10 Weeks In

[Sslip]

Okay it's been a while since I've done one of these so bear with me. And thanks to Fab for his post that has prompted me to actually get off my arse and post one of these for the first time in about 6 weeks.

 

There's a short version and long version. Short version is quitting is a drag, but I'm okay and happy to be sticking with it and will continue to be so. Unless you want to be bored to tears don't read on. I noted this down for me as much as anything and for any of my fellow quitters that may be going through a tough time to know that they are not alone.

 

Long Version

So where are we at? Well I'll tell you. Actually not really going tell you, what I am going to do is whine and complain bitterly. Well to start with anyway. There's an emotional me that I'll let ramble on a bit, then there's the logical me and the logical me is what will continue to get me through this.

 

Quitting is pissing me off no end. I am sick and tired of it. There I've said it and I mean it, it is tiring. I thought I would be over the worst of it now, but it is such a bloody grind, so bloody incessant that it's untrue. But wait, if it is that bad then why am I not just smoking again by now? How can it be worth knuckling down and working through it?

 

The first week, that was easyish, tough, but a sense of euphoria that I was actually getting through day by day. Weeks 2 and 3 were a bitch, but there were good and bad days. Fourth week and getting a month in the locker, now I was really achieving something.

 

So why has the last six weeks been tough? Well how about to start with the constant bloody negotiation with myself.

 

This is your first attempt to give up, nobody succeeds first time round. Go on have one.

You've got a month in, one can't hurt. Go on have one.

You're going on holiday. Fags on holiday don't count. Go on have one.

You're having a drink. You rarely drink so one can't hurt with a beer. Go on have one.

I'm feeling almost constantly light-headed, so sensible to check whether smoking would get rid of that. Go on have one.

 

I have to constantly say no to myself. I constantly have to make the smart choice. As I said tiring.

 

Any more bad news? You bloody bet there is. Physically I feel much, much worse than when I first quit. And that is all down to the weight I've piled on and me not being as good at exercising in the winter. So I've added probably 6 to 8 kilos so far or in real money about 14 lbs, a stone, whatever you want to call it. Running right now is more difficult than it was. And nobody told me that once of the side effects of quitting was that your clothes shrunk! I didn't give up for the sake of my physical health in the first place, so to be feeling worse is a bit of a kick in the teeth.

 

So is it all bad news? Actually this is where I let my logical self take over.

 

So I've mentioned tiring, but are the craves as hard to deal with, is it as full on as it was at the start? Well that's the first piece of good news. No it isn't. I reckon we're probably between 50% and 75% the intensity compared to when I was first quitting. It is a grind, but if I'm honest with myself, it isn't as hard as it once was. I'm not always honest with myself emotionally, but logically I really do know the craving isn't quite what it was.

 

Have I saved money and treated myself? Hell yes. Okay so this is the next piece of good news. Before I quit I wouldn't spend money on gym membership. Well it was a waste of money wasn't it. 50 quid a month or whatever. Well just over 3 weeks into the quit I had saved enough to buy an annual membership to the local swimming pool. So I get to go whenever I want and it doesn't cost me any extra. I love swimming yet I had forgone that for 3 weeks worth of smoking money. Since then I have saved enough additional money to pay for a really nice short vacation. This is good news.

 

Any other reasons to be thankful. Absolutely yes! I've met some really cool people here and some that will hold a special place in my heart for years to come. In adversity you find out who your friends are and I'm thankful that our common goal have put me in touch with all of you. This is one of the main reasons I won't be throwing away my quit. While my quit is for me, it has given me the added benefit that is the opportunity to meet people I consider real friends. There are people here that I care deeply about and I will do anything in my power to help them and I know they would do the same for me. I am not throwing that away.

 

I will continue to Nope, because I'm not deluded, I know I need that. When I first started I didn't get it. I thought Nope was for ever. It isn't my Nope is just for today, it just so happens I have managed to string 70 of those days together consecutively. While I Nope I know that I will continue to build on that.

 

Any rambling over. Sorry about the length, but I did have seven weeks worth of detail to get off my chest. Back to sticks and chicks. 1, 2, 3 ... so much easier than the quitting journal. Specially if you're a stick.

[Sslip]

Actually while I remember a couple of other things to be grateful for.

 

Got to go to my granddaughters school for parents/grandparents reading time. I didn't have to worry about stinking.

Grandkids round here and half the house disappear out into the garden to smoke/vape. I didn't have to be one to ignore the kids while I got my fix. I got all the love instead.

I want to be a non-smoker. I can't do that and have cigarettes, it doesn't work that way. Next Nope means I remain a non-smoker.

 

There's some cool stuff to this quitting lark.

[NADA]

Sslip

 

I only read the 1st 2 paragraphs, but I wanted to congratulate you on your 10 weeks of freedom.  Just kidding.  I read your whole post.  Thanks for sharing your story.  For many, there's a period where you feel less healthy than when you were smoking.  But you have to believe that the benefits will eventually completely outweigh any initial setbacks.  You're doing it right.  Pledging NOPE, reading posts, and now sharing your experiences.  That will help both you and others.  Keep it up.  It can be a battle, but it's a battle worth fighting.

[johnny5]

22 minutes ago, Sslip said:

Unless you want to be bored to tears don't read on. I noted this down for me as much as anything and for any of my fellow quitters that may be going through a tough time to know that they are not alone.

 

I think it is great to express all of what you are going through.  Ramble all you want.  It helps others and it definitely helps you clear your head and stay focused on why you are quitting.

 

Keep with it.  Yes, things may suck early on but you are doing a huge thing by staying quit.  Things do get much better.  Keep up the great work.

[Whispers]

I agree with johnny5, its good to express yourself as later on around certain anniversaries you'll reflect on your quit and to be able to read the early stages its a great reminder to never want to go through the process again. Congrats on 10 weeks

[Reciprocity]

I read your post Sslip and your experience mirrors my own exactly. I wish I could tell you that there would be some sudden, major change about to happen with your quit but, that's not the way it goes. That mental adjustment that you're going through is just so bloody slow it's not only tiring but aggravating too at times. The good news, as you noted above, is that the benefits are many and keep coming.

 

You're invested all in now my friend so there's only 1 course of action and that's straight forward as a proud quitter! You're doing Great! Keep at it

Edited March 23, 2018 by reciprocity

[Lin-quitting]

I'm grateful that you've shared with us Shane. And sharing what you're going through helps you and helps us too.

 

k  It really resonated with me, your saying how you're sick and tired of the struggle. Yep, I sure do remember those days. I didn't have anxiety, but I sure was angry about the whole thing. (You know, other people get to smoke, why can't I? It took me a lot of reading to learn how stupid this thinking was. I still have bouts of it. ) And it's so tiring, always thinking about NOT SMOKING.

 

I think it's wonderful that you're focusing on how nice it is being a nonsmoker for your grandkids - what better reason could there be?!

 

It's worth it Shane, it surely is. Being free of the slavery is awesome. You're doing great with having 10 weeks under your belt - keep up the great work!

 

 

 

 

[jillar]

Great post Shane, getting it out really helps in these early days. Everything you're going through is normal for your stage of the quit. I constantly had to remind myself too of all the benefits I was seeing as well as the reasons I decided to quit.

I promise you though that one day you will wake up in the best mood ever and not with the constant thought of smoking, that in itself was exhausting. And then you will see that all your hard work was worth it. 

Keep posting and getting it off your chest. I had a thread called my eventful journey that I not only updated monthly for the first year. But before I updated it I reread it so I wouldn't forget where I came from. This thread can serve that purpose for you too.

[Sazerac]

This is a great post, Sslip.

Your honesty is appreciated and will be extremely useful to others in the struggle.

You are doing Great.  Keep on the good foot.

 

I remember thoughts about smoking or about not smoking nearly did my head in for months.  MONTHS !  but, it didn't kill me.

Screaming showers helped and a mantra out loud of , "FREE YOUR HEAD" (often 'free your fcuking head ')

Addiction is madness.

 

I can assure you that it will get better,  of course, I can't tell you when...just that it DOES get better.

Your brain will begin to accept that you don't smoke anymore,

you will hardly notice when days,  then weeks, then months go by and you are free of smokey thoughts.

Someday, and it really won't be that long, you will reap many, many more rewards and smoking will be a vague memory, I promise.

So, hang in there.  Hang on by your fingernails if need be and power through. 

Don't ever doubt...YOU WILL WIN.

You are still early in your quit...protect it with everything you've got and keep your eye on the prize.

Keep posting,  for your own sanity and you never know who is out there that needs to hear your words.

NOPE NOPE and NOPE-ly yours,

S

 

 

Edited March 24, 2018 by Sazerac

[Sslip]

Actually that reminds me of another thing to be grateful for.

 

I don't think about smoking the moment I get up now. It does come on during the day, but not the moment I wake up.

 

This is a big change from how it was when I first started out and I had plain forgotten about that fact.

 

[beazel]

Great post Shane. First & last quit - how awesome!!

[JB 883]

The fact is, all smokers eventually quit.

The only question is - under what circumstances? Did they die of something smoking related? Did their doc tel them they have cancer? OR...

Did they quit on their own terms like many of us here?

 

Struggling to KTQ in the beginning is a price we have to pay.

 

And yeah, the nagging thoughts of why it would be Ok to smoke creep in. My most occurring one is "what if they are not as bad as they say?".

But the thing is, we smoke just one stupid cigarette and it screws up the quit.

[Joe7]

What a great post Shane. Thanks for sharing it. You packed a lot in there so there should be a lot that will resonate with others. It is good that Fab's post encouraged you to post. It didn't seem too likely that quitting was a cake walk for so many here as would be implied by how quiet the this discussion board has been for several weeks.

 

The difficult things that you are experiencing are very normal for so many people at your stage of a quit. I thought it would all be a done deal within a month or so. I was so very wrong. This quit process can definately be exhausting. Hang in there and keep pushing through.

 

Thanks for all the support you provide.

[Wee fluffy me]

Ooopps..  late again...

 

Fantastic post slippy... You got this.. Yep it's exhausting and frustrating and at times feels never ending and well "just not fair" but I promise you, there is calm and sunshine at the end of the thunderstorm ...

 

Just like Reci, your experiance almost mirrors mine too but geez it seems SOooooooo long ago now.. I remember the what felt like, the almost constant battle in my head and once posted about how exhausted I was with the constant battle in my head and feared I may lose the battle soon, from many replys with advice and support one gave me the kick up the ar*e I needed, it was from Frank and he quite simply said "How can you lose, YOU are battling you!!!"(sometimes I wish I could mull over my old posts)

 

Anyhoo I promise you, it will change, things will get better so much better and one day you will realise you didn't even give smoking a second thought at all that day and you'll be SOoo proud of yourself (for me it was up there with the birth of my kids)..

 

Keep pushing forward, you are doing a fantastic job ??

 

Ooopps sorry I havered on a wee bit..?

 

Edited March 24, 2018 by Wee fluffy me

[notsmokinjo]

Brilliant post that taped into so much of what I feel with my quit too. Mine isn't so constant now, the gating of the quit... My 70 day mark was extreme... But its easing up a bit now.. Cravings when they come are way less intense but the feeling like shit and the light headedness are driving me mental. In some ways my quit feels a little too good to be true, so not only do I get the nagging voice tempting me to test the quit I also have the nasty negative voice trying to undermine me (she tends to sound like my mum) telling me I haven't really quit, it won't last blah blah blah... And then I have the part of me that never grew up that thinks ah **** it who cares if ya smoke... But every day its getting easier, every day its less work... And then you get days like today, stressful times when I would have had a whole pack ( and I bought packs of 40) just because I was standing around with all my smoking mates... Not once today did I want one, didn't even think of it ... First time in years....  And for the first time since I was a kid I smelt the smell of smoke and went urgh that's gross and felt I'll. Its coming lord Slippy.... Not too far away ... It will be easier. Now I've shared my cricket theory on quitting with you so you know the bowling's about to change... But there's only so many bowlers in a team, so team nic is gunna run out of options soon and even with duckworth Lewis you know who's winning this match...WE ARE!!!!!

[notsmokinjo]

OK...feely shlt time, which probably means ya me mate cos I don't do thus shit, but taking it 1 day at a time and noping is the difference with this quit. Also, being accountable to everyone on the train. Plus, and this is the feely shlt, the true friends I have met and made because if thus quit. There are some people here who have a huge credit to take in my success with thus quit, weather its because I don't wanna loose face to them, or they are propping me up when its dark and scary... I could not be doing this without my fellow quitters, so lucky I found you over there and now over here. Right off to another thread to sledge someone.

[despair not]

Hi Sslip

 

10 weeks is great.

I was feeling rough till about 4 months then all the difficulties kind of fell away .

Ive still got some weight to loose maybe ill focus on that more now summer is here.

 

You still have to accept that smoking is no longer an option. once you have that under your belt then you wont get the just one wont hurt thoughts sneaking in.  Believe that we are all "a puff away from a pack a day"

 

I really don't want to have to start quitting again the last time I relapsed I smoked for another 8 years before quitting this time, dont do that to yourself.

 

Keep your chin up your doing well its been nice meeting you.

 

 

Edited March 24, 2018 by despair not

[barry]

Spent so much time playing the silly games that I missed this!

 

Over 2 MONTHS without lighting up!  That’s huge!  Major big deal.  

 

I think what you’re going through is absolutely normal.  I wish I had the magic pill for that “constant negotiation” thing.  I thought I was going to lose my job about the point you’re at in my quit.  I was a basket case.  I was in a perpetual fog, and couldn’t concentrate. 

 

And then, as quickly as it came upon me, the fog lifted. While it seemed it went on forever, it was really only a week or two. My boss told me I hadn’t ****** it up too badly ?

 

It gets better, really.  But yeah...there’s a period of “what in the hell am I doing, and what for?!?”

 

Hang in there.  Reach out when you need to.

 

[Wren18]

Well done Sslip you're doing great. I can relate to much of what you've said and it's tough at times, but yeah we're doing a brilliant thing.