SOS -

[Giveintowin]

I'm having a tough time digesting some news about the injuries from my car accident and my head keeps telling me that somehow smoking will make this better. I've worked very hard for this quit, please help.

Edited July 2, 2018 by Giveintowin

[WeegieWoman]

Hi Giveintowin, im here with ya. 

 

Im so sorry you are dealing with some bad news.  But you know smoking won't help, youre quit is precious, you have worked so hard to be where you are at....hold on to it dearly. 

 

Smoking wont help, wont make you feel any better, infact it would make you feel worse and imagine how stinky and smokey and horrible it would taste.  Just stick here with us, post and read, deep breaths.....sending big hugs

[Giveintowin]

Hey Weegie, Yeah I'm thinking about how dizzy I got when I had one after quitting for so long. I swear but I am so close. I just had a bad day. In pain and I realised with new laws I might not be very well covered by compo also. I don't know how I'm going to go working with this level of pain. The problem with my neck is pretty serious and no doubt lifelong. I'm thinking to myself what's the point in trying to improve myself. I know this isn't good thinking but that's what I'm doing. It's better to be honest about it.

[Sslip]

GITW - You're an absolute legend for posting. You have worked so ferociously hard on this quit and been through so much to get here. 

 

Think for a moment how smoking really makes you feel. It hurts you physically to the extent that it compromises your very breathing. It hurts you mentally because you know with every drag it damages you. 

 

I'm very proud of you in how far you have come and I'm sure friends and family are as well. Don't throw that away. 

 

I can't promise that physically all will be well post your accident, but I can promise you that smoking won't make it better. 

 

Stay strong, stay near, we are here for you. 

[Giveintowin]

1 minute ago, Sslip said:

GITW - You're an absolute legend for posting. You have worked so ferociously hard on this quit and been through so much to get here. 

 

Think for a moment how smoking really makes you feel. It hurts you physically to the extent that it compromises your very breathing. It hurts you mentally because you know with every drag it damages you. 

 

I'm very proud of you in how far you have come and I'm sure friends and family are as well. Don't throw that away. 

 

I can't promise that physically all will be well post your accident, but I can promise you that smoking won't make it better. 

 

Stay strong, stay near, we are here for you. 

Thanks slip. You are very kind.

[Tammy]

@Giveintowin I totally understand where you're coming from, but the fact is a cigarette will do absolutely nothing to cure or lessen your pain. 

You've fought really hard for this quit, you've put in so much effort.

 

Don't give in now, for any momentary relief (which is also a sham as we all know). Think positive (and I know it's way easier said than done, having dealt with chronic back pain throughout my life due to an accident early on) but one breath at a time, one day at a time. 

 

Stay strong my friend, you are in everyone's thoughts here, sending you a dollop of resilience and a heap of gumption, to add to the tons you already have.

[Giveintowin]

Just now, Tammy said:

@Giveintowin I totally understand where you're coming from, but the fact is a cigarette will do absolutely nothing to cure or lessen your pain. 

You've fought really hard for this quit, you've put in so much effort.

 

Don't give in now, for any momentary relief (which is also a sham as we all know). Think positive (and I know it's way easier said than done, having dealt with chronic back pain throughout my life due to an accident early on) but one breath at a time, one day at a time. 

 

Stay strong my friend, you are in everyone's thoughts here, sending you a dollop of resilience and a heap of gumption, to add to the tons you already have.

Thanks Tammy, sorry you had an injury early in life.  

[Tammy]

Just now, Giveintowin said:

Thanks Tammy, sorry you had an injury early in life.  

Thank you  Give, It's manageable now, I do Yoga and back strengthening exercises, it has certainly gotten better, has helped me understand my body better and respect it's limitations.

 

I truly hope you don't give in, so many months of hard work you've put in towards this quit. Let your body heal (which it certainly will).

Your heart is already strong, it'll see you through

[notsmokinjo]

Oh Givvy don't .... its not going to help sweety.  Having a smoke wont make it feel better, it wont change the news, it wont cure it, it wont make recovery quicker.... You know what having a smoke is going to do... its going to add to the crappy feelings. Its going to add to the negative emotions you are dealing with. I need to get this out and then a long post is coming chook. But please hang on, you are so proud of your quit. Everything always seems worse when you get swamped with medical jargon and an unexpected prognosis. I'm about to tell you some stories to give you some hope.. I did a lot of my nursing placements in orthopedics but coming from a huge (my dad is one of 18) family who are all sporty I know someone who had had nearly every illness or injury known to man. PM if you want.

[Giveintowin]

Just now, Tammy said:

Thank you  Give, It's manageable now, I do Yoga and back strengthening exercises, it has certainly gotten better, has helped me understand my body better and respect it's limitations.

 

I truly hope you don't give in, so many months of hard work you've put in towards this quit. Let your body heal (which it certainly will).

Your heart is already strong, it'll see you through

Thanks Tammy, It's just a dark day with my head telling me I left it too late to quit smoking and I'm ****** now. I know I'd be devastated if I smoked now. With the pain and disappointment and fear but I can almost see myself finding comfort in smoking. I know I won't however. 

1 minute ago, notsmokinjo said:

Oh Givvy don't .... its not going to help sweety.  Having a smoke wont make it feel better, it wont change the news, it wont cure it, it wont make recovery quicker.... You know what having a smoke is going to do... its going to add to the crappy feelings. Its going to add to the negative emotions you are dealing with. I need to get this out and then a long post is coming chook. But please hang on, you are so proud of your quit. Everything always seems worse when you get swamped with medical jargon and an unexpected prognosis. I'm about to tell you some stories to give you some hope.. I did a lot of my nursing placements in orthopedics but coming from a huge (my dad is one of 18) family who are all sporty I know someone who had had nearly every illness or injury known to man. PM if you want.

Thanks NSJ. I am holding on. I have to at least do that for a while and breathe of course.

[notsmokinjo]

OK... lets tell some stories... all about me, my favourite subject... but I am giving you the short version here...

 

3 years ago I had an accident on the softball diamond that involved me sliding into home and taking out both the catcher and landing badly, went into a spasm and ended up in an ambulance on the way to hospital. So I had been having shoulder pain for a while and just putting it down to getting old but it was referred pain from cervical osteophyts (bone spurs) at C5-6 impacting the nerves to my arm. It would flare then it would ease. So I have this accident, my muscles in my neck, back and shoulder go into spasm so sever that they couldn't straighten my neck even with traction. It took 2 weeks to get it straight. But all the tests showed up osteoarthritis in my neck, osteophytes on C4-5, C5-6 & C6-7 ... the issue was one of the C5-6 is like a large spear the pain I had been feeling was it knocking the nerve... so the accident showed 2 things, the nerve root (where the nerves for my arm exit the spin) had wrapped around the spur and when I had the accident/fall the osteophyte pierced the nerve root. I have had 4 surgeons look at my tests and none of them will operate. Physio is useless. I know eventually I will loose the use of my right hand, in time. My right middle finger and index finger are pretty much numb, I get tremors (although we think once we sort out the thyroid that should improve because that could be why I have tremors) my bycept has a large numb patch above the elbow. My thumb, index finger and shoulder are in pain most days. I get spasms and cramps that lock up the hand and arm on a bad day. I find it hard to paint anymore. I find it hard to decorate cakes now. I will never knit again. But its going ok. I have now come off Lyrica which I was on for the nerve pain. Since I quit smoking I haven't had to have diazapam for the muscle spasms... I've been able to ride them out. I am still playing softball but I have had to give up netball (too much chance of a heavy knock). When I was first diagnosed I was shattered. Now, not so much.. its just life. I have good days. I have bad days. I mangage the arthritis with natural means (ginger and diet). It will get better than now, you have fresh injuries and fresh scary news to deal with. It will get better.

 

So the second story relates to one of my little cousins....

As a little kid he was hit by a car, he was in a coma... for ages...then one day he woke up... he learnt to walk again, he would fall over a fair bit but he was walking... just to be safe they re-did the xrays and scans... the poor bugger had learnt to walk again with a broken neck.... he had to have a crown of thorns and be in a wheelchair until his neck knitted... but he is now pushing 40, is a dad, has been around the world bushwalking and mountain climbing and is a fireman.... this is the kid who was never coming out of the coma, the kid who learnt to walk with a broken neck, who had to have the neck fixed and has lived with some neck pain since he was in primary school. Message of the story... nothing is impossible, set your mind to it, suck it up and you can do anything.

 

If they suggest going to stay at a pain management centre do it... it is amazing the skills you can learn where you can get past nearly any pain with just your mind. Best life skills ever.

[Reciprocity]

Just saw this GITW and wanted to add my plea for you to stay strong with your quit because just as you have that first one ciggie, you will immediately feel gutted and a lot worse than you do now! How many times have you read stories about that very thing happening with long term quitters who have chosen to smoke again - don't do it please! Don;t add another problem to your life.

[Giveintowin]

16 minutes ago, notsmokinjo said:

OK... lets tell some stories... all about me, my favourite subject... but I am giving you the short version here...

 

3 years ago I had an accident on the softball diamond that involved me sliding into home and taking out both the catcher and landing badly, went into a spasm and ended up in an ambulance on the way to hospital. So I had been having shoulder pain for a while and just putting it down to getting old but it was referred pain from cervical osteophyts (bone spurs) at C5-6 impacting the nerves to my arm. It would flare then it would ease. So I have this accident, my muscles in my neck, back and shoulder go into spasm so sever that they couldn't straighten my neck even with traction. It took 2 weeks to get it straight. But all the tests showed up osteoarthritis in my neck, osteophytes on C4-5, C5-6 & C6-7 ... the issue was one of the C5-6 is like a large spear the pain I had been feeling was it knocking the nerve... so the accident showed 2 things, the nerve root (where the nerves for my arm exit the spin) had wrapped around the spur and when I had the accident/fall the osteophyte pierced the nerve root. I have had 4 surgeons look at my tests and none of them will operate. Physio is useless. I know eventually I will loose the use of my right hand, in time. My right middle finger and index finger are pretty much numb, I get tremors (although we think once we sort out the thyroid that should improve because that could be why I have tremors) my bycept has a large numb patch above the elbow. My thumb, index finger and shoulder are in pain most days. I get spasms and cramps that lock up the hand and arm on a bad day. I find it hard to paint anymore. I find it hard to decorate cakes now. I will never knit again. But its going ok. I have now come off Lyrica which I was on for the nerve pain. Since I quit smoking I haven't had to have diazapam for the muscle spasms... I've been able to ride them out. I am still playing softball but I have had to give up netball (too much chance of a heavy knock). When I was first diagnosed I was shattered. Now, not so much.. its just life. I have good days. I have bad days. I mangage the arthritis with natural means (ginger and diet). It will get better than now, you have fresh injuries and fresh scary news to deal with. It will get better.

 

So the second story relates to one of my little cousins....

As a little kid he was hit by a car, he was in a coma... for ages...then one day he woke up... he learnt to walk again, he would fall over a fair bit but he was walking... just to be safe they re-did the xrays and scans... the poor bugger had learnt to walk again with a broken neck.... he had to have a crown of thorns and be in a wheelchair until his neck knitted... but he is now pushing 40, is a dad, has been around the world bushwalking and mountain climbing and is a fireman.... this is the kid who was never coming out of the coma, the kid who learnt to walk with a broken neck, who had to have the neck fixed and has lived with some neck pain since he was in primary school. Message of the story... nothing is impossible, set your mind to it, suck it up and you can do anything.

 

If they suggest going to stay at a pain management centre do it... it is amazing the skills you can learn where you can get past nearly any pain with just your mind. Best life skills ever.

Thank you Jo, I really appreciate you taking the time to write this. It sounds like you've had some similar challenges to what I'm going through.

 

I have previously had problems with my lumber spine so I have some ok techniques to manage pain thankfully. It is my head accepting this again and another thing to deal with /manage/ recover from and watch for any further degenerative changes.

 

I really appreciate your post and yes it has given me a little more hope. My issues are from c5/c6 at the moment and I'm having some issues swallowing I also have what they called a severe stenosis and compression. I previous had 6 years of problems (which I won't go into) with l4?l5, L5/S1. I have half of both feet now numb after the accident. This is a threat for disability. I can't help the freak outs I've had about this and coupled with the pain it all feels worse. Trebled with time invested in previous recoveries and the knowledge that comes with that and quadrupled with the degenerative changes and threat to my independence. 

 

I think it's great about your cousin but I'm not young anymore so recovery is a little different.

 

yes I know I sound like I'm having a pity party but this is what I'm thinking and experiencing so apologies for putting it out there.

 

I'm sorry that you have had difficulties. I think it's great that you are in a better place. I did also get a little more hope from your post than I had earlier tonight.

 

You are very kind and generous by nature. We are lucky to have you here on the board and thanks for taking the time tonight. I'm sorry for winging also but I figure it is better than smoking. I think that getting it out there may help to find better coping here.

[Giveintowin]

11 minutes ago, reciprocity said:

Just saw this GITW and wanted to add my plea for you to stay strong with your quit because just as you have that first one ciggie, you will immediately feel gutted and a lot worse than you do now! How many times have you read stories about that very thing happening with long term quitters who have chosen to smoke again - don't do it please! Don;t add another problem to your life.

Thanks reciprocity, this is a really good reminder. I am very glad that I didn't smoke when I first had this urge. Pride told me not to post an SOS but the pride would see me smoking. The SOS has been really helpful. I have typed out some of the thoughts and feelings that are brining ing me undone. I cannot talk too much to friends about this because it is too hard for them when they care about you to know you are despairing. Thanks for being here.

[notsmokinjo]

OK... so me again, and I am only telling this story so you know you aren't alone and I'm not blowing smoke up ya arse... it will get better... just as its easier to quit the more knowledge you have, its easier to deal with medical issues if you know what they are talking about and how it can be improved... you know I've been having tests, and they say I have Graves disease and nodes... nodes are tumors I've been playing this shit down... I've been having biopsies and getting another opinion in the past few weeks... I have secondary tumors on one of my parathyroid glands and in at least 3 lymph glands. While going through all of this testing I was made redundant as my work closed down after 75 years. I finished up on Friday. So until I have the surgery, which I don't have a date for yet due to a few health reasons I can't really be looking for a job I have got two of the jobs I applied for before the diagnosis and have had to tell them about my health issues and they have withdrawn the offer (although one wants me to phone as soon as I am well and they will probably find something). On top of this I have been having low grade chemo (tablets) for the past month which have ulcerated my entire mouth and throat. The other medicine I am on to try and stop my thyroid producing too much thyroxin (which is affecting my heart) puts me on an 8 hour emotional roller coaster. So when I had the first "you have cancer" appointment the first thought I had was well fvck it lets get some smokes on the way home.... and I've had the thought multiple times since then.. on the days where the meds had me so low I was sitting in the corner of the kitchen crying because I had to go for a scan and that meant leaving the house and bad things happen if you leave the house. For days on end the only interaction beside my kid and ex was with people on here... I get the feeling, I get the why both... you know why bother... because I am fvcking proud I don't smoke any more... I love being a non-smoker.... I am wait listed for a surgery cancellation (instead of waiting another 3 months) because I am a non-smoker.... my recovery is going to be easier because I am a non-smoker... and yes things are stressful,  and yes it sucks being me at the moment but I am not checking the clock every 15mins to see if its too soon to have another smoke... I am dealing with things in the here and now because I don't have to have a smoke before I can think about it. Smoking isn't going to change the diagnosis... it isn't going to cure the cancer... it certainly isn't going to help with the ulcers and the hair loss, that's started now too... smoking wont help any of that and it will just make me feel even more crap.

When that voice tells you a smoke will make it better... whats the difference your life is shit... remember nicotine addiction will make your body feel more pain that it would otherwise to make you smoke... do you want more pain. You tell that voice to fvck off Givvy... you know its just spinning lies. Your life is not shit, you've just been diverted on a new life path... you'll make some accommodations and you will deal with it and you will deal with as a non-smoker because you are a non-smoker, you value and respect yourself too much to ever do that crap to yourself again because its going to help nothing.

[Reciprocity]

I'm sorry you are going through all the medical issues you are at the moment but and very happy and proud that you didn't relapse. That's a WIN for you GITW An important win! You should never be too proud to post an SOS here. No one her judges an SOS; no one! We all have been down these roads ourselves and only wish to help our fellow quitters so you are in good and safe company on this board.

[Giveintowin]

6 minutes ago, notsmokinjo said:

OK... so me again, and I am only telling this story so you know you aren't alone and I'm not blowing smoke up ya arse... it will get better... just as its easier to quit the more knowledge you have, its easier to deal with medical issues if you know what they are talking about and how it can be improved... you know I've been having tests, and they say I have Graves disease and nodes... nodes are tumors I've been playing this shit down... I've been having biopsies and getting another opinion in the past few weeks... I have secondary tumors on one of my parathyroid glands and in at least 3 lymph glands. While going through all of this testing I was made redundant as my work closed down after 75 years. I finished up on Friday. So until I have the surgery, which I don't have a date for yet due to a few health reasons I can't really be looking for a job I have got two of the jobs I applied for before the diagnosis and have had to tell them about my health issues and they have withdrawn the offer (although one wants me to phone as soon as I am well and they will probably find something). On top of this I have been having low grade chemo (tablets) for the past month which have ulcerated my entire mouth and throat. The other medicine I am on to try and stop my thyroid producing too much thyroxin (which is affecting my heart) puts me on an 8 hour emotional roller coaster. So when I had the first "you have cancer" appointment the first thought I had was well fvck it lets get some smokes on the way home.... and I've had the thought multiple times since then.. on the days where the meds had me so low I was sitting in the corner of the kitchen crying because I had to go for a scan and that meant leaving the house and bad things happen if you leave the house. For days on end the only interaction beside my kid and ex was with people on here... I get the feeling, I get the why both... you know why bother... because I am fvcking proud I don't smoke any more... I love being a non-smoker.... I am wait listed for a surgery cancellation (instead of waiting another 3 months) because I am a non-smoker.... my recovery is going to be easier because I am a non-smoker... and yes things are stressful,  and yes it sucks being me at the moment but I am not checking the clock every 15mins to see if its too soon to have another smoke... I am dealing with things in the here and now because I don't have to have a smoke before I can think about it. Smoking isn't going to change the diagnosis... it isn't going to cure the cancer... it certainly isn't going to help with the ulcers and the hair loss, that's started now too... smoking wont help any of that and it will just make me feel even more crap.

When that voice tells you a smoke will make it better... whats the difference your life is shit... remember nicotine addiction will make your body feel more pain that it would otherwise to make you smoke... do you want more pain. You tell that voice to fvck off Givvy... you know its just spinning lies. Your life is not shit, you've just been diverted on a new life path... you'll make some accommodations and you will deal with it and you will deal with as a non-smoker because you are a non-smoker, you value and respect yourself too much to ever do that crap to yourself again because its going to help nothing.

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. This is very stressful. 

 

I was on methotrexate, which is what people are usually on when they are taking low dose chemo and I had to stop it due to bad side effects. I since found ways to help my autoimmune disease (rheumatoid arthritis) with diet and lifestyle.  You might not be interested but in case you are the thing I found most helpful was autoimmune protocol, commonly referred to as AIP. Sarah Ballantyne created it who had autoimmune thyroid disease. (google it) and also Dr Terry Wahls I've found really helpful too.

 

I knew you had the autoimmune issue but I did not know about the C word stuff. I am very sorry you are going through this.   

 

 

 

 

[notsmokinjo]

11 minutes ago, Giveintowin said:

 (1) yes I know I sound like I'm having a pity party but this is what I'm thinking and experiencing so apologies for putting it out there.

 

 (2) I'm sorry for winging also but I figure it is better than smoking. I think that getting it out there may help to find better coping here.

 

1. Do Not Be Sorry for having a pity party... you are entitled to it... you're hurt, you're in pain, you're scared (and you are entitled to be) and you are greiving... grieving the life you thought you had before the accident as opposed to what you had post appointment...after this stage you'll be in angry mode... that's a nice bit of fun too.. but for now you are in the pity party, woe is me which is part of acceptance and grief... you need to have this stage to get to the next one. So you whinge and whine as much as you want. Because its healthy and you wont end up having a breakdown on the kitchen floor because you're pretending everythings ok... Everything isn't OK... life has smacked you in the face with a cold fish... you are fully entitled to be hurt and sad and upset because it isn't fair. It sucks.

 

2. Hell yeah its better than smoking. Smoking is disgusting. Smoking is foolish, and we aren't foolish anymore.... and just think, if you smoke, you are going to be behind me in the quit and you'll have to follow behind me instead of leading my way. Getting it out is better and its healthy... get it out. Talk about it, yell about it, whinge and whine and moan about it... because keeping it in is toxic. You will cope a bit better each day.

[notsmokinjo]

Thanks for your kind words and thoughts. I was going tp wait until Friday to do the big C announcement over in the health thread but thought you'd get more out of it now.

 

I will look at your autoimmune protocol suggestions.

 

Hoping they take me off the methotrexate on Friday but I am also on carbimazole for the thyroid which I will stay on until the surgery.

[Giveintowin]

3 minutes ago, notsmokinjo said:

Thanks for your kind words and thoughts. I was going tp wait until Friday to do the big C announcement over in the health thread but thought you'd get more out of it now.

 

I will look at your autoimmune protocol suggestions.

 

Hoping they take me off the methotrexate on Friday but I am also on carbimazole for the thyroid which I will stay on until the surgery.

Let me know how things go Jo. I hope you might find as much benefit from the AIP stuff as I did. It has been a big adjustment but worth it for me.

 

Take care Jo. 

[Reciprocity]

I'm gutted for both of you

Please stay with us on this board and never smoke again because we need Heroes to look up to. This quit thing is tough enough but when combined with other significant life issues it becomes even more challenging. Well done ladies for carrying the heavy load of health issues and quitting!

Edited July 2, 2018 by reciprocity

[notsmokinjo]

Well off to do a post in the health thread now I have let the cat out of the bag.

[Lust4Life]

GITW - thanks for posting the SOS & giving us the heads up to run to your side.   I’m so sorry about your injuries!   You have plenty of life left to live.   You mentioned giving up on improving yourself. I know this thought is temporary.  How about being adamant in not making yourself worse??  Smoking as you know, is detrimental to healing, circulation, bone & muscle health.   Do not give in!! KTQ you have fought like h$ll to win!  You got this! 

[Giveintowin]

40 minutes ago, reciprocity said:

I'm gutted for both of you

Please stay with us on this board and never smoke again because we need Heroes to look up to. This quit thing is tough enough but when combined with other significant life issues it becomes even more challenging. Well done ladies for carrying the heavy load of health issues and quitting!

Aww that's so lovely.

[Devil Doll]

Give,

Do you know how awesome it is that you came and posted an SOS? 

No matter how bad it feels in the moment, it passes. 

I am sorry for your health issues, deep down you knew that smoking wasn’t going to help, and you reached out for help. 

Well done.  

I know that this sounds cliche but it does get better.  I have a laundry list of health problems that may not have completely gone away but since I quit have improved greatly. 

Again, great job reaching out.