Ramona

Do what feels most genuine to you. Period.

We start first of November???

<3

I'm also ready. Also hate plank.

Still not smoking! Yeeeee-aaaaaaa.

Evelyn - As I've told you before: I'm with you in solidarity when it comes to being someone who suffers (deeply) from moods AND is trying to beat this addiction. I'm up and down and all around...BPD....cry, cry, cry. Howl, wail, and take no prisoners. FREAKshow. Trust me. That's why I've always failed at my quits in the past. Too much crying - frankly, too embarrassing. Now, at work, I'm just like: "yah, I quit smoking, I cry." What else can I do? This quit is too important to give-up because of my lack of humility. Your struggles have inspired me and given me the courage to march-on with my own quit. The details of your life which you're willing to share, I can not tell you how much I appreciate them. We all need to hear every experience to know we're not alone. Your success will be a great beacon for others who suffer from mental illness. The self-harm component to smoking (which nobody seems to adequately explain)!!!!! Well, it's a big part of smoking that we miss. After all, without cigarettes, "HOW CAN WE ACTIVELY AND WILLFULLY HARM OUR BODIES AND COMMIT OUR SLOW SUICIDE???????" This is a void for us. This is why our brain struggles to find creative new ways to hurt ourselves (ruin something beautiful about ourselves, cut an arm/leg, scream way too loudly for way too long, over exercise to a point of injury or slam head into wall). Or we can, of course, go back to inhaling noxious smoke. Most people will take one look at us and be like, "Wow, just smoke already!!!!!!!" Because most people don't understand how central this accomplishment is. These outsiders can't see how we won't be able to secure other successes until we secure THIS success. So do it Evelyn. Doubters be damned. If you have to start your own celebration thread for 10 months - - WHO FREAKING CARES? This is yours to accomplish. We're doing this thing to act as survivors & fighters - - - not victims. Hugs.

As always, you guys offer timely truths in response to my melt-down(s). And today? Better. It wasn't an objective, stand-alone brilliant day. But when held in comparison to yesterday's abject-flip-flap-freak-show-bursting-at-the-seams experience of childish desperation? It was GOOD. I feel pretty even-keeled. For Kendra and Pork - it's not this hard the whole time!!! Please don't get discouraged by my cravings. Months 8-10 were fairly freak-out free (if I remember correctly). Month 11 is testing me. (Thanks Sunnyside for making that seem more normal). Staying quit is the war. Cravings are the battles. The past couple days were pretty bloody.

I'll try this.

Experiencing intense emotional instability. Addiction wants me back in a big way. 10 more days till I get a year. I keep thinking: Once I get that year, I'm consciously returning to smoker status. I can no longer endure my sensitivity. I am volatile and needy. I don't want to interpret every aspect of my day in such a personal manner. I hate the extra 10 pounds. My coffee is lonely. My boyfriend is reaching his limit. I'm impatient. I'm bat shit. It's not worth it. Cigarettes make me more self-reliant. Plus, "F-you world" - I do not need to embrace life while the most egregious examples of humanity's horribleness pervade my every day. I have some sort of mood disorder and people with mood disorders simply DO NOT quit smoking. And then the f*cking other side: I'm doin' this thing. Boyfriend couldn't do it. I've made it my number one priority and I literally haven't had a single smoke in almost one full year. My lungs do not slow me down anymore. My skin looks smooth and feels soft. I feel "cozier." My car, my hair, my hands all smell GOOD. Winter is coming and who wants to smoke in the winter? I will be able to pay off my car with the money I save. When I apply for a new job the smoking aspect will not even be an aspect. Lots of people live happily without smokes. Food tastes incredible. And even though I am at times quite pathetic, I am also (conversely) more empowered and confident than I have been in over a decade of smoking. So confused.

Two YEARS! Rock-the-funk-on.

Dawg.

Happy Nicotine Free Monday!!! It's gonna get crazier Pork. Brace YO-SELF! Congrats on 1 week!!!

Love it! Everyone looks happy and healthy! NICE. Thanks for posting!

Nice post Beacon. It really has to be ALL or NOTHING. We can't create hypothetical scenarios where it would be justified to smoke. That's not how this quit thing works. We become non-smokers and we handle life as non-smokers. That's why this forum is important to utilize as we attempt to learn life anew. All of us are ex-smokers turned non-smokers. Unlike never-smokers there will always be this malevolent, seductive voice telling us that nicotine will make us feel better. Never-smokers handle sh*tty life situations but they don't have to handle that VOICE. Maybe they eat cake or get drunk or take pain pills or exercise too much. But for us the default is "NICOTINE." The voice will get weaker but it has the potential to gather force and reemerge. Constant vigilance is required. Like Beacon said: E = EVER. What a commitment!!!! But it's a commitment that will pay us back in so many ways. More intimacy in our lives, better tasting food, more cash flow, more enjoyable work-outs, less depression, more time for hobbies, a bigger dating pool, and the list goes on! When you're ready, come back here...and stick around until you're strong enough to go it alone (or just stay). Whatever you need to beat this sociopathic addiction.

Darned it. Those unicorns never do come, do they?

Thanks for setting such as solid, steady pace. !!!!!!!HAPPY ONE YEAR ROWLY!!!!!!! See you in 2 weeks!

This kitten is tearing up my life!

Everybody gets sick. Bad timing. 2.5 HOURS TO GO!!! The big year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bada boom.

It sure does Tyme. SUCKS. VILE, INSIDIOUS...pure f-ing evil. Robbing us of our very life force...our time on earth...our breath

LIE: "I'm not me without my cigarettes...they are a part of my identity." NOT! TRUTH: I am MORE ME, I am FINALLY ME, without cigarettes. LIE: "I don't have enough crutches. After all, I quit drinking! I deserve this one." NOT! TRUTH: How about sweets, exercise, sex, coffee and delicious foods?? That's more than enough. LIE: "I can't function in my daily life with all this crying, moaning and yelling." NOT! TRUTH: I can function. Those around me will just have to accept me for who I am at this moment. This too shall pass.

What's happening with you lady?????

24 MORE HOURS....countdown to awesomeness.

!!!!!!!!!TEN!!!!!!!

Hell week - done and DONE. We're here. Use us. Don't smoke.

Rowly. We're here. In support. Let's celebrate this year. WE care.