I think I have No Man's Land Palsy

[notsmokinjo]

No Man's Land stretches before me like the African savannah. In the distance I see the shimmer of heat in the air signalling the watering hole, the oasis of life, and green, and safety - Freedom and my final destination. I can just catch glimpses of it through the heat haze, a sparkle of sun on cerulean blue, a myriad greens that are thick and lush, tips of the shade trees, flashes of orange, of purples and reds dot the green with little white stars bursting forth here and there. It’s distant but it’s there and coming closer with each step. Sometimes, at night, when the winds just right and all is quite if I breath deep enough I can catch a whiff of the Promised Land and freedom. It’s ever so faint, but it’s there, the jasmine, the sandalwood, the musk of the shade tree forest floor. It’s so fresh, so clean and then the wind shifts and its gone. That's my future, the cool crisp water, the green, the colour, the flowers, will there be lilies in the water or lotus flowers, maybe both. Will there be smooth pebbles on the bottom to while my days away skimming across the surface of the lake?? Maybe, maybe, maybe ... But that's the future, I'm not there yet, I'm in the Savannah. I am in No Man’s Land.

The Savannah that stretches forever, I've been here for a while, feels like forever, I am impatient to move forward there is not too much to battle here it’s just so blah. Don't get me wrong, it’s not a bad place being on the Savanah, with its grasses and spattering of watering holes, little ones like puddle. The wildlife is interesting.  Let’s face it, it is so much better than what came before.

 

Argh the dessert, the desolate and dangerous desert… where the thirst and the hunger plagued our every step, constantly, day in day out. The demon b1tch and her grating, nasal voice sat at our backs, dogging our steps with her caterwauling cries, with her temptations and promises and lies. Oh the lies. The burn and the stench of her fetid breath etched into our mind forever. And her minions of deceit, sent to tempt and urge us to ruination. To give up our journey… yes I think I do prefer the Savannah. You can still see the desert if you look backwards, it’s still close and littered with the corpses of each demon that was sent, and their rotting carcases being picked over by the scavengers. Our strength, their failure and demise… I can still see the last big temptation and trigger right just this side of the boarder, Dawn Service and 2 steps ahead ANZAC Day, the hyenas took their fill when we slayed those beasts and now I can see the vultures picking over the bones of their existence, never again will they be a trigger, they have been vanquished. But that’s done, we are through the desert and now again it’s time to move forward, the journey on the Savanah is long, but not endless. The beasts are minor in comparison to the before. But the danger is perhaps greater.

 

Lulled into a sense of safety with the diminished frequency and intensity of the demons and beasts sent to trial us I fear we will be negligent in preparing our defences. I fear we will be complacent and leave openings and gaps in the barriers. No longer does The Warrior march the perimeters of our mind ready for battle ever alert, she is letting the battles of others again take her attention. Not so vigilant to our safety on our journey. This concerns me.. the laissez-faire approach our little group has adopted… the c0cky feeling of already achieving our goal… but we have not crossed the Savannah yet… we haven’t passed the last lion, or cheetah or hyena. We are not home free. There are trials to come and the watering hole oasis is still so far away. We need to get off our laurels and keep working at it.. its not over, regardless of how much I choose to sing, or crow, or brag. It’s time to keep moving.

Come on people, on your feet we need to make tracks. As I look around at our little travelling group I see Little clinging to Mum’s leg, always slightly confused as everything seems new, and exciting, and fun but it’s also scary. Little likes to hide and pretend the bad things aren’t there if we left this to her we’d be curled in a ball in a dark cave somewhere. Sure life would be easier on this journey without her, but she is so funny and silly and kinda cute in that precocious 3 year old way. And then there’s the Kid, she’s the driving force always forward, no regrets, live every minute 100%, I’d say 90% of the trouble we find ourselves in is because of her, she has no fear, everything’s an adventure or a challenge and she knows we aren’t but acts as if we are invisible… she is impulsive and fearless and reckless, she’s the one to push us ever forward but she’s also the one most likely to fvck this up with her dares to the others to test our progress. She needs free reign to push us forward but she needs to be controlled and for God’s sake keep her away from the sugar, her, Dare and Addi… they are a bloody nightmare on the sugar and caffeine. We need to cut Addi loose in my opinion but the Kid says no, there are NO REGRETS… so we are stuck with the crazy b1tch, the dead weight of stupidity that she is. Mum’s my favourite, she is rational and calm, she sorts the messes out and tidies them up, she cares about all of them, hell she cares about everyone she wants to put band aid on the knees of every wound on earth and kiss em all to make them better… maybe she’s not my favourite. De is kept under lock and key because she has a tendency to drag us all down and along with the Kid she is the most likely to make us give up the journey, to lay down and die and let the demon dogging our travels win… she pisses me off most, but she needs to be freed, briefly, every now and then to let out the tears because otherwise the dam might break. Then we have the Princess, who’s pretty quiet and way girly but when she rares her head it’s all about her, just don’t tell her cos the tantrums would put Verruca to shame. Mems, who is our record keep her, she is the volt of knowledge that is everything and anything and then there is Reg, the spokesperson of our little group, she is a bit of everything and probably the most sane, which is a scary thought cos Regular Jo aint that sane. We round of our troup with the Warrior, fearless to the point of stupidity, stubborn, loyal and insanely protective she will take on anyone or anything to protect all she considers her own, and even those that she doesn’t if they are weak or being wronged or outnumbered. It would be nice occasionally if she though before opening her big fat mouth or went wading into a battle with fists flying.. but she is a necessity. She got us here through the dark days, she’s been doing it for decades. And then there’s me, I’m The Narrator, the voice of reason in the craziness, the internal monologue, I tell it as it is… or as I think it should be… and give a running commentary of everything. Warrior and I don’t really get along, especially when I use the Megabeast’s voice, thinks I’m half our problem… but I digress… it’s time to haul arse out of this Savannah cos I’ve had enough.

 

(OK so I’ve been thinking on the whole no man’s land phenomenon for a week or so and had this whole post planned about my biggest issue being I feel like I have lost my quit identity… I feel bad claiming to be a newbie because I am so past that but I can’t claim to be an old farte either… so I just feel like I lack an identity, a label if you must.. and I like labels, makes everything neat and tidy but only if they are alphabetically arranged and facing the same way… anywho, I sat down to write it and the above came out instead.)

[WeegieWoman]

Jus make up ya own label jo. Im half a farte if its any consolation i no longer feel in no mans land so maybe just a wee bit more time youll be out of it. 

[Cbdave]

Gday notsmokenjoe

There is a simple explanation, young lady.

Its known as your teenage years. Yep...sorry.... pimples and all

Chris

[notsmokinjo]

Duuuude, you so don't wanna know teenage Jo... She was, like, oh my god, so not grouse.

 

I'm taking Weegies Half-Farte.

Edited May 11, 2018 by notsmokinjo

[Doreensfree]

So the excitement of your quit is not as strong as it was...no man's land.....

It's a point where some folks find themselves...not a newbie... Not a oldie....so where I am ????

Let me tell you ..who you are...you are a amazing non smoker.... You are a person every smoker would love to be...

Don't over think....every morning..yipeeee I'm free...

No man's land will pass by in no time at all...

Keep marchin.... We are a army...keep in step....carry that flag high...

I never experienced no man's land..there was no point ...my feet were too important ...

Take it day by day.....its a new day...( night ) for you...

Stand tall Jo....

Xx

 

[Cbdave]

G'day Jo

pimples aren't so bad.... really. Keep away from mirrors

C

[notsmokinjo]

G'day C,

Pimples weren't the issue I was so agro and oppinionated I broke the RE teacher and she was a nun.

Jo .

[Sazerac]

Really nice writing, Jo.  Really nice.  Thanks for taking the thought and time.

 

I know the shiny new wears off and the smoke free life doesn't appear quite so fantastically beautiful. 

I missed the adrenaline winding down in nowhereland.

It was more of a challenge to feel motivated...that's just chemistry.

 

In reality,  our smoke free Present remains fantastically beautiful (sense of accomplishment, true rewards, freedom, healing)

but, should never be comfortable enough to be lulled into the veneer of complacency.

Our beautiful smoke free life is plenty edgy and requires fight/flee response in a heartbeat.  We are always a puff away from the enslavement.

This danger is forever and if we don't keep our wits about us or we start lying to ourselves again....well....you know.

 

Am I an established quitter resting on laurels ? NOPE. Never in a million years.

 

I will name you, "Our Beautiful Jo,  A Nicotine Free Hero", one to be exalted.

 

 

 

Edited May 11, 2018 by Sazerac

[Whispers]

Watch this jo, and keep watching until you get that eye of the tiger back for your quit!

 

 

 

[lml]

Hey jo...where you the author of wheel of Time? I really enjoyed your writing and felt it. It will help prepare me for what is in my future. You are doing well and just keep reaffirming what u know...this will pass and you will come out stronger. You are a remarkable person and your support and and sharing helps newbies like me a lot. Thank you.

[Paul723]

One year I was working for a somewhat famous British professor in university labs along with a brilliant Japanese post-doc researcher.  The professor came around at least once and usually twice per day for a status update; all who worked for him came to dread these meetings (one of many lessons of how not to manage people he taught me).  When he asked my friend what he was doing, he replied with a sharp, “Continuing effort!”, and went back to work.  The professor stood there blinking, perhaps expecting more detail, but nothing more was forth coming.  The rest of us in the lab cracked up in silent amusement and would use the phrase to encourage each other when the professor was particularly harsh.  I never used the phrase with that professor and no one else did either, but I have had occasion to use it on other micro-managers I’ve dealt with.  In the middle of your quit, perhaps the best answer you can give yourself is, “Continuing effort!”.

[Kbc]

Wow! Amazing imagery thank you!

 

[jillar]

Another great jo post, thank you my friend

[Giveintowin]

Well done Jo, you are doing great. You are almost half a phart. Something you've always secretly aspired too.  Don't deny it.

 

Lovely imagery.

[Reciprocity]

By numbers I may be an old pharte but I have never felt that I have really come that far so don't be dismayed because it does get better all the time; even though our addiction kicks us in the teeth every once and a while even after some time has passed. The good news is that most every day is no longer laced with thoughts of smoking or urges to go back to that lifestyle. Any thoughts of smoking become so much easier to dismiss. The more we invest in this quitting thing, the more we have to lose should we falter so the choice becomes easy and crystal clear with time.

 

Just NOPE every day, even if it;s just inside your head.

[Boo]

Motivation is overrated.  Enthusiasm waxes and wanes.

 

Commitment and relentless forward progress may not be sexy, but they'll make you damn near unstoppable.

 

Never take freedom for granted.

[brand.new.ela]

You are young pharte I think I know what you mean, one can’t be constantly enthusiastic and small changes often don’t look spectacular. As a results, the road to freedom isn’t rainbows and unicorns, miracles don’t happen. But it’s worth it, regardless how angry we are, it is worth it

[Sslip]

2 hours ago, Boo said:

Motivation is overrated.  Enthusiasm waxes and wanes.

 

Commitment and relentless forward progress may not be sexy, but they'll make you damn near unstoppable.

 

Never take freedom for granted.

 

Boo, this is brilliant. I think this may be a light bulb moment for me (yeah I can be slow on the uptake sometimes). I've been wanting to feel motivated all the time, but you're right, it's first and foremost a commitment to ourselves. 

[Giveintowin]

On 5/12/2018 at 2:34 PM, Boo said:

Motivation is overrated.  Enthusiasm waxes and wanes.

 

Commitment and relentless forward progress may not be sexy, but they'll make you damn near unstoppable.

 

Never take freedom for granted.

 Boo this is beautiful!