Scared

[MLMR]

Ahhw, in the middle of some sort of panic. It's not the attacks I'm used to. It doesnt proceed. I keep being nautious, keep having this unheimisch feeling, something is not right. It's night over here. These are the times after which I am so used to smoking a cigaret and then go back to bed again. I want to find consolation in something. I need to ride this out, just second by second and then minute after minute. The past days have been challenging, quit-wise. I am committed and convinced and apparantly still experiencing different phases. There's learning involved, I can do that. Willpower, have lots of it. But these moments where I am unarmed, not super steady, they scare me. What if in these moments seeds of relapse are planted? I hope by writing this, I'll be able to prevent that. And just don't want to be doing it alone right now. 

[jillar]

You're not alone my life, I'm here

[Sazerac]

Hello M'life,

Stay with us.  You will get through this.

The seeds of relapse are not being planted unless that is your intention.

You are in charge, just going through a rough patch.

 

You are not alone, you have this whole community on your side.

We are thinking of you !

[MLMR]

Thanks :/

[jillar]

You're doing great btw, I get anxiety these days if I've had one too many beers the night before so I know the feeling you're having. It sucks, but it'll pass. 

Hopefully posting is helping you. Can you put on some soft music and take a bath maybe to relax?

[Sazerac]

did you have anything delightful for dinner ?

[MLMR]

@jillar i will put some music on. 

@Sazerac Pancakes.

[jillar]

I'm making breakfast for dinner too I'm having reciprocity bacon, over easy eggs and French toast sticks. Pancakes sound delish too if I knew how to make them lol

[MLMR]

I put on bird sounds. A music video of 11 hours, might hope for the love of some godly being that I'm over it by then. 

[jillar]

Do you take anxiety meds my life? The reason I ask is that some people need to temporarily have their meds adjusted while quitting. 

[Sazerac]

Ratatouille here.

[MLMR]

I do, but only occasionally. They make me moody, the day afterwards. And then there's a bigger chance on having to go through it again. I tend to stay away from the meds as much as possible, I'm ok with what it's like now, most of the time. 

It has not worsened since quitting. But going through and not smoking, especially afterwards, seems to be a lingering trigger. Far more than other triggers.

[Sazerac]

I have a long bird song at a pond cd that I downloaded on youtube.

Can't find it on youtube anymore.

I play this all the time.

[Mee]

My life.  Distraction!  I get terrible panic attacks.  Deep breath.  Those deep breaths feel so good when you quit smoking.  Don't laugh but I sing to myself (though my husband always asks me what happened to the money for the lessons)  Hang in there, this too shall pass.

[jillar]

Ok, I can totally understand that. Do you think playing a game might get your mind busy on something else? Wee fluffy me has a few of us hooked on a game called Cookie Jam. It's pretty fun and is a good distraction 

[Martian5]

Hang in there.   You can and are doing this.  I am glad you came online for the encouragement -- it is showing that you have control (though it may not feel like it).  Keep posting an this will pass!!

[MLMR]

The worst is over now, thanks to you guys. It seems to be all about connection. So glad there's people here from different time zones. Thanks for this little but big conversation. 

[jillar]

You're very welcome my life. I'm glad you're feeling better now

[c9jane29]

They aren't sweaty carrot pancakes are they? 

MLMR, watch out for junkie thinking planting seeds of relapse while you are emotional. 

 

For now, I'll bring balloons to the party because you are doing great!!

[MLMR]

17 minutes ago, Sazerac said:

 

The seeds of relapse are not being planted unless that is your intention.

You are in charge, just going through a rough patch

Definitely not my intention. Good to know. Hopefully I just made a new brain path connection, like in that video. And if so, I'll be making signposts as well, that way!! Over there it's good!

[Sazerac]

Great news M'life.

You are in my thoughts.

Give a shout anytime you want.

[Mee]

4 minutes ago, My life, my recovery said:

I do, but only occasionally. They make me moody, the day afterwards. And then there's a bigger chance on having to go through it again. I tend to stay away from the meds as much as possible, I'm ok with what it's like now, most of the time. 

I use to drive a big school bus and could not do so with panic attacks.  I chose to take medication.  I take clonazepam  a half in the morning and half at night.  It does not make me feel groggy and I think by continually taking it, it keeps them at bay.  You might talk to your physician.  

[notsmokinjo]

Last night we had a "use-up" dinner... left over roast pork meat with gravy and some backed potatos and cauliflower, carrots & broccoli with a cheese & mustard sauce... the kid had a splice icypole for dessert.

 

@jillar what do you mean if you knew how to make pancakes????? Don't they have those little plastic bottles that you add water to, shake and then you just pour it into the pan over there in sunny California??? Oh alright here is Grandma's pancake recipe (it makes thick ones)...

 

1 egg

1 1/4 cup self raising flour

3 dessert spoons of sugar

1 cap of vanilla essence

Milk (about 500-750ml... but enough to get the consistency right)

 

So mix together until smooth, sit aside for an hour (dunno why but Grandma said so).... then add more milk to get a thick pouring consistency if needed (it usually is)... our onto a hot griddle/fry pan and wait until the whole top surface is covered in bubbles then flip.... easy peasy.... you can flip with a spatula if your too scared to toss em.

 

@My life, my recovery thanks for showing up Jillar's breakfast cooking deficiencies... hehehe.... seriously though, the nights can be tricky early on... I loved my showers in that stage... and I did a fair bit of baking... and luckily for me my night is everyone up north's day so I always had people to chat to and play the games with. Which really helped early in the days.Remember we are re-wiring our brains... re-learning the way to deal with all these life triggers we have programmed that the answer is a smoke (IT IS NOT, just incase your were wondering)... but this take times... I found the triggers with the biggest emtional links ... like stress, or having to spend time with my mum.... took longer to get past... the same trigger would seem to be happening again and again (and it still does at times) that is because for years I had laid wire after wire in my brain that when this happened I had a smoke... when talking to my mum got me agitated I took a time out and had a smoke... that sort of thing... total bullshit... but because there was so much false programming that this was the way to deal with it I had to undo all that every time there was a trigger.. still do its just easier and easier each time. I'm not that far ahead of you ... I still remember those nights... trust me, it gets easier each time, doesn't seem so now, but it does.

 

Most of us with anxiety have found it improved with quitting... my did at the start but I am on some medicaiton for a health issue and the medicaiton has the side effect of anxiety.

[MLMR]

@c9jane29 you are right, it's a pitfall to combine these emotions and junkie thinking. Tomorrow... I'll be diving into that. Now I want to sleep. 

 

Thanks all of you again. You are an amazing bunch of quit train guards. 

[Whispers]

This helped me at times... "Move a muscle change a thought"!