moment, a particular song on the radio the second you turn it on -- a Sign you can share about at Quit Train then everyone will smile warmly and nod, and you'll feel all "right" with things and wise and connected ... but ... 

 

nothing happens. no call. no knock. an ad for discount mattresses on the radio.

 

and you don't pick up the first cigarette 

 

you just don't.

 

you judge yourself an ingrate, a poser, an impostor, a spoiled/wounded ass/sadsack, pathetic 

 

you judge yourself for judging yourself,

 

you go to the refrigerator you look at porn you click through channels on tv you wonder if you need medication,

 

you suspect you should try deep breathing and meditation 

 

but you don't.

 

but you don't pick up the first cigarette 

 

you just don't.

 

and it gets better.

 

it passes.

 

eventually.

 

If you Just Don't. 

[SueBeDoo]

Do you want your children sitting beside you on your death bed dying from throat and lung cancer crying their hearts out asking why did you chose cigarettes over them, not getting to meet all the grandchildren because you are six feet under,

Who would run around and organise and entertain guests if you weren't here, what about when your husband goes to work for a few weeks and you are no longer around, who will they share their relationship problems with?

You matter Sue, you are far too important to shorten your life soo much, do you not want a better chance to live a long healthy life cos I know I do.

That next cigarette will be the one!

[Still winning]

Ok, because I love you and you've been good to me, let me answer you.

 

You have kids right. I look at my Mum, my smoking Mum and think wow you selfish bi*ch, you have COPD and you continue to smoke. All your kids smoked and you continued to smoke, what a really utterly awful example! I mean totally, reprehensible parent! I had to give up all my life plans to look after you, will you quit then,no cause "it's really hard"??  That is what I think of my Mum in honesty.  Don't even get me started on what I think of myself and the example I have copied to my own children.

 

When is "enough" Soozie? You messaged and asked me how I was, that's how I am every day and it's not even my choice. You owe your family and these friends this example. 

 

You are strong enough, you always were. There is always time for an SOS, there is time to save yourself from what I see day in day out. Why would you not think you are worth saving. I truly care about your quit, you need to really care too. xx