...

Evelyn, we all are excuse makers. I don't know a whole lot about the cutting thing, but I do know that we were all hell bent on hurting ourselves, masking emotions with smoking. We didn't value ourselves enough to stop killing ourselves. We had to make the decision to stop. And yes, it's hard. I still struggle with it. But it can be done. I was having a hard time yesterday and this is what a friend wrote to me. word for word: "As long as you think smoking may provide some thing positive, your quit will be in danger. When you understand and internalize that the whole concept of enjoying smoking is a huge lie created in your brain by the addiction, is when you will know that you will not ever smoke again." It takes time to internalize that. Give yourself that time. Give yourself a chance.

Evelyn !!!! I am glad to see you here. I was really praying that you wouldn't leave. Your doing what we all do. Believe me, I have had my butt handed to me in a hand basket plenty of times and may even have it handed to me again. Quitting smoking is a process. It's not just one step to get there..... (although some people do get there in just one step. but we don't like them. ha ha ha ha, just kidding) Please keep going. You are doing great. I know it doesn't feel like it, but every time you don't put something in your mouth and set it on fire, your beating it. I am so proud of you.

+ 1 billion times and over again !!! Quitting smoking is not an act. It's a process and your learning. We all are.

"Yesterday I wanted to smoke. I really, REALLY wanted to smoke." You have this all wrong. It should read........ Yesterday I wanted to poison myself. I really, REALLY wanted to poison myself. Or it could say....... Yesterday I wanted to throw my beautiful quit away. I really, REALLY wanted to throw my beautiful quit away. But it CANNOT say..........Yesterday I wanted to smoke. I really, REALLY wanted to smoke. Why can't it say that ? Cause YOU are a NON SMOKER. And NON SMOKERS do not smoke !!! And then remind yourself how absolutely happy you are that you have chosen to free yourself from that horrible bondage that has robbed so many of your years. YOU. ARE. FREE !!!!!!!

Today has been a very tense day and for absolutely no reason. Seem to be struggling today........

Me too !!! And it's taken alot of tries, alot of learning and alot of listening. And I even had to leave for a while..... to figure out if this is something I really wanted. And I learned if you never give up, then one day, you are guaranteed to win. I'm winning.

lmao !!! No, I don't think a guy could do it without anyone suspecting. But if you notice, she did have underwear on....... although skimpy, it was there. I would have to have some underwear on too....... I don't know if I could handle all that exposure, however secretive it might be.

Evelyn, I doubt very seriously you will get the Sarge to feel responsible for your quit or lack thereof. It's not his to own. It's yours. If you choose to go because we care enough not to let you throw out excuses at us, then please come back when your really ready to make this committment. Your not doing anything anyone of us haven't done in the past. That's why we can see it. And we care enough about you to want you to see it. There is a good friend of mine that summarizes it like this..... YOU ------> YOUR QUIT --------> YOUR LIFE. Your quit is separate from anything in your life. And it takes precedence over anything and everything in your life. I hope that you don't get so angry that you quit listening. I want you to hear this. I hope and pray that you hear this. We all want you to succeed...... even the Sarge.

Evelyn, quit kidding yourself. He DOES know the whole story. We all do. No matter what excuse you come up with to smoke, one of us has said it before. Pretty soon though, your gonna run out of excuses. And that will be the time that you will have to face yourself....... do you really want to quit or not ? Until then, the story is always the same......... it's up to you whether your going to deal with it with a cigarette in your mouth or not. Make smoking not an option anymore and you will have the battle beat.

Is this book really worth buying ? y'all have peaked my interest........

Has this only happened to me???? Heck NO !!!! Yes, there are many of us. But understand something.... its not that you "could" not quit...... your won't quit. You can do it. Never doubt that. You CAN do this. I promise. Absolutely NOT !!! Your a very smart woman. However, your intelligence level has no role in this. It takes education, determination and a willingness to do whatever it takes to quit. You CAN DO THIS !!!

I agree with everything y'all said. Now that I have gotten past whatever I was thinking there....... I don't miss it at all anymore. When I started this thread, I was...... I don't know what to call it..... reminiscing maybe. But truth be told, I feel SOOOO much better without smoking. I can breathe, I don't cough, I don't stink anymore, and most importantly...... I feel good not poisoning myself anymore.

http://www.break.com/video/painted-on-jeans-2605292 I would !!! This would be so fun.........

Beth, I can honestly say that your one of the biggest assets to this site. Your very much loved and respected. And I'm glad that your here.

I agree with this. We are only receptive to what we choose to receive. Unless your in a weakened state, then the brain is vulnerable to all and any messages. However that is only temporary. Then it would revert back to what you choose to want to believe. It's still all up to you.

I am so proud of the both of y'all. Y'all have come on here and had your ups and downs but y'all have really conquered your quits !!!! I enjoy reading your posts, your responses to people. Y'all have both helped me personally and I can only imagine how much help both of you will be to newbies. Y'ALL ARE DOING AN ABSOLUTELY FANTASTICALLY SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICALLY WONDERFULLY GREAT JOB !!!!!! KEEP IT UP !!!!

Evelyn, I'm not sure what your looking for here. You tell us not to "lecture" you but then you don't come to us when you are fixing to smoke. You don't want us "lecturing" you but you don't seem to want us to help you either. You just want to do whatever it is you want, which doesn't seem to include quitting, and then after the fact, have us tell you "oh Evelyn, it's all okay.". It's NOT okay. Your playing with fire here. I have been where you are. Relapse after relapse. Stop. Your making this so much harder on yourself and one day......you might give up on quitting. So quit now. And actually DO whatever it takes to get that accomplished.

Thank you. I'm not saying that I WANT to smoke, I don't. Nor am I going to rush out to the store and buy a pack. And I am fully aware that it doesn't do anything for any one of us. Was she enjoying it ? Probably not. But she wasn't hurting either. As a matter of fact, she probably wasn't feeling anything. It is to her what it was to us. Second nature. Kinda like going to pee. That's my point. It was something we did every day many times a day..... that it just became part of us. And yeah, if I could escape all the damage it did to me or would do to me, I think I would continue to smoke. I did enjoy it. I have never hated smoking. I have hated the side effects of it. I understand where y'all are coming from though. It's bad. And I don't want it in my life anymore....... I guess I was just reminiscing and being dumb.

I wish I had an eyeball at the end of my finger. Ohhhh, the things I could see.......

Do you ever have moments where you miss smoking ? I'm not talking about all the side effects of smoking. We all know it's bad for you. But still you kinda miss it. Like wondering if it wasn't bad, would you still do it ? I sit here and am watching this woman smoke. I don't see the agony in her face. It doesn't make me want to smoke......I know where she's headed physically. but there is this little part of me that kinda makes me sad that I can't. I wonder if that will ever go away.

It's gonna happen. Faith of a mustard seed. It. Will. Happen.

Woo woo. lol. I like that word. That's going to be my word for today.

I am so glad you did this thread. I thought about him all day yesterday and thought about doing this very same thread. I like him and the way he thinks. I sure do hope he comes back.

That makes me sad. :-( I love reading you.

You didn't mess up. You chose to smoke. You could have resisted. Get honest with yourself.