I failed

[Sparkles]

I had nearly reached my one year anniversary, and I am ashamed to say I failed.  My life has been turned upside down by my partner of 18 years suddenly announcing he didn't love me anymore.  I currently feel like I am drowning and currently can't see a way out.  I will quit again, but right now I would just like some support, not lectures on my health.  I don't know why I'm posting this really, its just the more I say things out loud, or write things out, the easier it becomes.  I live in France, and while I have some friends, I live in an isolated location with no neighbours, which is very hard.  So I am turning to the virtual world just to get me through this tough time.  I know this is a quit forum, and I will quit again, and I will let you all know when that is, because I will need you.

 

Thanks for listening, and I hope maybe I can support other people in their quest to quit, and stay quit.

[TravellingSunny]

You poor dear!  I am so sorry that you are struggling.

 

First of all - YOU DID NOT FAIL!  You may have stumbled, but look at you.  In the midst of a very dark period, you knew you needed help and here you are.  And guess what?  Here we are!  Ready to support you.

 

You will not get any lectures on your health out of me.  Here's a question for you, though.  How'd the cigarettes make you feel?  After going almost a year without smoking, I'm guessing you got a little light-headed, and you probably also were able to pause or dampen the depression a little while you focused on that weird stick in your hand.  Maybe?  Are your circumstances any better now that you've smoked?

 

Oh, honey, if at all possible, stop smoking them now.  We won't judge you if you don't, because we've all been there.  You can totally talk through your circumstances either here or through private messages if you're more comfortable.  Smoking won't help.  Not a single bit.  You are obviously a very strong woman as evidenced by the fact that you had almost hit your one-year milestone.  Pull on those reserves.  Get back on the quit train!

[Sparkles]

 

 

No, I don't feel good smoking, and I will stop again.  All I can focus on at the moment is getting up in the morning and trying to carry on - that is hard enough.  I hope you understand.  

 

Thanks for your support

xxx

[TravellingSunny]

What are you doing right now, Pumpkin?

[Sparkles]

just sitting drinking tea!  And watching crap tv!

[Sazerac]

Oh, dear Pumpkin.

I am so sorry you gave up on your quit and are going through such upheaval.

Please, take care of yourself and remember who you are.

It takes a lot to re-assemble yourself after 18 years.  Damn.

 

I know one thing, smoking isn't helping you.

It won't help you at all, not one little bit.

The comfort you are gleaning from smoking is a fallacy.

Think about quitting as soon as you can, won't you please ?

We are here for you and you are here for us.

 

 

[Whispers]

33 minutes ago, Pumpkin said:

I had nearly reached my one year anniversary, and I am ashamed to say I failed.  My life has been turned upside down by my partner of 18 years suddenly announcing he didn't love me anymore.  I currently feel like I am drowning and currently can't see a way out.  I will quit again, but right now I would just like some support, not lectures on my health.  I don't know why I'm posting this really, its just the more I say things out loud, or write things out, the easier it becomes.  I live in France, and while I have some friends, I live in an isolated location with no neighbours, which is very hard.  So I am turning to the virtual world just to get me through this tough time.  I know this is a quit forum, and I will quit again, and I will let you all know when that is, because I will need you.

 

Thanks for listening, and I hope maybe I can support other people in their quest to quit, and stay quit.

Hi pumpkin, im so sorry to read this and i have been in this exact same place. Something happened and brought me to my knees and i blew a long quit. I understand what youre going through. We flat out say f-it and self destruct, its that easy and something to always be aware of. Talking about your current issues is a good thing to get them out, you can get back on the quit train and succeed again. We all grieve differently after a loss, death/friendship/relationship/job etc. There is no specific order of the stages.  https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

[Sparkles]

thank you Whispers xx

[TravellingSunny]

How long ago did your partner make this "announcement"?  18 years is a long time to just throw away.... anything that you can think of to have prompted it?

 

I know if my husband (coincidentally of 18 years) made such an announcement, I would be a blubbering mess.  So, I'll give you the advice that I would give myself.  (I can't say I would follow my own advice, but I hope that I would.)

 

Go take a walk.  Just around the block.  Sunshine is an excellent mood enhancer.  Once you've taken that walk, open your blinds and curtains, open the windows if the weather is nice.  Let mother nature soothe you a bit.  Then, find a hobby.  NOT TV.  Puzzle, or knitting, or anything really.  And if it's portable - BONUS!  Take that hobby to your local park and sit in the sunshine while you play with your hobby.

 

And, please try to have a nice long talk with your partner when you're able.  Suggest counseling or working together in some other way to improve the relationship.  It's never too late.  Treat your partner the way you want to be treated - even if that's not how you're being treated right now.  Keep making that person a priority.  Hopefully, they will come around after a bit.

[despair not]

Hi Pumpkin

 

Sorry your suffering and have lost your quit.

 

You sound very down at the moment don't you have any family or friends to support you through this tuff time.

 

Maybe consult your Dr if you are depressed.

 

Whatever you do keep close to the board so we can continue to support you..

 

As for the smoking Quit again as soon as you can I'm sure smoking doesn't really help in any situation its just the Nicodemon using the opportunity to get you smoking again.

 

 

[MarylandQuitter]

56 minutes ago, Pumpkin said:

I had nearly reached my one year anniversary, and I am ashamed to say I failed.  My life has been turned upside down by my partner of 18 years suddenly announcing he didn't love me anymore.  I currently feel like I am drowning and currently can't see a way out.  I will quit again, but right now I would just like some support, not lectures on my health.  I don't know why I'm posting this really, its just the more I say things out loud, or write things out, the easier it becomes.  I live in France, and while I have some friends, I live in an isolated location with no neighbours, which is very hard.  So I am turning to the virtual world just to get me through this tough time.  I know this is a quit forum, and I will quit again, and I will let you all know when that is, because I will need you.

 

Thanks for listening, and I hope maybe I can support other people in their quest to quit, and stay quit.

 

I went through some hard times nine months into a quit and made the choice to smoke.  I smoked for about a week and quit.  This time, smoking didn't help, I felt guilty for relapsing and I didn't enjoy smoking in the least bit.  I remember talking to a fellow-quitter friend while I was driving home from work and I was telling her how I was kind of scared because I felt the addiction stronger than I ever had in the past when I had quit.  She said, "well just quit then".  Okay, so the next evening I smoked my last cigarette and put it out at 7 PM.  I'm now 4 1/2 years quit and have been through some very tough times since and not once did I consider smoking.

What's pleasantly surprising is that when stress comes, as it always does, smoking doesn't even enter my mind whereas in the past (especially when I was a smoker) it was the first thing that entered my mind.  Not anymore. 

 

I strongly suggest that you quit immediately.  At this time tomorrow you'll be one day quit and the very instant you put out your last cigarette, you're a non-smoker!  Don't delay because the longer you wait, the longer you're a smoker.  Don't be that person 10 years from now wishing you'd have quit now.

[notsmokinjo]

3 minutes ago, MarylandQuitter said:

Don't be that person 10 years from now wishing you'd have quit now.

 

Take it from ^that person the sooner the better... So I threw away a really long quit over a decade ago for a way more insignificant reason than yours. @Whispers nailed it, you need to grieve your relationship, and there are 5 stages. If reconciliation is definately off the cards, you need to take steps to move on to the next, amazing and wonderful stage of your life. The fact you are reaching out now is a sure sign your getting ready to quit again. Feeling guilty about tossing your quit isn't helping with all the other stuff at the moment. Think about starting your quit again sooner than later because as soon as you do start again your taking back your life. The new Pumpkin.

 

Hugs sweetie, the hurt gets better, not overnight but it does.

 

[WeegieWoman]

Hi pumpkin. Sorry you are going through such a crappy time. My parents live in rural south west france so i know how quiet and isolated it can be. This is a stop smoking place so thats at the forefront of a lot of our minds. So im sorry if im talking about fags when you are going through heart ache. But why not pick a day like say one day this week....and quit again. The fags are not helping or making you feel any better. If you commit to quit im here for you, but if youre gona be smoking for the foreseeable in my opinion you are in the wrong place. But i hope whatever you decide re smoking, you feel better real soon. 

[Martian5]

Hey Pumpkin -- sorry you are going through a rough time.  There is a lot of good advice above and I hope you follow some of it.  We are here not to judge but to support you along this journey.  However, I hope you quit sooner than later it will only be better for you.  I really like some of travelingsunny's advice, it is spring get out and enjoy nature (I know that France can be beautiful in the spring.  Anyway hoping you the best and please come often to post -- we will be willing to help.  

[Sslip]

Hey Pumpkin, it's an awful situation you are going through right now.

 

I don't have any additional advice, but I did want to say you haven't failed, you're a strong person, having a hell of a rough time.  You'd been near a year free and prior to that have had other solid quits.

 

Stick with us, remember how good it is to be quit and let us support you to get back there. Most importantly, think of yourself first right now and take care of number 1.

[JB 883]

1 hour ago, Pumpkin said:

just sitting drinking tea!  And watching crap tv!

About all there is when it comes to TV.

 

Well, I would say you know smoking is not the answer but you know that.

Instead -

Do what you can to stop again, however, if it proves difficult, do not beat yourself up over struggling to quit again, should it be hard.

Right now you have a lot bigger issue at hand that is causing stress so concentrate on one healing at a time.

 

 

 

[Doreensfree]

Sending a mammy hug Pumpkin...

I am sorry your life has been turned upside down..and has took a direction different to the one you had planned..

Please take care of yourself ...make sure you get plenty of rest  and eat properly...

I am the last person to lecture about smoking...when the time is right ...you will quit again..

Take comfort knowing you have friends here who care...

Xxxxx

[TravellingSunny]

Hi, Pumpkin!  Are you still there?  How are you doing?  Maybe you're just out enjoying the sunshine?

[jillar]

Hi pumpkin, I'm so sorry about your failed relationship. Try to remember that everything happens for a reason and use your new quit to show the jerk how strong and awesome you are. So instead of using his leaving as an excuse to smoke, use it as an excuse to quit! That'll show him! 

[NADA]

Very sorry to hear that you started smoking again.  I know you say you're looking for support and don't want to be lectured.  In my mind that would be giving you carte blanche to smoke because life is really tough right now.

 

I truly hope you get through this difficult time and come to realize that quitting smoking was a wonderful gift to yourself and you deserve that gift now, more than ever. Bonne chance.

[onthemark]

Pumpkin, in the past I threw away several long quits because of some deeply disappointing, even traumatic event in my life, thinking that I now had 'permission' to smoke because of the lousy thing that had happened. Boy was I wrong. You might want to spend some time examining the train of thought you went through to pick up a cigarette again after almost a year. It's called learning from mistakes. You can learn and quit again, this time for good. Keep posting and stay close to the board. You must feel terribly lonely now. Is that what brought you back to smoking?

[Nancy]

Pumpkin, so sorry to hear your heartbreaking news.  We are here for you, and I think you will be ready to quit again, very soon.  Smoking at this point is just adding insult to injury as I'm sure you realize.  Again, so sorry for your pain.

[PeaceTrain]

Oh dear Pumpkin.  I'm so sorry about all of it.  You deserve better. I hope you'll come around soon to realizing you deserve to be good to yourself too and get back on this train.  

[Reciprocity]

You know my support is rock solid P and I also knew others here would very much like to support you as well. Stay close to us here while you work through this life event. You are never alone, even though we may be "virtual friends" that doesn't mean we don't care deeply about our family members here