Not So Smooth Sailing.... WOT THE?

[notsmokinjo]

So, a few weeks ago I had my 7 month WooHoo celebration (thanks again everyone) and I was feeling all comfy, cosy in my quit. Thought the work was done and I was just biding my time and it was all smooth sailing until that Lido Deck party, even put in some catering requests to Reci for the celebratory event. You see I was going days, nearly weeks without really thinking about smoking let alone wanting one. So I was completely complacent.

 

Then Saturday night... ALL FRICKIN NIGHT.... that voice was back... not the skin crawling, itching, aching I need a smoke... but the we can have a smoke now, just one, it wont hurt. Everything I did... oh good smoke time... it didn't take much to stave off the urge... and they are urges... because I knew them for what they were.

 

Then Sunday... which was a good day for me... was more of the same... random, multiple times throughout the day I got these urges ... some strong some not so... then I was clearing some space in the shed and found a pack of smokes... and I shook it, cos you never know there might have been one in there (wot the ever lovin??) ... and I think if there had of been, I would have, maybe smoked it because... "a few puffs wont hurt now" ... wot the fvck! ... well I probably wouldn't have straight away because I have a promise in place as a contingency but it would have been a close call.... so you all know there are some issues in my life, but this isn't linked to that if it was linked to that the thought process would have been more like "wots the point now you may as well", that thought is not entering my mind at all. This is different.

 

I'm not sure if its the nicobitch having one last big hurrah roll of the dice to get me to feed her again or if its a comeuppance for being so c0cky and thinking I had it under control, for being complacent. So besides that moment in the shed I've been shrugging the urges off... ignoring them.... letting life just keep going with these little blips of subconscious stupidity ... but they are not stopping and quite frankly they are driving me insane. I thought I was past this. Don't get me wrong.. they are annoying, they are not soul consuming like they were in the beginning or even at 5 months but they are pretty regular at the moment. They are  driving my mental when they hit. They are stupid. I want it to stop. But each time I shrug one off another will come. Its not like I'm going to smoke because I am not, beside that moment in the shed its not even close to being a consideration.

 

There will be an SOS if it gets to it, this is not that time. I just need to confess and put this out there, hopefully someone further along than me will post and say... Oh yeah, I had that... you just need to ride it out and she'll be right... or by me posting this someone else will see it and think, thank god I'm not the only lunatic in the asylum... but basically its all well and good to show you all the strong, stable quit persona that most of the time I am but it is not OK to act like I'm not still battling with this addiction because that doesn't help anyone, especially me ... so in the interest of honesty and transparency I'm still battling this addiction, because I am a junky, I am an addict, I always will be an addict I am just never going to be a user again. I still make a coffee and drink it and then get, "ok time for a smoke" thoughts... I still walk past the back door and get the "oh lets go out for a smoke" thoughts. Its still happening, and for some reason while not as insistent more often than the past few months. So for most of the day I am super confident in my quit but there are still glitches in the programming where the urge for a smoke will slide on through. It will stop soon... wont it?

[SneakyTurtle]

I'm a newbie, but I cleaned out my car yesterday. There were many empty packs. I shook every single one of them. I honestly cannot say whether I would have smoked them or not. 

 

Yours is a good reminder to not get complacent especially when we start to feel a little more comfortable. 

[Reciprocity]

It's hard for me to tell the difference between an urge and just a thought about having a smoke. I don't feel I have had any real urges or cravings to smoke in some number of months but do I still have thoughts about smoking .... yes I do. I think we always will just because we were once smokers. It will never be like you didn't ever smoke. Not possible to erase those imprints on your brain but, the longer we go without smoking, the easier it gets to manage those thoughts.

 

When we start out in our quit we are so focused on how bad smoking is for us and how it isn't our friend and does nothing good for us but then, as our quits become more mature, those negative impressions of smoking fade somewhat and memories of how we thought smoking was so satisfying back in the day can start to creep into your brain again. Ah yeah! Maybe just one for old time sake? A couple of puffs won't hurt cuz I've been quit now for over a year so I'm no longer addicted really. I don't know how many times that very reasoning has been the cause of a relapse for a long term quitter. Allowing yourself to get into that mindset were you start romancing the cigarette even just a little is the most dangerous thing you can do after a long term quit.

 

It's not hard at all to stay quit after awhile but it's very easy to relapse if you don't control your thoughts about smoking. Instead of thinking how we could have just one, think about how devastated you would feel immediately after having just one. That's the reality!

 

 

[notsmokinjo]

18 minutes ago, reciprocity said:

It's not hard at all to stay quit after awhile but it's very easy to relapse if you don't control your thoughts about smoking. Instead of thinking how we could have just one, think about how devastated you would feel immediately after having just one. That's the reality!

 

Needed repeating, well said Reci.

[jillar]

3 hours ago, notsmokinjo said:

 hopefully someone further along than me will post and say... Oh yeah, I had that... you just need to ride it out and she'll be right..

 

Oh yeah, I had that....you just need to ride it out and she'll be right Seriously jo, the closer I got to a year the more those nagging thoughts crept into my mind that I "deserved" a cigarette for all the hard work I put in! I even broke out my air cig a few times to ease my mind (it still worked!). 

We smoked for a lot of years so it's no wonder that x amount of months later we still think about them right? But at least the thoughts aren't anything like the craves we had in the beginning! You got this, you're normal (sorry I know you didn't want to hear that hee, hee) and doing great!  

[Sazerac]

Darlin' Jo,

Your quit is young and smoky thoughts will continue, do not fear them.

They will become less and less important.  Believe me

but, they may pop up randomly for the rest of our days.

 

Any flicker of a smoky thought is now vague for me.  It isn't even annoying anymore.

It has no power except I use them as a reminder to remain vigilent.

 

Your smoky thoughts have no power, YOU have the power.

 

I know addiction is a subversive condition and we must always pay attention to it's temptation.

All we can do is say, NOPE. 

friggin' HELL NOPE. 

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

 

It is kinda like H A L T too, trying to figure out what the body is calling out for.

For me, after I was well into my quit...my body was calling out for some kind of comfort,

something to give me a bump of endorphins. 

Sometimes just smiling for no reason, even a fake smile did the job.

Other times, I would walk or listen to some favorite music, dance aound or participate in 'Stewie Techs' favourite activity (ahem).

Something that assuredly cheered me helped smoky thoughts fade away.

 

You have so much going on right now, baby.

Try to stay on the good foot.

Listen to the good brother, James Brown

 

 

 

[Lust4Life]

Ugh! I remember those days & thoughts.  I still had some strong nostalgia craves at 10 months or so.  Jillar, myself, another quitter ‘sgraye’  posted of our similar WTF moments. We all ended our posts reminding everyone to be “forever vigilant” and never get complacent. 

 

The false confidence has devoured many quits.   Just a puff c’mon!  What could that do?? In that moment we’re not thinking about those devilish neuropathways, laying dormant in the layers of our brain.   You, we know now that little puff will awaken the fury and we’re back to that miserable, all consuming day  1.  One Puff away from a pack a day.  

 

I think it is great acknowledge & accept these thoughts.   They may creep in for months, years, forever who knows.   If they do, it is OK as long as you are forever vigilant in your beautiful forever Quit!! 

[Doreensfree]

I agree ..with all above ...

Your quit is in its early days....sweetie think about it ,you smoked for decades...why should your little self expect to be over a addiction in 5 months....

Your body and your brain are still confused...

It will get easier..your battles will get shorter and less frequent...

Can you imagine the way you would feel if you smoked !!! That One !!!!....and you hated it and yourself...

Noooo....you keep marchin ..no matter what is  thrown at you...besides..it a bloody long way to come get you with my cast iron frying pan..

 

[Reciprocity]

             ^^^^ 

Edited July 11, 2018 by reciprocity

[Boo]

7 hours ago, notsmokinjo said:

 I just need to confess and put this out there, hopefully someone further along than me will post and say... Oh yeah, I had that

 

I didn't have random cravings after just a few months quit.  I did however often have smoking thoughts right after completing a job or task of any sort.  That lasted for at least the first year.

 

3 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

Your quit is in its early days....sweetie think about it ,you smoked for decades...why should your little self expect to be over a addiction in 5 months....

Your body and your brain are still confused...

 

Yep.  When comparing the time we fed our addiction and conditioned ourselves with cigarettes, it's amazing that the process works as quickly as it does.

 

Be patient and trust the process.

[despair not]

Hi Joe

 

Well done for not falling for the nicodemons just one ploy.

 

At the end of the day we are all Nicotine addicts and we always will be no matter how long we have abstained.

 

If we can always remember that we can stay quit,

 

We are all just one puff away from a pack a day.

Edited July 12, 2018 by despair not

[Phoebe2]

That first year is not easy. Each season, each holiday, each event in the course of a year as it rolls by,  will serve as triggers. You may not even recognise the trigger but its there in the blossoms appearing the coming of spring, the ground warming up to tell us summer is coming, the chill in the air to herald winter, your birthday, your sisters birthday, an anniversary, Xmas, Easter .....

 

That's why its so important people commit to the boards for a full year at least.

 

I quit in April. 8 months later, I was triggered by Christmas Day so hard I wanted to cry. watching family members go down the end of the garden smoking and drinking wine in the sun, laughing and having fun. Arghhh that was not easy. But I survived. Stevie Nicks concert at 2 years I told my sister she was 'lucky she could smoke' on the steps after the concert. Weird! Oh and the Halloween part where I'm dressed up as a cat where I thought the only way to complete my fun was to have a cigarette. wtf?

 

I think I have a very strong quit (as do you Jo) but those triggers scared me for the brief time they lasted. You just get through each crave doing what you do.

[Devil Doll]

Jo, this happened to me at 8 months, and I was blindsided by it. I thought that I was crazy and I read a post from Tracey who had the same crap

happen to her. It’ll pass just hold tight.

[notsmokinjo]

Thanks everyone, its eased off so I'm thinking its like that 3 month speed bump... just another speed bump and a nice little attitude adjuster.

 

 

[Reciprocity]

4 hours ago, notsmokinjo said:

Thanks everyone, its eased off so I'm thinking its like that 3 month speed bump... just another speed bump and a nice little attitude adjuster.

 

I'm glad you dealt with this the way you did by getting some great feedback from the people here. It just goes to show how committed you are personally to your quit  

These little wobbles are in fact a good thing at times because they keep us aware that this addiction is still something we need to be ready to deal with. Never let down your guard and never become complacent We're all just 1 puff away from a pack-a-day and we need to keep that thought top of mind always.

[johnny5]

There must be something about that 7 or 8 month mark.  After the first couple of months of my quit, I was feeling very strong and confident.  Then, around my 8th month, I was taken completely off guard by continual strong thoughts of smoking that lasted an entire weekend.  I didn't smoke but I was quite pissed that I was still getting those feelings to light up.

 

As others have said, the first year is filled with all kinds of seasonal triggers but your quit gets stronger as you fight through them.  And, it does get much easier with time.

 

You are doing great, Jo.  These speed bumps will happen but just fight through them and don't light up.

[catlover]

Dear Jo..... First off you are sooooo brave going in your shed, sheds frighten me as I think about the spiders lurking in them, but your spiders are something else ...eeeeeeeek....

seriously though.... I agree what the old phartes say, and I was an old pharte once too, had been quit for over two years, these thoughts come and go for a long time.

my hubby,s uncle has been quit for over 30 years, and when he smells a cigarette, he says it still smells pleasant to him, but he wouldn't want to get back to smoking.

[JB 883]

So basically the TLDR version is -  You are getting craves recently but have not actually lit up, correct?

It can take months or years for the craves to completely stop. Sometimes there are bad days when we really want. 

Just do not be like some here who were quit for over a year then relapsed.

 

Also i do not get this -

So many people beat themselves up over a crave (even if they do not light up), having a smoking dream, watching someone else smoke, etc..

 

What is there to feel guilty about if you didn't actually smoke though? Humans have thoughts and desires for a lot of things that are not good or even off limits.

 

 

[notsmokinjo]

Definitely didn't light up @Jetblack ... not sure that guilt was what I was feeling... more shock that I was pretty cruisey with the whole craves/thoughts thing then out of nowhere really strong smoking craves, all the time for about a week straight, it was so different to what I had been doing.

 

2 hours ago, Jetblack said:

Just do not be like some here who were quit for over a year then relapsed.

 

 

Already one of those, except I threw away a quit that was >6 years... this time is completely different to that quit (which ended over a decade ago) and I mean completely different... the difference between the two are so extreme that I can't apply anything from that quit to this... except stubbornly clinging to not smoking... because they really are completely different and its a fantastic difference.

[JB 883]

Well Jo, the board will know if you relapsed even if you give no other clues -

it will be if you are ever away from the board for 10 whole minutes.

 

"AWP! She stepped out to smoke!"

[notsmokinjo]

On 7/16/2018 at 7:57 AM, catlover said:

Dear Jo..... First off you are sooooo brave going in your shed, sheds frighten me as I think about the spiders lurking in them, but your spiders are something else ...eeeeeeeek....

seriously though....

 

Confession: 24 hours before I went into the shed I set of a spider bomb.... I am definitely not a fan of our 8 legged natives and am more the happy to poison the lot of them.

[catlover]

Dear Jo..... First off you are sooooo brave going in your shed, sheds frighten me as I think about the spiders lurking in them, but your spiders are something else ...eeeeeeeek....

seriously though.... I agree what the old phartes say, and I was an old pharte once too, had been quit for over two years, these thoughts come and go for a long time.

my hubby,s uncle has been quit for over 30 years, and when he smells a cigarette, he says it still smells pleasant to him, but he wouldn't want to get back to smoking.

 

spider bomb  what is that eek..

[notsmokinjo]

These are awesome... do the house twice a year... and do the shed at least once a quarter.... set it off, leave it be, spiders be gone....

 

 

 

[catlover]

Wow never heard of them, great idea ...