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Longtime lurker, first time poster. :P I've been smoke-free and nicotine-free for 18 days. I've been on the fence about joining the forum and posting, but I've found all of your posts really helpful over the last few weeks, and I'm so grateful for that, so I figured it was time to jump in and participate. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better and learning my way around this forum! I started smoking in my early 20's and have been smoking for approximately 20 years, on average 20 a day. For the last 5 or so, I really, really hated that I smoked. But I kept smoking. A couple of years ago, I read Allen Carr's book - three times. But I kept smoking. Despite that, the book was the first time I framed smoking in terms of the nicotine addiction. For some reason, I never really thought of it like that. That led me to more research. And I found Joel's site, and video library. And I found these boards and forums. And I read. And I learned. And I smoked. And I hated myself for it. But I kept smoking. I was scared of quitting. I was scared of never smoking again, as silly as that may sound. I wasn't sure how to live my life without a smoke in my hand. At the same time, I was tired of beating myself up over smoking day after day after day. I was tired of treating myself so badly. That kind of negative talk really puts a dent in your self esteem. Enough. So, I picked a quit date out of a hat. March 19th. I wrote it on the blackboard in the kitchen. It was about a month into the future at that point. I kept smoking right up until end of day March 18th. But, every day, several times a day, I would see that big date looming. And a funny thing started to happen. The closer it got to March 19th, the less I smoked. Day by day, it felt, mentally, like cigarettes had a weaker hold on my brain. By the time March 19th came, I was ready to go cold turkey. I wiped the board clean, and wrote "Smoke-free days" on it instead. At the end of each day, I make a little mark on that board. And they're adding up. Each day is a victory and a greater freedom. Each struggle is a reminder to keep pushing forward. The nicotine is long gone - now I'm retraining my brain. But I am a nicotine addict. And I always will be. So each day is another pledge to NOPE and a big YES to life. And reading your posts these last few weeks has shown me that it's possible and it's worth it.
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