Ramona

Ugh. I remember well some of my many relapses - - the sheer nastiness of it. Suckville. Once I relapsed by picking up a menthol clip off the ground in a hospital parking lot. GROSS. I hate menthols!!! :lol: Quite a few times I went into the convenience store crying, relating my impending failure to the unsuspecting cashier...getting in my car...inhaling - - - tasting the POISON (not the tobacco, because once you earn some quit time the inhale is experienced for what it is - - NOXIOUS CHEMICALS). Freaking out on my friends and family and then justifying, "I can't treat people like this, I have to smoke, I am hurting those I love." Only to realize, not too far down the road, that I can be a dick with or without smokes. Repeating to myself, "F*ck it, f*ck it, f*ck it!!! I'm a smoker forever...there's nothing I can do!!! This is it. I own my identity - I smoke. I HAVE to smoke, there's no other option." NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. Not this time. Never again. NOPE.

Trust me...it's not hard at all. And it gets BETTER a couple days after you make it. I'm so addicted.

Ok. Wanted to be special and never tell anyone about this amazing recipe BUT people deserve to know: http://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/chef-zebs-hot-milk-cake-recipe Top it with HALF this frosting recipe: http://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/easy-vanilla-buttercream-frosting-recipe People,. this is an UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING RECIPE. Easy, consistent...DELICIOUS. I've made it 4X and followed the recipe exactly. Perfect every time.

He IS super cute.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and lucky)

How to cultivate humility???? Hell-if-i-know!!!!! Wish I did. Figure that's why I'm alive - to get a start on that! You can beat this addiction. Believe it. Make it so. Don't worry about over-sharing...I think people who hold back, people who are embarrassed to admit what they're experiencing/feeling, are the people who relapse. If we take our "dirty laundry" and we share the load...the load becomes lighter. We need each other during these silly lives of ours. Something so simple as a forum - - - if used correctly, can change the course of our existence. LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!!! :)

Says "video not available."

I repeat the sentiments of those above: Not one puff ever. That's all it takes. Welcome!

As one of the residents where I work says, "if you see a b*tch, slap a b*tch."

Bakon - some people like swearing, some people don't. End of story.

I'm always embarrassed - it comes from my lack of humility. Believe in yourself, you can do this.

Ole man winter. Poo.

My niece said to me: "Auntie, you swear way more at night." And it's so true - I never would have known it otherwise.

This too shall pass. Like Marti said: feel shitty, it'll pass...feel fabulous, it'll pass Come here for support - a solid place to get some. Keep us updated on health news. Take care of yourself, be compassionate with yourself. You're stronger than it all.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go...YOU GOT IT.

Made it till the morning - always a solid sign. Relapses have traditionally occurred at night (for the most part). I may continue to produce more rambling rants until this reptile mind quiets down. I thank you all for contributing to/supporting my goal - quitting these things is such a central goal in my life and I don't know how I would have gotten this far without a lifeline like Quittrain. More to come... hopefully all will settle. <3

Thanks RunFree - I think you're right. Plus, my Quitversary is my big bro's death date (Nov.6 2009). I designed it that way but I haven't faced down the approach yet. My brain just thought: "well, maybe I can be an October smoker." Argh

Petra - no worries. I own my insanity. Thx for being here.

I miss my cigarettes...glossing over my neediness - - - granting a sense of independence...my lifelong, true friend. I know all the truth behind this stuff but the current emotions are so much. I'm pretty sure it's late and I'm gonna fall asleep but this is so screwy....such a screwy addiction. I just finally stopped tormenting my boyfriend after 3 hours...kept making an unreasonable demand and expecting him to just be here right now (when it makes no sense for him to drive an hour up this late at night when he has to work in a few hours and he doesn't feel well and he can't see that great at night). I hate being like this. I'm actually trying to get him to break up with me - - - - he won't do it. I don't want him to do it. I just can't stand myself so I can't understand how he can stand me. I feel like I REALLY wasn't THIS bad when I was smoking. And I know I have these exceptional moments of peace and grace and patience (which I never had as a smoker) but this is incredibly challenging. I don't know why the addiction has chosen to attack me so HARD this late in the game. It's bizarre and weird and crappy.

I don't know if I'm bi-polar. If I were to slap a DSM on myself, I think it would be borderline personality disorder. I don't know though. But who gives a flying ****? It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.I just want a cigarette so much.

lacking empathy unreasonable ridiculous privleged bi polar

i want one. im too insane. needy anxious sad histrionic angry lonely out-of-breath

Cutie-pa-tootie. I actually squealed when I opened this thread. He's adorable.

You will never touch that baby's little hands/feet/head with smokey residue upon your fingers. Your child will not have to worry about their father's addiction. What you've accomplished is commendable and responsible. Way to go.

Hi Michelle... You know what to do: just for today. You don't have to quit forever, you don't have to quit tomorrow - - just for now, just for today, you won't smoke a cigarette. If you have health problems now - a cigarette will not benefit you. Your body may need to start a healing process and what better way than to finally give it OXYGEN and clean blood???? That's how you get better. You don't make yourself sicker because you found out you're sick!!!! YOU TRY TO GET BETTER. No smoking.