SOS - I just feel like garbage

[Wee fluffy me]

Aaawww Ren sweetie, how's you doing now?? Great advice been given here and I can't think of anything to add except jillars Air cig saw me threw many a tough time . I hope the worst has passed for you now, pop on when you can and let us know how you are xx

[JB 883]

Three month battle. Tough time. it could last a couple days.

Make it through this trying time and this is the final big battle.

Sometimes the three-month mark (or close to it) is the worst.

 

Do not be one of the members around here who run into a rough patch only to give in and go back to smoking.

[Doreensfree]

I'm late !!!....

Ren you still here????

Come and tell us how your doing ...

Well done quit train peeps...one fabulous team....

Can I just add Ren ...even folks who have never smoked in thier lives have bad times...shit happens...

They dont  have withdrawal symptoms to deal with ,so appear calmer....this will happen...if you don't put nicotine back in your body...

 

[Ren]

I haven't been back here since my SOS because I'm not good at letting myself feel vulnerable and face the feelings that were coming up that night. 

 

I don't know how you all feel about this here, but I smoke marijuana pretty regularly. I'm not starting my quit over because I didn't smoke a cigarette. But that night I put a pinch of tobacco in my pipe to mix with my weed. It was probably the equivalent of a puff of a cigarette. Smoking weed doesn't make me crave cigarettes. I just wanted a cigarette so bad that I guess that was my compromise. I know there's no such thing as a compromise when it comes to smoking. But I'm not beating myself up over it. I'm trying to figure out where my self-harming impulses come from so I can get some control over them. When I get stressed out and I feel like I'm not doing my best, I get stuck doing even worse and self-sabotaging every habit I've ever tried to break...procrastinating, wanting to drink and smoke pot too much, overeating, sometimes even purging (I used to be bulimic), picking at my cuticles, pimple popping...I think because I was always acutely aware of the danger of cigarettes even while I was smoking them, smoking was more of a form of self-harm for me than an ignorant habit. 

 

Huh. I guess I have another layer of addiction to deal with. 

[jillar]

Good to see you back @Ren, it doesn't matter what we think, it's your quit. If you don't think smoking a pinch of tobacco on top of your bowl of weed is enough to reset your quit than that's entirely your decision. And imo smoking weed isn't relapsing. My ticker says since my last cigarette and so does yours....

[notsmokinjo]

OK.... first not my place to judge... and while I don't use weed now (and its not legal in Aus, so if metadata gathering law enforcement types are screening this I wouldn't do that) I have in the past. When I did smoke it I never cut it so its not something I'd be tempted to do now BUT most of my mates who do smoke it do cut it so for me and my quit its a no no.... but that is me and mine... not you and yours... read what jillar said above. I firmly believe in horses for courses... if that worked for you and you are happy with it then that is it.

 

I know we have some members here who smoke dope, and some why use it as a favoured cooking herb... as long as its not making you a bad person i'm ambivalent.... do it, don't do it.... all good to me, doesn't change my opinion of you.

[WeegieWoman]

I wouldn't reset the quit after the pinch of tobacco BUT I really would refrain from doing it again as it could be a slippery slope.  Good to see you and happy you are still with us Ren.

[Sazerac]

Thanks for posting, Ren.

On 6/12/2018 at 9:13 AM, Ren said:

I haven't been back here since my SOS because I'm not good at letting myself feel vulnerable and face the feelings that were coming up that night. 

 

I don't know how you all feel about this here, but I smoke marijuana pretty regularly. I'm not starting my quit over because I didn't smoke a cigarette. But that night I put a pinch of tobacco in my pipe to mix with my weed. It was probably the equivalent of a puff of a cigarette. Smoking weed doesn't make me crave cigarettes. I just wanted a cigarette so bad that I guess that was my compromise. I know there's no such thing as a compromise when it comes to smoking. But I'm not beating myself up over it. I'm trying to figure out where my self-harming impulses come from so I can get some control over them. When I get stressed out and I feel like I'm not doing my best, I get stuck doing even worse and self-sabotaging every habit I've ever tried to break...procrastinating, wanting to drink and smoke pot too much, overeating, sometimes even purging (I used to be bulimic), picking at my cuticles, pimple popping...I think because I was always acutely aware of the danger of cigarettes even while I was smoking them, smoking was more of a form of self-harm for me than an ignorant habit. 

 

Huh. I guess I have another layer of addiction to deal with. 

 

I smoke the blessed herb, Ren,

and I would never dream of adulterating it with the poison of tobacco

not that smoking anything is good for our lungs.

In my not so humble opinion, you need to get a lot more serious about nicotine addiction, Ren.

You did start the shit up again.  See your brain after one puff ? 

 

I think that the most important and useful thing about dealing with nicotine addiction is the opportunity to be brutally honest with ourselves.

There is no shame or any bullsiht like that, it is just truth. 

Here, we are addicts putting our addiction to sleep.

 

You can quit smoking, Ren, if you want to, no matter what else is going on inside.  You can put this addiction to rest.

 I guarantee you, the personal power you will amass will inevitably help you in many, many other ways.

Please be kind to yourself and stay in touch.  We give a fcuk.

S

Edited June 13, 2018 by Sazerac

[Sslip]

Ren, 

 

Really glad to see you here. I have no opinion on what you have done, only what you're aiming to achieve. You're with us, that's good. You're committed, that's good. You posted a SOS at the time, that's good. 

 

So the next bit is just advice, take it or leave it it's up to you. 

 

You talk about self harming in the context of not looking after yourself properly. That is something you do not have to work out for yourself if you don't want to. Talking therapies are very effective if you can be open and honest. 

 

I don't know whether the relationship you have with other recreational drugs hinders your ability to stay quit, but it's something that you may want to consider. Final piece of advice is if you can spot where you are a little earlier in the cycle, get the SOS out sooner, when it's a little less frantic. It may help and not be such a distance to come back from the edge. 

 

Anyway, whatever, here for you when you need and proud of your progress and your strength both in the SOS and coming back here today. 

 

Be kind to yourself. 

 

 

Edited June 12, 2018 by Sslip

[Doreensfree]

Never give up ..giving up....one puff...or....one pinch is enough to waken the monster....

I agree with what has been posted about being honest with yourself...

It is your ticker Ren...you alone has to make the decision ..

We are here to help any way we can ...

[Giveintowin]

Hi Ren,

 

I know I'm late. I live in Australia and just woke up.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. I do understand. I have an autoimmune disease too and I had flares when I quit, lots of inflammation and joints locking up. It is really hard to deal with and I feel like people don't understand. I also had a very hard time at two months. I felt like I had the worst quitting related depression. I felt no joy at all!!! I'm sure my quit smoking counsellor thought I was nuts. I did get through it! The flare settled down and I eventually felt a lot better. I'm glad I didn't smoke because then that would have been one more thing to go through again.

 

Also by the way I use AIP (Autoimmune protocol) to control the flares in my condition. You can google it if you are interested.

 

My heart goes out to you. You are not alone.

[notsmokinjo]

Hey Ren just saying hi and letting you know we are thinking of you. Hope all is well in your neck of the woods.

[Ren]

On 6/12/2018 at 12:41 PM, WeegieWoman said:

I wouldn't reset the quit after the pinch of tobacco BUT I really would refrain from doing it again as it could be a slippery slope.  Good to see you and happy you are still with us Ren.

Yeah I know. A couple of times and I'm probably hooked on nicotine again, right?

[notsmokinjo]

yep... which is why its a nope for me... but i know i'm that much of an addict.

[Ren]

I'm FINE but not great. 

 

Thanks for all the advice on autoimmune flare-ups...I've never had a doctor want to diagnose me officially with anything, so I've never taken it seriously enough...all I know is that when my life becomes very stressful my body becomes extremely reactive. 

 

But no more pinches since that night!! or puffs....

 

I had another smoking dream last night where I had an unlit cigarette in the car and I was frantically trying to find a lighter so I could light it before I talked myself out of it, which I knew would happen if I didn't get it lit asap!!

 

I don't want to go back to day one, but hitting my 90 day mark today feels a little less shiny than what I was looking forward to. I think I just have to keep going with the knowledge that my first 90 days weren't absolutely perfect.

[Sazerac]

Hey Ren,

Your voice sounds really good.  Congratulations on your 90 days, bebe.

90 days is an incredible accomplishment, let nothing diminish this.

Polish up your badge...you don't smoke.

This is awesome.

 

I know it isn't easy to believe us but, everything will get easier.

Hold on, keep powering through.  You are a hero in my world, Ren.

 

 

[Doreensfree]

Positive post ...

Smoking dreams are horrible...keep going..as we say..?it really does get easier..even though it's hard to believe just now..!!!

[JB 883]

10 hours ago, Ren said:

Yeah I know. A couple of times and I'm probably hooked on nicotine again, right?

Yes. How many "quits" have been ruined because people thought "just one won't hurt"?

 

I never understood why people would refrain from smoking for weeks or months then just give in.

 

You have to decide for yourself if you are going to give in to tobacco again or not. If that pinch was ALL the tobacco you smoked since March 18th then personally i would say - don't beat yourself up but do stay away from it from now on. But if you have a habit of "sneaking in" tobacco very often, then it might be necessary to re-examine your "Quit".

 

Tickers do not really matter in such a case. We each know if we have really stuck with "Quit" or not.

[Tammy]

Brain to me :" listen, I am bored, and it's raining... What say we have just one smoke?"

 

Me to brain :"You may be bored, anxious, frustrated or hanging by your last neuron, we are not smoking. Open the damn window and breathe some oxygen in for a change will ya,."

 

Brain to me :" it's just one 1⃣"

 

Me to brain :"it'll be none you are grounded...." 

Edited June 23, 2018 by Tammy

[Doreensfree]

Hi Tammy...you OK .!!!!!

Your brain is trying to trick you...have none of it....

Keep busy ...don't be bored...do anything.....deep breaths....

Check out Qi Gong..on you tube..I tell you..this is the most relaxing thing ever..it calm you right down...I love it...

Keep going..it will pass ...

[Tammy]

4 minutes ago, Doreensfree said:

Hi Tammy...you OK .!!!!!

Your brain is trying to trick you...have none of it....

Keep busy ...don't be bored...do anything.....deep breaths....

Check out Qi Gong..on you tube..I tell you..this is the most relaxing thing ever..it calm you right down...I love it...

Keep going..it will pass ...

Yup, fighting the cravings, for some reason, a little too frequent today, but nothing will shake me. Not giving up on the hard work done and not putting my body through all that again Doreen stepped out for a walk, it is a beautiful day 

Also apologies for posting in another topic within the pre respond forum, doing this through the phone. Will move it once I have access to the laptop 

[Doreensfree]

Great stuff...remember ..there is NO such thing as one !!!

We are addicts...think of of all the packs that will follow....

And you will be back to where you wish you were now.....enjoy your walk...I have some gates to pain ..yuk !!!

[Reciprocity]

Good job Tammy! Remember., each battle you win with that Nico-monster, you get stronger and it gets weaker! It really does work that way.

 

[notsmokinjo]

@Tammy you doing ok? Day 3 is hard for lots of people. You know you can do this. Yell out if you need a pep talk.

[Stewie]

Keep at it @Tammy, your doing great. ;´)