why do I feel like a failure?

[christine 12]

Still havent' walked across the street, still haven't asked boyfriend for a cigarette

 

Yet I feel like a failure anyway. I don't feel this is a reasonable emotion, as I haven't smoked for over two days. maybe it's because I am close to failure. I don't kno. 

[catlover]

Hey Christine 2 days without a smoke is fantastic, that's certainly not a failure! Don't romance the cigarette, it never did anything good for you.

Stay strong and determined and you will sail on through.

[Sslip]

Christine, you can do this. Focus, why do you want to give up cigarettes? WHY is this important to you?

 

You can get through this!

 

Keep talking to us!

[christine 12]

4 minutes ago, Sslip said:

Christine, you can do this. Focus, why do you want to give up cigarettes? WHY is this important to you?

 

You can get through this!

 

Keep talking to us!

Because my daughter needs braces, and we cant afford them unless both me and my boyfriend quit smoking. 

[Sslip]

That's a good reason, start with that. There are many, many more positives though, I can promise you that as you get further along the line.

 

Is there anything else giving up does for you?

 

(And by the way you keep doing well to get through those first couple of days, don't consider that a failure, but let's help you turn doing well into doing great!)

Edited June 2, 2018 by Sslip

[notsmokinjo]

You are doing so well... feeling like a failure is just the stupid nicob1tch/nicodemon trying to trick you. 2 days is great, day three is just hard. That's how it is sweetie... day three is sent to test every nerve ending and fiber but you can get passed day 3, just keep posting... random thoughts .... try and do something to keep your mind occupied (why do you think the games threads are so popular here)... seriously nicotine is an addiction, it wants you to feed it and its been with you a long time, it knows your weaknesses... it makes you feel like a failure WHEN YOU ARE NOT, YOU ARE THE OPPOSITE, YOU ARE SUCCEEDING, so it sends messages that you are because its programmed your brain that when you feel like that your feed it and have a smoke... having a smoke wont make you feel any better. So it (the nicotine addiction) is playing on your need for rewards (cos we all need those).... so every hour you don't smoke have a little reward.. hard lollies/sweets/candies are good because you can suck them and they will keep your blood sugar up... which will also help with anxiety and craves

[catlover]

I agree, the stupid nicodemon is just throwing tantrums because you are'nt feeding it. Looking after our family is way more important than spending money on that trash, it just takes time for the brain to accept this, but hold on, honestly things will get better, you just got to ride with a bit of unpleasantness too. Scream rant phone a friend, go to bed... whatever it takes to stay free.

Jo has got great advice, with the rewards, they certainly helped me too, lots of rewards will help you through. Keep posting too.

[Sslip]

@christine 12are you quitting cold turkey?

 

And have you perfected the breathing exercises and remembered the ice cold water?

Edited June 2, 2018 by Sslip

[christine 12]

1 minute ago, Sslip said:

@christine 12are you quitting cold turkey?

not really cold turkey, I've had a few pieces of nicotine gum in the last two days. Weird, my other times I tried to quit I could go without

[catlover]

Yes thats a point, are you getting any help with your quit? Did you just make the decision to stop 2 days ago, or did you plan to stop?

Could be you need a  little help.

Do you think you are ready to quit, or do you feel forced to quit.

[Sslip]

@christine 12 the nicotine gum is fine, it is just an aid to take the edge off, it's a support tool that many of us, myself included, have used to quit.

 

Are you using a piece now?

 

[christine 12]

1 minute ago, catlover said:

Yes thats a point, are you getting any help with your quit? Did you just make the decision to stop 2 days ago, or did you plan to stop?

Could be you need a  little help.

Do you think you are ready to quit, or do you feel forced to quit.

I've been trying since january 2. This is my fourth or fifth attempt. I have to quit for financial reasnons. I am mentally ready. 

1 minute ago, Sslip said:

@christine 12 the nicotine gum is fine, it is just an aid to take the edge off, it's a support tool that many of us, myself included, have used to quit.

 

Are you using a piece now?

 

Not right now. I'm trying to use as little as possibe. Only at the worste times.

[Sslip]

Financial reasons doesn't really register with the nicotine addicted mind though, we find ways around it.

 

There are many reasons to quit. How old is your daughter?

[christine 12]

Just now, Sslip said:

Financial reasons doesn't really register with the nicotine addicted mind though, we find ways around it.

 

There are many reasons to quit. How old is your daughter?

16. And then also our 11 year old son willl need braces in a couple of years too. 

[catlover]

I initially needed to quit for financial reasons too, but then I started to feel the health benefits, which actually  I needed just as much but had focused more on the financial.

I promise you will start to change how you think and feel as a little more time passes. Right now you are probably feeling fed up because you have to quit because you need the money for other things, so effectively it is a forced quit.

Try to see the positive side, thats it's not just that your daughter needs braces, but that you will soon see the other benefits, and there are many.

The first few weeks can be difficult, you just got to do whatever you can to ride it out. I found early nights helped, and also listening to relaxing music on youtube helped. 

As said before lots of little treats, and some nice foody snacks.

 

[Sslip]

Right, tell you what, forget financial for a moment. My kids are all grown up, but they are super proud that I have finally managed to stay a few months quit.

 

My granddaughter is so pleased I have so much more time for her.

 

My mum (she's getting on a bit now) is delighted that I'm finally looking after myself right.

 

Would your kids feel that kind of pride for what you're doing?

[catlover]

Is your boyfriend smoking around you at the moment. Is he giving up with you? Quitting together is a great way to quit, that way you can help and encourage each other.

Dont worry if he is still smoking though, I am sure he will want to stop and support you when he sees how well you are doing. My hubby stopped smoking a couple of weeks after me and we are both free now. Stay close to the board Christine and keep posting, it helps to take your mind off the situation too.

 

[Sslip]

And @christine 12 we are really proud of the fight you are putting up right here, right now. Stick with us.

 

Be that person who shows your family the way!

[christine 12]

6 minutes ago, catlover said:

Is your boyfriend smoking around you at the moment. Is he giving up with you? Quitting together is a great way to quit, that way you can help and encourage each other.

Dont worry if he is still smoking though, I am sure he will want to stop and support you when he sees how well you are doing. My hubby stopped smoking a couple of weeks after me and we are both free now. Stay close to the board Christine and keep posting, it helps to take your mind off the situation too.

 

We were both supposed to quit thursday. I quit, but he keeps "sneaking" out for a smoke. I haven't brought up this to him yet, although I feel I will have to soon, as it will take BOTH of us to quit to save up the down payment for the braces. I'm not going to "bitch" because I know this is hard enough on him with out me nagging all the time.He'll do it, I know it. But it makes it twice as hard for me with him still smoking. Especialy when I'm the schizophrenic one, and also have anxiety disorder.

[jillar]

@christine 12 you can do it, I promise. You are not a failure. Just focus on your quit only. I bet he'll see you doing it and will soon follow. Why don't you make yourself a ticker for your signature? That way you can see just how much time, money and cigs not smoked you have daily. It's a great motivator

[christine 12]

3 minutes ago, jillar said:

@christine 12 you can do it, I promise. You are not a failure. Just focus on your quit only. I bet he'll see you doing it and will soon follow. Why don't you make yourself a ticker for your signature? That way you can see just how much time, money and cigs not smoked you have daily. It's a great motivator

How to do that?

[Sslip]

1 minute ago, christine 12 said:

We were both supposed to quit thursday. I quit, but he keeps "sneaking" out for a smoke. I haven't brought up this to him yet, although I feel I will have to soon, as it will take BOTH of us to quit to save up the down payment for the braces. I'm not going to "bitch" because I know this is hard enough on him with out me nagging all the time.He'll do it, I know it. But it makes it twice as hard for me with him still smoking. Especialy when I'm the schizophrenic one, and also have anxiety disorder.

 

The thing is that you cannot force him to quit, sounds like his sneaking out is because he doesn't want to feel like a failure. Hopefully it at least means he is cutting down.

 

And if he is it is because you are showing him the way. Smoking doesn't assist anxiety by the way, it only ever makes it worse, the only thing it does is satisfy the addiction. And right now I bet you could do without the added anxiety of nicotine playing havoc with you. You can, I really mean it, you can get clear of that anxiety for ever. It can be one less thing that weighs heavy on you.

 

Keep pushing, focus on you, focus on your quit. Don't try to take on the world right now.

 

 

[jillar]

1 minute ago, christine 12 said:

How to do that?

There's a tab at the top of the page if you're on the desktop site or the upper right on the mobile site. It says ticker, click on that and you'll be able to make it and then copy and paste it in your signature

[christine 12]

1 minute ago, jillar said:

There's a tab at the top of the page if you're on the desktop site or the upper right on the mobile site. It says ticker, click on that and you'll be able to make it and then copy and paste it in your signature

OK thanks

[jillar]

Another clue that I used for at least the first three or four months was my air cigarette, which we call JAC (jillars air cigarette). I just would pretend I was holding a cigarette in my fingers and then go through the motions of "smoking" it. It worked so good at tricking my mind into thinking it was having a real one. I didn't care if I looked like an idiot doing it because it worked for me. So maybe try it?