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Navel Gazing at 4 Months

notsmokinjo

By notsmokinjo
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notsmokinjo

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So last Thursday night I braved the plaza and went egg shopping. I frickin hate shopping at the best of times but when its crowded and grabby l just really struggle so much more. So while I was sitting at a cafe doing the coffee thing an psyching meself up for the next shop an sittin on the edge of a panic attach I didn't think "if I nick out for a smoke I can calm down and do the next shop" i thought about the fact 4 months ago I couldn't do this... Face the plaza the night before a public holiday, 3 days before easter... I wouldn't have been near a shop in at least a fortnight.. So that got me thinking...

Four months and 4 days ago I was an active smoker ( I'm now extinct, not dormant as in resting it out until the next smoke. But extinct as in all smoked out, still a smoker but I just don't anymore and won't ever again). So if you asked that Jo if she would be smoke free 4 months and 4 days later she would have laughed inya  face, probably so hard she peed... See that Jo lived in the delusion that she liked smoking AND she needed smoking...seriously I so wish I could go back and smack her around a bit... (Confession time) when I first quit it was because the shepherd pup did a handbag raid and not finding anything he wanted like glasses or keys or random food in the handbag he dumped it in the loo (I swear he is a 3 year old child anything he doesnt want gets dunny dunked or buried) so here I was 4 days out from pay day with not enough $ to buy smokes but I did have enough money to buy a pack of NRT gum and if I rationed it I could make it last to payday when I could buy smokes... I had a plan... So basically I had no intention of quitting I was going to just struggle through on the gum for a few days until I could buy me some durries... But payday came and I was 4 days into a quit and chemist warehouse had NRT on special...so I thought let's see where this goes..best frickin decision ever... So for years I lived as a smoker using the excuse that I needed them because of the anxiety and they kept me calm and focused (I tend to he a bit scatty and all over the place), I thought I couldn't do stress without a smoke... I call BS!... Since I quit I have made the kid a dress the day of her graduation from primary school, I have gone through Christmas and new year where a dear friend and the kids best friends dad died in a car accident on Christmas eve and my uncle died on new years day after a fall and coma on boxing day... Multiple family functions... My mates funeral... Sending the kid off to highschool.. The kid being a preteen bltch.. Being made redundant after 18 years at the same job. ... I've done all that and come through without needing a smoke bevause having a smoke wasn't gunna bring someone back, it wasn't going to unbreak broken hearts...having a smoke wasn't gunna make family shlt easier...just don't take away me coffee even for 10 hrs.  ... This quit is different, its the one... My big quit (nearly 7 years) never felt this solid or sure. This is the one, its really is getting easier every day. So thank you everyone because there have been times that just knowing you were all here even if it was just for a laugh has been significant. I'm not saying I have thus beat but I am saying I am in control of this and I living the 3Cs... I'm making the Choice to take the Challenge to live this Change.

 

Oh and here's a song cos I pasted it by mistake and can't work out to delete it and don't wanna retype all that.

 

Edited by notsmokinjo
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Jenny Newbie

Jenny

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Excellent post Jo!  Love it when folks get to the stage where they can truly appreciate how life altering and freeing it is to not be chained to smoking.  

For those of you on the fence about quitting or not yet at the place Jo is at just keep on moving forward because this day will happen.  

 

Now about the title of this post?!  giphy.gif

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