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Hey Ruby !!! Glad you found us. We happen to be a pretty amazing group of non smokers over here. Congratulations on the decision to save your own life. It's a pretty amazing decision.

So I just sat here for the last 3 hours doing schedules and I just realized....... I haven't thought of a cigarette NOT ONE TIME. I haven't had a crave. Not a sad thought. I was just doing what I would do anyways. And I didn't have to take a break to go smoke. I also started reading Allen Carr again and I signed up for meditation yoga. I start the yoga tomorrow night. I'm getting there......

Just checking in....... Still smoke free. It's getting better.

I don't want to do this anymore. I'm losing my oomph. The only thing that's keeping me from lighting up is I know that I will still feel bad. Just in a different way. I'm having a hard time catching my breath. I'm not short of breath or struggling to breathe, but it's like I can't breathe deep enough. I'm tired. And I'm sad. I feel like I'm in a limbo and I can't get out. I know there's no relief in smoking and I am really not trying to be negative......I hate being on here. I hate not being able to do this on my own. I just don't have the strength right now...... I'm not gonna smoke. I'm just having a sad party and wanting it to end.

Just checking in.... still smoke free.

I would like to welcome you officially to the board !!!! You kinda snuck in on us over the weekend. How are you doing today ? I am very happy to see that you made a decision to quit one of the most deadliest things in your life. It's a ride, sometimes a good one and sometimes a hard one. But in the end, it will be smooth sailing. First week is "Hell" week, second is "Heck" week and the third is....."You got this going on babygirl" week. Lol. Hell week is rough. Please reach out to us and let us help you through it. You definitely don't have to go it alone. All you have to do is not stick things in your mouth and set them on fire. Is it easy ? Not right now. Is it simple ? Yes ma'am, it sure is. It definitely won't kill ya.

I am still here. And still quit. I was quite the lazy one yesterday and didn't go anywhere. I stayed home and a lot of the things I did at home, I associated with smoking. That may be why I felt like I did. I would finish something and almost instinctively reach for my cigarettes. I do want to quit. It's just taking time for my brain to rewire itself. So right now.... I'm doing to ole "fake it till you make it" routine. Still quit. 15 days now and 495 cigarettes not smoked. I really liked this...... . I read this last night and have been doing it. And it has worked thus far. I expect one day for the thought to get stronger as I don't give it what it wants. And I'm prepared to get louder when it does. This is a strange thing..... Quitting. It's amazing what we teach our brains to accept. And the work that is involved to restructure that teaching. I am not smoking. And I will say it again..... I will be smoke free for the rest of my life. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart, for EVERYTHING y'all are doing to help me. It really truly does help.

Today hasn't gone so well. I always have an issue with this train of thought....maybe y'all can help. The thought is...."ok, you did it. You quit. You've shown yourself you can do it. Now go smoke". I don't wanna say I've come close to throwing it away, but the thought was really strong. Forever is showing it's ugly head. Still smoke free

This is my thinking to a tee...... People die every day. From cancer, lupus, heart attacks, car accidents..... You never know when you're last day is going to be. So why NOT smoke ? It's relaxing. It's enjoyable. Why NOT do something that I enjoy ? I don't know that I'm going to die from smoking. I could die tomorrow eating a donut. Besides, people who have quit still get cancer. And they still die. But then I realized...... I'm not living either. I can't climb the stairs I used to. I can't chase my kid around the yard. I'm getting older faster. I hear myself wheezing at night. Not bad, but it's there. I can't even go to the movie theater and watch a movie in it's entirety. My life is ending before I have died. And I'm acclimating to it. It's not the death of me that scares me. That's going to happen no matter what I do. It's my life that I want back. My whole entire life.

Still smoke free !!!

I agree 100%. I am a very energetic person and I am beginning to think that a lot of that "energy" is probably anxiety. I know I used cigarettes as a relaxing tool. And not having them really increases my anxiety and depression. Although I didn't feel depressed when I was smoking, I may have masked it with anxiety. I'm going to learn more tools. Healthier ones.

Thank you !!! Today is SO FREAKING MUCH BETTER !!!!! I woke up feeling good. My mind is clear, I'm smiling again. No anxiety, no sadness whatsoever. My canker sores don't hurt anymore, except for one is being a nuisance but not painful. According to my "Cessation Nation" (an app on my phone) states that in a couple of hours, I will be 12 days smoke free. I havent' smoked 380 cigarettes. I know that doesn't sound like a lot to y'all, but to me it's a life changing number. I'm still having craves.... But not near as bad as they have been. Just waiting them to pass and they do. I am so happy I am doing this. I feel so much better. I can't thank y'all enough for all the support. I'm going to be a non smoker for the rest of my life. One day at a time.

I don't know. I havent' paid attention. I'm just barreling through the damn things. I did get a moment, actually several moments, of reprieve today. I was walking down the corridor when it was like I hit a wall of clarity. Like a time warp of some sort. I was myself again. I had no craves, my mind was clear and I was ok. It was nice. This morning I was throwing a massive internal hissy fit. Since my reprieve, it hasn't been near as bad as it has the last couple of days. I still got a VERY STRONG thought tonight to give up. But it still wasn't as bad as yesterdays, or the day befores or even this morning. And my mouth has been full of ulcers, canker sores, that have made it really difficult to eat. Quite painful actually. I think even those are beginning to clear up. I am noticing I can smell someone smoking in the next county now. That's a little weird. But as for me, myself and I......we are still smoke free. And looking forward to staying that way.

I really hope you come back.....

So last night, I decided to watch Joel videos. MQ posted a butt load of them and I just went down the list. And then went to bed. No biggie. Woke up this morning, got mad at my son cause he's lost his shirt....again. And started looking for my cigarettes. Must have looked silly looking for those things. And when I realized I didn't have any.....cause I don't smoke anymore, all the sudden all hell broke loose in my head. So here I am again. Posting again sounding like some whiney ass biatch. Today, I am thinking smoking does something for me. Not sure what that is.....but for whatever God forsaken reason, I do. Trying to get away from the cigarette world and doesn't seem like that's gonna happen for a while I'm not gonna smoke.

I would also like to say..... I walked into a home this evening. One that I walk into frequently. He smokes. And it stank so FREAKING BAD !!! I had never, ever noticed it before. But I did today. I cannot believe I ever smelled like that. It's actually really gross.

Oh, I really do hope you come back. It's a horrible feeling to keep smoking. I have wasted 4 years "trying" to quit. Please don't give up. You can do it..... even when you think you can't.

Doreen, you are so right. I think about that too. I'm not leaving. I just need to take a break sometimes. I am still smoke free and have every intention staying that way. Onto day 11 !!!!

I know you are. I am still smoke free. I have no desire to restart. I still have thoughts of smoking, I still have craves but to actually want to stick one in my mouth and smoke it...... if I wait long enough, any desire goes away. Today was much better. I do want to be held accountable. What I don't want is to focus so much on quitting and how I "feel" cause then I'm wasting time. And the end result is I'm still spending my life concentrating on cigarettes...... And when I get on here, I feel like I'm focusing on something I can't have..... which makes me want it more or feel more sad that I can't have it. I need to give my body time to heal from the physical aspect of removing all the toxins that I have been feeding it for the last 35+ years and once that's complete, then I can focus on my thoughts and emotions of quitting. I know this doesn't make sense to you. I am not understanding how if I have been quit for 10 days, then how come my brain and emotions are all out of whack. No chemical in the world should have that much physical control after a week of abstinence. So it has to be an emotional and/ or mental withdrawal. And so if I back off a little and block those 2 aspects out, and let me physically heal..... at some point, my mind won't be controlled by crazy thoughts or emotions. Who knows ? Once I can get the craves controlled by ignoring them and not feeding them, then at some point, they will die. Is my train of thought wrong ? Cause I really don't know what I'm doing. I do know that I am having anxiety fluctuating with periods of sadness and happiness. And all 3 of these emotions can be within minutes. Normal will come. I just have to be patient. I'm not leaving. And I'm not going back to smoking. I'm just trying to get through this. I don't like feeling fuzzy.

I'm backing out of here for a little bit. I do not like this one bit. I feel trapped. I don't want to smoke but I don't like who I am right now. I need my life back without focusing on smoking or not smoking. I am angry. I don't like feeling like this. I don't like not having some sense of control over here and half the time, I want to either scream or cry. I am hollering at my child. I'm spacing out at work. I do feel good about quitting but God bless, does it really have to be like THIS ???? I need to focus. I need to figure out why I can't stop an action and be ok with it. I live by the motto.... life is short. Enjoy EVERY freaking day cause you really never know when your last day is. Maybe it's junkie thinking.... maybe it isn't. But whatever it is..... I want my life back. I don't want my world revolving around this. I feel VERY DISCONNECTED. I want to just ******* cry. And I can't. I will check in EVERY night and let y'all know I havent' smoked. I really do appreciate all y'alls help. I needed it. Now I need to apply it.

I LOVE THIS !!!! I don't know what happened this morning. All I knew was that I was close to buying a pack of cigarettes. And yet, I didn't want to. But then I did. Went into a store to pay for gas and didn't even drool over the cigarettes sitting there. Didn't even phase me. I don't know how to explain it. It was like I felt like I HAD to smoke but didn't want to smoke. I'm better now. Still feeling a little restless but now it's like I drank some coffee (something I never drink). I'm not going back to smoking. I've come this far.....I'm not going back. For today. Today is all I am doing right now. Anyways, thanks for listening to me ramble...... Again.

Thanks y'all. I'm thinking I'm just feeling very anxious. I need to learn how to relax without smoking. I, literally, do not know how to do that. I'm on edge. And it's not that I actually want to smoke. Again, I'm not sure what I'm wanting.

Yes. This has to go away. Eventually. It can't last forever.

Ha ha.... Will do later

I just walked into a store and had no urge to buy cigarettes. Maybe I don't want to smoke as much as I think I do. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't want to smoke. I want the relief it provides.