Going to a BBQ today

[Sarah]

Its almost certainly going to be heavy rain according to the weather.

 

I love bbqs, the standing around eating, drinking, smoking (!).

 

So I won't be smoking.

I don't tend to eat anything but the salad as I don't like eating vege burgers that have been cooked on meaty grills.

My ex might be there.

 

So I'm going to be a tense freshly non smoking trigger ladened non meat eating salad loving freak.

 

I may as well go naked just to put the icing on the cake!

 

Any suggestions? I don't want to avoid it.

[Soozie]

well I would definately wear some clothes, cause if it's raining you're going to catch cold lol 

[Pippa]

Ooh my - will never look at barbies the same - will always be on the lookout for the naked vegetarians !!

 

For a start - you have already identified potential triggers a- so that is a good start. Will your non smoking friends be there ? If so - tell them your concerns up front and ask them to keep an eye out for you. Also - take snacks - I'm sure you can keep them discrete - so if the salad doesn't feel appealing - you have something to put in your mouth other than a cig !

 

Remember we are here if you need :-)

[Sarah]

Just to be clear, I wasn't planning on going naked! Just feels like I'm going to be so out of place I may as well be!

 

Which of course leads to all the paranoia of if people are looking at me as the cranky ex or the crank ex smoker or just cranky or that fussy vegetation.

 

Maybe is should stay home. This whole thing is kind of an SOS. I desperately want to have a ciggy and calm down a bit. But I've read enough to know there's no point. Just having a hard time.

 

And I can't find anything to wear.

[Sarah]

And I'm still getting loads of texts from the ex too, even after I told him to stop. Seems he wants to mess with my head telling me he still loves me and made the biggest mistake ever. Blah blah blah... Arrgh

[SueBeDoo]

Hmmmm I think I would have to give it a miss if I was you or hope the heavens open and it gets cancelled.

[El Bandito]

Sarah,

 

You don't smoke. No problem

You don't eat meat. (Completely beyond my carnivorous comprehension) but No problem.

You broke up with the ex. No problem

 

You will look great, whatever you wear. (Although definitely include something waterproof)

 

You don't want a cigarette - you are a non-smoker.

 

Go have fun. Show everyone that you choose not to smoke, you choose not to eat meat, you choose to be without the ex - you are in control, you are having fun and you are happy

 

 

OR - duvet day, listen to the rain and watch some movies :P

[Sarah]

I just don't want to be the ex hiding away.

[Sarah]

Oh why am I in tears again?

[Sarah]

I hate this, heart racing, panic attack, and I know it's all stupid

 

And yes I am taking deep breaths

[Pippa]

Don't hide away - grab a mate - walk in with head high - wearing your best outfit ( or in this case ...any outfit ! :-). )- and a really yummy salad - I personally have been know to have chickpea and eggplant salad envy - but that is a story for another post / counsellor ! You can do this !!

 

From experience - when you come out as a non smoker ( I am assuming most already know re the vegetarian thing ) - people are either proud or jealous - either way you win!

 

Re - the ex thing ..... Others can probably give better advice - but I think smile- look hot - and remember how much cooler non smokers look !

[Pippa]

I hate this, heart racing, panic attack, and I know it's all stupid

And yes I am taking deep breaths

Sarah - we are here for you and you can do this

 

Distraction - someone told me once - it is only here in Oz we bring our own sald etc to someone's barbie - is that the case ?? Talk to me - and tell me it is not so ?.

[El Bandito]

Tears?

 

In person quitting smoking?

 

Impossible. :P

 

Relax Tiger!

 

I am one of the most laid back, placid people you could meet. I don't really do public displays of emotion either. 

 

Month 1, I was like an x factor wannabe...crying at the beauty of the sunset, the colour of the sky...anything...

 

Crying is how the body releases tension. EVERYBODY feels better after a good cry. So wail your heart out...then have a shower and pick your outfit out. 

 

You will be great. Trust me.

[Sarah]

You generally take booze and maybe some burgers. Not really salad.

 

This is horrible

[Soozie]

Sarah I think you should go but if it's really causing you so much stress mybe you should stay at home and have a pamper afternoon all to yourself ! 

[Sarah]

Why now?! I thought all Supposed to happens in the first week?

[Sarah]

I've got a couple of hours to get all this out of my system! This is crazy

[Soozie]

booze is good but only if you can happily drink and not smoke ... otherwise no booze either .... blimey no booze, no meat, no clothes ! 

[Sarah]

Maybe I should wear a dress made of meat

[El Bandito]

I've got a couple of hours to get all this out of my system! This is crazy

Nah...

 

Each person is different. For me - I would say week 3 was emotion time - for others it is different.

 

But it does pass Tiger, honest.

[Pippa]

Sarah - you are a vegetarian tiger - if you can get over that ... Not smoking is a walk in the safari park ... Sorry !!

 

Here in oz - we bring salads, meat you name it - apparently dates back to early settlement when no one had food - so we had to share ... But I digress .... A meat dress at a barbie ??..... Personally think that is asking for trouble !!

[Sarah]

I'm just feeling so flat, unloved, ugly, you name it

 

Crying isn't helping the look either

[El Bandito]

typically male answer....sorry

 

Its the chemicals love.

 

You have stopped feeding yourself literally thousands of chemicals. You are changing the way that your brain is working with dopamine and the like.

 

This DOES impact how you handle mood, emotion etc...

 

What I am trying to say - is that this is normal Tiger. 

 

You counter it by

 

having a good cry - check

a good whinge here - check

telling yourself how well you are doing - ????

treating yourself - ????

 

Dont stress Tiger ;)

[Pippa]

Sarah - you are scared - don't blame you - but now I am going to channel a drill sarg I know .... Tracey if you are there feel free to take over ...

 

You can do this ..... Repeat ... You can do this ...

 

 

Now get your arse into something pretty and go kick arse ....

 

Oh and report back in the morning - I have no social life and like to live vicariously by others !!

[Paul723]

Skip the event. Your quit is more important by far. You don't get extra points for making quitting more difficult. Face those triggers down later.