A scary situation, stress, quitting and the tendency of f@ck its

[Giveintowin]

I thought I should post here even though a day has passed already. I had a scary situation on Friday night. I had a car accident (only minor really) and my neck was sore so I went to the emergency dept. They put me in a neck brace and told me to lie down and not move. I wasn't allowed to do anything for myself until they scanned the neck to see if there were any fractures. When I got the scan done they wheeled me to the room and then they transferred me like a disabled person to the scanning machine. I found myself staring at the ceiling think OMG imagine if this was my daily life. I thought it was like a nightmare. I found myself strangely thinking about smoking. I haven't had a crave or thought in what seems like months but the thoughts were so strong I could almost taste the cigarette. I decided to lie there and try to think it through. Is this a garage door. I hadn't been in hospital and as a non-smoker perhaps it was this. As I explored deeper I began to realise that it was a f@ck it. It was like OMG I'm f@cked anyway and I should just smoke anyway since ............(insert any rationalisation down here).

 

It turned out I didn't have a broken neck but I have a nasty problem with my neck that I didn't know about. It's quite scary since it can lead to paralysis and I can feel that my swallowing is affected. I am trying not to freak out about this and be sensible. I am trying to look after myself and as much as I can because worrying, stressing and eating the wrong foods will only make this worse. I guess I need to be extra vigilant at this time with the false smoking rationalisations. F@ck its really are something that has f@cked us somewhat. I am resisting temptation to let them f@ck me more. 

[jillar]

Sorry about your car accident but glad they found your neck problem before something even worse could happen. I think your feelings are totally normal, at least for me they would be. I remember posting a topic along the lines of what would you do if you found out you had a terminal illness. Would you start smoking again? I said I would since I was dying anyway.....

Hope you feel better soon!

[Whispers]

I agree with jillar, normal thoughts and this is how close it comes. Im glad to hear your neck wasnt fractured, feel better

[Giveintowin]

6 minutes ago, jillar said:

Sorry about your car accident but glad they found your neck problem before something even worse could happen. I think your feelings are totally normal, at least for me they would be. I remember posting a topic along the lines of what would you do if you found out you had a terminal illness. Would you start smoking again? I said I would since I was dying anyway.....

Hope you feel better soon!

Thanks Jillar. You are very kind. It will be a battery of tests and visits to MD's to see what needs to be done. It is a bone spur thingy called osteoclast (i think) in my neck and it might need surgery. I will try not to worry but this situation is pretty triggering for me so I need to put it out there what's happening so the sneaky nicodemon can't sneak on in during a weak moment.

[jillar]

Yes, talking about it is good. And I know about triggers, I had one when my mom got really sick a few months back and we thought we may lose her. The good thing is that you can recognize and fight back against it. Keep your mind on other things, play a few games or check out the socializing sections. There's some funny things over there that should work to keep the smoking thoughts away

[Giveintowin]

4 minutes ago, jillar said:

Yes, talking about it is good. And I know about triggers, I had one when my mom got really sick a few months back and we thought we may lose her. The good thing is that you can recognize and fight back against it. Keep your mind on other things, play a few games or check out the socializing sections. There's some funny things over there that should work to keep the smoking thoughts away

Thanks Jillar. That's good advice. 

28 minutes ago, Whispers said:

I agree with jillar, normal thoughts and this is how close it comes. Im glad to hear your neck wasnt fractured, feel better

Thanks Whispers. 

[Sslip]

Sorry to hear about your accident GITW, look after yourself extra well at the moment.

[WeegieWoman]

Hi gitw im thinking of you and hoping you are ok. I am sure youare ok. Just a bit pissed cant answer properly. But i know you are cool as you are cooooool 

[Boo]

I think it's important as addicts to stay vigilant about our quits.  I also think we need to be a bit more forgiving with ourselves in some instances regarding certain thought patterns.  You had just experienced a frightening auto accident.  You were faced with a situation in which you thought your physical health may have been seriously compromised.  That's a lot of bad action coming at you all at once.  I imagine any of us would be prone to some counterproductive thinking in a time like that.

 

You did a bit of hypothetical rationalizing, but your quit is still intact.  So, no harm there.

 

Hope you are on the mend and your neck is feeling better.  Good luck.

[Reciprocity]

Sorry about your recent "incident" GITW   I hope you are well on the mend at this point

 

I'm also happy you posted the thoughts and feelings you experienced in the aftermath! This helps others understand just how this addiction works. Even with a long quit under our belt, this bloody addiction lies in wait for us! Dormant for a while it takes the first unusual, and usually stressful, event to bring back all the false thinking about how our lovely smokes solved all our stress in life, Ha, ha ....... what a lie! Smoking solves only addiction stress NOT life stress See MQ's post about this on the Quit Smoking Discussions page - Is Smoking Stopping you from ............................

 

If you were a never smoker you would still have been very stressed about your injuries of course. Anyone would be. BUT, if you were a smoker still you would have had 2 kinds of stress after your accident. Normal life stress due to the accident  and the uncertainty of your injuries then on top of that you would have been going crazy not being able to go outside and have a smoke while they were accessing you. We all fooled ourselves early on in our addiction into thinking that our smoking had a calming effect on us when we were stressed but we now know as quitters that it really just adds a whole other level of stress to our daily lives.

 

You are in a better position NOT being a smoker after this mishap Givi!  It's a little disturbing though how even after a fairly long time of abstinence our subconscious mind still goes straight to, light up a smoke as the solution to every stressful situation! I'm just happy we have been members of these boards which are rich with educational information about this addiction. It has helped me understand just what this addiction is and how it tries to control us when ever we are vulnerable. 

 

I say NOPE to that. F-U smoking

[Doreensfree]

I'm sorry to hear of your accident.... Being told we have something wrong is scarey business's... Sending you positive vibes....they can help and make you comfortable...

As for your smoking thoughts...Boo says it..we are addicts...of course when something awful happens we immediately think of the one thing we thought calmed us down in a crisis...we now know this is all rubbish ...

You will be on the mend much quicker without withdrawal symptoms to deal with ...

You should feel proud ...you thought about them....and did nothing...it was just a thought...you kicked nicotine, s butt....

I wish you a speedy recovery...x

[Tammy]

Hang in there @Giveintowin, from all that I've been reading in the last few days, our body has amazing powers to heal itself, and yes you're right, thinking about or worrying about it, or worrying will not help.

Stay strong, actually, don't need to tell ya...you already are...

Analyzing a thought takes time and patience, and not giving in to the instinct, which isn't a small feat.

So kudos.

Take care

Lots of best wishes and love.

[notsmokinjo]

Oh Givvy wot a crap arse shitful weekend.

 

1... OK, I'm working on a big post about giving up a long quit, over 6 years worth, with the impetus being an accident. So the first thing here is WELL BLOODY DONE you little ripper... you faced down that nicob1tch as she exploited all your uncertainties and fears and you kicked her arse to the curb. That is a huge achievement... 8 months (tomorrow) in and you achieved what I didn't achieve after 6+ years and I wasn't in a brace on a hospital bed contemplating the unkown. So you thought about it, but you didn't, hold your head high chook cos you did good, yeah.

 

2... when you first get diagnosed with oseophytes its scary and depending where they are located and their shape they can be quite dangerous. Unfortunately they are a normal part of aging and most of us on this board over 40 will have at least one oseophyte somewhere in their body. So basically an oseophyte is a 'bone' (cartlidge calcification) spur at any joint in the body. They are more common in the neck and along the spine. So it all depends on their shape and where they are if it is something worth worrying about. I have 1 at C4-5... 3 at C5-6 and another at C6-7 ... I'm not trying to play down how serious it can be because it can be very serious but it can also be very mild and just need monitoring. I'm sharing because understanding gives you power, and takes away some of the stress and anxiety of the unknown. If you want to talk about it more happy to take a pm. Mine was picked up nearly 4 years ago after an accident at softball, and I know the fear and worry you have when the prognosis and thought of spinal surgery is unknown. Its scary and its perfectly normal and ok to be scared and worried.

 

So... big woohoo to you for staying the course and not giving up your quit.... HUGE fell better and get well soon vibes being sent north of the boarder... hope to see you back on the boards soon sharing your insights and perspectives.... and keeping you in my thoughts until they resolve what is next with the neck.

Edited June 24, 2018 by notsmokinjo

[NOPEster]

Hey Gives,

 

Way to face off the nico demon in your moment of strife. Sharing your story gave me extra wisdom for defending my own precious quit. I thank you. 

[Sazerac]

This is terrible news G,

Life is so full of change.

Smoking will not help you, it will kill you.

 

Please take care of yourself and be extra kind to yourself,

Remember You----Your Quit---Your Life.

 

[Stewie]

Yeah lad, Sally said it the best: smoking will kill you. It will not make your neck sore, it will cause you cancer and you will suffer a slow and painful death. And the way to avoid it ,is to say NOPE for today and keep marching. It will get better i swear.