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Im wanting to smoke. It's right there....in my head. You can go back to a normal life.....just buy one pack. Next quit, you can do it. I'm sorry. I have to verbalize this or I will smoke. If I address it head on, then I won't. I'm not even having a bad day. Just want a cigarette. Something that has nothing, NOTHING, to offer me. It's stupid. Stupid for me to be thinking like this. I feel like I'm missing something.

Funny you should say this......... today, I was at a place where there was a pack of Marlboro sitting there. Which coincidentally is the same brand I smoked. It wasn't the same exact kind.... but it was Marlboro and that was enough for me. I thought to myself..... " I could take just one. No one would have to know. What's one gonna hurt?" "I could take the whole pack and just smoke those and then quit again." And then I thought...." do I REALLY want to keep doing this ?" I havent' even smoked one and already I my next thought went from just one to taking the rest of the pack. So then when I left, I started thinking... why is this so hard ? And I realized I'm only making it hard on me. It's really not that hard. Just don't smoke the damn things. Am I still wanting one sometimes ? Of course. Am I still craving one several times a day ? Yes. But I can either let it go and accept the fact that I don't WANT to smoke and move on or I can dwell on it and make my life miserable. I seem to really be focusing on the latter. I don't know why I do that to myself. It's my choice. I can smoke one if I want to. I just don't want to. The illusion of what was so good about smoking is dissipating. I don't mean this as a pun, but it fits perfectly...... it seems like my head is coming out of the fog. I can't say I'm enjoying being a non smoker yet. But I'm definitely coming to peace with it. I'm learning how to surf. I still can't think about forever. But I can handle today like a champ. And I'm doing just that. onto day 9.........

Thanks y'all. I just saw this. One week. If I can do one week....... I can do another.

Yes, it will be. Seems to be going one day good, one day not so good, one day good, one day not so good. I'm really trying on this quit. I want to succeed. Thank you so much. It helps to read your confidence. It really does.

The "I hope you stayed quit" wasn't directed to you. I hope you didn't find that offensive. I should have placed that sentence higher up in my post. Sorry about that.

So my son wants me to go to the store and buy some ice cream...... but if I leave this house, I'm gonna buy cigarettes. Did ok for the most part this weekend..... but wondering if I am cut out for this. Junkie thinking (I'm beginning to hate that terminology) I am aware..... but it's what going through my head. I, literally, pulled right out in front of a cop today. Almost caused him to T bone my car. My head is in a serious fog and I want out. Fortunately, after explaining (more like rambling) to this poor officer that I'm not on drugs and that I am trying to quit smoking, (he could definitely tell something wasn't right) he kinda giggled and gave me a warning. And I keep sighing. I'm not cranky though. Just feel very unmotivated anymore. Son says we don't have to go get ice cream. Thank GOD !!!!

I am doing fine. Been a little irritable today. Cleaning and reorganizing some stuff I needed to get done. As of 2:30 today, I am one week smoke free. Really looking forward to when I get to feel "normal" again. Most of, like 95% of all my quits ended around this time cause I start getting irritated at not feeling normal. I can feel that irritation. I'm just trying to stay busy and keep my thoughts elsewhere. I did go up some stairs yesterday and did not get winded at all. I thought that was really cool. I also seem to have more time to do things. Not sure why as smoking never really stopped me from doing anything. However, it seems I am more productive. Anyways, thank you for asking. I hope you had a good weekend.

I don't think Brainiac100 is real.

Still feeling somewhat discombobulated but today is much better than yesterday....... Gonna clean my home, play with my dogs and do paperwork while watching movies....... That's my joyous day. I don't get to stay home often so this is actually VERY rewarding.

Evelyn, I never thought you were harsh with me. And hurt me ? NO WAY JOSE !!!! I love seeing your posts. Your an inspiration to me. What you say is the truth and every time you speak the truth to me and I read it, it gets ingrained in my brain. Thank you.

Having one crave after another. Kinda sucks. Feeling rather emotional about it. But taking it 5 minutes at a time. Thought comes through to just go smoke one..... Then I remind myself how it really makes me feel....... I hate that feeling. I know mentally it will go away with time..... But I seem to focusing on emotions right now. Mind over matter.... Right ? No biggie. It's just a picture. THIS. This is what I am doing. I am aware that I'm romancing. Trying to counter act it with negative thoughts. But the feeling remains that I miss smoking. I want to smoke. I want to find a way to continue smoking without all the negative parts. The sooner I realize that there is none, the sooner I will be at peace with it. I am aware of this. But again, it's fighting the illusion that smoking offers (which seems very real to me at this time) to the reality that it does absolutely nothing for me. It's going to take time and constant altering of my thought processes before that falsehood goes away. Taking it today. Tomorrow..... I will deal with tomorrow then. Thank you.

Found a lighter this morning. It's Friday. And those 2 things set off a HUGE crave. And a lot of junkie thinking. And some emotion of wondering about forever. It talks about life and death. Not dog shit. I'll delete it. No biggie......

Yes, read it from the bottom up.......

I love seeing your posts....... You give me motivation.

There are things I liked about smoking. I do not need to list them here. I am being honest. Junkie thinking or not.... it's the ONLY thought I had RIGHT THEN. I am educated. And I do understand what I'm thinking. And feeling. I thought that this is what I was supposed to do. Acknowledge what I think and move on from it. No one leaves a relationship with a habit'/ a person/ a consistent in their life for the last 30+ years and says "whew, glad that's over with" immediately. It takes time. And I am working through that process. Romancing ? ......mmmm.... I don't know. Maybe, maybe not ? But to just lie to myself saying I hate it would be nothing but a lie. It's called "junkie thinking" for a reason. Is it something I want to continue ? No. That's why I'm here. I am choosing to not live that life anymore. The bad outweighs the good. But it takes time to absorb that and I am working on absorbing that.

Checking in......I'm still quit. Today was much easier than yesterday. A lot different though. Kinda missed smoking. I'm not gonna deny that I enjoy it sometimes. I know it's all lies but it's still a lie I enjoyed. Until they made me feel bad. And then I hated them. I was driving home tonight and I remembered all the times, in my previous "quits", I would just want "that one" and so I would do it. I would build it up so much in my head until the want became a need. And I remember that as soon as I would take that one puff, how disgusted my lungs would feel.....how I would get dizzy, my fingers and feet would tingle and how I wanted to just go to sleep. And then 20 minutes later, I would want another one and no matter how much I would try to fight it..... My fight was gone. I don't think I ever want to do that again. It may be something I miss right now but it's not something I want to go back to. Onto day 4 !!!!!

How are you doing ? I yell "yippee" all the time...... usually it's when I have my head hanging out the car window while holding onto my pinwheel........ I hope you stayed quit.

I am still quit. It's been a weird, anxiety filled, non smoking day. There would be times that I would be like "I"M DOING THIS. YIPPEE !! I FEEL SO GOOD" to "OMG, I want a cigarette so freaking bad" and these thoughts/ emotions would flip in a matter of seconds....... contradicting each other. And then I would get busy doing something until the next thought of "look at me, I rock !" and then "what the hell am I doing ?" would come again. I have also realized I use cigarettes as time management. I have 15 minutes to spare........ I can smoke a cigarette and that'll make the time go by faster. So I just listened to the radio instead. I'm trying not to focus too much on this quit. Just keep enjoying life as it comes....... Onto day 3 !!! Thank you everyone for your support. I did read them. Repeatedly...... throughout the day. And it does help.

I'm just going to barrel through today, head first, eyes shut. I'm going to do this.

Hey buddy...... I don't smoke. Neither do you. Let's get through today. We don't think about doing heroin when we're stressed. Why? because we don't do heroin. Non smokers don't think about smoking when they are stressed. We are non smokers now. It's not an option.

I don't know if I can do this......... I'm not going to smoke. But my anxiety is off the roof today. I really need words of encouragement. please. I hate asking but I have to get through this........ People telling me "I don't know how your doing this. I tried and I couldn't do it". THIS is what is going through my mind. Maybe I'm one of those people.

Well, over 24 hours smoke free. Wasn't really that bad. Had my moments of f*ck this..... I'm gonna smoke. But then got distracted and went on about my day. Thought on the way home all the things I liked about today. I got to hack up part of a lung..... I'm assuming the part that was contaminated. My cilia got to stand at attention all day. And I could ride all the way home with my windows up. Now, tomorrow is a new day and I figure if I can do one day..... I can do two.

I hate this. I hate quitting and I hate smoking. I keep thinking that one act will take this feeling away. And I know what you're gonna say.... In 20 minutes it will be back. But I never wait for it to come back. I'm smoking another one to AVOID this. I keep thinking..... Is smoking really THAT bad ? People get cancer ALL THE TIME that have never smoked. I hate my brain. I really want to not have to smoke anymore. So I'm thinking positive. I want more energy. I want to live longer and I want to be healthier. I might even want to be a body builder one day. I doubt it but there's a chance.

I'm sitting here doing paperwork and I keep looking for my cigarettes. My brain doesn't get it. lol

Yes ma'am, I have.