compromises and deals, the junkie's bargaining abilities.

[Jonny5]

When I tried quitting before, I was always just abstaining, trying to find something to make me not want to smoke.

 

that's what I was trying to buy each time, something to change my mind for me and squash my desire.

 

but nothing did, because we all know, nothing does, that comes from within yourself.

 

anyway, I digress, in my failed quits, I was always bargaining with myself, for example, I'll quit, but allow myself one or two cigarettes a day as a reward, I calculated that I was only then smoking between 2.5 and 5% of my pre quit amount, and therefore I was very good, and should not feel bad, but feel triumphant instead.

 

another deal, was the I'll smoke other peoples cigarettes, therefore I was no longer wasting money.

 

I switched to roll your own cigarettes, therefore my habit was costing less, again, no guilt, but pride at how clever and economic I was.

 

then I started putting filter tips in the roll your own cigarettes, so that they were healthier, again wasn't I good!

 

I was always making stupid deals with myself about my smoking to try to justify my continued useage.

 

This mindset often creeps into the freshly quit newbie.  and it can be devastating and undermining to your best laid plans.

 

try to recognise this bargaining, and address it, either personally, or by discussing it.  but do it before the chatter becomes overwhelming.

[Still winning]

I wish, like you, I had of understood this last year. When I tried to quit in July and then October, every time ending up with a different smoking criteria. The pats on the back for going a day, or having 10 a day, or  whatever were crazy - I was smoking! I shake my head now, if I just had of held on and trusted that the world would not have this many reformed smokers if this were impossible.  Great message Jonny, thanks and re-inforces my thought process which is handy as that's where I am in this quit now. 

[Ladybug]

When I tried quitting before, I was always just abstaining, trying to find something to make me not want to smoke.

 

that's what I was trying to buy each time, something to change my mind for me and squash my desire.

 

but nothing did, because we all know, nothing does, that comes from within yourself.

 

anyway, I digress, in my failed quits, I was always bargaining with myself, for example, I'll quit, but allow myself one or two cigarettes a day as a reward, I calculated that I was only then smoking between 2.5 and 5% of my pre quit amount, and therefore I was very good, and should not feel bad, but feel triumphant instead.

 

another deal, was the I'll smoke other peoples cigarettes, therefore I was no longer wasting money.

 

I switched to roll your own cigarettes, therefore my habit was costing less, again, no guilt, but pride at how clever and economic I was.

 

then I started putting filter tips in the roll your own cigarettes, so that they were healthier, again wasn't I good!

 

I was always making stupid deals with myself about my smoking to try to justify my continued useage.

 

This mindset often creeps into the freshly quit newbie.  and it can be devastating and undermining to your best laid plans.

 

try to recognise this bargaining, and address it, either personally, or by discussing it.  but do it before the chatter becomes overwhelming.

 

 

the other day you said and I quote "and yes many people quit on a whim.  I sort of did​ I planned to quit at New Year, but woke on the morning of the 21st December, knowing that I had already quit when I went to bed the night before, just didn't know it at the time.  it just felt right, and so I went with it."

 

so which one is it?? Did you sort of quit on whim   or did you fail over and over?

 

I am sorry but I remember things...! 

[Jonny5]

the other day you said and I quote "and yes many people quit on a whim.  I sort of did​ I planned to quit at New Year, but woke on the morning of the 21st December, knowing that I had already quit when I went to bed the night before, just didn't know it at the time.  it just felt right, and so I went with it."

 

so which one is it?? Did you sort of quit on whim   or did you fail over and over?

 

I am sorry but I remember things...! 

 

both my statements are true.

 

I failed over and over until this time around, like everyone else other than those who did it once and did it right first time.

 

why apologise for remembering things?  that's not something to be sorry for.

[Jenny]

Great post Jonny, you actually had me laughing at my own actions as a smoker!  I used to feel that I was being so much healthier and saving money by rolling my own and using a filter!  It's just insane!

 

I remember when they started including another chemical in cigarettes to help with the fire hazard when dropped etc...and how outraged I was at the idea that they were doing that!  It's like they didn't care about my health at all.  :wacko2: that additional chemical was a  game changer for sure!  

[babs609]

Oh the bargaining.....I think smokers make great lawyers. Haha.

 

I remember, whatever the bargain was....the cigarette was always my reward.

 

Crazy

[sharonsiff]

Oh I remember searching the garage floor for dockers....well it wasn't a real full cig was it?, didn't count....oh the things I would do and tell myself ;)

[Jenny]

Oh I remember searching the garage floor for dockers....well it wasn't a real full cig was it?, didn't count....oh the things I would do and tell myself ;)

Sharon, when did you become a man? 

[Jonny5]

Oh I remember searching the garage floor for dockers....well it wasn't a real full cig was it?, didn't count....oh the things I would do and tell myself ;)

 

It's funny looking back, as a teen, I would look for cigarette butts, and roll out the remaining tobacco into a little tin to make "butt rollies" as we would call them.  it's pretty disgusting really lol, and nothing like the James Dean persona that my midseye was creating for me!!  how I couldn't see that I was a hopeless nicotine junkie... I was going to say I don't know!... but I do, we all do.

 

I'm so glad to have moved on from that episode of my life.

[El Bandito]

I carried on with the bargains....when facing a big trigger I used to promise my junky that we could smoke AFTER the event.

 

Of course, by then I didn't want to...but the deal helped me through a few craves!

[Jonny5]

I carried on with the bargains....when facing a big trigger I used to promise my junky that we could smoke AFTER the event.

 

Of course, by then I didn't want to...but the deal helped me through a few craves!

 

that's a very clever technique, I like that.  I imagine that could be quite a good tactic to use when someone is SOS'ing, get them to make a deal withthemselves that they won't smoke until tomorrow, by which time the crisis is likely to be over.  kinda like breaking it back down into bite size chunks when the big picture seems too overwhelming.

[El Bandito]

that's a very clever technique, I like that.  I imagine that could be quite a good tactic to use when someone is SOS'ing, get them to make a deal withthemselves that they won't smoke until tomorrow, by which time the crisis is likely to be over.  kinda like breaking it back down into bite size chunks when the big picture seems too overwhelming.

Exactly that. I'm not the sharpest tool, but my junkie is always so desperate for a deal, that he falls for the same trick every time....

[Jonny5]

Exactly that. I'm not the sharpest tool, but my junkie is always so desperate for a deal, that he falls for the same trick every time....

 

You sell yourself short my friend.

 

each of us has a different smoking conundrum to solve, it's all pretty much the same physiologically, and the recovery clock ticks the same etc, but it's the crazy justifications that we created that we have to unravel for ourselves.  sometimes I find that examples, and analogies can flick a switch for someone, but the personal riddle is yours to solve alone.... and you have found your riddle key :-) you are playing your junkie at his own game :-) very sharp if you ask me :-)

[Sazerac]

bump

 

and here is a list of Red Flags,

more voices of our addict.

Stay vigilant, y'all.