Relapsing is not a crime

[TAC]

 

Unless you quit trying.

[Colleen]

[Jonny5]

but it is a choice, and it's not a part of quitting, it is a part of deciding to be a smoker.

 

my biggest revelation was realising that every single quit was fully in my control.

 

that's when I ran out of excuses to make to myself.

 

so many times I found justifications, reasons, excuses.

 

accountability to myself paved the way to my success.

[TAC]

In the short time the Quit Train has been around we have had many new quitters and a handful of relapses.

 

I don't endorse relapsing but I am encouraged by the positive and constructive support the members here have given to those who have. Someone who relapses could just walk away and never be heard from again, but I don't see that happening here on the Quit Train.

 

Cudos to everyone for making this the best quit smoking support forum on the Internet.

[MarylandQuitter]

There are two things about relapses that remain constant.  Relapses are always planned and they are always avoidable.  We're all just one puff away from living the rest of our lives as smokers.

 

Around five days into my one week relapse, although I didn't enjoy one single puff, I could feel myself being sucked back into a full fledged addiction of 30-40 cigarettes per day.  This scared the hell out of me because I wasn't enjoying smoking yet my body and my mind STILL WANTED TO SMOKE and I could feel the addiction pulling me in a direction that I didn't want to go.  That was scary.  When I faced how powerful this addiction is, especially when I knew I wasn't enjoying it, scared me more than the thought of dying a smoker.  I felt it's power and I never want to test my strength against it again.

 

Now, imagine the person who relapses and feels they are somehow benefiting from it.  Perhaps the pull of the addiction is ignored, or even worse, welcomed. Relapse doesn't make you a complete failure, but it does make you a failed non-smoker. 

 

The good news is that you're a non-smoker the instant you put out your last cigarette.  A person who relapses will never be turned away from Quit Train but accountability must be taken up another level if one is going to succeed and find their sticky quit.  I say this from a caring and loving place and not from a place of judgment or supreme reproach.   

 

Anybody can quit.  Anybody can be a happy and content non-smoker.  You have to put in the time to learn how to train your mind to succeed in any situation.

 

Quit Train has dual meaning.  It's not just a 240 ton locomotive hauling 21 coaches, but it's also a place to train your mind.  We must train our minds ahead of time so we react by instinct when we're faced with a craving, trigger or situation (whether bad or good) as a non-smoker armed with the lies surrounding smoking instead of the reactions of a smoker who still believes the cigarette still has something to offer.

[Leanna]

I am on my phone, so some of my typing may be off. Sorry in advance!

 

We are human, and relapses can happen. This is a very difficult addiction to kick. Relapsing itself sucks, but it doesn't matter. What matters is how you respond and deal with a relapse.

 

Way before the QT, I joined the other forum under a completely different user name. I relapsed on my 8th day quit and didn't return to the other place a few years later because I was too ashamed and felt like a failure. I was back to smoking just as much as before in no time. I hated that I was that addicted.

 

I don't necessarily regret the relapse because I learned from it. Took me awhile to figure things out, but I eventually got there.

 

I do regret not returning to the forum. I was so embarrassed, but I realize now that it happens and the best thing you can do is talk about it. Sure, relapsing is disappointing, but it certainly is not a crime. I think most of us have been there.

[Jonny5]

I was first an expert in secret smoking and relapse, before I became good at quitting ;-)

 

I agree that no one should run away when they relapse, that defeats the object of a support community, and I will help anyone break through their personal obstacles to success, however I must stress that Relapses don't have to happen, and they most definitely be avoided by sticking to a personal commitment to never smoke again :-)

 

that truly is all it takes, cigarettes don't make us relapse.  we source them, take one out, put it in our mouths, find a lighter, light it up, and smoke.  all deliberate and avoidable actions.

[Markus]

MQ you said a mouthful there.

 

Relapses are planned failures.

 

People know there is a high probability that they will relapse and do so anyway.

 

In 1988 I had quit for 2 months. A friend of mine came over and we went to a pool hall to practice for city league. We drank beer and after a few I decided I needed a cigarette and bummed one after another, then I bought a pack from the machine. I remember thinking before he came over, that I would probably smoke. Within a few weeks I was back to two packs a day. My quit meant nothing to me.

 

I threw it away like it was some piece of garbage. There was no SOS and nobody to "call" to come running and beg me not to smoke. Nobody cared, and nobody noticed. It took me 20 years before I tried again. This is the second time I have quit.

 

So, too bad I decided to throw it away, I could have been 25 years quit. Could have been a lot healthier and not have the problems I have because of smoking. 

 

Should have, could have, too bad for me and too bad for you that you made the wrong choice and blew your quit. Maybe next time you'll think twice about it.

 

Quitting smoking is not some silly game that you can play with. It will burn you but good if you let it.

 

Relapse isn't a crime, it's planned failure.

[comrade simba]

All day today was a come and go low level wanting to just sit and smoke. I knew it was normal season change impulses - I have spent the last ten years planting a row and then having a spell on the smoking stump, weeding a row... smoking stump, general garden chore... smoking stump.

 

So I just dealt with it by getting a coffee or water or feeding a critter - anything but sitting on the stump playing with the monkey. I'm tired. Hurt kinda tired. Too old to work sun up to sundown without setting awhile. I figure I gotta practice sitting down doing absolutely nothing and let the trigger dissolve of its own accord.

 

Why I'm not smoking right now is because I didn't forget that "one is all".

[Nancy]

 

Why I'm not smoking right now is because I didn't forget that "one is all".

CS, may I use this in my signature?

[leahcaR]

the only thing that is a crime is blaming something or someone else for a decision you made for yourself 

[El Bandito]

Relapsing is a crime. 

 

It is a crime against yourself. By quitting, you have freed yourself from the most dangerous, addictive and lethal addiction on the planet. 

 

Why would you go back to that?

 

Why?

 

Discovering the answer to that question is both the reason that there are relapses and the reason that they can be defeated.

 

I firmly believe that once you truly understand the nature of the addiction then you can beat the addiction. Examining why you would relapse, working out what it is that convinced you to put the noose back on - will ultimately ensure you quit for good.

 

I believe that there are different ways to quit - always will be - but ultimately I believe that understanding the addiction is by far the easiest way to quit and stay quit.

 

I certainly would never judge anyone for relapsing. Might I post that I am disappointed?

 

Yep - but ultimately, I come here because I want to support people in getting rid of this addiction. 

[MarylandQuitter]

I agree that no one should run away when they relapse, that defeats the object of a support community, and I will help anyone break through their personal obstacles to success, however I must stress that Relapses don't have to happen, and they most definitely be avoided by sticking to a personal commitment to never smoke again :-)

 

This is something that everybody should know and perhaps I should put it in the "About Us" thread.  We don't condone the relapse and we say never quit quitting therefore, those who relapse can expect some tough love but their seat on the train is and will always belong to them.

[Ladybug]

I find this headline disturbing.....it sounds like the perfect excuse to relapse!

 

Quitting is a mindset -at least that's my humbled opinion- so I do wonder what it does to a Newbie when they read "Relapsing is not a crime" combined with "famous failures" ?

 

"If you have never failed, you have never tried anything new" ...it might be true for many things..but not a good advice for a quit smoking board! At least not for me!

 

I haven't failed in my quit yet and won't fail in the future either....and I am not the only one here! Some of us tried something new and succeed right from the start!

[Ladybug]

All day today was a come and go low level wanting to just sit and smoke. I knew it was normal season change impulses - I have spent the last ten years planting a row and then having a spell on the smoking stump, weeding a row... smoking stump, general garden chore... smoking stump.

 

So I just dealt with it by getting a coffee or water or feeding a critter - anything but sitting on the stump playing with the monkey. I'm tired. Hurt kinda tired. Too old to work sun up to sundown without setting awhile. I figure I gotta practice sitting down doing absolutely nothing and let the trigger dissolve of its own accord.

 

Why I'm not smoking right now is because I didn't forget that "one is all".

Just read it....almost same experience yesterday!

[Seaton]

Ever see that commercial for Nicorette gum/mints? One of the guy says "I quit 15 days but not in a row." I go WTF every time I see that.

 

My dad's saying was 'when you're done, you're done- there's no going back'.

 

I finally applied that to cigarettes.

[comrade simba]

CS, may I use this in my signature?

If it's true, go for it.

[robf]

Although I appreciate the sentiment

 

I passed my driving exam first time, does that mean it wasn't a real pass? Should I have failed first?

 

If you relapse I don't think you should be tied to a pole and shot (request a last cigarette?!). I've always been an advocate of getting back on the horse and carrying on, if you've only smoked one or two cigarettes it's unlikely you've re-established your addition (depending on how long you've been quit for).

 

Smoking fewer cigarettes is better than smoking lots. So if it takes you a bunch of times to actually get to zero cigarettes then so be it, even if for the next 6 months you smoke a packet on a Friday night every week. You'll realise from what people say on here and from your own experience that actually it's better to not do that, and it's easier not to.

 

I'm rambling... I'm going to shut up now.

[Still winning]

Relapse was a 14 year long crime for me, from not even wanting to smoke! Long story short, got dumped, 6 months before wedding, he hated smoking I was gonna light a pack one by one in front of his wardrobe so all his clothes smelt bad haha. I know it's nasty right but I was mad. Anyway, picked the first one up smoked it, BAM home! Not like some people I see fighting here to go again - just done, home - for 14 more years!!

 

Hats off to those who relapse and jump back on, really, I have no judgement in me but wow, failure is not an option for me. Don't let it be one for you either just in case that happens to you! 

[robf]

I'm 'lucky' in that I can have 'just one'. Well... I say that... But the 'just one' has lead to full blown smoking again. The reason why it developed into full blown smoking was ignorance and being young and bulletproof.

 

Previous quits I've not smoked for months (gone through the whole withdrawal), had one or two, continued to be quit for months (that was fine!), had one or two, continued to be quit for a couple of weeks, had one or two (no problems!), quit for a week, had one or two (well, it's the weekend isn't it!), quit for a couple of days, had one or two (just fancy one OK), quit for a day, had one or two (it was a bad day), quit for a few hours (REALLY bad day), had one or two... and so on! Oh look, I'm a smoker again!

 

This demonstrates that I can have a smoke and then not smoke for months, so if I can do that I can have one and not smoke for years... but... we are what we are!

 

Which is why with this quit I've taken it a lot more seriously, read up on what it does to you, what the outcomes are and what to expect... I think like so many things, education is by far the best tool.

[Sazerac]

This is something that everybody should know and perhaps I should put it in the "About Us" thread.  We don't condone the relapse and we say never quit quitting therefore, those who relapse can expect some tough love but their seat on the train is and will always belong to them.

 

 

never never never quit quitting

[Evelyn]

Hmmm funny how i get the silent treatment. Which I unerstand btw.  I have to prove it first

[Doreensfree]

Nothing to prove ...just keep the NOPE...

[Sirius]

Relapsing is a crime against yourself wherein the punishment is the crime.