Relapse

[tocevoD]

So here goes. 

 

I packed in the evil money stealing, life draining tobacco in January 1st this year, I even remember the time it was 45 minutes into the new year. 

 

Things went great for nearly 6 months until a family party came up. I had been out other times and still hadn't smoked but this was different. This was family. I had conquered every other situation but I hadn't done a family occasion where all family member smokers were going to be. I wilted under the pressure. Alcohol and football (Champions League Final) got the better of me. I lasted most of the night but after the football, wrong result, I had one. And when I woke up the next morning I had another 2. 

 

That was that until Monday 2nd July. A music gig came up and a friend was smoking for the night. Without even having a drink I took a ciggie off him. The rest of the night I had another 3.

 

I went a week and a day until last night, Tuesday 10th. I went to my exes and just had a massive urge. I had a cigarette off her. This morning I had the urge again and had one off my brother before work. Back to my exes tonight, because I go and visit my son, and had another 2.

 

I'm sitting here now thinking of situations where I can have another one. I don't want to in my conscious mind, the urges are massive. When I have been packed in I have been jogging a lot but these last 2 months I haven't been running because of various things in my complicated life.

 

I know what I need to do. I'm sitting here writing down reasons why I quit in the 1st place but now I have more reasons and them reasons are how smoking is making me feel now I am at entry level again. They are seriously making me feel the way I used to feel before packing in. Anxiety ridden, out of breath, fearful of the money factor, smoking during the time I have with my son. A little 10 minutes here and there leaving the room to have a ciggie matters to him. He notices when I leave the room.

 

The fight has to start again. I feel up for it. I need to lose the thoughts of finding situations. Every time I have a thought now I'm going to stick my earphones on and play a song from Spotify. My earphones will constantly be in my pocket. I'm going to make time for exercising because alongside the packing in of ciggies there is nothing better to feel the health benefits.

 

I am also going to keep adding to my list so any suggestions for my list then please feel free to add to this thread.

 

Thanks for your time guys. 

 

NOPE

[Whispers]

Brush yourself off and get your head back in the game! Figure out what triggered you and have a couple of practiced plans in place to help you through if it happens again. What worked for me was exercise, walking, treadmill and lifting when i had the urge/craving.

Edited July 11, 2018 by Whispers

[jillar]

Sorry you lost your quit tocevoD. Like whispers said, brush yourself off, reset your quit date and maybe get yourself a ticker for your signature. This way you can log on and see how much time, money and cigarettes not smoked you'll be giving up should you cave to a crave. Most importantly though, SOS and let us help you past the crave. It really does work....

Edited July 11, 2018 by jillar

[Reciprocity]

Sorry to hear this story tD. Sadly, you're not alone. Many others have buckled to the draw of this addiction even after long term quits. Reasons are different but really don't matter in the end.  I'm sure at the time you first smoked (the family gathering) it didn't seem like a big deal but guess what? You awakened those receptors in your brain that were alive and well when you were a smoker. Enter the urges, the craves and sadly, the theft of your freedom once again.

 

You're looking for reasons to stay quit this time? Freedom! Freedom to do what you want when you want and not be controlled by this addiction. You said it yourself: "smoking during the time I have with my son. A little 10 minutes here and there leaving the room to have a ciggie matters to him. He notices when I leave the room." You wouldn't do that if you were with him as a non-smoker right? You are no longer in control of your life my friend - the addiction is!! Freedom from being a slave to this addiction is a Biggie! Go for it tocevoD

[garry mhudson]

Just make your mind up to start over and keep the quit. All is not lost. If you quit for 6 months you can do it again and it will stick. Most of us hear have had failed quits before one stuck. Don`t be to hard on yourself for failing but be determined to start and make it stick. Best wishes.

[notsmokinjo]

1 hour ago, tocevoD said:

A little 10 minutes here and there leaving the room to have a ciggie matters to him. He notices when I leave the room.

 

So see that ^^ that is a huge motivator... decades ago a friend of mine who was quitting had t-shirts made for his little kids to wear when he had access visits that said "My dad doesn't smoke cos he loves me" because when he first quit. He said just seeing them in their little shirts while he pushed them on swings or what not made him not want to even smoke while he was with them. He kept a photo of them in their shirts in his wallet for those times they weren't together. (see that long ago no mobiles to have pics on). As a motivator what is better than you kids.

Hey Toc...so....

1.  Thanks for sharing, its hard to do and awesome proud that you shared because maybe not today or tomorrow but sometime soon someone is going to read this and it is going to help their quit... and it will help you with your re-start too, because you can come in here and read this at any time. Basically what I'm saying is be kind to yourself because you can do this, you know that, you slipped, you stumbled in your quit dust it off, it can't be undone, what can be done is you can leave that quit in your wake, brush yourself off and make this the sticky, forever quit because lessons were learnt.

2.  Your not alone, there are many of us who have failed quits under our belt. What is fantastic is that you haven't wasted years (over a decade for me) to get back on the horse and try again. The lessons from your last quit are still fresh and clear, the good lessons and the bad.

3. Your a list man, who doesn't love a list.... so time to write some lists my friends... reasons to quit, ..... what worked last time and how awesome you felt every time an anniversary rolled around, or you beat back a crave, or you hung with your boy and he had all your time and attention and none of your anxiety. How great was that? .... Last list, what lead to you smoking and how it could be avoided or what you could have done to prevent yourself caving to the pressure (and with the family gathering I get the pressure) and on that list... how you really felt when you did cave. 

4. NOPE, every day.... take it one day at a time. 

5. Remember we have your back. There is always at least one person here who has been where you are now, and knows how you are feeling... don't be scared to shout out and say this is hard I need a hand... don't be worried about pming someone and saying hey this is happening I know you went through this got any suggestions cos I don't want to put this out there just yet. You wont be the only one who sets up a pm buddy system.

6. Remember, regardless of the chaos of life and whatever crazy is happening around you the one thing you have 100% control over is if you pop a smoke in your mouth, light it and drag. ONLY YOU control that and it is an awesome power.

 

So onwards and upwards my friend, lets get this thing happening again and free you from the nicobitch.

[Sazerac]

2 hours ago, tocevoD said:

So here goes. 

 

I packed in the evil money stealing, life draining tobacco in January 1st this year, I even remember the time it was 45 minutes into the new year. 

 

Things went great for nearly 6 months until a family party came up. I had been out other times and still hadn't smoked but this was different. This was family. I had conquered every other situation but I hadn't done a family occasion where all family member smokers were going to be. I wilted under the pressure. Alcohol and football (Champions League Final) got the better of me. I lasted most of the night but after the football, wrong result, I had one. And when I woke up the next morning I had another 2. 

 

That was that until Monday 2nd July. A music gig came up and a friend was smoking for the night. Without even having a drink I took a ciggie off him. The rest of the night I had another 3.

 

I went a week and a day until last night, Tuesday 10th. I went to my exes and just had a massive urge. I had a cigarette off her. This morning I had the urge again and had one off my brother before work. Back to my exes tonight, because I go and visit my son, and had another 2.

 

I'm sitting here now thinking of situations where I can have another one. I don't want to in my conscious mind, the urges are massive. When I have been packed in I have been jogging a lot but these last 2 months I haven't been running because of various things in my complicated life.

 

I know what I need to do. I'm sitting here writing down reasons why I quit in the 1st place but now I have more reasons and them reasons are how smoking is making me feel now I am at entry level again. They are seriously making me feel the way I used to feel before packing in. Anxiety ridden, out of breath, fearful of the money factor, smoking during the time I have with my son. A little 10 minutes here and there leaving the room to have a ciggie matters to him. He notices when I leave the room.

 

The fight has to start again. I feel up for it. I need to lose the thoughts of finding situations. Every time I have a thought now I'm going to stick my earphones on and play a song from Spotify. My earphones will constantly be in my pocket. I'm going to make time for exercising because alongside the packing in of ciggies there is nothing better to feel the health benefits.

 

I am also going to keep adding to my list so any suggestions for my list then please feel free to add to this thread.

 

Thanks for your time guys. 

 

NOPE

 

 

Hey tocevoD,

Welcome back !

It is great you are here again.

You know yourself better now,

use that information to garner your resolve

and strengthen your decision.

You quit smoking, tocevoD !  Celebrate wildly !

We are behind you all the way

 

 

[Sslip]

Hey tocevoD, thank you for the post and a massive amount of respect for putting it out there. Congratulations as well for working on nipping this in the bud and avoiding a full blown relapse, it shows that the reasons you quit in January still matter to you. 

 

Not much I can add except can you ask your family in those situations to tell you to get stuffed bumming a cigarette and to go buy your own if you're hell bent on starting again? It may just give you the time to really process those urges. 

 

You should be proud of the cigarettes avoided this year, proud of your honesty, let's go again and nail it. Shout loud and early if you feel yourself faltering. 

[tocevoD]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I have a renewed sense of vigour today. A new dawn so to speak. The way I'm looking at it is I have relapsed and had a maximum of 8 ciggies since January 1st. That's not a total relapse it's a short fail along a long path of freedom.

 

Back in the zone now. Gonna do a nice long walk tonight.

[Doreensfree]

Hi toc...

Beating yourself up ..serves no purpose...learn by what your triggers  were....and have some tools ready to use for next time...

There is a ton of info here...and loads of videos to help you with any concerns you have..

Posting a early NOPE...is a big tool...you'll be surprised just how strong a tool it can be....

And yes SOS ,if you need help ,it has saved countless of quits...

Don't have one leg in and one leg out...you need to jump in ..the whole of you...

Never take another puff...even if your arse is falling off...

 

[Lust4Life]

So sorry to read about your relapse. Thank you for posting about it.  I hope it helps you- putting it all into words- how quickly the addiction resurfaces.  In addition, the timeline you posted will help so many other people that may find themselves playing roulette with their quits- thinking just one cig after all this time won’t do any harm.  It does.  Come back to this post often and read it. 

 

To add add to your list -  add that you never want to experience day 1 again.  It sucks!!! You don’t want to subject your sweet boy to your own irritable temper tantrums from withdrawal ever again.  

 

Welcome back to your quit.   Post SOS if you’re at risk for losing it! 

Edited July 12, 2018 by Lust4Life

[sgt.barney]

Sarge questions your motivations for and your conviction to your quit. 

Do you want to quit?

Really?

Sarge doesn't think so. 
 

 

EZPZ. 

[tocevoD]

1 hour ago, sgt.barney said:

Sarge questions your motivations for and your conviction to your quit. 

Do you want to quit?

Really?

Sarge doesn't think so. 
 

 

EZPZ. 

 

100% Sarge. Back on it already.

 

Motivations:

Child, health and money. All the motivations you'd expect from any other person.

 

My relapse has resurfaced all the reasons I packed in originally. I suffer anxiety when smoking, not nice and not something I want to be walking round with constantly again.

[Doreensfree]

Keep that motivation....remember all the reasons you shouldn't have !!!! Just one !!!!.......

Do whatever it takes...

Folks that stay close to the board are more likely to succeed...

[notsmokinjo]

3 minutes ago, tocevoD said:

100% Sarge. Back on it already.

 

100% got ya back mate.

 

I was super impressed you owned up to the timeline and nature of your relapse there were lessons there for all of us. You know the only person responsible for the relapse was you and you own that, you know the only person responsible for keeping the quit is you and you own that... you know you are a better you, a better dad and a healthier one when you are a non-smoker so you have the resolve, you have the confirmation that smoking makes you feel shite about yourself so your resolve is there. This time its going to stick.

 

[Whispers]

21 minutes ago, tocevoD said:

 

100% Sarge. Back on it already.

 

Motivations:

Child, health and money. All the motivations you'd expect from any other person.

 

My relapse has resurfaced all the reasons I packed in originally. I suffer anxiety when smoking, not nice and not something I want to be walking round with constantly again.

Sgt just gave you a lil more motivation! People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily -Zig Ziglar

[Reciprocity]

Record those motivational points you mention above! Maybe put them into a post in the "Per-Respond to Your Own SOS thread on the SOS page. That way, if you have a bad day or get confused on why you are quitting, you can go there immediately and read all those personal reasons. It can't hurt and might just help to save your quit at some point.

[tocevoD]

I'm feeling back in the game now. Feeling like I've had my relapse and learned a lot from it. Friday was spent playing football with my son and Saturday was spent playing football with the exe's son so keeping busy part of it is there. Today was spent working, not so enjoyable but again keeping busy.

 

A relapse is not a good thing in any way, shape or form but I am determined to learn from my relapse and how shit it made me feel mentally and physically.

 

I have a family holiday coming up next. I think what I have learned will help me on that holiday also.

 

Thanks for all the words of encouragement and advice. 

[Reciprocity]

Good to hear tocevoD! All the things you said are encouraging for a successful quit this time

Hope you enjoy your family holiday. You won't have to be sneaking off to "go for a smoke" this time and that will just enhance the experience for both you & you're family!

 

Keep those thoughts you just spoke about top of mind as you move forward. Never forget what can happen when you are not paying attention to your personal commitment

[Doreensfree]

Hi toc,

You sound in a good place..well done...

Don't worry about the family holiday coming up !!! Don't over  think !!!

You'll be surprised ,when the time comes,it won't be no where near as bad you imagined it would be....you'll be prepared....you'll have the tools !!!

Keep marching...every day is a day nearer to your target...

[johnny5]

I'm sorry to hear about your relapse but I'm glad you feel that you are back in the game again and not smoking.

 

1 hour ago, tocevoD said:

A relapse is not a good thing in any way, shape or form but I am determined to learn from my relapse and how shit it made me feel mentally and physically.

 

^^^ This is so true.  I had a relapse from a shorter quit prior to starting this one and I was miserable.  I made it a point to remember how I felt then anytime I was tempted to smoke because I didn't want to feel that way again.  Just keep the quit and you will not feel that way again.

 

Glad to see you are back with the quit.

[Cristóbal]

Hello TocevoD,

 

How are you doing ???

 

 

Cristóbal

Edited July 21, 2018 by Cristóbal

[tocevoD]

On 7/21/2018 at 7:41 AM, Cristóbal said:

Hello TocevoD,

 

How are you doing ???

 

 

Cristóbal

 

Hello Cristobal. I'm doing well. Still going strong. The thoughts are still there regarding wanting to have another but I remember what I felt like when I last did and the feelings I went through when I did have them. 

 

The thoughts are happening less now and are less intense when they do happen so that's progress already. I never entered this quit thinking everything would be plain sailing although after a few months it did seem to be going that way before coming back down to earth with a bang.

 

I'm just going to keep taking each day as it comes. Keep winning the little battles.

[Doreensfree]

'm just going to keep taking each day as it comes. Keep winning the little battles.

This is how we all Quit....one day at a time...winning your battles ..you will eventually win your war...

Keep going toc.... Your doing great !!!!

 

[notsmokinjo]

4 minutes ago, tocevoD said:

I'm just going to keep taking each day as it comes. Keep winning the little battles.

 

Best strategy ever... one day at a time... you are doing well toc, keep it up mate.