I uses to be a member of QSMB

[DianeCz]

Hellllooooo ! so excited, I was a member of qsmb. Today I have been quit smoking 18 months, so I thought I would send a post to them... but they had gone, but then I found Quit Train, and started recognizing names, especially my lovely, lovely friend Jillar, oh just missed you all so much.

Here is the piece I wrote, with love.

Hi to everyone, there may some of you who remember me, and I know there will be many people who were lost souls, living in a fog of cigarette smoke and laying in there beds at night wheezing.

But now you have discovered this forum and you are no longer alone, you are amongst people you will probably never meet, but these people will come to represent some of the most life changing and influential people you will ever bond with in your lives.

I love them all, if it wasn’t for these people and this message board, I wouldn’t be able to hold my head up high today and yell from the rooftops, I am 18 months smoke free!

I smoked for 42 years, during the bad times I was on 40 a day, during the good times it was probably 8 a day.  I can still remember the exact moment I had my first cigarette, I was 16, in a night club, dancing to my beloved Tamla Motown music, spinning around under the disco ball, young free and single, little did I know that was the last freedom I would have for 42 years, because from that day on I was a slave to cigarettes.

It is only now that I realised how smoking dictated my life on so many levels. The freedom I feel today is sensational, and it is all down to this forum, thank you so much QSMB.

In 4 weeks’ time I will celebrate my 60th birthday, my life could have been so different, it fills my heart with great sadness at what I feel I have missed out on, all because of my addiction to cigarettes.

I am now waiting to see a lung person, the waiting list here in the UK, is about 20 weeks, I will not be priority because I am considered old at 60 (I am not old! I am a skipping and prancing bunny!) I am fat (I am not fat, I am a voluptuous temptress who knows a bit about life) and because I am an ex smoker and nothing that my over active and joyously bizarre mind can come up with, will change that fact.

Yes I regret starting to smoke, but I have made the decision not to beat my self up about it, what is the point, it wont do any good, I have done what I have done, it is what it is, and now I find myself on a consultants waiting list, there will be tests, and talks and x rays et al, but nothing will change what I have done to my body and my life, my fault, no one else’s.  I get a tightness in my chest that seems to be set off mostly by stress – I have mental health issues – I failed miserably in a lung function test a couple of months ago, it was so poor the nurse thought the machine was faulty (!)

I now have an inhaler,   but I don’t use it every day. I still go to the gym and nearly kill my self with the tread mill set to the highest incline, I push 66 kilo with my legs 30 times – I love that machine, it nearly makes me faint, and I swim for about 45 minutes, and I know I wouldn’t be able to do this if I was still a smoker.  So, there is all this smoking related crap going on in my life, but now I have the freedom of not wondering when and where my next cigarette will come from, I have more money, further enabling myself and my gorgeous Colin to work through our bucket list. My skin is now really great, some of my few wrinkles have disappeared which was something I didn’t think possible, I am still fat because chocolate tastes so damn good now.  My family are so pleased I have stopped, even though I had tried to be a secret smoker, I realise now I must have been such an embarrassment to them – my brother in law is a scientist into smoking related illnesses and condition, he has written books, is always on the radio and writes articles for the Times and the Independent newspapers, and he gives talks. I must say, he is rather ecstatic with me. I never smoked in front of my children or grand children.

So, please put yourself through this journey (I hate the “this journey” thing but it works in this instance,)  it ruins your health, people judge you, it upsets those who love you the most, it steals your money , it detrimentally affects every single bit of your body in ways you are not aware of . It is destructive and vile, it is a poison and a demon, it eats you away, bit by bit, subtly at first and as you age it gains momentum, I feel stupid and saddened and angered at my own idiocy, I feel enraged with myself.

I am so pleased I am an ex smoker I quite enjoy smugly telling people this.

Please use this forum, I couldn’t of done it without the wonderful people here. They care, they have been where you are right now, they will offer advice, friendship and support. You will develop a sense of belonging, a glorious feeling of positivity. You can do it, yes, you really can, and people here at QSMB will gently hold you and protect you, and care about you.

Please do it.

Please stop smoking.

Lot’s of love and big squish cuddles and kisses,

Diane xxx

[Doreensfree]

Hi Diane...

Welcome aboard the Quit train..

Old and new friends here...

Great post ...and congratulations on your fabulous quit ..

[notsmokinjo]

Hi @DianeCz and welcome to the QT.

 

Huge congratulations on being 18 months smoke free... what a great achievement and best wishes moving forward with the health issues.

 

[jillar]

Diane!, It's so good to hear from you, I've missed your mummy hugs Congratulations on 18 months quit It sounds like you've got a great workout regimen going so try not to be too concerned about your lung issues unless or until you have too. Hopefully it's just your lungs continuing to heal from smoking all those years.

That's awesome that you and Colin are still working through your bucket lists. My list is boring stuff, not nearly as cool as the exotic trips you two take

Anyway, please don't be a stranger, you have such good and loving advice to offer. And keep us posted on your health because we care

[Joe7]

What a treat reading your post today Diane. Congratulations on your 18 months without smoking. I remember you so well. Your posts at QSMB really spoke to me. I was sad when they stopped. It is so nice to have an update from you. I hope that you won't be a stranger here.

[Martian5]

Thank you so much for your post, kind of hits home for me, and welcome aboard.  Congrats on the 18 months

[Sslip]

Diane, great to see you make it here and congratulations on 18 months quit.

 

Impressive work in the gym and pool, I bet you are able to push yourself harder now that you ever thought possible. I hope the appointments with the specialists go well for you.

 

Fantastic post and hope to see you around.

[Lust4Life]

Well hello dianecz!  It is so wonderful to hear from you!  Congratulations on your beautiful quit! Glad to hear you are well- last I recall you were set to do some traveling. Thailand? I don’t quite recall. So glad you found Quit Train.  Your mummy cuddles will be welcomed here! 

[johnny5]

That is such a wonderful post, Diane.  Thanks for sharing that with us. 

 

Congratulations on a year and a half smoke free.  Quitting smoking is such a life-changing act and your post so beautifully illustrated that.

 

Also, welcome to Quit Train.  I hope you stick around.  You can really help people here.

[Giveintowin]

Well done on 18 months quit Diane. 

[Reciprocity]

Welcome Diane and congratulations on 18 months smoke free. It is certainly the best thing you could have done for your health not to mention the pride we all feel having beaten back the Nicomonster

[DianeCz]

Hi all, and thank you so much for all your kind words, am so pleased to have found my old friends and look forward to making new friends, mummy cuddles all round!

I will just get you up to date with what I have been up to, we did a month in Thailand Nov/ Dec. That was pretty hard going at times, mainly because the hotel I had chosen was way up a massive and very steep hill into the rain forest, and with the heat I would find myself gasping for air, sometimes when we got back to our room I would just throw my bag on the bed and walk into the shower fully clothed! then start to take my clothes off once my heart had stopped pounding. We have booked to go back this year, but to a flatter place, so we will do lots of walking looking for butterflies and flowers and gorgeous things. We have just got back from 2 weeks in Gozo, which is a little island just of Malta, right in the middle of the Mediterranean sea. The hotel was on top of a hill with amazing views down valley to the sea, we went on long walks of 6 and 8 miles through terraced fields and beautiful, very quiet country side, almost no cars, and just birdsong. Yes it was all down hill, but a long way down hill, and we didn't sit down until we got to our destination, which was always a beach.

Now, you may ask yourself why I am bragging about stuff like this. Two reasons, 1, I couldn't have done this when I smoked, I would have been sitting down every 20 mins to catch my breath, and  going through the motions of fannying around in my bag to find cigarettes and lighter, which now I can see must have been very annoying to my beautiful Colin, but he never complained (God! I love that man!) I used to smoke outside because I needed that fix, but it made me feel conspicuous, ashamed, dirty, and a lesser person. Not having to go through all the rigmarole of finding the cigarettes (I am a woman - I have loads of stuff in my bag, so I could be hunting for ages,) lighting one up, finding that lighter doesn't work, looking for another and then smoking it so fast with deep drags that I must have looked totally ridiculous. Not smoking has given me so much more time to enjoy everything, and not having the stress and pressure of having to slope off and find a "secret" place to have my fix. It is lovely not smoking! the freedom is amazing, so much more time to look around and actually see life, it is amazing what you miss when you spend all the necessary time needed to go through your routine, so much time wasted, that is a massive regret for me, I am one that looks at things others would just walk past, I make memories of little things, insects, the smell of lilac, art, architecture, history, I have missed so very much of life with my head stuck inside my bloody stupid handbag looking for smoking equipment,and sloping away like a filthy rodent into a cesspit of secrecy and shame. 

The second thing is the money saved, all the money saved has gone towards us enjoying life even more, what would you rather have a months worth of something that will kill you or a month in Thailand?. Believe me, ladyboys, Thai food and beaches will win every time, I also have a bit of a thing about Buddhist monks, they make me feel so happy. Colin will be 68 this year and on the 12 th July I will celebrate my 60th birthday, I never expected to see 60 to be honest, when I was a young smoker 60 seemed a long way off, and by the grace of God, I am still here, and will continue to drag myself, kicking and screaming to experience every single thing I can, because did you know this... I am now a non smoker.

Oh, and by the way, when I said I had been smoke free for 18 months, it was a mistake, I have been smoke free for 19 months! Isn't life just brilliant!

Sending much love your way, you can do this, you will do this, and then you can be as smug as me! lol. xxxx

 

 

[catlover]

Thankyou Diane for such a lovely post, and such true words, it's great to experience the things you mention.

i remember you from QSMB, and it's great to see you back. big congrats on 19 months quit, so pleased for you. I started my quit again 1st Feb  this year, and marching on to  5 months now .

[JimHannoonen]

Hi Diane!

 

It's so great to hear from you, you voluptuous temptress!

 

[jillar]

Wow, you have been busy Diane! Your trips sound amazing

[DianeCz]

Oh, now I realize how much I have missed you all, kisses, cuddles, hugs, and more kisses xxx

[Reciprocity]

My wife and I are at the stage where we want to explore exotic places such as Thailand in winter months. We are just in the process now of making large changes in our lives that will allow us to do that (hopefully). Glad you are enjoying your travels

[Ethan]

Hi Diane.............Glad to see you found this place like the rest of us.

[Cristóbal]

Hi Diane,

 

Welcome to QuitTrain, and thank you for the great post !!!

 

Life is so much better as a non-smoker, I am glad to see that you are taking advantage of your beautiful freedom and living life as we all should live it.

 

 

Cristóbal

[Dutchess66]

Hi Diane,

 

How nice to hear from you and I find it wonderful to read about your holidays. Please brag as much as you like!

 

I agree with you: being a non-smoker or ex-smoker has so many advantages. Glad our eyes were opened to see them.

 

Have a nice day!

 

Dutchess