Associations

[Christa326]

Hola everyone!

Just here for a little more motivation to help to stop associating certain things w smoking!!! so, help, i guess? :/

Some of you know how I ruined my last quit, by smoking when my stepson passed....every time (well most times) i get upset or see a pic of us (today i found one i hadn't seen since 2010.).i felt so upset and sad and thought (the thought not the want so much) of smoking.... i know the associations will diminish, i guess i just want to hear it from you all  also. *sigh*

[Sazerac]

Nicotine addiction can really whelp us over our emotions especially in early days. 

This is not a permanent state.

The sooner you push smokey thoughts from your brain, the sooner you will feel free.

 

The associations are not real. 

It is addiction knocking at your vulnerable spots

and you must consciously  acknowledge them for what they are, then replace them with beauty.

This is an action and you must be aggressive.

 

I am sorry you have such a heartbreaking trigger, Christa.

But, your stepson wouldn't have appreciated being a trigger for such an awful thing as nicotine addiction, would he ?

So, remember him free and separate from nicotine....they don't belong together

and you deserve clean and free memories.

 

You have a splendid quit, Christa.

We are so proud of you !

 

Edited September 5, 2018 by Sazerac

[Christa326]

Thank you!! yes i have to separate the 2. i get it. and know he would want me to be healthy for his little brothers and sister who he loved more than anything. 

 

[jillar]

Sazerac said it all Christa, and yes he would want you healthy and smoke free for his little brothers and sister. You're doing great and so close to your hardest month being done and over with  

[Mee]

Christa. grief is a tough one for me also.  I lost my brother suddenly last year.  There was a lot of family drama with this brother.  My parents disowned him for joining the Marines when he was 19 years old.  My parents treated him horribly and he grieved that in the end of his life.  He dulled his pain by drinking.  I spent many hours talking to him and trying to get him to understand the dysfunction of the family  but he was so hurt.  He died alone in his home.  I have to take care of these two uncaring parents now.  My mother is mad that she did not get a piece of his ashes (though she refused to go to her own son's funeral) and says she would have gone and saved him if she knew of the circumstance.  Bull****.   My parents raised me Christian but certainly do not follow the teachings.  I've given up trying to make them see the error of their ways and realize it does no good but it makes me sick when they talk about it.

I am in the early stages of my quit and they are definitely my most dangerous trigger.  I leave their home many times downtrodden and ready to give in to my quit.  My parents do not deserve the love and care that they receive from me and I've often thought I should stop so that I can keep my sanity but I can't because I am too caring.  

I have tried to set my brain pattern to believe that If I smoke, I am doing what my brother did by killing himself by drinking.  I walk out of their house thinking I am not going to let them win by making me feel worthless.  

I guess I have unloaded quite a bit trying to comfort you, I am sorry for that.  I will pray for you Christa because grief is a healing process.  Try very hard to separate your quit while you are healing.

Edited September 5, 2018 by Linda Thomas

[Doreensfree]

A few  months ago...I lost my best friend to cancer ,after being friends and seeing each other every day for 64 years...

I know I will never heal from this properly....

Never once have I had a thought of  smoking....never...

I know the pain will still be there...it wouldn,t  help change anything...

Looking after your own health ...is your number one  priority.... Dying of a smoke related illness...is not painless....and can make you suffer for years....

Stay strong ....

 

[Christa326]

1 hour ago, Linda Thomas said:

Christa. grief is a tough one for me also.  I lost my brother suddenly last year.  There was a lot of family drama with this brother.  My parents disowned him for joining the Marines when he was 19 years old.  My parents treated him horribly and he grieved that in the end of his life.  He dulled his pain by drinking.  I spent many hours talking to him and trying to get him to understand the dysfunction of the family  but he was so hurt.  He died alone in his home.  I have to take care of these two uncaring parents now.  My mother is mad that she did not get a piece of his ashes (though she refused to go to her own son's funeral) and says she would have gone and saved him if she knew of the circumstance.  Bull****.   My parents raised me Christian but certainly do not follow the teachings.  I've given up trying to make them see the error of their ways and realize it does no good but it makes me sick when they talk about it.

I am in the early stages of my quit and they are definitely my most dangerous trigger.  I leave their home many times downtrodden and ready to give in to my quit.  My parents do not deserve the love and care that they receive from me and I've often thought I should stop so that I can keep my sanity but I can't because I am too caring.  

I have tried to set my brain pattern to believe that If I smoke, I am doing what my brother did by killing himself by drinking.  I walk out of their house thinking I am not going to let them win by making me feel worthless.  

I guess I have unloaded quite a bit trying to comfort you, I am sorry for that.  I will pray for you Christa because grief is a healing process.  Try very hard to separate your quit while you are healing.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am sorry your parents are this way and i can relate as my mom did not raise me and when i became an adult she expected me to take care of her....right.....i am sorry for your loss and yes this should make you stronger bc you do not want to get sick from a smoke related illness.

i know we can do this! Our parents treat as such and it only makes us stronger!!

[Boo]

Neuroplasticity is a wonderful thing.  Addictions and bad habits create well worn neural pathways in our brains.  The good news is: with a change in behavior, the old pathways are bypassed and new pathways created.  The process begins immediately.  The moment you ash out that last cigarette.  The first time you crave a cigarette but do not smoke...You are creating new neural pathways.

 

It's a process.  The mind and body take time to adjust.  Eventually, the associations diminish as you settle into your new life as a nonsmoker.

 

Trust the process.  Long live the process.

[c9jane29]

I am sorry for your loss Christa. Be thankful, now you are nicotine free you can feel these emotions you were masking with a cloud of smoke.

I say grieve fully, if you still have hurt in your heart from his loss, pray it out and cleanse your soul.

Then, set up an area (not an altar per say) that has his picture or what have you and in that area only, use a specific smell of candle or incense to create a new smell memory. Maybe put a bowl of hard candy there also so you begin to associate him with the quit instead of the smoke.

 

Sending some healing thoughts to everyone on this thread!

Edited September 5, 2018 by c9jane29

[notsmokinjo]

everything has been said.... but just wanted to point form some things that were key....

 

• Your step son would not like being remember by smoking
  • He would want you healthy
  • He would want his younger siblings not exposed to smoking
• Smoking is not going to help, it wont make you feel better.
  • It will make you feel worse
• You are in the process of rewiring your brain.
  • help to create new pathways, if you get the smoking urge and you are thinking about your step son, replace the thought with a happy memory or a new smell.
    • expanding on Jane's smelly candle idea, if you put some essential oil on a hanky, you can sniff this when you get a crave to replace it.
  • So for me, when it got really persistent, those smoking thoughts, I would start listing in my head all the hurdles life had presented and how I had beaten them... it was like, "what annoying voice in my head, you think we should smoke because we are feeling sad??... NOPE... I am strong, I am powerful, I didn't need to smoke to fell happy again when xyz happened, I sucked it up, I got through it and I smiled and felt happy and not one smoke in sight. Who needs smokes"..... I wrote up a whole list of life battles I have fought without smokes and would draw on them when the craves/thoughts/urges were bad. You would be surprised how many you have.
• Smoking masks our emotional wounds so that we don't deal with things
  • you need to deal with them to move forward and grow.

 

@Linda Thomas ... wow, look how far your confidence in yourself has come since you quit... super proud of you... its kinda liberating isn't it.

 

@Christa326 Don't let the craving for nicotine derail you from your commitment to yourself to be smoke free. You deserve a life without tobacco and nicotine and all the other nasty, vile, chemicals in those filthy little sticks... ONLY you can control if you put a smoke in your mouth, light it and drag.... no one else can do it just you and you are strong enough to not do that. You know that doing that will help nothing, will make you feel worse, will damage your health, will shorten your life. So be strong.

Edited September 6, 2018 by notsmokinjo

[Christa326]

thank you all...i got through it like i knew i would! i know smoking isn't going to make me feel better, bring him back, or anything positive.

your words mean the world to me.

Hope you are all having a great week!

 

xx

[Sirius]

It's all about attitude and visualization.

 

My first days smoke free were about as much fun as being stuck in a tumble dryer with a Shoggoth but gradually (and I do mean graaaaaaadddduuuuaaaaally) my mental imagery became more of a Skittles and Rainbows landscape (mind the unicorn).

 

I believe directing one's attitudes can speed up the process.

 

There is no future in smoking.  Ultimately it's a blind alley and an endpoint.  

 

Not smoking won't make things perfect, but it does remove an obstruction that allows you to reach a much greater potential.

 

 

[Reciprocity]

Smoking does nothing positive for any of us and never has.

It's the great illusion this addiction presents to all of us that it IS the cure for all our problems.

Don't ever be fooled again. Smoking is an addiction that only seeks to serve itself!