Sorry for cussing

[Trish]

So I did it again.  WTF is wrong with me.  Really don’t feel comfortable putting any specific details out there in public.  Nobody wants to hear excuses anyway.  Couldn’t post an SOS.  Had been out running errand last Thursday and picked up cigs for my dad.  Then headed to get girls from school.  Went to their mother’s house after school.    Sent SD to show my sister the dogs out back.  I made my way through the house just checking on things as needed.  Saw a lighter on the dining room table.  I just lost it.  Went out to the car, opened the pack and smoked one. 

 

So I have been through the anger relapse, the alcohol relapse…this one has been a combination….stress, frustration, anger, etc.  When will I learn that life is pretty much always going to suck and stop using it as an excuse to smoke.  Why the f*** do I continue to torture myself? 

 

Anyway just got back from the airport and have the house to myself.  Was going to meet up at the softball tournament but really don’t feel like it.  Can’t decide whether to sleep, cry or drink.  Maybe all three.  I’m really f-ing pissed at myself.  This is going to be my last quit because I am f-ing tired.  Tired of quitting…tired of being angry…just f-ing tired of everything. All this journey has shown me is that I am not a very strong person or I am not very intelligent...or maybe both.  Seriously, should I just give up?  FML

 

[Still winning]

Aww  trish, I wish you had of posted so I could return how helpful you were to me honey :(  For what it's worth I can hear how upset youare, I'm gonna leave the tough love and offer a ((hug))! It's done, dust down and stand up and be counted mrs! xx

[action]

Oh no you should not give up giving up...I believe in you Trish...

 

Are you quit again now?

 

I'm so sorry to hear this Trish.  No SOS is really sad :(

 

But chin up and we will start again.

 

(((TRISH)))

[Still winning]

never give up either, didn't read that bit!!  Oh no you dont!!  This journey shows us we're addicts, we are what we are and sometimes the fight is tough. But others have proved it can be done. I'm also not at all judgemental as it takes as many attempts as it takes for it to stick. Get angry, get over it then get some plans in place so you dont make the same mistake. No more buying cigs for people either, that's a bad trigger for most people never mind us with fresher quits. xx

[Ladybug]

Everything was fine until I read the last sentence "should I give up"? Here is my answer 

 

You, my Dear don't give up! You hear me?

 

http://www.quittrain.com/topic/945-dont-give-up-seven-falls-eight-getting-up/

[Nancy]

No, Trish, you should not give up...you want this too much.  I'm sorry you gave up your quit...but the only thing to do now is start, again.  We are all here to cheer you on and support you in any way we can!

[TAC]

You are very brave Trish to post about your relapse. A weaker person would have just jumped off the train and walked off into oblivion.

 

So are you prepared to quit again? If so, forget the past, get your mind set and do it.

 

I have faith that you will succeed one day.

[Trish]

Oh no you should not give up giving up...I believe in you Trish...

 

Are you quit again now?

 

I'm so sorry to hear this Trish.  No SOS is really sad :(

 

But chin up and we will start again.

 

(((TRISH)))

No I am not quit yet.  I feel more scared now then I did back in Feb. when I started.  I know there is a conversation I have to have that is not going to be pleasant at all.  Hoping I can get it over with tonight and find some kind of resolution to some issues.  I don't want to give up.  I really don't.  I just hate feeling like a failure.  

[Jengelsnew1]

Trish...my redneck buddy.

 

No more smoking...let's start from square one. You can do this.

[action]

No I am not quit yet.  I feel more scared now then I did back in Feb. when I started.  I know there is a conversation I have to have that is not going to be pleasant at all.  Hoping I can get it over with tonight and find some kind of resolution to some issues.  I don't want to give up.  I really don't.  I just hate feeling like a failure.  

 

 

Well firstly you are not a failure.

 

Secondly you need to have that conversation (whatever and whoever it is with) today.  You need to quit again today.  Please do not carry on smoking, I am begging you.

[Soberjulie]

Awww Trish, I don't know what to say.

So I'm just gonna stand here....looking all awkward and weird, ok?

But know....I'm standing here. With you.

You are not alone.

[Trish]

 

 

Secondly you need to have that conversation (whatever and whoever it is with) today.  You need to quit again today.  Please do not carry on smoking, I am begging you.

I totally agree.

[El Bandito]

Onefluffyleg!

 

You pulled my buddy Marti out of the fire and then jumped into it?

 

Really?

 

Muppet.

 

No you are not a failure. You screwed up.

 

Mostly you hid from yourself. You did not post SOS because you knew that just as you saved someone, we would have saved you. You didn't want saving.

 

Why not?

 

I think your junkie got the upper hand, but only YOU know for real.

 

I have absolute 100% confidence that you can do this. I have absolute 100% confidence that you want to do this.

 

So, we gonna do this?

[Rain Forest]

Oh Trish, you are fighting quitting instead of embracing it.  Easier said than done, I know... but take a look at yourself right now: you're very unhappy because you feel like a failure because you have not chosen to successfully quit yet.  I took a look at your tickers in your siggy... you only need one, and do you know what that one is? :)

 

I am truly sad to see you suffer like this because there is nothing worse than this ugly f'ing addiction, we all know it.  The good news is that when you quit smoking, and stick with it thru thick and thin, you will find that life becomes so much better because you start looking at yourself as a winner instead of a failure.  And please don't think I'm calling you a failure... a failure is only someone who gives up, and you haven't done that... you are still here at this forum, and to me that means you really do want to quit but you're in that stuck zone.  Take a leap of faith, tell yourself you believe in YOU, quit smoking and don't look back... and next time you crave, look it in the eye and say "yeah baby, give it your best shot because no matter what, I'm too f'ing good for you!"  You have it in you, I know it.

 

Rain  

[babs609]

first I want to slap ya...

 

then I want to hug ya..

 

 

Don't you dare give up on quitting Trish....that's' not an option...NOPE!!

 

But for the love of all good honey......stop torturing yourself...for the last time! 

 

The only reason you smoked is because you still have a belief somewhere inside of you that the cigarette can do something FOR you....it doesn't.  You still have some UN-brainwashing to do...so read and read and read all the literature provided here and MQ's quit blog and Joel's library....over and over and over again.....over and over again...over again...over again...i read them and listen to Joel so many times I wanted to punch him in the face....but I listened...I read..I watched....

 

over and over.....slogans....No such thing as one cigarette, 1 is too many...1000 not enough...Smoking is not an option...NOPE....they work...but they must be a part of your every day self talk....

 

you can do this Trish!  Put out that last cigarette now...and do it!  

 

xoxoxoxo

[MarylandQuitter]

Trish,

 

You continue to torture yourself because you choose to.  Nobody can force you to smoke as only you can put a cigarette in your mouth, light it and start puffing on it. 

 

My life is a constant roller coaster of emotions both at home and at work.  Do I think about smoking?  You bet I do.  I'm a nicotine addict.  It's what I unknowingly signed up for many years ago when I lit my first cigarette as a 12 year old punk.

 

You're scared to quit and you're scared of failure.  Okay.  What's the big deal?  Most people are scared to quit and equally scared of failing.  You've been through withdrawal and you've survived.  You've been through stressful situations and didn't smoke so you know you that you don't need cigarettes to help you get through life. 

 

Does life when you're quitting smoking make you feel uncomfortable?  Hell yes it does.  Get used to it and put the time in now so your future is one of a happy, content non-smoker.  "Get comfortable being uncomfortable" so you can enjoy the freedom which you seek. 

 

Your freedom is just around the next bend.  Quit now, if you haven't already and ditch those confusing tickers and start fresh.  :)

 

The only way you fail is when you give up.  Giving up is no longer an option for you.  Sorry, it's too late for that.  You've been exposed to the lies of smoking and you've had a taste of the freedom that comes with being a non-smoker.  Again, sorry but it's too late to give up.  That ship has sailed.

 

Now, let's get back to day one.  Right here, right now.  :)

[MarylandQuitter]

By the way, I've been trying to give away some books and I believe that you a copy.  Do you have the actual book in hand or the downloadable version, e-book version etc.?

[Trish]

By the way, I've been trying to give away some books and I believe that you a copy.  Do you have the actual book in hand or the downloadable version, e-book version etc.?

I have the hard copy of easy way (read twice) and the ebook of only way (reading now).

[MarylandQuitter]

I have the hard copy of easy way (read twice) and the ebook of only way (reading now).

 

You didn't have a Marlboro dangling from your lips while you typed that did you?  ;)  When are you going to quit, or have you already?

 

Also, if you keep this up your signature is going to look like the New York Stock exchange ticker with all the tickers you'll be adding.  Just trying to make you laugh as it sounds like you could use one right now.  :)

 

You're only human.  Don't be so hard on yourself.

[Markus]

Wanted:

 

Hard core nicotine addicts looking for same.

 

No gender preference.

 

Addict must be willing to turn themselves inside out to understand the affliction.

 

No "never smokers" need answer this ad.

[Still winning]

C'mon trish. Move away from te cigarettes, you will be so pis*ed at yourself if you carry on! We did excuses, we are doing anger, let's move this train along chick, we have your back, don't be afraid. Post, scream, vent. This will NOT hurt you, smoking will. You know this my lovely. Stop over-thinking, that brain of yours is going too far ahead. Start with this moment and work you way up to what's left of today. Then tomorrow when you wake, start with this moment ....

 

You can do this!!  You wanna know why? Because we have SEEN others have done this. It's scary and occasionally comes with a touchof brutality on our emotions, but that is temporary. Please please let me help. Please don't smoke anymore because you are worth more than this. I want more for you!! xx

[Trish]

You didn't have a Marlboro dangling from your lips while you typed that did you?  ;)   nope  When are you going to quit, or have you already?  nope...planning my escape...

 

Also, if you keep this up your signature is going to look like the New York Stock exchange ticker with all the tickers you'll be adding.  Just trying to make you laugh as it sounds like you could use one right now.  :)  ha ha...very funny

 

 

[Tink]

Give up - NO/NEVER

 

Quit - YES/ALWAYS

 

Trish I am sad you relapsed because I know you have a sticky quit in you and I want you to believe in that for yourself, believe you can do it no matter who or what rattles the cage

 

xx

[Doreensfree]

Sending you a hug.....

No lecture here......geez I smoked 52 years....all I will is.....

Please never stop trying.....you know you can do this.....

It has finally sunk in with me.....smokes never fix anything......only you can do that....

Best wishes trish

Xx

[SueBeDoo]

Awh Trish sorry to hear this, hope you're ok, chin up and get your head together and back on the train, you can and you will do it, I believe in you xxx